A/N: Just so you guys are aware I wrote this outerspacin into the stoneage, if you think hard you'll know what I'm talking about, that or you've seen my twitter. Which I won't post on here, only because it's mature audiences only… just kidding, no I'm kidding, yeah, no… wait… what? See what I did there, I confused you guys into not remembering what I just said, until now! Wait this is a author's note right? Ive just turned into into an author's bullshit… wait how did we get here?... whatever here's some spanx i mean thanx whichever you guys prefer…
LenoraWinsdale: Listen here cum dumpster I can't help it that she speaks like she's from Cali, I'm from Cali… it's how I know how to talk! This is the reason you're not getting jackrabbited!Expect a Cali slap when I see your face soon. Nakedness will happen at some point just wait you horny turd juggler!
Full360-2b-me: Thanks girl! You fucking rock, we'll have that tequila party soon Cazadores all around! CHEERS!
: I believe you now owe me an update! I'd say this was fast enough, & if it wasn't gimme a break half the week I was too fucked up to even remember my name and who I belong to. It's cool I say dude all the fucking time, dude. Blame the cunt breathin author 2 up from u. She gets on me about it.
Greatpretender27: Trust me I'm not that hilarious. I'm super fucktarded! I'm glad you like the story tho.
RiddleMeThisBatman: awww that's sweet. Thanx hunn. Yeah I blurt out random shit like animal fucker all the time. I told this girl who liked me a lot but had a boyfriend that she was trisexual and she said "what you mean like I fuck animals?" and I said "No, trisexual meaning you're willing to try anything sexual, duh" … my arm was red.
143: I lalalove you. (Blame Ray J for that response to your name)
Tatimac: Thanx love. Mitchie does suck at talking. Don't worry Alex is a player with a heart. At least I think so.
Camihere: Awww babe! You little jizz monster I love you too! Duh, thanx you know you always put a smile on my face! UGH, when did our relationship become so corny? Ahahaha j/k babe u know I love all the little sweet things u say that's why you needa come here so we can get to baby making! Remember tho you're gonna be the money maker not me! Love YOU fucktard!
(Mitchie's POV)
Omg I'm having lunch with her!... god why am I acting like this, I'm never THIS nervous, I feel like my stomach is doing flips at the thought of her. What's gonna happen when I'm actually face 2 face with her I can just picture it now, "hey so I'm uhhh" bbbllaaahhhh & I vomit all over her n embarrass myself n she never talks to me again. I'll be THAT girl rainbow patch wearing lesbi-dyke who likes to vomit on Webster's definition of perfect. Fuck! Why the fuck am I like this? It's just one girl, I've had girlfriends before & hell I barely know this girl...no fucken way am I gonna believe that bullshit of love first sight that's all just some cliché crap right?...I mean is it possible 2 feel this way about a girl you just met and especially what Shane Nate & Troy said about her, is that right? how? I mean why was she like that? if she is perfect how can she not have a boyfriend?or girlfriend?... Omg she's probably like Megan Fox in Jennifer's body...O MY FUCK maybe she's this crazy possessed killer...this thinking is seriously bugging the m&m's outta me. I can't let myself fall for her trap she's that girl, the girl in the movies who's so painfully hot & perfect that no one ever stood a chance & who am I dumbass Mitchie Torres a stupid lesbi-dyke with a c-average at best with a fucken asschin & thinks black is always the way to go, ooo but I do know how to play the guitar & sing a little, but let's face it I'm not the next fucken Taylor Swift or anything. Fuck that bitch can fuckin sing the alphabets on her cd & it will still sell millions! & her best friend is Selena Gomez! I bet they fuck. I wonder if they cum glitter & sequins... I love them, but must I be blinded every time I try to watch those whores perform the light bouncing off their glitter & sequins distracts me when I'm just trying to stare at their tig ol bitties... Anyway...o & I have diabetes... Great... I've never even gone out with this girl yet or been dumped by her yet & she already has me feeling like shit...what a cumbucket. Holy turd monkey what the fuck is that ringing?.. MUTHERFUCKER that's the bell, SHIT, this is what I was fearing I get outta class & walk over 2 meet the boys. We walk into the cafeteria & go into the lunch line, oooo tater tots... Tater tots are fucken heaven... Then just as I'm in ecstasy devouring my precious tots I see her approaching & suddenly I feel my stomach twisting again, o this is gonna be a tater mess... I give her the best smile I can come up with, fuck! Why do I look like I'm half pass constipated & sweating isn't helping me look like I'm not in desperate need of a toilet... O god she smiles back...shit did she have to smile...
