After

Garrus couldn't bear being strapped in for so long. He wanted so badly to get up and use the shuttle's emergency comm link unit to try to get a line to Shepard. As the shuttle moved further and further away from the wreckage of the Normandy, Garrus watched pieces of it crumble and fall towards the planet, catching fire as they sped up and hit atmo. There was no way anyone could have survived on what was left of it. Not even Shepard. He had to know that she got away. He had to know that she was okay.

Liara noticed him squirming in his seat. "Garrus, relax. We'll be picked up soon enough." She was trying to calm him down. Her soft, soothing voice wasn't just meant for him, though. Grief and trauma were written across the faces of every single crew member, some of them sobbing loudly for their lost comrades, others crying silent tears. They were falling apart. Liara had to give them some ray of hope, a promise of endurance. "We're going to be okay. Look, they've stopped attacking."

For the moment, the mourning ceased. Everyone craned their necks towards the windows to get a good look of what was going on. Liara was right: the ship had stopped firing. Slowly, it pulled away from the wreckage. Garrus thought it was going to turn and fire on the escape pods, but it didn't. Its engines lit up, then the ship blinked out. It was gone.

There were loud exhalations of breaths held in anticipation, plus more tears, these ones a mixture of relief and sadness. But Garrus didn't seem comforted at all. "Garrus?" Liara asked quietly, this time so only he could hear.

But he didn't seem to hear her. His eyes were closed, his fingers still clenched around his harness. Liara put her hand on his forearm, but he remained unresponsive. She repeated, "We're going to be okay." Yet it wasn't themselves he was concerned about. He was thinking about his commander.

"Normandy Shuttle Four, this is Alliance Frigate Onyx Deliverance. Do you copy?" They were being hailed by the Alliance. Garrus jumped. He'd been expecting to hear Shepard's voice. Liara pressed the center of her restraint, releasing it, and got to her feet. The survivors on the shuttle were wiping the tears from their eyes.

"We're saved!" one of them said.

"We hear you, Deliverance," Liara said, speaking into the emergency comm unit posted near the door. A long shadow was cast over her face as she leaned over, putting her mouth near the receiver.

"We got your distress beacon. Your shuttles are being brought aboard our ship. Prepare for docking," they were informed. From the blackness of space came forth a colossal ship, the Alliance Frigate Onyx Deliverance. Its hangar opened, and a few of the shuttles disappeared inside its gaping maw. Garrus glanced back behind him, nearly twisting his neck to look out the window. There was still a handful of them trailing behind. Shepard had to be on one of them.

"Thank you," she said. She went back to her seat, keeping her eyes on the ground. She didn't bother buckling herself back in. They were close enough to the frigate that they didn't have anything to worry about.

The scene in the hangar was one of joy, sorrow, and chaos. Survivors of the Normandy ran about, finding friends they'd thought lost, tearfully searching in vain for the ones that were. Servicemen of the Onyx Deliverance tried to corral the new arrivals, directing them towards another part of the ship. After a few minutes, they started moving in the direction of the hangar doors, numbly allowing themselves to be led further into their haven. Medics were ready with gurneys and medi-gel, tending to those who'd been wounded in the escape. There weren't many. They were either alive or dead. One of the most serious injuries was Tali's, who had a twisted ankle. As soon as the medics set her up with a splint, she was back on her feet.

She spotted Garrus and Liara easily in the crowd of grief-stricken humans. "Keelah se'lai! I wasn't sure you two had made it out," she said, launching herself at the pair of them and wrapping her arms around both their necks, throwing the medic's suggestion to take it easy out the window.

"We're fine, Tali," Liara assured her, still able to talk despite her airway being slightly blocked by Tali's forearm. Wrex followed her, pushing past the humans as they headed in the opposite direction. The Deliverance servicemen looked like they wanted to direct him to where the others were going, but they kept their distance.

