AN: I usually like to make all my chapters self-contained little stories, but this one was getting ridiculously long, so I decided to break it up into two parts. There shouldn't be a huge wait before you get the second part because I'm already halfway done with it, but I apologize in advance for leaving you hanging – hopefully in an exciting way.

Also this chapter, as well as the next one, will feature a flashback (this first chapter right at the start). They don't allow the kind of formatting I would prefer here, so to try to cut out the confusion the only way I can, I've encased the flashback in line breaks but please understand it's all part of that first scene.

The Perfect Play

Robin slides onto the stool next to where he's standing, leaning against the bar. "Looking for another hookup, hmm?" she asks

Her voice, suddenly so near, catches Barney off guard. He hadn't even seen her come in.

He's already sized up the talent in the bar, but his heart isn't in it. He actually wasn't trying to catch some girl's eye across the room, as Robin apparently thinks. He'd just found himself staring at a spot on the far corner of the wall, wondering how he ended up here yet again, when she'd come over and sat beside him.

Of course, she doesn't have to know that. After all, she isn't fundamentally wrong. He is planning on going home with one of these women tonight, mostly out of a sense of resigned habit but also from a need to avoid his empty apartment where the silence screams of his failures.

He looks over to Robin for the first time and shrugs. "What can I say? I explained it once: with great penis comes great responsibility. Robin," he begins, imbuing his voice with an air of sacredness, "I owe it to society to share my penis with womankind. And tonight's lucky recipient will be…. her." He points to a woman with a short skirt and a tight sweater standing near the jukebox.

Robin ignores his gesturing, not even bothering to look over at the woman in question. Instead, she studies him with carefully shrouded eyes. "You know, you don't have to keep doing this," she tells him. "We both know you want more than just another meaningless one-night-stand."

"Look, Robin," he begins with a hint of defensiveness, "I'm just – I'm not cut out to be someone's boyfriend." And by the end of the sentence all traces of edginess have melted away to be replaced by a sad tone of acceptance. "If anything, the past year has taught me that."

He's surprised to see her shaking her head in disagreement. "Don't sell yourself short, Barney. Just because Quinn was a fool – "

"I thought you were going to say 'crazy bitch'," he interrupts.

"That too," she laughs. "Just because of…" She hesitates, evidently deciding it best to avoid direct reference. "...all that, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you." The next part comes with no hesitation. In fact, she carefully holds his eye. "Any woman would be lucky to have you as her boyfriend."

He smiles at her then, one she softly returns. "You really mean that?" he asks, wondering if it's just pity or if there's any truth to it at all.

"Yes. I do," she answers, and there's a blank sincerity in her voice that's easy even for him to read. It brings the smile back to his lips for a moment, until he remembers.

"But – " He stops, staring down into his tumbler of scotch; they never could meet each other's eyes during conversations like this. "You weren't very lucky when we were together. I was a terrible boyfriend to you. You weren't happy. We were….a mess," he says with a humorless laugh. He finally dares to glance up at her and sees that she's looking at him too, with care and concern and something else he can't quite name.

Robin's torn on how to answer him. Usually he so carefully wears a mask; she recognizes it because it matches her own. But tonight that mask has slipped a bit, and she can see that he's genuinely upset, genuinely doubting his abilities to bring anything good – other than nameless sex – to a woman. It's that doubt that moves her, that stirs her heart, because Barney has grown in leaps and bounds in the past two years and he deserves to know that. It's his doubt that ultimately makes her speak up and voice the words she never has before.

"Maybe in the end we were, but not at first. In those first four and a half months before anyone knew, when we didn't have to try to be something, when it was just us, we were good together then. We were both happy." And the truth of it hits her, maybe for the first time.

She watches him watch her. Something strange flashes across his expression before he holds it in check, smiling warmly at her. "Yeah. We were," he agrees, holding her gaze.

"See, you have a lot to offer, Barney. You're smart, and funny, and challenging – in a good way," she promises. "Life with you around is certainly never boring. We both know you're attractive," she admits, to which he winks, making her laugh. "You're just, you're fun, Barney. And no one but me can beat you at laser tag."

"Hey, that's not – "

"You're crazy, and ridiculous, and inappropriate, and awesome, and so sweet when you want to be, and – " She abruptly cuts herself off. Somewhere along the way she'd gotten lost in all of his attributes, embarrassingly so. "Any woman would be lucky to have you," she repeats, leaving it at that.

