~ Chapter 2 ~

Admittance

Sif stood at the entrance of the palace waiting for her friend. The moment she found out about his trip to Svartalfheim she wanted to of course accompany him but Thor didn't even listen, saying he needed to do this alone. Insisting only angered Thor even more, he shouted that he didn't need her support, muttering that the one who did, would never have it anymore and that nothing mattered now when his brother was dead and gone. Sif didn't think like that but she couldn't not notice that the matter of Loki put a strain on the relationship between Thor, her and their friends. It started after Loki was lost to the Void where Thor began to look back at how Loki was mistreated by people in Asgard – and by Sif in particular. When Loki was imprisoned, Thor did not raise the theme of Loki what greatly improved relations between them. And now… Thor told them that once again, Loki proved them all wrong but the attitude stayed negative. Thor said he would not tolerate it as it was still raw and painful. Not after what Loki did for him. Sif stayed silent.

Warrior woman watched Thor leave and waited for him to come back. As of late, her life in the palace became rather… difficult, taking in account that she and her friends disobeyed their king's orders. She, Fandral and Volstagg were not put in prison – for now – but All Father implied the last time he saw his son's group of friends that there will be just punishments for their treason and subordination. Odin didn't tell what exactly will be done with them, because the king said he had more important matters to see to in this awful times of ruin and death – than distract himself with dishonorable traitors who wouldn't dare disobey his orders now that it was not needed least they wish to lose their heads. Sif has never felt so… insignificant and dishonored, like she was a worthless ant under Odin's disgusted stare. It happened in front of so many people, in front of her parents and friends, in front of those she taught the warfare. Oh, how ashamed she felt when All Father dismissed her, Fandral and Volstagg as something pitiable not worth his time. Of course, she was free to do what she pleased and go wherever she wanted. But her sword was taken from her and she was removed from her duties.

Lady Sif never thought that her honor would ever be questioned.

Thor promised to do something, to speak with his father. Sif admired him for that but she was not sure Thor would be able to change anything. Because Thor Odinsson was his father's son, he always lost any argument with Odin. Thor was no Silvertongue to change other's minds in his favor. It was Loki's job.

Bright light. Bifrost. Thor came back. Instant relief of having her friend back was replaced by grim expression on Sif's lovely face when she remembered (who would forget?) where and why Thor left Asgard.

Strange. Her friend rode alone unaccompanied. From afar, she couldn't tell for sure but her gut told her something was wrong. Then when Thor dismounted, her worry was replaced by sadness when she saw who Thor was carrying. Her uncertainty and hesitation in giving Thor her condolences were wiped out by doubt and suspicion seeing her friend agitated and in a hurry.

Where was Thor so eager to get?

Sif watched as people of Asgard were gasping and crying out in shock and horror seeing Loki. Her eyes tried to avoid looking at dead trickster, but she just couldn't resist. Last time she saw Loki, he was acting his intolerable annoying self, grinning his wicked smiles in all their faces. Not so much now…

When Thor first saw her and their friends after he came back, he told them everything what has happened. When he told them what befell Loki and how he died, he spoke with so much restrained agony, so obvious regret. Sif tried to tell him that it was not his fault Loki chose to die as he did, but Thor reacted violently, screaming that of course it was his and only his fault. And he demanded to stop their blind hatred of Loki from them. Sif was shocked of amount of guilt Thor carried. And for Loki… She didn't understand. Of course Loki's loss was… It was not even for the first time! They have already lived with his absence and got over it. Yes, Loki died saving Thor's mortal and Thor himself from that monster, but…

Sif would never understand Thor's closeness to Loki after everything the trickster has done to them all. But Sif was no Thor and it was regrettably not her place. Be it in her power she would have beat up all foolishness from Thor's thick head.

Now the horrible picture of two brothers – one holding the other – was in the center of everyone's attention. When Thor got closer to where she stood near half ruined column, Sif stepped in front of him, blocking his way. She wanted to know what was going on.

"Thor, what-" She started.

"Not now, Sif!"

Shield maiden flinched from Thor's order, for it was definitely an order given by a prince rather than a request – harsh or not – of a friend. Sif watched as Thor sidestepped her in frustration and almost run to the left where healing rooms were not stopping at anything. One would think the future king was angered in his pain and grieving, not wishing for anyone to see it so he run from prying eyes. It was not uncommon – on the contrary, it was right to hide your weaknesses. But Thor denied his friends' help and company – that was wrong. She just wanted to help him, soothe his pain of his mother's loss… as well as Loki's. Thor should know that she was always there for him no matter what. Of course, Thor could hurry to take Loki's… flawed body away but what's done is done. Loki was dead.

Right?

So when Sif silently observed how Thor suddenly brought Loki's body closer and murmured something in his brother's hair, it made her stop. What? Thor was sound and right in the mind to do such things to a dead man. Unless… No, no. Absurd. She couldn't believe what was apparently happening. Was Loki… alive?

