Chapter Two

"So, how'd you like your first day?"

I smiled at the mysterious Edward Cullen. His facial features were very distinct, very beautiful. His jaw wide, and straight. Almost like he was carved to be a statue. His nose, slightly crooked, and yet fitting with his beautiful face. The smile that he flashes at me almost on a constant basis is just as crooked as his nose, and just as beautiful. His hair, or what there was of it was a strange bronze color, and his eyes are a blazing emerald green. His tight fitting plain grey t-shirt didn't leave much to the imagination. Edward Cullen was a very built individual. I decided that I wouldn't like to meet him in a dark alley alone.

"It was a bit hectic. Especially thrown into the fire like that. I think it could be fun though. I've always enjoyed cooking--"

"If you don't mind me asking. Why did you join the army?"

"I don't mind. My father, not Carlisle, my real father, he was a commanding officer in the army. He died for his country. I was only seven at the time, but it really hit me hard. Knowing that my dad died for people that would never know him. I didn't understand it at first. I despised the army, and anyone involved with it. It wasn't long after that, that my mom started doing drugs. She got in over her head, she knew that she couldn't raise me. Not the way that she knew I deserved. So instead of making me suffer along with her, she dropped me off at Carlisle and Esme's. I thought I was just going for a visit with my aunt and uncle. A year later, when I was still living with them, and I hadn't received one phone call from my mom, I realized that she wasn't coming back. I honestly think of Esme and Carlisle as my parents. I mean, I had just turned eight when they started to raise me. They already had Emmett and Alice, they really didn't have to take me in, but they did. It wasn't until I was eleven, and Carlisle found me in the corner of my room crying that he explained to me why my dad gave his life for his country. Why he felt that giving his life to his country was more important than anything else. It hurt at first. To me it felt like maybe he found an better way to commit suicide. Like me and my mom were a burden to him. That he would have been happier without us--"

I knew I held a look of shock on my face. I hadn't expected this. He seemed like such a well put together young man. He didn't seem like he came from a broken home. Yet it didn't change my opinion of him at all. Here he was, spilling his guts to someone he didn't even know, and wasn't even thinking twice about it.

"When I brought these thoughts up to Carlisle, he reassured me that my father had loved me and my mother very much. That the real reason he risked, and ultimately gave his life for his country was for me and my mother. That it was his way of trying to keep us safe from things that we couldn't see. In that instant I realized that my dad was a hero, and I hadn't known it. That I had secretly hated him for leaving us, for making my mom hit rock bottom like she had. That night I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, without telling anyone else, I decided that soon as I turned eighteen I was enlisting in the army. I knew that if I told Esme or Alice, they'd try to talk me out of it. Not because they didn't want me to make my own decisions, but because they were afraid for me. After Emmett enlisted, and Esme seemed okay with her only son leaving home, I told them that I too would be enlisting just as soon as I was eighteen. She wasn't quite as okay with that. She told me that it was more for my mom than it was her. A month after my mom found out that I planned to enlist into the army--"

He paused, and I saw a single tear roll down his cheek. I stepped just a bit closer to him. I went to reach out my hand to touch him. To hold him, hug him. Something to make him feel better.

"She killed herself. Because of me, she killed herself."

"It's not your fault."

"It is. She left a note. It said that she couldn't wait and watch me die just like my father. That death would be easier than to live in fear that I too would die."

"Edward I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Really it is. She's in a better place. She's not suffering from my father's death anymore. I just have a hard time dealing with that fact that I'm the reason she felt the need to kill herself."

He sighed loudly and shook his head, before a small smile crossed his lips again.

"I really don't know why I just told you all that. I mean, I've wanted to talk to someone about it for a while. I didn't have time before I deployed the first time. I mean, hell I didn't even have time to process her death before I deployed. Now, I'm even more screwed up than I was before I left. I'm just a total mess."

He shrugged his shoulders, like it was just a normal thing to say. I hadn't seen one thing about him that seemed to scream, stay away I'm a mess. I refused to believe it.

"I don't believe that."

"What--that I'm a mess?"

"That's exactly what I don't believe. Trust me, I lived in Phoenix before I moved back to Forks. I've seen plenty of screwed up people. Hell my mom is one of those people right now. You don't have any signatures of being someone who is screwed up."

"I'm good at hiding it. You have to be. To fit in with the general public. Trust me Bella, if you would have seen half the shit that I've seen, you'd understand why I'm screwed up."

