Ok, this chapter is really... quirky... so, yeah. And I don't know how I ended up with Legolas so out of character, but whatever. I would also like to say that Thranduil is not evil, but I kinda like toying with him. I hope he doesn't come across as too evil in this chapter, I really kinda like the dud. Have fun!
Oh, yeah, Monty Python's not mine either. Or The Emperor's New Groove. And the whole definition thing of "weird" is from Merriam Webster. As a matter of fact, I did read the whole dictionary, but I didn't memorise it. I was incredibly bored- I get bored very easily. Ok, enjoy!
Jacque came to, shooting up into a sitting position. She blinked rapidly, attempting to focus her eyes. Finally, her eyes connected with a pair of gorgeous grey ones, looking at her in confusion from her side. Jacque scrambled backwards, falling off the bed. "Wait. Bed? Where am I?" The events that happened last night came rushing back to her, and she would have fallen off the bed if she hadn't already. "WTF!" She said, frowning. Then she smiled, recalling the many situations in which she had used that acronym.
The grey-eyes peered over the edge of the bed. "What is wrong? Am I of a frightening stance?" His lilting voice made her shiver. "My Princess-"
"What? Princess, ahahahahaha! That's a good one." The man, well, he looked like a young adult, furrowed his brow in confusion.
"If you are not of royalty, what is the purpose of the crown?" He inquired.
"Oh, this isn't- I mean- it's not what it looks like- I mean, Nessa gave this- I was- It was a gift from Nessa." Jacque frowned.
"Nessa, the Valië of joy?"
"Um, yeah, I think so. Everything's a little fuzzy right now. What-"
"Then, princess, you are of more royalty than my father! You are a gift from the Valar!"
"Uh… but-"
"You must come with me."
"Where? I mean, no. Wait. Where's Amber?"
"She is in a room down the hall-" He had barely finished his sentence as Jacque leapt from the tangled mass of blankets and sprinted out of the room.
Jacque ran down the corridor, mulling over the confusion she had created for the poor lad who had sat by her bed. "AAAAAAAAMMMMMBERRRRRR! WHICH ROOM ARE YOU IN! THERE'S LIKE, A THOUSAND ROOMS HERE! JEEZE! WHAT IDIOT DIDN'T PUT NAMETAGS ON THE DOORS?"
Amber emerged from the room at the end of the hall, scratching her head. "I knew those must be your dulcet tones that completely killed my eardrums."
"Amber! Amber- did you wake up to some random guy sitting at the edge of your bed with really cute grey eyes and gorgeous long blond hair, oh I wish I had his hair- I think I'm going to steal it from him, rawrrawrrawr, oh, and pointy ears- Wait! Pointy ears! OHMYGOOSH! He was an elf! Oh, my goosh, I just completely confused an elf. Gasp And he can probably hear every word I'm saying right now with his supersonic hearing! Ack! I should go apologize."
Amber blinked. "Jacque, chillax. Yeah, I woke up to an elf lady. She was reeeeeally pretty."
"So was… I don't think he told me his name."
"He was "pretty"?"
"Yeah. Kinda fragile-looking. He called me a princess."
"Must be the tiara."
"No, really?"
"Or it could've been the way you boss everyone around and how you walk around like you own the place."
"Shut up. I do not boss people. I make… persuasively forceful commands."
"You're so witty."
"Thank you."
Sigh. "Sarcasm."
"Well, duh."
"You know, maybe we should do something instead of standing here in the middle of the hallway chatting."
"Perhaps you're right. I need to go apologize to the elf. Wait… He said that I am more royal than his father… which means his father must be royalty, otherwise that comment would have had no meaning!"
"Oh my goosh. What did you do to the poor soul?"
"Um… Yeah. Let's go apologize."
"What's this "us" stuff, kemosabe? You can apologize by yourself."
"Oh, ok. But you have to stand outside the door!" Jacque pleaded, wringing her hands.
"Fine." They walked back down the corridor to her room, and she knocked on the door.
"Come in." She shivered again. She walked into the room, glanced at the hunk laying on his back on the bed, arms folded beneath his head, and sat in the chair he had occupied when she woke.