On weak feet, Sif padded after the Crown Prince. Loki and his condition quickly stole all her thoughts.

Was it even possible after all that time he was there in Svartalfheim injured? Or was it a trick? What was the point then – why not run? On the other hand, was he indeed mortally wounded and by some fate's design survived? Did it mean he was bleeding out all that time he was there on enemy's land alone and abandoned? Did he wake so see himself left alone by his brother instead of being brought home? And if somehow Loki didn't trick Thor, if he put his life for his brother and believed that it was his end, if life struggled within to overcome his demise… could he make it? Or would it be another ordeal for Thor – to get his brother back only to lose him forever? Could Thor get over it? Somehow, Sif thought Thor undeniably would not…

-O.O-

Thor had no patience to suffer other people's curiosity and gawking regarding his state of being. His and his brother's. Thor wasn't even sure if he cared if Asgard would suddenly come under attack – he would run to the healing rooms anyways. Loki was so still in his arms, it scared him and Thunderer had to remind himself that he still felt slow weak heartbeat under his fingers and weary over-exhausted raise and fall of Loki's chest. When he pleaded for Loki to hold on, Thor didn't even know who he tried to encourage more – Loki or himself.

Heimdall said nothing when Thor and guards arrived, but it was obvious he wanted to. Be it from expressing his shock, his denial to let him pass with such a threat in his hands or apology for not seeing Loki somehow still drawing breath, Thor had no time to waste on silent gatekeeper. Two Einherjar he traveled with stood perplexed as to what they were supposed to do next, seeing that there should have been a slow procession after delivering the body of the second prince. More guards that came to greet Thor Odinsson now watched as their prince wordlessly grabbed his horse and carefully holding Loki close to his heart galloped across the bridge to the palace. No one knew what to say.

Thor saw Sif from afar and gritted his teeth. He didn't want to see her, nor her false concern, nor hear her lying words of her sorry for his loss. Thor knew Sif was fine with Loki dead – she wasn't glad but she was unconcerned. And Thor… he didn't know if he still was fine with this knowledge. He may have tried to forget his brother's existence for the last year, but he did not relish in Loki's defeat… as his friends did. That was why Thor ordered to keep silent on the topic of his brother.

Sif kept her word until Thor brought Loki back to help him and Jane escape Asgard. And after Thor told them what happened to Loki, she has only tried to reassure him that it was in no way Thor's fault and he shouldn't blame himself. That Loki was responsible for his choice.

Never Thor thought Sif could rile him so. What ever did she know? She was ignorant and spoke of him and Loki as if she knew what was going on between them all these years and beyond. It was no news to him how Sif constantly tried to cut Loki from their company, and when she failed preferred to degrade Loki's abilities time and time again and treated his brother with blatant disregard. Even Warriors Three were more moved and affected by how Loki died and why than Sif. They at least never tried to separate brothers, even if they sometimes were not thrilled by Loki's presence. Hogun bowed to Thor in showing respect to Loki's fate and choice. Fandral smiled painfully and joked that Loki fooled them all and turned out to be the luckiest of them to enter Valhalla first, the snake. Volstagg stepped in front of him and just crashed him in his bear hug, not uttering a word. Sif… Lady Sif suggested they keep moving on. No hardships should ever stop them.

For the first time in his life, Thor thought he understood how Loki felt most of the time. It was awful.

When has he become so cynical? When have his eyes opened?

So seeing Sif only irked him for she kept him from giving Loki help he so required. Anyway, he would meet all his friends later… if he would find the time on them.

There! Just one more turn…

"Stop!"

Thor startled and whirled around. His hold on Loki tightened unconsciously as he watched Odin measurably walking closer, Gungnir hitting the stone floor piercingly loud in silent halls.

"What is the meaning of this? Who is..." Odin's stern voice wavered as his words trailed into complete silence as he regarded the one held in his son's arms. Especially the horrible sight and dangerous condition Loki was in.

(Was it truly Loki? What happened to make him look like this? Was he not supposed to be brought back under the cover hiding his body? Surely a boy could not still live.)

"Father! Father. It is - it is Loki. He… he survived! Somehow! I went to bring his body back but then... Gods, father. Can you believe it? I thought I have lost him forever. Please, I need to bring him to the healers, I need- I…"

For a painful unbearable second Thor realized he did not know his father as well as he thought he did. Thor did not know if Odin would be reasonable after everything that happened with them all. He feared his father asking why he did not leave Loki there to die, as he should. That what was the point of prisoner living? That Thor shouldn't have bothered. Thunder God didn't put it past Odin to act this way regarding Loki. To punish Thor for his betrayal denying him helping his little brother. Thor was not sure he would have handled it. Not from possibly the last member of his family.

"Go."

Thor exhaled in relief and gratitude. Relief he felt was overwhelming. His father cared still. It was enough.

"Thank you father." Thor nodded, blinking away traitorous tears. He took a step back ready to run, when unsympathetic calm quiet voice made him halt.

