AN: Second update! Another little fun one, may get serious a bit later on, just kind of taking it as I go.

Hope you all enjoy xx

Pistachio Ploy and Ambulance Boy

There are both positives and negatives to sitting with Akatsuki at the skate park. And because Sakura is a person who likes making lists, especially when she's feeling nervous – and come on she's sitting with Akatsuki nerves are pretty much guaranteed – Sakura is going to make a list.

Positives:

1. Sakura already seems badass by association.

And… that's pretty much it. So it's not even a list per say, as a list would imply, well, more than one, but-

The negatives are definitely a list:

1. They could possibly kill her in this skate park since it's not as public as she'd imagined – parents coming here with their kids have been turning away at the sight of the one Akatsuki dude sharpening his knife, despite Sakura's best attempts to smile at them.

2. WHAT IF THEY HATE HER CUPCAKES.

3. THE CONSEQUENCES OF NO. 2

Because Akatsuki have been munching on them for a good five minutes and no one has said anything. Nothing. Zilch.

Which on one hand is probably good, like, at least they're not planning her murder. But they're Akatsuki, they probably don't need to vocalise their murder plans. Maybe they have heaps written up already for situations like these and they just signal to each other or something and they attack?

"You look scared," Itachi observes calmly.

Sakura just lets out a strained sigh. She supposes she should get used to the older Uchiha saying annoying things.

"I'm not," she says, trying to shrug casually. 'Cause like, come on right, if she's going to be badass she's got to muster up the courage to at least look somewhat not scared.

In fact, she has yet to muster up the courage to actually ask them what she came here to ask. But she should, and soon. Otherwise this would have been a completely useless endeavour. And of all things, Sakura is not useless.

Just as she manages to brace herself enough to open her mouth, Deidara dies.

Well, he doesn't die. He just kind of falls down to the ground. Like, face first.

For a second, she sits there in shock. Is this a regular occurrence in Akatsuki? Is this a signal for something? Is this a signal to start her murder?

Pein – the orange haired dude with the piercings and the cigarette – stands up calmly and looks straight at her.

Mentally, Sakura says her prayers.

"Call emergency services," Pein instructs.

"What?" Sakura parrots blankly. Meanwhile, Deidara begins to stir – good signs, good signs.

"I see," Itachi nods sagely to Pein, but Sakura doesn't see at all. "There must have been pistachios in the mix. Deidara's severely allergic."

Sakura blinks.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

"Call emergency services," Pein repeats calmly. And that dude is flipping tall and he's looking down at Sakura real menacingly and damn she should have listened to Ino-

Wait.

What is she doing.

She's a flipping doctor.

Well, close enough to one anyway.

"Hidan-san," she snaps, "Put your knife down for a second will you and call an ambulance? Uchiha-san, I need you to help me roll him over onto his side. I have to check his airways."

She's never dealt with allergic reactions before and though she's read a bit on them, she's never come across anyone like Deidara's case – just lying there limply.

Itachi helps her to roll him over onto his side into the recovery position and Sakura places her head against Deidara's ribcage, feeling for the rise and fall of his chest.

"He doesn't have anything to help with his allergies does he? I assume you'd have pulled it out by now if he did."

As expected, Pein shakes his head. There's nothing much more she can do until the ambulance gets here so she continues to monitor his breathing, making sure his passage ways are all clear. He's got a bit of a bloody nose from his fall down but apart from wiping some blood off Sakura doesn't do much else in fear of blocking his breathing.

"This happen often?" she asks clinically.

"No," Itachi replies smoothly. "This is only the second time. We're usually very careful and not many people now – it is a weakness enemies can exploit. We have many enemies."

That's right. She'd forgotten.

Yet… here she is with an unconscious Akatsuki member whom she had, inadvertently, tried to kill.

"Oh my," Sakura whispers to herself. She had been so worried about her being killed and now here she was, killing Deidara.

"I didn't mean to – this wasn't an assassination attempt," Sakura backtracks immediately, "I swear I had no idea. I mean, I don't support criminal activities – not that I'm accusing you of anything. 'Cause that would be real stupid of me. And I'm not stupid. Right. But yeah, I mean, Itachi-san's related to Sasuke-kun who's connected to me and 'cause he's connected to you harming you would be kinda like harming me. And who wants to harm themselves right? Well, maybe some, but the point is – you can trust me. Don't kill me?"

She looks up at them – because surprise surprise they're all taller than her – and unleashes the biggest puppy dog eyes she can muster. Her father used to cave every time she did so, but it seems to be a bit different with Akatsuki.

Hidan simply takes out his knife again and ignores her. Pein takes his cigarette out of his mouth and exhales slowly, expelling a long, thin smoke cloud into her face. Sakura steels herself and stops breathing for the moment in order to prevent herself from coughing like an un-badass person. Instead, she chooses to take his smoke cloud as the precursor for some great speech in response to her dramatic monologue.

But instead, Itachi says – "You're a doctor."

No shit Sherlock is the first thing that pops into her head but she has more restraint than that.

"Yes," Sakura says instead, because she's cool like that. "And while I'm not a certified doctor, I've been shadowing Tsunade-shishou around the hospital."

"Tsunade," Pein murmurs, "I know her."

Sakura whirls on him in surprise. Legendary Tsunade-sama – descendent of the elite Senju, would-be millionaire if not for her gambling – knows some lowlife crim from Akatsuki? Then again, maybe she met him gambling.

Pein chuckles at her surprised expression. "Not personally, but we are both well-acquainted with one of her old colleagues." Pein's eyes slide over to Itachi at this – an action that Sakura doesn't miss.

"Orochimaru," she announces. And by the minute tick of Itachi's eyebrow, she smirks – she's right.