He's watching her again, but there's something more of a purely Barney look about him now. "I am awesome," he agrees. "But I don't know." He shakes his head, fascinated with his scotch once more. "The minute the word 'boyfriend' entered into things, it all went downhill from there."

"That's just because you weren't ready…..And neither was I." Robin started out trying to make Barney feel better, just trying to make him realize that sleeping with random bimbos forever wasn't the answer, but now she thinks she may have hit upon something profoundly important here. And what feels an awful lot like realization starts to tingle through her. "There wasn't anything wrong with us," she says, an air of sudden enlightenment in her voice. "We just weren't ready."

Robin gazes back up at Barney. He's looking at her too now, his eyes searching, and suddenly it's like everything else in the room disappears as the moment stretches between them.

Still working this all out in her mind, Robin is the first to speak. "But now…."

"Now…." he encourages her.

"Now would be completely different…..Now," she says, and if he's not mistaken there's a trace of a smile on her lips. "…Nowwe would be – "

"Robin?"

Barney never gets to hear what they might be now because another voice has caught them both off guard. Nick, Robin's latest boyfriend, the latest in a line of guys – Don, Kevin, even for a minute there, Ted – who she'd rather try with than him.

"Hey, I didn't see you come in," Robin says to him, getting up.

Barney watches Nick draw her in and kiss her. It's a chaste kiss but it still makes him want to punch the guy squarely in the nose, even if it would hurt his hand.

Robin laughs nervously, pulling away from her boyfriend and glancing back at Barney. "We, um, we have dinner reservations so, ah, I've got to get going," she says awkwardly, and Barney thinks she must feel sorry for him again.

"Of course," Barney answers nonchalantly. "I've got to get going too. I have an obligation to the Eight over there." This time he does catch the girl's eye, sending her his most devastating Barney grin.

Robin watches it all. Her face is carefully blank as she takes her boyfriend's arm. "Just promise to think about what I said."

Barney nods at her. "Night, Robin."

"Night," she echoes.

As Nick leads her hand-in-hand out of the bar, Robin turns around and looks back at Barney one last time before she disappears up the stairs. But he's already crossed the room to his bed partner for the night and he doesn't see.

Barney slowly wakes up from the dream, realizing in bits and pieces that he's no longer back at MacLaren's but in Robin's bed instead – and the woman in question is spooned in his arms. With a ghost of a sigh for at last preferring his real life to a dream, he nestles in closer to her.

The movement of the bed causes Robin to stir. Reaching down behind her, she plucks his hand from her hip, moving it up to cradle between her breasts, in the process causing him to embrace her snugly. "You really loved me all that time?" she asks. "More than anyone?" And he can tell from her voice that she was already awake even before he moved.

He chuckles softly, kisses her shoulder. "I really did."

She turns around in his arms to kiss him, but there's something in her expression that tells him immediately that something's wrong.

Concerned, he questions, "What's the matter?"

The silence goes on long enough that he thinks she might evade the question entirely, but finally she quietly answers, "I was just having a dream."

"Mm, so was I. Well, more of a memory."

"So was mine. At first." The trace of disquiet crosses her face again.

He doesn't miss it, but he decides to share with her first, hoping it will encourage her to do the same. "I was dreaming about that night at MacLaren's when you told me I should try again because I'd make a good boyfriend," he confides. "That was the first time I ever really knew you were actually happy with me."

"Of course I was," she says, her hand sliding up to rest against his upper arm.

"But that's not what you were dreaming about." Barney reaches up to softly smooth the wrinkle of worry from her brow. "Yours wasn't so good, huh?"

"I dreamt about the day you got engaged, only things ended differently in the dream. With wedding bells." Robin shakes her head against the pillow. "I know it sounds stupid, but…" She stops, blows out a heavy breath, and for a moment he isn't sure if she's going to continue, but then she goes on. "I – I guess I just always felt like I was special to you, even after we broke up, because…because I was the only one. Your only girlfriend. Even if you didn't love me, I was still the only one you ever tried with, and that at least meant something. But now I'm not anymore. There's been Nora and Quinn – and you tried so hard with them. You were even going to marry her."

It boggles Barney's mind a little that he never before understood how truly vulnerable Robin really is. But how does one assume that the most awesome woman on the planet can't see it herself? Deep down, though, she's just as insecure as he is – maybe more so. It's no wonder it took them so long to figure this thing out. "I was engaged to you first," he points out.

