A/N: Yeah, this idea is what made me fill this prompt. I had this image of Kurt trying to pee in the woods at night and failing at it. I just found the idea hilarious and I loved writing it. Also, this is based upon a true story. Yep. Had to pee once in the middle of the night in a bathroom exactly as described complete with the spider. And I think Kurt has it easier since he's a boy. Haha. Hope you enjoy! Also, all of the lovely story alerts that rolled in tonight convinced me to post this part tonight. Thanks for reading!

Kurt was cold, uncomfortable, and irritated. He was lying on his back, wearing sweatpants (sweatpants!), on the ground, with only a few blankets and the bottom of a tent separating him from the cold Ohio dirt, and could smell the lovely aroma of straight teenage boy all around him. Just over two weeks ago, he had been in New York City with an extravagant hotel bed underneath him and the aroma of freshly pressed linens and he knew which one he preferred.

It all started right after New Directions' return from New York. Kurt had caught wind from Finn that Rachel's dads had managed to get four prime seats for the tour of Next to Normal that was stopping in Columbus. Now that Finn and Rachel were back together, Rachel expected Finn to accompany her, and instead of having her fathers' tag along, Rachel convinced them to let Finn and Rachel double date with another couple. Finn had been bothering Kurt for months about this damn camping trip that the glee club boys were cooking up and made Kurt agree to RSVP with a confirmation in order to commander the two extra tickets for Blaine and himself.

Kurt's day during the dreaded camping trip had been, admittedly, enjoyable due to many things. First, the boys fished while Kurt enjoyed the shade underneath a large tree and Kurt managed to cook the catfish they caught (after making Sam clean them). After dinner, the group spent a few hours playing Frisbee golf on the course next to the camp grounds. And Kurt really enjoyed feeling like one of the guys, part of the group, as they sat around the camp fire while the boys gorged themselves on s'mores. The cherry on top on Kurt's day was Blaine though, watching him fit in with the other boys, watching the glances thrown in Kurt's directions, watching the proof of his affection in the form of taking breaks from the activities to visit with Kurt.

But right now, Kurt was miserable.

Not only was he dealing with the aforementioned issues accompanying sleeping on the ground, but he also had to pee. Like really had to pee. He blamed it all on the diet coke he had drank earlier around the campfire. His cell phone had read 2:47 when his bladder originally woke him up. It was now 3:12 and he really didn't know what he was going to do. The only restroom anywhere near the campground was ages away and there was zero chance of Kurt walking there by himself in the middle of an Ohio forest in the dark with bugs and wild animals lurking about.

Finally admitting defeat, Kurt rolled over towards Blaine and curled up to his back.

"Blaine. Wake up," Kurt whispers into his ear.

"Mmm-hmmm. That's nice." Kurt didn't have time for this.

"Blaine!" Kurt speaks sternly. Blaine shoots up, knocking his head against Kurt's chin.

"Ahh! Kurt? What's wrong?" Kurt worries his lip, not wanting to have to say it.

"I have to pee."

"What? Why are you waking me up?"

"Blaine, I don't wanna go by myself in the dark. Please come with me." Blaine sighs , leans up, and attempts to give what Kurt assumes is meant to be a quick peck on the lips but actually lands to the side of Kurt's nose.

The next few minutes are filled with hushed whispers, scrambling for shoes and Blaine's glasses and a flashlight, and stifled giggles when Mike lets out one the loudest snorting snores that either of them have ever heard.

As Kurt and Blaine head towards the bathroom that is little more than a permanent porta potty—a toilet shaped hole that drops into the ground—Kurt realizes just how dark it is and is glad to have Blaine and the flashlight.

Kurt can feel the sense of relief start to wash over him once the restroom is in sight of the flashlight's beam. Kurt opens the door to the restroom and steps inside. Busy anticipating the retched stench he remembered from early, Kurt misses the big issue until the door is actually closed. There is no light in this bathroom. Kurt is alone in a camp ground porta potty bathroom with no light.

He flings the door open and nearly hits Blaine who is leaning against the structure looking close to being asleep again. His eyes snap open.

"What's wrong? You can't have went already."

"There's no light in there!"

"Oh," Blaine hands over the flashlight. "Here."

Armed with the gift of light, Kurt heads back in to relieve himself. Kurt tries to lower his pants with one hand but fails. Holding the flashlight between his knees, Kurt goes to try again. In the light of the beam falling on the floor, Kurt sees a giant spider. The flashlight falls from his knee's grasp , Kurt lets out an undignified yelp, and he sprints out the door.

