Title: The AAU of OFI
Disclaimer: Seriously, it's a story within a story about fictional characters that aren't mine.
Summary: Rick Castle died two years ago, tomorrow.
Author's note: Here's the second one-shot, because the first was already on Tumblr. Enjoy?
"Alexis?" Kate called softly, walking into the dark office. "Honey?"
"Oh, hey," Alexis sniffed, turning her head a bit so that Kate could see the side of her cheek. "You're home."
"I told you I would be," Kate said gently, walking over to the safe and punching the code in before depositing her gun and badge. She stood slowly and walked around to kneel in front of her daughter. "Hey."
Alexis met her eyes with red-rimmed, puffy blue ones. "How do you do it?"
"Do what?" Kate reached up and brushed a piece of hair that had fallen out of the girl's messy braid.
"Live without your mom," she whispered. "Because it's been two years and I still miss him, Mom. I still think about him every day and I can't make it stop and summer's almost here, and I don't care. I just don't care!"
"Oh, honey," Kate sighed, taking her hands and running circles over the backs of her palms.
"And I want him back. I want him to walk through the door and say we're going to the Hamptons for the weekend."
Kate nodded sadly. "I want that too." More than anything, she wanted that.
Alexis squeezed her hands. "You were supposed to have kids, and we were going to be this…this really happy family, and I just…"
"I know," Kate breathed. "Oh, Alexis. I know."
"How do you do it?" she expelled, following the question with a sob.
Kate stood and tugged on her hands until Alexis followed suit. She guided her into her bedroom and then pulled them both down onto the bed. Alexis turned around and Kate wrapped herself around the girl, who wasn't such a little girl anymore.
"When my mom died, my dad became an alcoholic," Kate began, hoping that something she said would give Alexis some sort of comfort. "And I was much older than you."
"But you still get up everyday, and you've lost Dad too. Why can't I stop missing him, Mom?"
"Honey, do you think I don't still miss your dad?"
Alexis shook her head. "I know you do."
Kate kissed the top of her head and sighed. "I miss your father every day, Alexis. And there's nothing that we can do about missing him."
"So it's hopeless?" Alexis cut in, snuffling as more tears poured down her cheeks.
"No," Kate soothed. That wasn't what she'd meant. "No, sweetie. I meant that we'll always miss him, but maybe it's time to start…" she trailed off. She wasn't saying what she meant, because this always gummed her up. Here she was, two grievous deaths 'under her belt,' and she couldn't find the words to comfort her kid. "You will always miss your father," she said quietly. "But someday, you'll wake up, and you'll be able to think about him and smile, and those everyday memories will be happy, instead of sad."
"We laugh about dad sometimes," Alexis offered.
"Your dad was funny," Kate whispered. "He was hysterical, and fun, and brave, and strong, and loving, and kind, and handsome, and amazing, Alexis. And I know I'll never stop missing him, and you won't either, but maybe we can try to turn some of that into remembering, hmm?" There. She'd finally made her brain work out something worthwhile.
"I don't know that I can, Momma," Alexis whispered on an uneven breath. God, she hadn't called her Momma in the longest time.
"It takes time, Lex," Kate told her, running a hand along her cheek. "It takes time, and it will happen. You just need to be open to it."
"Two years isn't enough time?" Alexis asked, turning her head to look at Kate.
Kate gave her a sad smile and then pointed to the armoire in the closet. "You know, some days, when I wake up and I stumble over to the dresser, I see the little burn along the right side of the top drawer."
"Are you about to go all Detective on me?" Alexis grumbled.
Kate laughed quietly. "No, but thank you for the confidence."
"Anytime." Alexis squeezed her hand and Kate soldiered onward.
"One morning when I was trying to get ready for work, when you were eight, your Dad got up to use the bathroom and then came over to help me get ready."
"Is this going to get icky?"
"Can I finish my story?" Kate asked, poking her in the side.
"Sorry, sorry," Alexis giggled. Good, she was laughing. This poor girl.
"So, he comes over and wraps his arms around my waist, and I drop my curling iron. It falls and burns the drawer, and then narrowly misses your dad's foot."
"Clumsy?" Alexis whispered, apparently caught up in the memory now, just like Kate was.
"Of both of us," she agreed. "But you know, some mornings, I get ready, and I see that burn, and I smile. Those mornings, I look in the mirror and I see the laugh lines he gave me, even at 24, and I see the ring on my chest, and I'm so grateful to have gotten that time with him," she recounted in a low, soft voice.
Alexis shifted and found her hand. "And other mornings?"
"Do you ever notice that I sometimes take two showers?" Kate whispered.
"I thought maybe you left conditioner in," Alexis nodded slowly.
Kate kissed her cheek. Honesty would help them both, and she'd been keeping this secret for too long, apparently. "Some mornings, I see that burn and I can almost feel your dad's arms around me, and then I burst into tears."
"Mom," Alexis gasped, trying to turn around. Kate held her tight and rocked them both a bit.
"No, no, honey," she smiled sadly. "I just mean that even I have trouble remembering instead of missing all the time. And he was your father, Alexis. I know he was the love of my life, but you had him for six and a half more years than I did, and I know what it feels like to lose a parent."
