"EXPECTED COMPLICATIONS"

PROLOGUE

'Sickbay to Transporter Room One. We have her now. What took so long?'

'I'm sorry, Doctor, but nurse Kehlibar changed her position, and it was difficult to lock on her again so close to the Warp Core.'

'Of course she changed her position, damn it, she came there to treat a patient! That is precisely why you are supposed to maintain the lock on a rescue team all the time! Brush up your emergency protocols, ensign! Now, let's try it again. Lock on, say, Vulcan bio-signal, transport directly to sickbay'

'Doctor, are you sure Captain Spock won't –'

'Ensign, am I to expect you questioning my orders when there is a real emergency?'

'Of course not, sir. I mean, aye, sir, lock on Vulcan bio-signal, energize, now.'

'Thank you, ensign.

'Well, hello, Spock. How nice of you to finally drop by.'

'Doctor. What is the nature of the emergency?'

'You mean the alarm? Forget it, just get off the biobed. The Science division can't possibly spare a technician to download nonstandard parameters into the system. Might have something to do with their chief consistently ignoring my requests to report to sickbay.'

'Actually, I was referring to your apparent misuse of emergency site-to-site transport procedures.'

'Merely standard post-diagnostic check-in-action.'

'No diagnostic for the transporter system was scheduled for today.'

'Nope. But ensign Iltis volunteered to run it as soon as I scheduled his physical.'

'May I inquire to what makes you so desperate to decoy me into you chamber of horrors that you are even willing to neglect Ensign Iltis' mandatory medical examination?'

'Oh, I'm pretty sure Iltis will show up sooner or later. He's just got his master degree six month ahead of schedule. Too much coffee, too little exercise and probably some chemical stimulants. He needs a few days to come to his senses, that's all. It's not like he had his body cloned from cells irreversibly damaged by radiation poisoning, and then subjected to accelerated growth due to unstable anomalous reaction. Nor did he undergo any bizarre rituals that'd been considered a myth for ages.'

'I fail to see how it is relevant, Doctor. I had been released from Vulcan Science Academy Medical Centre and I have been cleared for duty by Starfleet medical, after you personally conducted two examinations on our way back to Terra.'

'What I gave you - and the rest of the crew - was a quick scan with a field tricoder, just to check for time-travel issues; which, by the way, revealed that some of your dominant genes had been completely destroyed by the radiation and replaced by recessive ones when regenerating, shifting the balance of Vulcan and human DNA in your genetic code as the result.

'Your physical in the Headquarters was conveniently conducted by a civil-trained physician in the very beginning of his accelerated course, who had never actually seen an alien and could only think of putting you on a biobed and comparing results with those on your medical file. Care to explain why they miraculously matched? Don't give me that eyebrow, of course I've checked, I'm still your attending physician!

'As for the VSA, I've got your epicrisis right here. It says you showed some disturbingly unstable readings, which don't exactly correspond with either Vulcan or human or even your original hybrid parameters. Healer T'Chei actually recommends, I quote, "constant medical surveillance and full check-ups on regular basis".'

'Since when can you read Vulcan?'

'Since my first year in the Academy, like any other officer. Well, I didn't really get past "live long and prosper" then, but I suppose having an undead Vulcan in your head helps.

'Come on, Spock, I didn't mean it like this. I'm sorry, OK!'

'There is no need to apologize for stating a fact, even in the appallingly exaggerated manner you incline to utilize.

'Have you retained any other skills you supposedly acquired due to close contact of our minds?'

'Well, I guess I still can run your science station quite expertly. Is that a problem?

'Hey, where the hell you are going?'

'I have a theory to test. If you will excuse me.'

'Computer, lock door on my voice command only, delete Senior Officers' override, authorization McCoy fifteen-zero-two-Sigma.

'You are not going anywhere. There is something you aren't telling me, Spock. And I want to know what it is.'