She can start to hear the ambulance sirens in the background and it's only been four minutes – Konoha's emergency services department seems to be improving. Their old system had taken so long that by the time most people got to the hospital Tsunade-shishou had a train wreck on her hands. Sometimes literally.

"How did you know?" Pein asks curiously. Or as curiously as his stone face will allow. Well whatever – it's a score for Sakura. The badass Akatsuki dude seems slightly impressed with her and that in itself raises her badassery by quite a few points she reckons.

"You glanced at him when you said it," Sakura says, cocking her head towards the elder Uchiha, "And I'm Sasuke's best friend so I know a bit about what's going on in the deep dark Uchiha lair" -Hidan looks up at this to give her his most doubtful expression- "and I know that Orochimaru-sama, Tsunade's old research partner who was shamed in the scientific community for violating moral procedures, had turned to the Uchiha for private funding once he stopped receiving government funds. He's taken quite an interest in the Uchiha heirs and since Itachi-san's yours, I assumed."

Before Pein can respond, Itachi steps forward slightly – not too much to be awkward, but just enough to be intimidating.

"Uchiha heir," he corrects quietly, looking down at her through his long hair.

"No," Sakura bristles, for once her inner self seeping slightly through as she straightens her back and glares right back at him, unafraid. "Uchiha heirs. That's right Itachi-san – after you went off, you transferred your little slippery problem to Sasuke-kun."

For a second Itachi says nothing. Then he leans back.

"My little slippery problem," he repeats flatly.

Thankfully, Sakura's prevented from bashing her skull in by the arrival of the ambulance.

"Took them long enough," Sakura snaps, only to feel guilty immediately afterwards because she'd completely forgotten about the prone Deidara at her feet. The ambulance officers rush into the skate park with a stretcher and Sakura even recognises a few from the hospital.

"Kabuto-san," she greets with a smile. Kabuto's probably the person closest to her age at the hospital, and it's nice having someone around who actually understands technology. "I didn't know you were on ambulance duty."

Kabuto shrugs bashfully. "I thought I'd try it out for a bit, you know? Hospital shifts can be a bit hectic."

Sakura raises an eyebrow. "And… this isn't?"

"Sakura," Itachi cuts in sharply, and excuse me when did she give him permission to call her that- but then it gets worse.

Because he puts his hand on her shoulder.

A few years back, twelve year old Sakura would have been squealing. Because Uchiha Itachi, especially seventeen year old Uchiha Itachi, had been very cute. You know, the way cats are cute until you get a bit too close and then they jump up with their claws and try to maul your eyes out.

Just like Uchiha cats. Just like Uchiha Itachi.

Twelve year old Sakura would have been like – yay, maybe he likes me.

But sixteen year old Sakura is instead like – I know where one of his hands are where's the other one is he holding a knife or what.

Does he even wash his hands? What if she has the blood of hundreds on her shoulder right now?!

"Do I know you?" Kabuto finally says. Yeah. What's Itachi doing intimidating Kabuto? The boy may be talented for sure, but he's still a new recruit. Itachi needs to learn to be a bit more delicate and, well, less murderous in his dealings.

"I'm sorry," Itachi replies smoothly, not sounding sorry at all. "But something's just come up. Deidara can't come with you. You can leave."

Sakura whirls on him.

"Um," she says, sticking her finger out at his chest. "Are you blind? Deidara is lying there, kissing the floor, with some unknown allergic reaction, and you're saying, let's tell all the paramedics to leave? He could die! Do you have hundreds of members in stock or something? Is he that replaceable? Because I'm sure he would be offended. In fact, I'm offended on his behalf."

"I'm sure Deidara would be very honoured," Itachi simply says flatly. Then suddenly – and god knows how he got it, he reaches out with his other hand – she knew he had a weapon there! – and shoves a cupcake in her mouth.

"Mmph," Sakura manages to say, and then he grabs her with both hands, spins her around, and drags her away.

And Sakura starts regretting dressing pretty because all this being dragged around is not good for her shoes and she has half a mind to swear at the self-entitled Uchiha. Except she can't, duh, because she has a cupcake in her mouth. She kinda wants to spit it out and swear at him anyway except she had worked pretty hard on that cupcake thank you very much and it'd be a waste if it just went to the floor like that.

Finally he comes to a stop at the edge of the skate park. Sakura peers over his shoulder at where Pein has started talking to Kabuto before Itachi steps in front of her, blocking her view. What a douche. Douchey Itachi. Douchitachi. Haha.

She giggles, and the cupcakes falls out of her mouth onto Itachi's shoes.

"Oops," she says, but she smiles just to let him know she doesn't mean it.

For a second she breaks the Itachi mask – he narrows his eyes! – but it's back almost immediately.

"He can't go with them," Itachi says. Wow, cut to the chase much. "We need you to look after him. If you're shadowing Tsunade she sees something in you."

This is a chance to get closer to Akatsuki!

"Sure," she says immediately.

But then Itachi's eyes glint and she thinks that maybe she should have thought through that a bit more. Like, why did they not want him to go with the ambulance? Why do they want her to look after him? She knows she's great and all, but Akatsuki needing her help was kinda a thing she'd ruled out as impossible.

"Good," Itachi says, and he smirks that threatening but really attractive little quirk of the lips with the small hint of steely white teeth. And Sakura kind of thinks that maybe she shouldn't have agreed, that maybe she should have asked for something in return, and that maybe this was all just a bad idea in general.

But then she sees the graffiti on the wall to the side – Hebi Hebi Hebi.

Sakura squares back her shoulders and looks him in the eye.

"Good," she says, and Itachi smiles.

AN: Getting a bit into the action now! Thanks to all those who reviewed/faved/followed, hope you like it x