Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or any related characters or objects. Rats! …No offense, Yuki!
A Note on Flashbacks: Flashbacks will begin with two close parentheses and end with two open parentheses. Like so – )) Flashback ((
A Note on Censorship: "Hi," Yuki Sohma smiled. "No, the story hasn't started yet. Please be patient. Lihau just wanted me to tell you that, instead of putting swearwords all over the page, she has decided to censor the stupid cat's language."
"Don't call me 'stupid'!" yelled Kyo Sohma. "-CENSORED- mouse! Hey… what's going on?"
"I repeat: Lihau has censored all of the stupid cat's foul language from this page."
"I'm not stupid, -CENSORED- it—whaaaa?! You can't censor me, -CENSORED- it!"
"Too late… stupid cat…"
Thanks Yuki—
"What about me, you -CENSORED- author?!"
—And Kyo. Now, on to the story!
Life
Two: Fighting Again
"It's alright," Tohru soothed, nervously patting the writer's arm.
"My house," Shigure blubbered, continuing to sob into his hands.
Kyo and Haru lay flat on their backs on the floor, a few feet away from each other, panting for breath. Momiji looked around at the mess and said, "Wow!"
Hearing the exclamation, Shigure squeezed his eyes shut tighter and said pleadingly, "It can't be that bad! Please tell me it's not that bad!"
All Momiji could do was reiterate: "Wow!"
"No-o-o!"
Ring! Rrrring!
Tohru leapt up. "Ah! The phone! I'll answer it!"
Of course she'd answer it. Kyo and Haru were half-dead, and Shigure was in no condition to do anything other than sit and sob at the moment.
The riceball ran frantically around the nearly demolished first floor, searching desperately for the phone. She finally found it underneath… what was that anyway? Ah, yes—a smashed-up bookshelf.
"H-hello?" Tohru at last panted into the phone.
"Tohru, my beautiful model!" the voice from the other end of the line greeted her. "I have a stunning new dress that would fit you gorgeously! It was, of course, designed by the genius of me! Make me the happiest fashion guru in the world and try it on!"
Tohru blushed, "I'd love to, Ayame-san, but I'm going to be very busy cleaning the house for a while!"
"Have Kyon-Kyon and my darling little brother been fighting again? Oh, you poor overworked child!"
"Yes, but I've already cleaned up that time—now it's Kyo-kun and Haru!"
"Oh, Kyonkichi, you've done it again!" Ayame Sohma belted out.
"I… heard that… -CENSORED- snake…" Kyo gasped.
"It's no trouble cleaning!" Tohru said. "I'm sorry! I-I shouldn't have worried you!"
Ayame laughed indulgently. "Nonsense, Tohru—by the way, is my adorable Gure there?"
"…Yes… but I'm not sure if he can talk at the moment…. I'll ask him!"
Tohru put her hand over the phone and said, "Ayame-san wants to talk to you, Shigure-san!"
Tears suddenly flying away, Shigure darted up to Tohru and took the phone, saying to her, "Thank you, my delicate blossom!"
"She's not your… delicate anything, perverted… mongrel!" Kyo yelled, sitting up as he regained his breath.
"Calm down, Kyon-Kyon, or you'll burst a blood vessel!" Shigure laughed.
"DON'T CALL ME 'KYON-KYON'!" Kyo hollered, launching himself into the air and wrapping both hands around Shigure's neck.
Shigure gurgled and dropped the phone as Kyo began strangling him.
"Kyo-kun!" Tohru cried, trying to pull the enraged cat away. "Please stop hurting Shigure-san!"
"-CENSORED-! I didn't ask for your help!" snapped Kyo.
Yuki, in case you were getting worried by now, had since returned—and had since left as soon as he saw Kyo and Haru recreating the Battle of Troy.
"Oooooh!" Momiji squealed, clapping his hands. "Tug o' war! I wanna be on Tohru's side!"
And so Momiji grabbed Tohru around the waist and began pulling.
"-CENSORED- it!" Kyo shouted.
Haru reached over and grabbed the phone, sitting cross-legged, and grunted into the device.
"Gure!" Ayame sang happily.
"Shigure-sensei is not available at this time," Haru said, speaking coolly like a voice messaging system. "If you care to leave a message, you may do so as soon as I hang up because I don't give a -CENSORED- about your -CENSORED- messages. Thank you."
The ox hung up the phone and settled down to watch the tug o' war battle. It was quite amusing to watch Shigure-sensei's face turn so many different colors. Teal… there was a new one.
"Please… Kyo-kun," Tohru pleaded breathlessly, still tugging on the cat's arm while the rabbit pulled at her.
"Are we winning?" Momiji asked innocently.
-
"You're fine. Frankly, I don't know why you even called me."
"But, Ha'riiii—Kyon-Kyon was strangling meeee!"
Hatori Sohma shook his head in something nearing disgust. "You'll be fine as soon as you stop whining."
"I'm not whining," Shigure whined. "I need medical help!"
"Don't you mean psychiatric assistance?"
"Tori!"
"Fine." The dragon (or seahorse) looked straight at Shigure. "You want my medical advice?"
Shigure nodded.
"You're sure?"
"Yes!" insisted the dog.
"Alright, then. I'll give it to you. …Shut up."
"Hey!" Shigure protested, sitting up in his bed.