"Yeah, but that's doesn't count. You were only fooling around, playing relationship chicken. You didn't really mean it."

"Who says?" She doesn't know what to make of that and starts to tell him so, but he stops her. "Robin, you are special to me." The next part he asks so softly, so full of caring that she feels the back of her eyes prickle with the first warning sign of impending tears. "You still don't believe I really do love you?"

Robin doesn't know how it's possible but she thinks she just fell in love with him even a little bit more. "I do believe it," she promises him, cuddling into him, setting her hands against his chest. "This is just – it's my own stupid thing. I'll get over it."

"No. Uh-uh," Barney says firmly. "We don't get to do that anymore. We tell each other. It's the only way to fix things."

He waits, and so she continues softly, "I – I do believe you loved me – "

"The whole time," he emphasizes.

"The whole time. But…...things came so easy with them. You were meeting parents, and moving in, and getting engaged in a matter of weeks. And it took you years to even consider trying with me."

"Things weren't easy with them. Far from it," Barney disputes. "With Nora, I had to hide who I actually was, and Quinn…we barely knew each other, really – and there was the huge issue that she was out every night grinding on other men for money. Things were only fast because I rushed them. I knew what I wanted my life to be, so I tried to make it fit. But the only reason I knew what I wanted, the only reason I tried with any of those other women at all was because you opened my heart to the possibilities – love, commitment, relationships, marriage even. It was all because of you. That makes you incredibly special," he tells her, cupping her cheek, his thumb stroking her jaw line. "All of those things, I always thought they weren't meant for someone like me, that they could never make me happy. But I have never been happier in my whole life than when I was with you. The way I felt when we were together? I've just been chasing that feeling ever since. That's why Nora happened. That's why Quinn happened. I've been chasing that feeling but I never could catch it. Only with you. That feeling, Robin, it only exists with you."

Barney watches Robin smile. He sees that little twinkle in her eye that always makes his heart skip, that captures his breath and leaves it somewhere lodged in his throat. "And it's a good feeling?" she asks.

"It's an awesome feeling."

Robin grins happily. "Then it must be the same feeling I only get whenever I'm with you." She pulls him to her for a kiss that quickly gets the better of both of them. By the time they break away he's managed to roll her onto her back and he's leaning over her, almost atop her, in a way that speaks of delicious things about to start.

Barney bends down for one more kiss, then shifts over onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. He looks down at her, his eyes sparkling with mischief and contentment and desire. He opens his mouth to speak when his gaze settles on the pop of color peeking out of the top of the sheet at her right breast. He reaches over to investigate and smiles as he picks a rose petal from her skin. "Robin," he says, his hand lingering near the sheet's edge, "it's time we played a game."

"Oh yeah?" And the undisguised eagerness in her voice makes his smile widen.

"Mm-hmm, one of my favorite games." He flicks the covers aside, sliding slightly down her body to kiss her rose-scented breast. Her hand goes up to tunnel through his hair as she cups his skull. "I think you'll remember it well," he murmurs, his mouth making one last swipe across her skin before moving lower down to her belly, his tongue dipping into her navel. His fingers tease the sensitive skin of her inner thighs as he slides further down her body. "I know how much you loved this game." He smirks up at her, then draws his attention back down, his eyes drinking in the sight of the most magical lady bits he's ever known. "Haaave you met Barney?" he says. He can feel the vibration of her laughter but it soon dies out, turning to soft sighs instead, as he thoroughly reintroduces himself.

That night, they're all gathered at Marshall and Lily's apartment for dinner. With the newest little member of the gang still only six months old, sometimes it's just easier and more convenient for all parties concerned to stay in rather than try going out. And as long as the conversation's good and the booze keeps flowing, no one seems to mind.

Ted's just excused himself to the bathroom, Marshall is in the nursery changing Marvin's diaper, and Lily announces she's going into the kitchen to cut the simple chocolate cake she's made – because, in her words, she "didn't have time to do gourmet". All of that means, for now, Barney and Robin are temporarily alone.

The very moment Lily's back disappears into the other room, Barney snakes his arm around Robin's waist and draws her against him, his nose, lips, and chin softly rubbing across the side of her neck.

Her lips quirk into a smile. "Did you just nuzzle me?"