"I want him back, Momma," Alexis breathed. "So much. And I…" she turned over and looked up to meet Kate's eyes. "I'm so happy and lucky that I have you."
Kate smiled. "But I'm not your Dad," she finished for her.
Alexis nodded slowly. "You're my Mom, and I love you, and…and…and we were supposed to be a family," she sobbed, scooting forward so Kate could wrap her arms around her.
"I know," Kate whispered. "And I know it's not the same, but we are a family, munchkin—you, me, your Gram and my Dad. We're a family. And yeah, we're missing a pretty important member, but we've got each other, right?"
Alexis nodded against her chest. "But I still…"
Kate let out a slow breath, feeling tears sting at the corners of her own eyes as she looked at her bedside, where a picture of the three of them still sat. It was from not long after she'd moved in. Alexis was sitting between her legs as she sat between Rick's legs while he rested back against the couch. They were all laughing and Rick was leaning his head on her shoulder so he could wrap his arms around both of them.
She'd boxed up everything else, but she hadn't been able to put that picture away. "I miss him too," she told her daughter. "But somewhere, you know, he's watching us, and smiling that special smile he always had whenever we did anything."
"Because he liked that we loved each other, right?" Alexis asked, scooting back so they could see each other.
"He loved that we loved each other," Kate corrected. "He had a whole Kate-and-Alexis brag book."
Alexis smiled and reached up to rub one of her eyes. "Thank you for taking care of me," she said quietly.
"Oh, Alexis," Kate sighed, taking one of her smaller hands and placing it over her heart. "Do you remember what I told you when you stayed with us for three months before your other Mom and I worked things out?" Alexis nodded but bit her lip. "Tell me," Kate ordered, smiling at her.
Alexis smiled back and took a breath. "You said that no matter what, and whose blood was whose, I was your daughter, and that's what's in here," she finished, tapping her finger against Kate's chest, just above her heart.
Kate nodded. "So don't thank me for taking care of you. I'm not taking care of you. I'm loving you, and being your family."
"I know," Alexis whispered. "Sorry."
"Don't be sorry, honey," Kate chuckled. "Just believe me."
"I do," Alexis told her.
Kate smiled. "Good." For two years and scars too many to count, she'd take it. She knew Alexis knew she loved her as her own flesh and blood. She just needed to hear it every now and again, and Kate would tell her as many times as she needed to until it stuck.
They were quiet for a few minutes as Alexis picked at the comforter and Kate watched her daughter in the dim, late-afternoon light that poured in from the window. "Mom?" Alexis whispered.
"Yes, honey?"
"Can we…can we go to the Hamptons house tomorrow?" she asked timidly.
"Of course we can," Kate replied instantly. She wouldn't deny Alexis anything tomorrow. "Should we stop and see your Dad first, or do it when we come home?"
A tear dripped down the girl's nose. "First, so we can tell him."
"Okay," Kate nodded, reaching out to dry the trail the tear left behind. "And you should tell him about that science project you did that won first place," she added, smiling. He'd have been so proud. Kate was. Their daughter was brilliant.
"Then you have to tell him about the triple homicide from last week," Alexis countered.
Kate shook her head. She didn't want to, only because the silence after her story would just be an aching gap where hundreds of questions should have been. But for her daughter? Anything.
"Deal," Kate decided, sticking out her hand.
Alexis took hers, and they shook, before Kate pounced and began tickling her. Alexis shrieked and tried to escape, laughing and wriggling. They fought until they were panting, lying on their backs and staring up at the ceiling. Alexis found her hand and Kate wrapped the smaller one in hers, squeezing gently.
"I love you, Mommy," Alexis whispered.
"I love you too, Alexis," Kate replied turning her head to meet her daughter's gaze. "And we're going to be just fine. You'll see."
Alexis smiled and scooted over to lay her head on Kate's shoulder. "Can we take the Ferrari?"
Kate snorted. "Do we have to?"
"Why not?" Alexis grinned into her shoulder. "Come on, you know Dad would laugh."
Kate smiled. If it made Alexis think about her father without crying, she'd do it. And really, she'd always coveted it. "Sure, kid. We'll take the Ferrari and blast the radio too loud."
"And swim in water that's too cold," Alexis added.
"And push each other in the pool," Kate continued, pulling her closer.
"And just be, right?"
"Yes," Kate sighed. "We'll just be, and the rest will come." They just needed time.
Alexis snuggled into her. "If I fall asleep on you, will you be mad?" she whispered, bunching her hand into Kate's button down.
"No," Kate smiled, pulling out the tie to Alexis' braid and trailing her fingers through her hair. "Whatever you need, munchkin. And pillow, I can be."
"Love you," Alexis mumbled.
"Love you too, kid," Kate sighed, closing her own eyes.
For just a moment, it felt like someone was there with them, throwing an arm across her stomach so that his big warm hand could rest on Alexis' side as she nestled into Kate's body. It felt like his hot breath was against her neck, his lips skating up to kiss the corner of her mouth.
Then he was gone. She opened her eyes to stare up at the ceiling, and smiled.