"Um, you know, heh, I'm- it's… I'm not always that weird when I first wake up." Jacque glared at the door as Amber's sniggers hit her ears.
"What does "weird" mean? Earlier, you spoke of "WTF". What is the meaning of that? Also, "Oh my goosh"? I do not understand these strange words." He said, furrowing his brow in confusion yet again.
"Oh. Well, "weird". Function, adjective. First definition: of, relating to, or caused by witchcraft or the supernatural: Magical. Second definition: of strange or extraordinary character: Odd, Fantastic. Weirdly, adverb. Weirdness, noun. Synonyms: Weird, eerie, uncanny. Uncanny- mysteriously strange or fantastic. Weird may imply an unearthly or supernatural strangeness or it may stress queerness or oddness. Eerie suggests an uneasy or fearful consciousness that mysterious and malign powers are at work. Uncanny implies disquieting strangeness or mysteriousness. "WTF", function, exclamation. An exclamation of surprise or confusion. Acronym for "What the Freak", but Freak may be replaced with other f-words to fit the situation. "Oh my goosh", another exclamation, one of excitement or surprise. An adaptation of the phrase "Oh My Gosh", which is an adaptation of the phrase "Oh My God". Kind of a joke between my friends and I."
The elf blinked.
"Yeah, I memorized the dictionary when I was younger, I forgot a lot of it, but some words stuck." Jacque explained. At the "memorized the dictionary", Amber collapsed into laughter, earning the door another glare. "Oh, um, what is your name? I'm Jacque. But you can call me-"
"PANTS!" Amber screamed from the other side of the door. Both giggled, and each began their own mental game of "Pants".
"You can call me Jacqueline, or Jack-kway-ah. Or DeN."
"I am Legolas Thranduilion."
Both girls gasped sharply. "Legolas!" They both exclaimed in surprise.
"Amber, c'mere."
"Hi Legolas!" she yelled, bounding into the room.
"This is Amber, or Sam, or Nuts, what ever tickles your fancy."
"Tickles your fancy?"
"It's an expression, whatever makes you happy."
"Oh."
"Yeah. So… um, can we… you know who we need to meet?" She said, jumping up as an idea hit her.
"No. Who?"
"Gandalf!"
"Yeah, yeah! He can tell us everything!"
"'Cause I mean, we don't even know what age we're in."
"Well, if Leggie's here then-"
"Yeah, must be third age!"
"And since it's Lego's home, then we're in Mirkwood!"
Legolas sat up on the bed at the nickname "Leggie", then looked horrified at "Lego". He looked back and forth between the two conspirators, shook his head to clear it, and said, "Slow your speech, please. My father can answer most of your questions, I believe. Come with me." He regally stood and walked out of the room, muttering "Leggie? Lego? How… crude.". Amber and Jacque looked at each other, and ran out of the room after him.
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They stood in front of these huge, grand, wooden double doors, attempting to straighten their appearances. "You know, that isn't really helping." Amber told Jacque, who was currently running her hands through her hair.
"Oh. Do I look okay?"
"Why do you care so much?"
"Well, because Leggie is delusioning that I am a princess, so of course he's going to tell Thranduil that, and I need to look princessy. And, Lego is incredibly cute. Oh, goosh, I hope Thranduil likes us. How do we address him? Your majesty? Your kingliness? We can't call him "my king", because he's not our king. How about "Sir"? Or maybe just "Thranduil." No, that's too informal."
"Jacque! Stop it! You are going to frazzle yourself to death!"
"Maybe that would end the trauma!" She pretended to sob dramatically, then began laughing as hard as Amber was. They both straightened up, patted down their tunics one last time, and waited for someone to tell them to enter, butterflies growing in both of their stomachs.
"You may enter." The butler, well, Legolas had called him the king's personal servant, announced. "What shall I announce you as?"
Amber flashed a wicked smirk at Jacque and said, "Announce us as-"
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Legolas and Thranduil looked up as the "butler" entered.