"Hey guys" so I'm a guy to her...
"by the way girls this is Mitchie, she's new, Mitchie that's Taylor, Gabby, Debby & you've met Alex earlier well kind of..." Thanks for reminding everyone about that moment Troy. Prick fuck...
"Hey nice to meet you, so where you from?" Hmm Taylor seems nice, she's hot but doesn't scream 'I'm-way-out-of-your-league-dyke'
"Uhm... New York" why the fuck did I sound unsure. God I'm a douche
"Ouch... So Michelle" ooo Alex is talking to me... Yeah baby
"actually most people just call me Mitchie" you idiot, why are you correcting her! If she wants to call you cumstain, you take it...
"so Michelle any tattoos, piercings, drug abuse?"
"No, none..."
"that's too bad" wait I thought that was good... Bitch!
"Huh..." Yep. I hate public school
"well lemme put it like this, you have the face of an angel..." Aww I do, what kind of fucked up angels is she thinking of? " .. it's too bad you play the part too...I see it as people that look like you are either true goody goodies what mommy says goes... or you have these guys..." She holds her arm up towards the group who are grinning like little innocent idiots "...the people who look like angels but inside are wild child devils who happen to have a disguise, you however are exactly how u look where's the mystery?"
" uhhh...uhm..." Seriously what's wrong with talking?... I probably look like a big fucktard to her
"o don't worry Mitchie, Alex is just messing with you" dammit Taylor now you have my mind racing of Alex messing with me...sexually, fuck!
"she always did have her way with words" dammit Troy, why must someone always interrupt my daydreams...
"confuses the hell outta me like 80% of the time" that's b/c Shane ...
"yeah relax I promise I don't bite unless you're into that" & with that she slips her fork onto my plate n takes a bite, winks & smirks... O MY FUCK, I'm gonna need to start wearing depends around this girl!
"aww come on Lex give her a break she's not use to someone like u yet" o I like the yet part... O my hopes are running wild... Who the fuck is this guy coming over? O Alex knows him...
"yes Riley?"
"Alex come on give me another chance, I don't know what I did wrong please come on I love you" o hell to the no! Take a hike Abercrombie & Bitch boy!
"You know love is a strong word Riley..." Yes she shows no interest... Man she's cold she hasn't even looked at this poor douche... She somehow finds poking her food more interesting...
"I know, but Alex please tell me what I did..." You were born...
"you didn't do anything wrong, you're a great guy, don't beat yourself up hun, you're great, I just got bored, sorry sweetie" well at least she dumps them nice...
"but Alex I'll be less boring ill..." Fuck give it up you're like a rerun 90210... Seriously those were some fucked up teens...
"No! Don't ever change, not for me, not for anyone you're a great guy just not my guy"
"but..." How 'bout you take your butt outta here...
"no buts...you'll find someone"
"but Alex, I want you!" Hey get in line assfuck!
"want & need are 2 different things Riley, want is something you desire, need is something that's a necessity, trust me Riley you'll find someone you need not just want, so just leave" OOOO schooled! Super owned! He can't even reply he just walks off with his head down... Shit that's enough to take the blade & turn it from horizontal to vertical...
"ANNNDDD another victim 2 the list"
"o shut up Shane so party tonight right?"
"u got it" Nate. Remove your arm from my girl!
"I can't wait, girls usual routine?" ooo what's their usual routine...o my fuck I bet they totally have an orgy before... Where do I sign up?
"of course"
"great girls you ready?" Ooo ready for what?
"yup" o shit they meant ready to leave fuck again I made no kind of impression on Alex. Son of a Pimp I'm a jackass...
"kay, alright my handsome lil angel face boys we'll see u tonight & Michelle, eat your fruit they're good for you, nice necklace by the way" o fuck did she just smile & wink at me?... Wait my necklace... O shit my diabetes necklace... Does that mean she was checking me out?... O she's good... ... Fuck yes I'll eat my fruit...
"& that's Alex Russo what's up man, you ok?"
"yeah we warned u she's..."
"perfect." At this I'm just grinning like an idiot! She's perfect...