Author's Note: Here you are. Be warned: if you're a huge fan of Chase/Zoey, you might want to skip this one.
Disclaimer: Zoey 101 and all related characters are not my own.
Sin
It started with the clock chiming in: 10:00. The stragglers rose and exited the room, desperately hoping they would not be caught by their D.A.s. It's dangerous business, avoiding curfew. And the night was only to get more hazardous.Seemingly alone, I stooped to pack away my books. After fumbling with the zipper for a precious two minutes, I finally stood up, prepared to rush back to my dorm. Unfortunately for me, there was one more obstacle: Zoey.
She was perched on the navy sofa, her face the very picture of exasperation. Leaving her alone would not be very gentleman-like, I decided, so I approached her and took a seat next to her.
"What's the matter?" I asked her stupidly, densely.
She sighed a sigh of fatigue and ran a hand through her hair, pushing her chocolate bangs back.
"My English paper is due tomorrow, and I'm stuck on this one scene," she informed me, biting her lip as she avoided my stare, concentrating on the pages occupying her lap.
"Oh… what's it on?" I asked her, glancing at the clock. I set down my bag, convinced I would be there for a time.
"Romeo and Juliet," she answered simply. "Act one, scene five." She picked up the book and handed it to me so I could read the confusing lines. I followed her finger to the offenders.
'ROMEO: Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.
JULIET: Then have my lips the sin that they have took.
ROMEO: Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.'
I read it twice more before looking up at Zoey again.
"What's so difficult about understanding that?" I asked her, quickly realizing that it had come out more insulting than questioning. "I mean, which line are you having the most trouble with?"
"Second one," she mumbled, her head cradled in her hands.
"Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged?" I recited.
"Mhmmm."
"Okay," I said, starting to explain. "So Romeo is explaining that in the act of his kissing her, she has taken away his sins and he is pure again."
"'Kay… then what?" Zoey asked, turning her head in her hands so one eye could watch me.
"Okay, then Juliet is, I guess, thinking out loud or something, because she's saying that they have to kiss again, because if she has just taken his sin away, then it must be her own sin now and she must get rid of it. So by kissing him as he did her, I guess they either figure they're canceling out each other's sins, or Romeo doesn't find it fair that he dumped his sin on Juliet."
I think.
Zoey sat up and leaned back, hands sitting loosely on her denim-clad thighs. She sat there for a moment and I just watched. Something about her was transfixing me at that moment, something I was trying to brush aside.
"So, it would be like if I cheated on Chase or something sinful like that," she started, still looking at the ceiling. "I would have to kiss him in order to rid myself of the sin? And then he would have to kiss me back so it wouldn't burden him?"
I remember sitting and thinking about her analogy, contemplating every word she had said.
"Well," I began. "You wouldn't necessarily have to kiss him, I think. I think it could be anybody, 'cos Romeo hadn't cheated on Juliet really, right? Because they weren't together yet. And to rid both persons of the sin, you'd have to commit the act again. So if it wasn't kissing, then you couldn't kiss to cancel the sin. Does that make any sense at all?"
Her expression brightened considerably as she took up her pen once again, grinning at me broadly. "Thanks Michael, you're a great help!"
"Heh, no problem Zo. Don't stay up too late, a'ight?" I instructed her, teasing.
"Yes Mom," she replied, sticking her tongue out at me.
I picked up my bag and left the couch, walking towards the door. With every step I took, a strange urge inside of me grew larger. I stopped suddenly, analyzing the growing feeling.
"Michael? You okay?" came a worried voice behind me, questioning my abrupt halt.
Lust.
I dropped my bag to the ground and walked back over to Zoey, standing in front of her.
"Zoe, can I ask you something? With all the talking about Romeo and Juliet's little situation, you didn't happen to–"
My question was stopped by the sudden presence of unfamiliar lips on my own. Startled, I instinctively grabbed Zoey's waist for security, finding too late that it was the farthest away from safety that I had ever been.
It couldn't have been real. She's the good girl, the girl who gets straight A's, the girl who is an all around nice person; the girl who is currently dating my best friend.
And then there's me. I'm the kinda guy who jokes around, listens when his friends have a secret to share at two in the morning and has an addiction to potato chips. It couldn't have been real, it shouldn't have been real.
Too bad it was, huh?
She pulled away, looking at me alarmingly with her dark brown eyes.
"I'm sorry, Michael. I was assuming. I had no right to do that. I'm sorry; let's forget it ever happened, okay?" She bit her lip and turned her back to me.
Astonished, I shook my head to rid myself of this feeling and rubbed my forehead. Impulsively (stupidly), I tapped her shoulder and she turned to face me again.
"What?" she asked me, voice quavering, eyes watering.
I cleared my throat nervously. "Technically, your kiss was a sin. But I sinned in kissing you back, so now my sin is your burden as well. So… well that's not very fair, is it?"
She bit her lip again and nodded. I took a small step toward her and wrapped my arm around her. Her familiar scent of coconut drifted up towards me as I craned my neck down towards her face.
Instinct is instinct, and mine was telling me that I was wrong. The situation was wrong; we were wrong.
Instinct is instinct, yet mine came far too late.
× × ×
I tell myself excruciating lies and am quite aware of this fact, yet I am content. I tell myself that she is mine, or she soon will be. I tell myself that it's okay, that nobody will ever know. I tell myself that she loves me, truly loves me, and that I love her as well.
I tell myself these things, yet I know that her taste alone tells me what to expect, her taste of sin. Beneath those tall tales, I know that I'm not meant to be holding her; she isn't mine to call my own. I know that they will know, that is only a matter of time. And I know that she does not love me, and I know that I wish I could say the same.
The extremity of what I have done – what I am doing, has pushed the limit and is continuing to do so. The girl whose hand is enclosed in mine underneath the tabletop is my best friend's girlfriend, and it pains me to know that on her right side, her hand is occupied by his. Though their affection isn't concealed beneath half a foot of concrete.
But my ache is nothing compared to what his would be, and it's for this reason that he can never know, can never find out. Find out about us.
Every once in a while, Zoey has to let go of my hand and raise her own in order to eat a grape or make a gesture and I do the same, at a different time of course. This way, we don't arouse suspicion, and after a few minutes, we are in the clear again.
I can't (we can't) afford a slip-up. We know how much it would cost us; we also know that it is far too late to abandon ship. We're too far below deck, and the key appears to be lost, a fact we know to be false.
What scares me to know is that she is the key and thinks I am oblivious to that fact. Oh, if she knew. It scares me to know that she could unlock the door at any time, leaving me alone in the dark. And it scares me to know that this day is undoubtedly soon.
But for now, I will hold her small hand all the more tightly and kiss her all the more passionately, all the while waiting for the day when she will abandon our dangerous ship and turn her back as it sinks below the waves, my heart strapped aboard.
Author's Note: Wow, how's that for overdramatic? Micheal came out sounding pretty angsty. It wasn't my intention, but whatever; I'll go with it.