The butler frowned and began. "Presenting Jacque, daughter of-" There was whispering from behind the door, and the butler began again. "Presenting Amber, daughter of the gay orange and the traitorous astronaut, and Jacque, daughter- no, apologies, offspring of- what? The- how would that-" He began leaning back towards the door as they gave him instructions, and as he began disputing the instructions with the girls, a large frown on his face.
Legolas and Thranduil had never seen their most faithful servant so flustered. The butler collected his composure, and began once again.
Sigh. "Presenting Amber, daughter of King Thranduil and Prince Legolas, and Jacque, daughter of Thranduil and The stuffy butler-servant-guy."
Thranduil began coughing and fell off of his throne and Legolas fell over onto the floor, a priceless look on his face of confusion and fear, as the girls swept into the room. Thranduil sputtered, "You-cough can't hack there is no possibility ahem you-"
Amber interrupted. "We were kidding. We've never met before, Thrandy." He coughed harder at that. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, your sir king majesty." She couldn't hold in the laughter any longer. Jacque couldn't speak, due to the helpless giggles bubbling out of her. Both girls collapsed onto the floor. Legolas was the first to regain some semblance of sanity.
"Ahem. Father, this is Amber and Jacque, as I was telling you. They appeared in the forest, and Jacque has been crowned by Nessa." At this, "Thrandy" abruptly stopped coughing, jumped up, and sat back dawn in his throne. (It was rather amusing to watch the full grown king jumping in his royal robes.)
"Blasphemy! This is an outrage! I will not have such pathetic jests in my court!" Thranduil bellowed. Jacque and Amber rose from the floor.
"What is the meaning of that? You do not believe the Valar brought us here?" Jacque said sharply.
"Oh, do tell. Why in Middle Earth would the Valar even so much as blink at you? Art thou not mere commoners? You certainly act as them. If you have been sent by the Valië Nessa, then Valar, send me a symbol! I refuse to believe this blasphemy! SEND ME A SIGN!" King Thranduil began at a whisper, laced with anger, and his volume rose until he ended shouting towards the heavens.
"Ooh boy, he's cheesed them off now." Jacque whispered to Amber.
"Oh yeah. They're gonna flip." Amber muttered in response.
Suddenly, the sky darkened and a hauntingly quiet yet forceful voice rang throughout the palace and surrounded the four.
"How darest thou deny my children your trust- Thou hast disappointed me greatly, Thranduil." Thranduil began to shake. "Do you wish to be the cause of the destruction of all Middle Earth, heaven and land? Continue your ways, and all but evil shall perish." The sky returned to its normal shade, and all was silent, until Amber began to quietly giggle. Jacque looked at her oddly, and then a huge smile crossed her face as she remembered the Monty Python scene- "'Oh, don't grovel. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.' 'Sorry-' 'And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What are you doing now?' 'I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord.' 'Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms-- they're so depressing. Now knock it off!' 'Yes, Lord.'". Good times, good times. Thranduil and Legolas remained in their positions, jaws dropped and wearing Jacque's "Oh my goodness I am so stunned beyond belief words cannot describe it so I have to wear this expression" expression.
Finally, Legolas spoke. "W.T.F." This caused Jacque and Amber to go from reminiscent giggles to belly laughs. Thranduil shook his head to clear it and rose from his throne.
"I believe I was… hasty… in my judgment of you both. Please accept my apologies." He said shakily, kneeling before them. Legolas immediately kneeled as well.
"You are forgiven." Jacque mumbled, attempting unsuccessfully to stifle her laughter.
Amber didn't even attempt to stifle it as the shaken royals rose. She just let them trickle out, until finally both Michiganders had regained their composure. "Wait- Thrandy," Thranduil cringed at the nickname. "Where are our horses?"
Jacque gasped, "I can't believe I forgot about them! 'Bad llama, bad llama!'. Heh, Emperor's New Groove, remember that one?"
"How could I forget? 'I'm sorry, but you have thrown off the emperor's groove.'"
"'What is he babbling about? He's like the thing that wouldn't shut up!'"
"'Whoa! No touchy! No touchy. No touch.'"
"Wait- horses."
"Oh yeah."
"I will lead you to the stables." Legolas cut in. He strode out of the room. Jacque and Amber looked at each other, and sprinted after him.
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