"And Thor? I have much to speak with you. Don't even think you'll get lightly from what you've done. You… and your friends." Odin's one-eyed piercing stare made Thor feel like a small boy who got into trouble and was disgracefully found out. To escape this stare Thor looked down… and instead of floor, he saw his little brother. Hurt, wounded, and suffering his once closest friend. Man who for a thousand of years was always there when Thor needed him.

Brother he vowed to protect. Brother who needed him.

And suddenly Thor wasn't afraid of his father.

"I... I understand. But Loki comes first."

The fact that his father took no move to check on Loki's condition - a son they all thought dead, had not asked any important questions, just simply dismissed Thor to make his way to whatever mundane midday task the king was in no hurry to do... instead of dropping everything to run to the infirmary as father scared for his son should, as a parent caring for his child's fate ought to... Thor imagined for a second his mother seeing Loki. Imagined how Asgard would have trembled in her rage and worry. She would tear down the walls in her hurry to provide her younger lovely boy necessary help and comfort. His mother would not forget to calm Thor down too and reassure that if she were on a task everything for certain would be well…

And then there was father.

Thor habitually buried his thoughts in dark scarred place of his heart. That place did not need further refill.

"Go."

-O.O-

Many would not recognize in curled in on himself, hid in the shadows in dark corner of the room so not to get underfoot a silent young man who flinched every time someone called for help, for supplies or just to be quiet - a confident, powerful fearless The Mighty God of Thunder Thor Odinsson. Right now, he was a shell of himself – tired, haggard, hunched and holding for the last glimmer of hope - as he watched healers treat his brother. His blank stare did not leave the epicenter of recent chaos. His brother Loki.

Loki lay lifeless on a table on his side, his head limp, resting down as if nothing supported it anymore, eyes shut. He was quickly stripped of his upper armor upon arrival leaving him bare chested, and his current position revealed the clear sight of the horrible gruesome penetrating wound gone through him, with blood still leisurely intermittently leaking from it around the blood that was already clotted and hardened, with edges rough and infected, with skin scarred. The color of his skin was all wrong – it was gray with dark lines outlining veins, the texture rough and dry, giving the impression it would crumble to dust should you touch it.

When Thor run into Healing Rooms every healer there stopped what he or she were doing and only stared in astonishment at Thor. The first thought was that the prince was injured (by what they had no idea) but then their eyes landed on what prince had tightly held to his chest. Gasps and cries of shock were heard in usually silent halls of what had become of their second prince. They remembered their Prince Loki always elegant, groomed; never with a detail out of place in his appearance (the trickster's vanity was his famous treat even if he denied it for the sake of neatness and simple personal care). Now they saw torn bloodied armor, the midnight hair unkempt, long, and dirty. Loki had not the usual pale and flawless skin but bloodless horrible sick mask. One of the hands had the impression of a burn on it – the result of touching a Dark Elf's Kursed soldier no doubt – healers knew about it because they cared for bodies of guards who were killed in the dungeons. A storm as Thor has said was raging when he was leaving, so Loki must have been in the heart of it, thus having a need to help Loki's breathe easily and clear his respiratory system.

By all means Loki was supposed to be dead. Prince Thor came to Eir – the Head Healer and a good friend of Queen Frigga – and her aids a day earlier and bluntly said that he wanted them to prepare everything what was needed for funeral rites of Loki. When Eir assured him everything would be done by the time he would be back, Thor did not stay for any second longer and quickly walked from this place. He did not witness the sad looks exchanged between healers and their assistants. The death of Prince Loki would be no simpler to face and mourn as their Queen's. Another member of royal family gone. Prince Loki was always interested in the art of healing and many many times came here to irritate Eir by his endless questions and distract young maidens from their work by his mischief.

First Loki made appearances because he was a frighteningly very sickly child and was often ill. Later because it was hard for such a slim thin boy to escape bruises, cuts and broken bones on training grounds seeing how he was younger of them all. And already a young man Loki simply visited for studying and self-education don't giving in on accusations that a true warrior doesn't need to know such lowly arts of women. Loki didn't care and came anyway, being always welcome in the Healing Hall. Lady Frigga was very pleased to hear praises from Eir, saying that Loki would have made a great healer.

Staff loved younger prince. They didn't know what happened but the news of prince Loki's death and then imprisonment put a veil of grief over them all. And now this. Prince Loki died saving Crown Prince's life in Svartalfheim, they were informed. They would do anything in their power to give their prince a worthy farewell.

What a shock it was as well as a happy surprise to first hand find out and then reassure Prince Thor that Loki indeed still lived. Any other matters were hastily forgotten in the face of seeing to younger prince's wellbeing. From the looks of it, he needed it immediately and done with precise carefulness.

By some miracle, there was a tiny little spark of Loki's magic inside, struggling and faintly withstanding a battle with death. However… it came as no surprise that healers had every reason to believe Loki to be too far gone to be certain of his so anticipated victory, the future too uncertain…

But what healers also knew, was that no one ever grasped just how strong and unfailing Prince Loki's magic really was.