"Any of you seen Shepard?" he asked, shifting his weight between both of his feet. He didn't like all the looks they were getting from the pale, fleshy meat sacks. A cluster of four aliens on a ship full of humans sort of stood out. He liked the sense of belonging Shepard provided. He felt at home even in the fancy embassies of the Presidium when he was at her side.

"Maybe she got on a shuttle with Alenko," Garrus suggested hopefully. Kaidan was still on the ship with her when Garrus had left with Liara.

"Speak of the devil," Wrex grunted, seeing Kaidan trudging towards them. His head lifted up, like he'd heard his name.

"Kaidan!" Tali said, waving him over to where the four of them were standing in the middle of the hallway. He blinked, slowly approaching. He looked like he'd just woken from a long, fitful sleep. "Is Shepard with you?" Garrus's heart hammered in his chest.

"She and Joker took the last shuttle, I think." His dark eyes flitted back and forth between his comrades' knees and the scuffed metal grates on the ground.

Right on cue, one of the Alliance soldiers shouted, "We got one more shuttle!"

Garrus sighed in relief. It was just like Shepard to keep them waiting. He recalled the moment at the Battle of the Citadel after they'd killed Saren and Sovereign. He thought for sure she was dead, crushed by falling debris. Just when he'd given up all hope of her being alive, she'd come jogging through the wreckage, cradling her arm and limping slightly, but wearing a glorious grin and so wonderfully full of life.

But now, only one person came limping. It was Jeff Moreau, the Normandy's pilot. Kaidan grabbed him, probably seeing if he was okay. He looked like he was fine. Garrus stood on his toes, trying to see around the two of them. The hangar was nearly empty except for a dozen vacated shuttles and a couple of Alliance soldiers. None of them bore the familiar red stripe of Shepard's N7 armor.

Kaidan gripped Joker by the shoulder. "Is she..." He couldn't bear to finish the sentence.

Joker looked up at Kaidan, at all of them. His eyes were bloodshot, and he had to lean against the wall for support. "She stayed with the ship."

Wrex was the first one to speak out. "Whaddya mean, ship? There's nothing left to stay with!"

Liara's lips were moving silently. She was praying.

Kaidan slowly raised his eyes from the floor. "She's dead."

"She can't be dead," Garrus denied. The five of them looked at him. "Me and Liara talked to her just before we left. She said she was going to leave," he explained. "She promised."

Tali broke down into sobs. Wrex put a gruff hand on her shoulder, but all she did was shake and cry.

"Garrus..." Kaidan began quietly. Garrus ducked out of the way when Kaidan reached out to comfort him, sidestepping around to get a better view of the hangar, where all the shuttles were. He watched expectantly, waiting for Shepard to come limping out of one of them, wearing her trademark grin, loaded with an epic retelling of how she managed to escape this one. Later, they'd laugh about the panic she'd caused, leading them to think they were dead and getting everyone all worked up. But she would just smile and say, "I'm here now, aren't I?"

"Move along, please," one of the Alliance soldiers told Garrus, flinching away slightly at the sight of Wrex. But Garrus didn't want to move on. Shepard was coming. They just had to wait a bit for her.

"Shepard's gone. She's not coming back, Garrus," Kaidan said, his face set in hard lines, ones that would continue to deepen over the approaching months. Arms clasped around Tali, Wrex and Liara allowed themselves to be led down the long, dark hallway. One of the medics provided a wheelchair, taking a tearful Joker away. It was just Garrus and Kaidan left standing there.

Garrus's mandibles flared. The doors from the hallway to the hangar were closing. He tried to move past Kaidan, who was firmly planted in his path, but it was too late. The doors closed with a resounding boom, reverberating deep in his bones. His insides felt twisted and knotted. He blinked at the metal doors. "But she promised," he repeated softly, mostly just to himself.