Hatori put a hand over Shigure's mouth, pushing him back down. "Doctor's orders. I'm taking Momiji and Haru home now. I guess I'll see you sometime?"
Shigure opened his mouth.
"Ah-ah-ah," Hatori shook his head again. "No talking."
The dog pouted and nodded.
"Good-bye."
Exit Hatori.
-
Almost as soon as Hatori left, the phone rang. Tohru, again, answered.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Please!" the other voice begged. "Let me talk to Shigure!"
"Could you wait just a minute, please?"
Tohru put down the phone and hurried upstairs. She knocked on Shigure's bedroom door and said, "Shigure-san? You have a phone call—do you want to—?"
Shigure ran out of his room like he'd been fired from a cannon. He flew downstairs and asked into the phone, "Aya-dear?"
The dog pulled the phone away from his ear as the caller began screaming. He interrupted with, "Oh, hello, Mii! I just nearly got strangled—how are you?"
His editor continued shrieking and sobbing into the phone.
"I'm glad to hear that, Mii," Shigure smiled. "Any particular reason why you called?"
"The… deadline is… tomorrow! And… the book isn't… isn't… WAH-HA-HAAAAAAA!"
"Oh, is that all? A deadline, eh? And here I thought you'd be interested in the book I'd just finished writing."
"You—you finished a—a book?" Mii sniffled.
"Nah. Just kidding."
"…WAAAAAAAAH!"
"Yeah, it was nice hearing from you, too. Bye, Mii."
Shigure hung up.
-
The next day was a school day, so (of course) the younger folks went to school. It was a pretty uneventful day at Kaibara (Kaiwaia?) High. This, as you can probably guess, was very surprising and rare for Tohru and friends.
Anyway, when they got back home, Tohru, Kyo, and Yuki heard loud voices coming from Shigure's study.
"Please write!" Mii's voice was begging.
"How can I when my arms are tied to the chair? Really, Mii, you should've thought of that before."
"…"
There was the sound of running footsteps and then a soft click, like a door locking. More footsteps and then…
"There! You're untied! Please write! Pleeeeaaasse!"
"…Okay."
"I can't believe it," Kyo muttered. "The stupid dog is actually gonna write something!"
The cat shook his head and went up to the roof.
"Do you need any help with your homework today, Miss Honda?" Yuki asked.
"No thank you, Yuki-kun," smiled Tohru. "I don't think so."
"Okay. I'll be in my room; let me know if Shigure escapes and starts harassing you," the mouse said before going upstairs.
Tohru nodded. She was about to start studying when there was a squeak of surprise from the study.
Mii exclaimed, "Since when am I in your story?!"
"Since I wrote a scene involving a fatal traffic accident," Shigure snickered.
"Please! Wri-i-ite…" Mii sobbed.
Tohru smiled a bit and shook her head—Shigure really was so cruel to his editor. She walked up to the study door and knocked, calling, "Shigure-san?"
"Ah! My savior!" Shigure shouted. "My beautiful flower has come to my rescue!"
"Can I get you or Ms. Mii anything?"
"A new writer, please!" Mii called back desperately.
"Aww, Mii, that hurts!" Shigure said, pouting.
"Are you injured, Shigure-san?" gasped Tohru, immediately panicking.
"Yes, my blossom! Right here!"
"Where?"
"Here!"
"I-I can't see you, Shigure-san! Tell me where it hurts! I will get something to make it better! A sore throat? I can get some tea! Your head? I'll get an ice pack!"
"My heart!" Shigure proclaimed dramatically.
"Ah!" Tohru shrieked. She ran off, speeding around the house. Going first upstairs, then the roof. All the while shouting, "Yuki! Kyo! Call Hatori-san! Shigure-san is having a heart attack!"
Yuki, following her back to the living room, asked, "Are you sure, Miss Honda?"
Kyo, leaning against the doorway, snorted, "Eh, the stupid whiner's probably just makin' it up!"
Tohru protested, "But, Kyo, Shigure-san said—"
"He says a lot," Kyo interrupted.
"But it never means anything," Yuki put in.
"-CENSORED- rat! I was gonna say that!"
"You say a lot," Yuki pretended to yawn.
"Alright, mouse, we're finishing this here and now!"
"Please!" Tohru interjected. "Shigure-san needs our help!"
Yuki, still dubious, walked up to the study and knocked on the door. "Shigure?" he said.
…
"Shigure?"
The rat frowned, wondering what those strange sounds were. It sounded like someone was dying in there, alright…
Smiling slightly, he suddenly realized—it was Mii, weeping her eyes out, and Shigure, laughing his head off.
"He's alright, Miss Honda," Yuki stated. "Let me know when he comes out, so I can hit him for worrying you," he added over his shoulder, returning to his room.
"No, please! Don't hit him!" Tohru requested.
"If Yuki hits the mutt," Kyo decided, "I can hit the -CENSORED- rat! Maybe I'll beat him up, anyways… both of 'em!" His eyes went wide for a moment before they narrowed again. "But it's not for you! I'd do it anyway, so don't get any ideas!"
With the wonderful thought of annihilating Yuki and Shigure still bouncing around his brain, Kyo went back up to the roof.
"Please don't!" Tohru called after him. "Beat them up, I mean!" She sighed and sank down into the couch. Glancing around, she smiled, thinking how lucky she was to be with a nice family like the Sohmas.