Rather than backpedal or defend, like he would have done three years ago when they were dating, Barney proudly owns it. "Hell yeah, I just nuzzled you." Robin looks at him in surprised amusement, and he smiles as he explains, "We almost lost each other for good. Having you back this way, the two of us finally together….." He bends and brushes his lips across her skin again. "Robin, I'm going to hold you, and nuzzle you, and kiss you every chance I get." Her eyes shine up at him and she opens her mouth to reply, but he interrupts before she can. "But if you repeat that to any of these guys, I'll deny it for all I'm worth."

Robin laughs, pulling Barney in for a kiss. It's not long before they get lost in it completely. It isn't until she hears Ted purposefully clearing his throat that Robin remembers they're not the only two people in the apartment. She looks up from where she's half-laying, pressed between the arm of the couch and Barney, one hand softly cupping his face and the other curled into his shoulder.

Ted's looking at them with a curious, unreadable expression. That's when it occurs to her that only nine months back Ted was declaring his love for her – and cutting her out of his life completely when she couldn't return those feelings. It's water under the bridge now, what with everything's that happened with Victoria since, but still it's fresh enough to make Robin slightly uncomfortable when Ted hides behind that too-careful look.

She kisses Barney one last time, gently pushing him off of her. "I'm gonna go help Lily," she tells him, getting up from the couch.

By the time Robin and Lily return from the kitchen with cake for all, Robin figures she's thankfully dodged any sort of awkward conversation, but those hopes are dashed later in the evening when she goes into the kitchen for another bottle of wine and Ted follows her.

"Hey," he says, cornering her by the kitchen counter as she goes to pop the cork.

"Hey."

"Robin, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she answers, smiling tightly. Inwardly, she's really hoping no desperate protestations of love are about to follow. She doesn't think they will, but never in a million years did she ever see it coming back in February, so you just never know. It could be possible that getting back together with Barney now may have brought up some lingering issues.

"You and Barney," Ted begins slowly, confirming her fears, "this….this is for real, isn't it?"

Robin glances back out into the living room, and from this vantage point she has a perfect view of Barney, sitting there, grinning happily. "Yes. It is," she replies.

And Ted reads it on her face. He sees it there so clearly, it can't possibly be denied, even by him. It's only in the past few days that it's begun to sink in for the very first time. But now he knows it with a finality that reverberates though him. Barney is Robin's One. He's it for it. He always has been. "You really love him."

"I really do," she nods.

"I'm happy for you, I am," he hurries to tell her. "But I – I can't help wondering…..why not me?"

"Ted….I, um – "

"It's okay," he interjects, seeing the panic written all over her face. "I'm not going to tell you I love you again. That was a lost cause even back then," he acknowledges. "But I guess I thought – I just thought for all these years that you didn't believe in commitment or marriage or settling down long-term. You didn't want any of that for yourself, and that was the thing keeping us apart. But you do want all those things; I can see that now. You just don't want them with me. So I've got to know, Robin, what's the matter with me? Why am I not good enough? Why am I never enough?"

The hurt is so plain in his voice, it pricks Robin's heart. She feels all traces of panic melt away, leaving nothing but compassion in their wake. "Oh, Ted, there's nothing wrong with you. You are a great guy, and you're going to make some lucky woman the perfect husband," she assures him. "You'll be perfect for her. You just weren't perfect for me. And that's okay."

"Because Barney is."

Robin looks over to Barney, sitting on the couch next to Lily and Marvin, giving an impassioned and highly inappropriate speech as to why breast is best, and she smiles. "Yeah, he is."

Ted follows Robin's gaze and can't help smiling too; he's always been a sucker for true love, even if this one does hurt a bit. "Don't worry. I won't tell him you called him 'perfect'."

"It's too late," Robin laughs, still watching Barney in the other room, now performing a graphic demonstration that for some reason the baby finds hilarious. He catches her eye across the distance and winks at her. "I think he already knows how I feel."

Ted nods, watching them watch each other from across the room. "I don't know how I missed it," he says, shaking his head. "It's been right in front of my face this whole time and I just couldn't – or wouldn't – see it. You two are perfect for each other."

"You'll find that too, Ted," she promises, placing a comforting hand on his arm. When he appears to doubt her, she repeats, "You will. And probably when you least expect it." Robin shrugs, smiling. "I never meant to fall in love with Barney. It just happened. It's kind of your fault," she tells him.

"My fault?" Ted asks, dumbfounded.