Kaidan felt like he was going to collapse. He'd done his best to get as many people out of the Normandy as possible, but still, too many lives had been lost. He had tried to convince Shepard that she didn't have to sacrifice herself, and he'd failed at that, too. Now, struggling to cope with the news that the woman he loved had been killed in an attack by enemies more dangerous than the Reapers, he had to deal with Garrus's denial that Shepard was dead at all. All Kaidan could think about was that none of this would be happening if she were alive. But he'd known, even as he sat on the shuttle, that Shepard wouldn't be returning. She'd made her mind up to send off that beacon, and even the certainty of death hadn't kept her from that mission.

So Kaidan did the only thing he could do. He put his hand on Garrus's arm, and said, "Shepard did her duty. Now it's time for us to do ours."

Garrus had been preparing himself for this moment for the past three days. He'd known it was coming, and he'd spent every second building up his mental fortifications. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't show any emotion, but... well, promises didn't mean much to him anymore.

So as he stood by Shepard's empty casket, built for purely ceremonial purposes, he did everything he could to keep his teammates, or any left at the funeral, from seeing how affected he was. He stared hard at the holo of Shepard in her N7 armor, resting on top of an Alliance flag folded in a crisp triangle. Even though the portrait was supposed to be official, the curve of a smile tugged upwards at her lips, and there were hints of mascara on her lashes. She looked young. Garrus tipped his head at a slight angle. In the picture, she seemed to be glowing, but he supposed that could just be from the illuminators of the holo screen.

This is what her life had come to. A handful of speeches by people who didn't really know her, a televised request for donations to rebuild the Citadel, and a few half-assed attempts to sum up her achievements, all that she'd accomplished. But none of it meant anything. Not a damn thing. Because at the end of the day, she was still dead.

Garrus retreated a step back, still focusing his gaze on the holo. He accidentally bumped into someone. Probably one of the hack politicians that had been invited to the funeral as a formality, or a nosey reporter hunting a story, like a vulture on a freshly dead carcass. He turned around to mutter an apology. He was faced with a ghost.

They looked at each other for a moment. Garrus's heart beat faster, then he realized that it was not some otherworldly apparition come to haunt him. It was Shepard's mother.

"Garrus Vakarian," she said after her hesitation passed. Her eyes lit up, and she grabbed Garrus's hand, giving it a vigorous shake. "I recognized you from one of the news vids, after the Citadel was attacked." She winked at him. "I'd never forget those beautiful blue eyes of yours."

Garrus wasn't sure how to respond. She seemed so lively and upbeat. She didn't look like she was mourning the loss of her daughter. Garrus didn't know how humans usually reacted to the death of a family member, but surely this was atypical. "Thank you, ma'am," he replied stiffly.

"Please, call me Hannah," she said warmly. There were deep laugh wrinkles around her eyes, smile wrinkles lining her mouth. Garrus was looking at Shepard twenty five years in the future. The future she'd never have. He opened his mouth to speak when they were interrupted.

"Captain Shepard?" a shrill voice rang out, accompanied by the sound of hurried footsteps. The mother of the late Commander Shepard turned around, met by someone Garrus had hoped he'd never see again. "Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani,Westerlund News. May I ask you a few questions?" A camera hovered near her head, its red light blinking as it recorded.

"Of course," Hannah obliged. Garrus wanted to warn her that the reporter was bad news, but she launched into her interview without further ado.

"There were rumors that, before her untimely death, Commander Shepard planned on leaving the Alliance and swearing her allegiance to the Citadel Council. Don't you think it's wrong that she would abandon humanity, especially when we've just saved the Citadel from the geth attack?"

"Excuse me," Garrus cut in. Khalisah looked at him, and the hover cam focused on his face. "Those rumors are false. I knew her personally, and I can say for a fact that she had no intentions of leaving the Alliance. She was unwaveringly loyal to her roots, and despite her induction into the Spectres and her plentiful contributions to the galaxy as a whole, she would never turn her back the soldiers she'd fought side-by-side with for the majority of her career."

