Kakashi ignored the squeals emanating from his young students and smiled, flipping to a different section of the book, holding it up for them to see.
"And this, boys and girls, is what a threesome looks like!"
Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura's eyes went wide as they clung to each other in their shared horror. But, once they realized that they were in fact touching, and that they numbered three, they threw their arms into the air, screamed, and backed up 20 yards in different directions away from each other.
"Oy!" Kakashi called out to them, "Don't you want to see the chapters on oral sex and foursomes? Those are especially fun!"
o o o
Chapter 2 – "The Morning After…the TALK"
o o o
"So, how did your talk with your students go?"
Asuma, Kakashi, Gai, and Kurenai were all sitting at a restaurant, having met for breakfast this morning.
Kakashi sweat-dropped.
Gai jumped up on the table, "It was a youthful display of youthfulness! They loved every moment of my explanation as they breathed in the blooming lotus of love!"
Asuma blinked.
"Well," Kurenai began, "My explanation went fine, but it was a bit of a waste in that both Kiba and Shino didn't even need the talk…"
"Really?" the other teachers said.
Kurenai sighed, "At least Kiba said so, since he's seen lots of his family's dogs 'doing it'…but it took forever to get Shino to say anything."
"And?"
"It turns out…" Kurenai said, "that Shino is a sex therapist…to his insects!"
"Whoa…" Asuma's cigarette fell out of his mouth.
"Yeah, for when the bugs are having…marital…problems…"
Kakashi blinked.
"So, Asuma, how did yours go?"
Asuma lit up a cigarette, "Mine went…a little too well."
That lit up a light bulb of interest in all the instructors' faces.
"Well…" Asuma began as he had a flashback, "I gave them an… instructional educational video to watch for an hour. But, when I got back, I found Ino with her tongue stuck down Shikamaru's throat!"
Looks of surprise were found on the other teachers.
Asuma sighed, "Turns out Shikamaru fell asleep half way through the video, so, since it was dark, Ino decided to practice 'making-out' with Shikamaru, who she pretended was Sasuke."
There was a pause.
"What did Chouji do?"
"Chouji ate popcorn and watched the show."
"The video?"
"No, Ino and Shikamaru."
There was an awkward silence.
"So…Kakashi, how did your explanation of the facts of life go?"
Kakashi shrugged.
"They'll…live."
o o o
Tsunade rustled the papers around in her office, as she contemplated her next move. She had nearly finished filling out the mission details of operation "Multiply Like Rabbits."
"Shizune!" She called out to her assistant, "Shizune! I need you to go send out for another ninja meeting!"
"Yes?" Shizune answered.
"Call a meeting for all the male ninjas this afternoon," Tsunade explained, "And a meeting for the women tonight."
"Yes, Hokage-sama," and Shizune paused before she left the room.
"Hokage-same, is this really a wise idea? Won't we be weakened if every single woman in the Leaf is pregnant?"
"Don't worry, Shizune," Tsunade smiled cleverly, "I've already sent out a request to our new allies of the Sand. They're sending some people over to help with the defense of Konoha."
The worry left Shizune's face.
"So go ahead and find yourself a hott studly man, Shizune!" Tsunade smiled.
Shizune saluted enthusiastically, "Yes, ma'am!"
o o o
After Kakashi's gentle introduction of the birds and the bees to his team, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura could not even look at each other. Well, actually Naruto and Sasuke could look at each other, but when they looked at Sakura or Sakura looked at them…
"OH GOD! THE MENTAL IMAGES! ACK!"
And so Sakura ran off far away from Naruto and Sasuke to go talk with Ino, and Naruto and Sasuke ran off to go find comfort with their male peers.
...Apparently, the others had a similar idea, because soon, Naruto and Sasuke met up with Chouji, Shikamaru, Neji, Lee, Kiba, and Shino at the local restaurant.
o o o
As they sat round the breakfast table, Sasuke was twitching uncontrollably as blood ran down his nose, Naruto was bleeding from his ears if that's even possible, Neji looked much paler than usual, Kiba had a raised eyebrow, Shino was just kind of there, and Chouji was chewing so loudly that he couldn't hear what Shikamaru was saying.
Apparently, after they had arrived for breakfast, Lee had done a stunning reenactment of Gai's interpretive dance on the facts of life. There had been much gagging all around. But then Shikamaru began to casually describe all the sexual acts that he saw on the porno vid, causing bleeding and fainting all around. And now…
"And so then, I woke up, my mouth tasting like tongue, to Ino yelling 'Oh Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke'," Shikamaru said plainly, "…It was so troublesome…"
Naruto began to laugh as Sasuke started having convulsions.
Lee began to clap because he thought Sasuke was doing an interpretive dance of his own.
Neji had flashbacks to Tenten grabbing his butt.
"Man, I wish some girl would stick her tongue down my throat…" Kiba thought silently.
o o o
Similarly, Ino, Sakura, Hinata, and Tenten found themselves at a different eating place, you know, the one that Naruto always likes to eat at.
Sakura was in the middle of a rant.
"…the horror! …The mental images! The horror!" Sakura whined, "My sensei is a pervert!"
"Mental images?" Ino scoffed, "You should have SEEN that porno video…"
Sakura twitched.
"Spill it, sista'!" Tenten exclaimed.
"Well," Ino smirked, "It WAS pretty gross…until I envisioned that it was Sasuke on the screen doing those things to ME…"
Sakura fumed.
"Oh…" Hinata peeped in her sheepish voice. It reminded her that she had wished that she was Akamaru, and that Naruto was the stuffed toy.
"Ah…" Tenten said dreamily, "What else?"
Ino grinned, "Later on in the video, there were these two really hott guys that randomly started making out! It was so hot!"
"So…hot…" Sakura, Tenten, and Hinata repeated as if in a trance.
o o o
"ATTENTION! All male ninja's report to the Hokage's office!" a random messenger dude was shouting as he ran down the street and past the restaurant.
Unluckily for Naruto and company, they happened to be dining in the same restaurant as their senseis, who quickly noticed them and dragged them off to the meeting with Tsunade.
Except, of course, Kurenai, who is a woman.
Her male students, Kiba and Shino, decided to go with Gai's team to the meeting, since, out of the three senseis, he seemed the most…normal.
o o o
Of all people, Jiraiya was the first to arrive at Tsunade's office. Tsunade's eyebrow twitched involuntarily.
Jiraiya fluffed up his hair, and sprayed his mouth with some fresh breath stuff before waltzing over to Tsunade.
"Hey, baby," Jiraiya said, leaning on Tsunade's desk.
Tsunade sighed. He was so obviously drunk.
"Wanna go make some children?" Jiraiya said smoothly.
Tsunade chuckled, leaned back in her chair and put her feet up on the desk.
"Oh, Jiraiya," Tsunade looked amused, "You forget my age…"
Jiraiya hiccupped, "Eh?"
"I'm menopausal!" Tsunade said, as she heard a door creak.
"…your what?" a voice from the back said.
Tsunade looked over to see all the guys from the restaurant that had just walked through the door.
Naruto pulled on Kakashi's jacket.
"Sensei!" Naruto whined, "What's menopause?"
Kakashi sweat-dropped.
Not again…
o o o
To Be Continued
o o o
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