Everything

I don't know why I agreed to stay at Baker Street. Not one of my smartest moves, but when it comes to Sherlock Holmes I never seem to have any common sense. I've never been able to protect my heart around him. Since I seem to be staying I sit on the sofa and he follows.

"Will you tell me why you stopped taking cases?" I asked needing something to say.

"I don't know. It's just that with you gone knowing that I had driven you to stay away I couldn't concentrate on anything other than trying to solves the puzzle that you are. You are the voice that keeps me focused and without that voice there was nothing left for me."

"I understand that you feel so much more than the rest of us. I understand that's why you always turned to drugs when you were stressed, because they helped to dull the emotion and made it easier to deny them." I don't know why I did it but I leaned my head against his shoulder. I'm going to tell myself that it's exhaustion. Sherlock proceeds to rest his head against my own.

I always wished for moments like this one, and now that I have them I'm confused and scared. I don't know how to convey all of my mixed emotions to Sherlock. He seems so fragile right now, and I know that I am worn thin from stress and heartache.

"You always could see me in ways that no one else could. I think that's why I often find you in my mind palace setting me onto the right path." His words struck deep inside of me. I lifted my head to look at him knowing that I would be able to see the truth of his words staring back at me. Seeing all of that emotion in those blue-green eyes was all the encouragement that I needed, leaning forward I brushed a kiss across his lips.

"Molly," his voice wasn't much more than a whisper, but I knew in that moment he would always be everything I wanted in my life.

"Where am I going to sleep?" I asked before I could do something completely stupid and kiss him the way I've always wanted to.

"You can take my room, I don't sleep much. Besides I turned John's old room into a lab after Mrs. Hudson screamed at me for all of the body parts in the fridge and experiments on the table."

"Goodnight Sherlock," I said before heading towards his room, needing a bit of space to think.

"Goodnight Molly.

I sit there on the sofa with my head in my hands trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do next. Molly is not an ordinary woman, and I am the most difficult of men. Our relationship had never been a conventional one, and there was little evidence to support that it would ever be one. But would she want the things that ordinary women want? I don't know if I could ever do romance, dates with flowers and the other trappings of love.

I get up unable to stay away from her any longer. Needing to reassure myself yet again that she's really here. Standing in the doorway to my room I watch her sleep for a few moments before I berate myself for my lovesick behavior. As I turn to head back to the front room I'm stopped at the sound of my name.

"Sherlock, when was the last time you slept?"

"I don't know. I've spent most of my time on the sofa in my mind palace. I would get lost in my mind looking for every bit of cataloged information I have on you. I was grasping for any part of you I could and the peace you brought. As time wore on you were harder and harder to find."

"You need to sleep just as much as I do right now, maybe even more. Come lay down with me."

"Are you sure?"

"This is your bed Sherlock, and we both need to sleep."

"Okay," I said walking over to the bed. The moment I lay down I can feel the exhaustion taking over. Molly turned to face me.

"I want to tell you something, but I know the words probably aren't going to come out the way I want them to," I knew that I needed to get this out before we both fell asleep. "I know that I told you that I didn't believe you when you told me that you loved me, and I told you it was too late. But sitting with you there on the floor I felt that maybe for the first time you were really seeing me. I've always felt that no matter how much you told me I mattered and that I was important to you I was still invisible." I'm surprised that he let me say everything without interruption.

"Molly, I'm sorry. I know that I've done everything wrong with you," his voice was soft and sad. "There are many things I should have been honest with you about from the start. I want you to know that I have never lied to you." I almost stopped him right there, not believing him. "I may have used my compliments to take advantage, but nothing I ever said was false. I know that I've embarrassed both of us, all the times I was rude, but it's just because I was jealous at the thought of losing you to someone else. I know that I don't deserve you, and I probably never will, but you've always chosen to come back to me. I took that to mean that I could never lose you no matter how hard I pushed you away. But you were never invisible." I notice his cheeks are damp with tears, and I'm taken aback by all of the emotion I have witnessed with him today.

I press my hand to his cheek in hopes of reassuring him that I'm here and that I'm staying. I see his hand rise and my first thought is that he'll push me away again, but he just holds my hand there against his face. I have to close my eyes in an effort to keep my own emotions from overwhelming me.

His eyes are searching mine for any clue he might find to my mindset. I can see his mind trying to work out what mine or his next move should be. I can see desire written on his face, but he's guarded as well. Knowing that now is not the time. Still seeing it there before me I lose my control and kiss him again. This time I kiss him with all the emotions I've had to keep inside me all these years.

Molly is kissing me and as I kiss her back I know I never want this moment to end. That seems like one of those sentimental clichés that I've always avoided, but I find that it's completely true. In some ways she was right that I didn't really see her until she came back today. But it wasn't because I didn't care or, like she said, was invisible. It was because I knew that if I really saw her I wouldn't be able to protect myself from the emotions she already had evoked in me.

I feel her pull away from me. Her breathing is heavy, not just from the kiss but all of the emotions that have been weighing her down. She is looking at me. Her eyes are filled with love, but also apprehension. She knows as well as I do that we can't go back from where we're headed.

Her lips press against mine again, but this time she pulls back again almost instantly.

"Go to sleep Sherlock. I promise I'll still be here when you wake up." She doesn't turn away from me, but closes her eyes letting exhaustion take over.

I close my eyes before whispering, "I love you Molly Hooper."