"What's wrong?"

Kurt places his hand over his chest to slow his frantic heartbeat. "There was a giant bug. Oh god Blaine. I don't think I can do this."

"Okay Kurt. I think that if you could've held it, you would not have woken me up in the middle of the night. Just get it over with."

"I can't see where anything is. I don't know what's around me and I can't hold the flashlight and…you know. Go. At the same time."

Blaine groans and covers his face with his hands. If there's one thing that Kurt knows about Blaine, it's that he doesn't fare well being woken up. Blaine stalks off into the restroom and returns carrying the dropped flashlight.

"Come on Kurt."

Kurt stands where he is.

"…What?"

Blaine grabs his hand, drags him into the restroom, and deposits him in front of the toilet.

Kurt is gaping at him, mouth open, but Blaine just gestures towards the toilet with the flashlight.

"Come on. Go. I'll hold the light. You're gonna have to go somehow."

"What? With you in here?"

"Kuuuurt! I'm right here. You'll be fine. I'm getting chilly and I want to go back to sleep."

"I can't go with you in here!"

"Come on Kurt. It's just me."

"Exactly," Kurt sputters out.

"Everyone pees Kurt. I promise. "

"But I don't want you to see me."

"I respect you more than that. I'm not gonna look."

"But you're going to be able to hear me!"

"Okay Kurt, that's unavoidable. Please pee. I'm tired."

Blaine's puppy dog eyes are what makes him fold. Kurt can't stand to see Blaine upset and Kurt knows that making Blaine be awake is torture on his weak, 8-hours-of-sleep-needing body.

"Fine," Kurt relents. "Back up and hold the light so I can see the toilet and my feet so I know if anything creepy and crawly is about the climb up my pant leg." Blaine backs up. It makes Kurt feel better that he can't see Blaine very well due to where he's shining the light. Kurt can almost feel like no one is watching him.

Kurt starts to reach for his waistband and stops. He checks the floor and the toilet for anything unfriendly and looks towards Blaine.

"Close your eyes and don't move the flashlight," Kurt commands.

"They are and I won't," Blaine murmurs reassuringly.

Kurt lowers his waistband and aims towards the toilet.

And waits.

Nothing happens. He concentrates harder. It finally happens. The relief is almost instantaneous. But all Kurt can hear is the sloshing noise of his urine hitting the bottom of the bottomless toilet.

"Oh my gosh! This is so embarrassing!"

"What? What's wr—"

"Keep your eyes closed!" Kurt interjects.

"I am. What's wrong?"

"It's just so loud and embarrassing!"

"No it's not Kurt. I swear I am going to come over there and pee with you to calm your mind if you don't finish right now!"

"Argh! Fine!"

Kurt concentrates again and manages to continue. The noise is horrendous and it makes him cringe. But when he finally finishes, he feels sooo much better. He rearranges his bottoms, gives himself a once over and heads over to Blaine.

"You can open your eyes now. I'm sorry you had to do this."

"Kurt, it's fine. There's nothing embarrassing about it."

"Whatever you say. You seem to have a very different threshold of embarrassment when it comes to bodily functions."

Kurt and Blaine walk out of the restroom as Blaine begins to grab Kurt's hand. Kurt jerks away.

"Blaine! I haven't washed my hands!"

Blaine stops and stares. And doubles over with laughter. When he catches a breath, he responds.

"Really Kurt? There's nowhere to wash your hands. And besides, I've touched your penis before!"

Kurt's hands go to his hips in natural disagreement mode. "Tsk! Ok, you've touched my penis a total of two times in a span of the last two weeks, not nearly enough to be as casual as to announce it to the Ohio woodlands. "

At the end of the beginning of what Kurt had planned to be a long-winded spiel, Kurt is surprised to find that he is laughing too. Kurt is in love with this boy and they touch each other's bodies where no one else sees and listen to each other pee and know little things about each other like the fact that Blaine loses every ounce of his gentlemanly demeanor when awoken before completing his eight hours of beauty rest.

Kurt steps forward, puts Blaine's face between his hands, and kisses him. They do eventually manage to make it back to the tent and snuggle up together to regain some of their warmth that was lost to the night and sleep until morning. And Blaine gets his eight hours.