I sighed. He had a point. I hadn't been there with him overseas. I hadn't seen anyone die, which I'm nearly certain that he's seen more than one person die in the almost year that he's been deployed. Hopefully, before he goes back, he'll be able to vent more of his troubles to me. I'd rather him tell me, then to keep them bottled inside to fester.

"I think I'm gonna head home, if you have this under control?"

"yeah, I have it. You go on home. You've had a rough night."

He shocked me, when he leaned in and hugged me softly, and then kissed my cheek.

"I had fun, even if it was work. I'll see you tomorrow."

With that he was gone. I smiled to myself as I realized that I was allowing myself to feel something that could be utterly devasting to myself.

Starting in the general direction of the house, started walking. Emmett had picked up the car a few hours earlier, plus if I was going back over, I might as well get used to walking again. I smiled softly at myself. I felt I had made some headway tonight. Maybe sharing my screwed up past with Bella wasn't my smartest decision. It didn't, however, seem to bother her. She didn't see me as damaged and unfixable. She saw me as just Edward Cullen. She didn't see me as an army man, just plain old Edward.

"Hey, want a ride?"

I turned in the direction of the voice calling to me. I saw Bella in a rusted out 1950's era red Chevy pickup truck. Obviously not in the best of condition, but driveable. I hadn't seen this. I saw her driving something slick, possibly even sporty. Then again, I'm sure Charlie Swan hadn't become rich from being sheriff, and I was certain that Bella wasn't loaded by herself. I realized I hadn't said anything, so I smiled softly.

"That'd be great."

"Trust me, you don't want to be walking out by yourself after dark around here."

"Why's that?"

I raised my eyebrow. I knew I didn't look like someone that anyone would want to kidnap. Even if I did, I was certain I could hold my own.

"There's lots of wild animals up around here. Especially the further out you go. Your father lives, if I'm not mistaking, about five or ten miles outside of town, correct?"

"Yeah. Actually, he lives closer toward Port Angeles than he does Forks."

"Yeah, there's been a lot of animal sightings. Even a few attacks. Coyotes and bears mainly."

"Out on the main road?"

"A couple of times, yeah. I mean, I'm sure you could put up a fight. Then again, I'm certain that a bear would get the better of you. No offense."

"None taken. Thanks for looking out for me like this. I didn't know about the animal attacks. I don't pay one bit of attention to the news."

"Afraid of what you'll see?"

"That's part of it, yeah."

"I get that. I've been back in Forks for a little over six months now. I had this friend at high school, we all noticed a change in her, but every time we'd bring it up she'd just shrug it off. We knew that things at home weren't good. Her parents were in the middle of a nasty divorce, her brother had been killed in a car accident a year earlier. One night, there wasn't much on, and though I don't typically watch television, I was watching stuff with my dad while I did my homework. He flipped it to the news and that's how I found out that my friend had committed suicide. She slit her wrists in the bathroom at her mom's. That fed fuel to her parents divorce. Her father claiming that her mom wasn't fit to raise their remaining daughter. That two of their children had died on her watch. A week later, she killed herself."

"Oh, damn. I'm sorry. That must have been horrible. That's my worst fear come true. We left a few members of our platoon behind back in Iraq. I'm afraid that I'll turn the television on and see one of my platoon members has died. It's like we're a team. You know, it killed me and Emmett to leave those guys alone like that. It felt like we were leaving a man behind, and we don't do that. Not ever. We didn't have a choice though."

"I'm sorry Edward. That must be hard. To know that your friends are still there and there isn't anything you can do to help them."

"It is, very hard. I don't think it helps the nightmares---shit!"

"what?"

"I didn't want anyone to know that I was having them. It's bad enough to put my family through that. It's embrassassing for people to know that you can't stop yourself from screaming out in horror at night."

"You shouldn't be embrassed Edward. a lot of people have trouble when they get home from a war zone like that. It's called Post tramatic stress syndrom. A lot of people suffer from it. When you get back for good, you need to seek help for it."

"I'll try to remember that."

I smiled at the beautiful Bella Swan as she pulled up into the driveway. I unbuckled my seatbelt, and then turned to look her in the eyes.

"Thank you Bella. You're a great friend. I think that will help me most. Having a great friend."

I winked at her, then climbed out of her truck. Waited until she backed out of the driveway before heading toward the house. Hopefully tonight I won't have any nightmares. Maybe Bella will keep them away.