"If we hadn't gone out that night, if Barney and I had just met at the bar some other way, some other night, I would have been attracted to him. I would have gone home with him," she candidly admits. "We would have slept together and….." She pauses, thinking about how it might have gone if she met Barney that night back in 2005 and hooked up with him instead. "It would have been good. Great. And then, afterwards, we may have done it a few more times or he may have never called at all."

"He would have called you."

"Either way, we both wanted strictly casual and that's all we would have been, just something casual, until we were nothing at all. But you brought us into a situation where we couldn't sleep together, so instead we became friends, and then bros, and then…..something more. I don't know." She shakes her head, still unable to pinpoint the exact moment. "I think it's one of those things that's so gradual over time you don't even notice it happening. Until one day I woke up and realized I'm in love with Barney Stinson – and that was a terrifying realization." She looks over to Barney, who instantly feels her eyes on him and smiles back. "It took us years to get it together, but he was always the one." Robin turns back to Ted, and she's smiling a goofy lovestruck grin he never thought he would ever see on her face. "I blame you."

"In that case, Scherbatsky, you're welcome."

Out to dinner the next evening, Barney turns to Robin and abruptly says, "Ted's upset. We've got to fix this."

Robin drops her fork against her plate, surprised and a bit leery. This whole situation with her and Barney and Ted is tricky. Ted's admission last winter certainly drove that point home. She can see now that it's always been complicated between the three of them, even if she didn't realize it over the years. After all, it was sleeping with her that got Barney banned from the group four years ago, and the Thanksgiving right after her break up with Barney, Ted actually confessed to being bothered by the fact that she dated Barney. She hadn't taken it seriously at the time, thinking it was just a trick to get the slap, but apparently she shouldn't have dismissed it so easily. Now she's beginning to wonder if this might be another time where she shouldn't just let it go. "Ted's upset about us?" she asks Barney. "Did he say something to you?

"No." He gives her a confused look. He hadn't been referring to the two of them at all but, now that she's said it, his mind goes wandering – and lands squarely on the conversation he saw Robin and Ted embroiled in last night at Marshal and Lily's place. "Why? Did he say something to you?"

He's no longer afraid of losing Robin to Ted like he was back in February, but Barney still remembers how Ted shunned Robin for months after she rejected him. If those feelings are resurfacing again, it could get awkward for the entire group.

"Kind of," Robin admits. "He wanted to know, why not him." Barney frowns at that, so she further explains, "Ted always thought I just didn't want love or commitment and that's what went wrong in our relationship, but that's been debunked now. So he wanted to know why I never wanted those things with him, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Barney had been about to say something else but her words derail him. His expression softens into that sweet, open look he saves just for her. "You want to spend the rest of your live with me?" he asks softly.

Robin smiles, her eyes meeting his, if a bit shyly. "That is what we're doing here, isn't it?"

"Absolutely it is," he answers without question. "But it still feels good to hear you say it."

Barney leans over to press his lips to hers. He doesn't mean it to be anything more than a simple, light kiss, but it's them – after so long apart – and she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. He can't help himself and ends up deepening the kiss far more than is suitable for the middle of a public, upscale restaurant. It's only when the man at the next table keeps coughing pointedly, staring them down with clear disapproval, that they remember where they are and break apart.

Robin runs a hand through her hair sheepishly, but Barney appears completely unabashed. "So, about Ted," he says, seamlessly picking up where they left off before all the making out at the dinner table.

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think he's actually upset about us per se – which certainly made me feel better. I think it just bothers him to be the only one alone, still searching, after all this time."

Barney nods, giving the matter some thought. Then his eyes spark with a light of inspiration that always signals his latest challenge or scheme. "I think we can help him with that," he declares.

"You want us to find Ted a girlfriend?" Robin's not entirely opposed to the idea, but she's unsure of where they're going to dig up such a woman – one that neither Ted nor Barney hasn't already dated; New York only has so many single women, after all.

Barney muses over Ted's disastrous string of ex-girlfriends, from women with crazy eyes to ones that are clearly out of his league to relationships that are so obviously doomed from the start. "We probably would do a better job of it than Ted, but you know how he is. He likes to pick and choose himself, and once he's made his mind up there's no stopping him." Robin tips her head knowingly. "No, Ted's determined to keep making his own relationship mistakes. We can't do anything about that. But I'm not thinking anything long-term here. Or even one woman," Barney clarifies. "We need to get Ted laid."