"A personal friend, you say?" al-Jilani said, her tone lilting up suggestively. "Can you confirm or deny any involvement in fraternization charges with -"

"I believe this interview is over," Hannah interrupted. "This is a private ceremony. Mr. Vakarian and I will escort you to the premises if you do not leave immediately." Her hand was moving towards her pistol instinctively. Garrus felt a grin swimming beneath the surface of his dark mood. Apparently, that particular trait was hereditary. Shepard's fingers always twitched towards her sidearm whenever she grew agitated. He knew that she'd only revert to violence as a last resort, but she wouldn't hesitate to take action where it was needed. Which, in their line of work, was more often than not a quick, shot-from-the-hip heat sink in the brain.

Khalisah opened her big mouth again, probably to spew more slander. But before she could make a sound, Wrex moved in.

"Didn't you hear the lady? Out, now." When the invasive reporter remained rooted to the spot, Wrex growled, "Before this gets ugly." She didn't waste another second. Smirking, Garrus realized that the camera's red light had still been on. It had recorded him putting her in her place, then Hannah explicity telling her to leave, and finally, Wrex scaring her off. A beautiful interspecies collaboration, televised for all to see. Garrus smiled for the first time in three days. Shepard would be proud.

Wrex made his exit, after a gruff yet polite greeting to Shepard's mother, reminding Garrus of the location of their after-funeral drinks. He and Hannah watched the massive krogan leave, security eyeing him warily.

Hannah laughed, once she was sure both Wrex and the reporter were out of earshot. "One thing I envy my daughter of was her opportunity to spend time with such fascinating people. Turians, asari, quarians... krogan." Garrus nodded. Wrex was plenty fascinating, as long as you kept him away from the ryncol and his shotgun. Things could turn from "fascinating" to "oh-Spirits-run-for-your-damn-life" pretty quickly with Wrex around. "Lately, I've been stuck on the Citadel, pushing papers. You know how it is. The higher the rank, the more bureaucratic crap you have to deal with."

Garrus was practically an expert in that area. After his time at C-Sec, he'd been bound and restricted by more than his fair share of red tape.

Hannah pressed on. "Which is why I think I'm going to leave the Citadel, take up captaincy on a ship." She took a deep breath, and for a moment, she looked ancient.

"That sounds like a good plan," Garrus said. "Life is too short to do anything but what you love."

Hannah smiled, this time with a hint of sadness. The first Garrus had seen in the short time he had known her. "Too true." They were both staring at the holo of the commander, a slightly warped image reflected on the curved metal of her immaculate casket. "What about you, Garrus? What do you love?"

His eyes lingered on the metallic reflection for a moment more before replying. "I loved being on the Normandy, being under her command. It felt like I'd finally found my place in the galaxy. The part where the Citadel was almost destroyed wasn't so great," Garrus said. Hannah laughed. He, too, cracked a small smile. "But Shepard was so full of purpose. With her, the goal was always clear. She knew right from wrong, and she always, without exception, chose right. That kind of clarity is... hard to find." Especially in a galaxy as dark as the one in which they lived. "She was the best commander anyone had the right to ask for. And I know people say she was the best of humanity, but... I believe she's the best that the whole galaxy has to offer."

Hannah's eyes were shiny. Garrus bit his tongue. Oh, no. She was crying. A single tear fell from her eye, which she quickly wiped at. Thankfully, that was the only one. Garrus was unsure of how he would have dealt with more. "It makes me proud to hear you say that, Garrus. She was..." She trailed off.

The sound of voices slightly raised, arguing, brought the two of them out of their conversation.

"What do you mean, her body couldn't be retrieved?" a man, who Garrus presumed to be Shepard's father, said to an Alliance official. "Where is she?" He was wearing a well-decorated uniform, countless pins and awards adorning his lapel. Garrus didn't recognize the uniform, though. If it wasn't Alliance, it must have been from one of the militaries back on Earth, the human home planet.

The Alliance official looked uneasy, shifting his weight from foot to foot under the glare of Shepard Senior. "Sir, we were unable to recover your daughter's remains. Her ship was destroyed, and -"

"This is bullshit!" he said angrily. "I don't know what kind of dog and pony show you people are running out here, but back on Earth, soldiers get a proper burial. Your levels of incompetence are insulting. Is this how you treat all of your fallen heroes?"