Robin finds herself grinning because it's such typical Barney rationale. "Mm-hmm. And that will solve everything?" she asks skeptically.

His mouth stretches into a trademark Barney smirk. "Never underestimate the benefits of getting laid, well and often."

Robin nods thoughtfully. "It has changed my outlook every morning," she says, throwing him a cheeky smile.

His grin widens. "Right?" There's a little moment when their gazes mingle where they're both obviously thinking about the many times they've done just that over the past few days. She can tell that he wants to kiss her, but after their earlier chastisement he refrains, though his hand does settle on her knee beneath the table.

"Okay, so we're in agreement; it'll at least cheer him up. But how do you suggest we get Ted laid 'well and often'." She anticipates him, interrupting before he has a chance. "And we're not paying these women."

"Alright, fine," he sighs teasingly. "We'll do it your way. And we'll start at MacLaren's," he proclaims, signaling for the check.

Barney hands Robin her drink, settling into the booth across from her. "So here's what I'm thinking," he tells her. "Christmas is coming up, and I know just what we'll give our friend Theodore." He waits a theatrically dramatic pause before announcing, "The ultimate play to procure him a hottie for the night! It'll be the gift that keeps on giving," he says, a touch of philanthropy in his voice.

"'The ultimate play'? So this is a Playbook kind of thing." She rolls her eyes. "Don't tell me we're going to advise him to do the Ted Mosby?"

"Nah, I tried that. It doesn't work. Just makes the ladies sad. You might wrangle a little boob action of it but that's – "

Robin makes a face, holding up a hand to stop him. "Okay, okay. What exactly do you have in mind?"

"We need to find Ted the Perfect Play, something that will work on any woman, at any time, under any circumstance. That way the next time he's here, picking out a Six to go home with – cause this is Ted we're talking about; guy doesn't have a hope of landing more than a Seven at the most –"

"Excuse me," Robin interrupts, gesturing down to herself. "A seven?"

"Scherbatsky, you know you're a ten. Come on, you break the scale," Barney smiles to her. "But Ted didn't land you. You were just on loan. Plus that was charity banging. We all make mistakes when we're younger," he says, patting her hand consolingly. "Ted's older now. The women who'll go for him have already gotten all that slumming out of their systems." She gives him a look, but he continues. "Anyway, the next time he's here, zeroing in on his Six of choice, he'll have The Perfect Play to guarantee he successfully closes the deal." As if she had any doubt, he clarifies, "And by 'closes the deal' I mean Ted gets his cue chalked and some lucky woman ends the night marginally satisfied."

Robin chuckles. "Alright, Barney, I'm in. But how do you propose we figure out the Perfect Play?"

Barney holds up his finger as if he's about to impart some great knowledge. "The only way to figure out any new play – and certainly the Perfect Play – is through extensive market research, just like in Cleveland."

"Uh, that's the only way to figure out what won't work," she argues. "The longest fingernails? Patient Zero? An escaped convict? Barney, those lines were terrible."

"Yeah, there may have been an element of self-sabotage involved," he concedes.

"Really? That's what Lily said."

"Well, she was right," he admits.

Robin nods understandingly. "Because you were waiting for Nora's phone call."

"No. She hadn't called in days, and I really wasn't expecting her to. Anyway, she never would have known; it's not like we were dating. No," Barney explains, "it was because of you. There we were, both single, out of town at a wedding, our hotel rooms right next door to each other. I know we decided it would be a mistake, but…I liked making mistakes with you. Besides, it was too hard trying to pick up random women when the one woman I wanted was right there in the room and I couldn't have her. So I made sure I was still alone at the end of the night to come dance with you." Robin reaches across the table to take his hand, and Barney smiles contentedly as he intertwines their fingers. "So that explains the bad lines. But tonight, for Ted, I'm only using my premium stuff. We'll see what works the best and most often, weed out the losers, and compile – "

"Barney," Robin interjects, "I don't want to watch you hit on a bunch of women, even if it is to find some perfect play for Ted."

"Relax, I'm not gonna hit on anyone. Are you crazy? When I've already got the hottest woman in the room?" he says, squeezing her hand. "Please."

She smiles at his reassurance, but it leaves her more confused than ever. "How is this going to work, then?"

Barney's lip stretch into a wicked grin and Robin eyes him warily, wondering what she's gotten herself into. "Robin, I'm glad you asked."