It was a loaded question. Whatever came out of his mouth would be wrong. Garrus was sure that Shepard's father had been a drill sergeant at one point, probably after he'd retired from active duty. He was, without a doubt, the source of Shepard's own attitude toward discipline: "If it doesn't follow orders, make it do push-ups. Lots of them."

Before the poor Alliance soldier could stammer out a response, Kaidan swooped in to speak to Shepard's father. "Sir, I was on the Normandy when it was attacked. There was no way any of the bodies could be recovered. Everything burned up once it reached the atmosphere. I'm sorry for your loss, sir."

He gave Kaidan a hard stare. "Who are you?"

"Lieutenant Alenko, sir. I served under Commander Shepard for nine months."

"Look, kid. I didn't come all the way out here for an empty casket. Where the hell is my daughter?"

"I... I'm sorry," Kaidan said. His hands were clasped at his sides, and though he looked exhausted, he stood up straight and looked Shepard's father, with his hardened war veteran attitude, right in the eye. "The ship was completely destroyed. There's nothing left of her."

Garrus thought that Shepard Senior would have backed down then, but he didn't. He narrowed his eyes, looking so much like the late Shepard that it scared him. "How dare you," he said with quiet fury. "No one will tell us what happened to her, and now you're saying she was wiped off the face of the galaxy?" He gave an angry huff.

"She gave her life for her crew, sir," Kaidan began. "When we were attacked, the first thing she did was make sure that as many people as possible got out alive. After putting our pilot on the last escape pod, she stayed behind to send off the distress beacon because she thought it contained vital information about our enemy. She went down with the ship because she was trying to help the others."

"And?" Shepard's father asked. His temper seemed to have settled, but his eyes had grown watery. "What of the beacon?"

"It was a blank tape, sir. The beacon had no data on it. None whatsoever." Garrus felt his heart sink. The beacon that Shepard had given her life for was of absolutely no use to the Alliance. Or to anyone. He wondered if they were going to throw it out.

Shepard Senior let out a slow, shuddering sigh that originated from deep within. Garrus could see that he hadn't aged quite as well as his wife, Hannah, and that his daughter's death wasn't making things any easier on him. "So she died for nothing." His eyes were round and wet, and his bottom lip trembled ever so slightly. Underneath his calloused skin, Garrus saw that he was just a man who wanted to look upon his daughter's face one last time before he said his final goodbye.

Kaidan shook his head. He leaned in and said something, quietly enough that Garrus couldn't hear. Shepard Senior looked up. His lip stopped trembling, and his spine straightened. He gave two curt nods.

"Oh, dear," Hannah said. "I'm afraid the General isn't taking the news very well." On the contrary, Garrus thought he was doing remarkably well. He seemed to be very adept at hiding his emotions, and regained his composure quickly if it did happen to slip. Like father, like daughter. "They had a... rocky relationship, to put it mildly. I think he regrets not making amends." Hannah turned to Garrus and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's like you said: life is too short to let the things you love pass you by." She gave his arm a squeeze before releasing him. "I know you thought that the Normandy was the right place for you, but... that time has passed. Don't just mourn Shepard; honor her. Move on with your life. Do what you love." She gave him a melancholy smile. "It's what she would have wanted."

"Thank you, ma'am," he said.

She gave him a friendly punch in the arm, just like Shepard had always done. He smiled, even though it had hurt like hell. It was a good kind of pain. "I thought I told you to call me Hannah. Makes me feel old when you say ma'am," she said. "Anyway, I should go make sure the General doesn't frighten any more of those Alliance boys. It was nice talking to you, Garrus."

"You too, ma – Hannah." He didn't fancy getting punched again.

"And, Garrus?"

"Yes?"

"She died doing what she loved. That's all anyone can ask for."

AN: There's still one more part after this, since this "After" part was getting super long. Thanks for reading and leave a review!