A/N Thank you for all the reviews and favourites! Yes, this will be angsty, but I hope you will enjoy the journey anyway. This chapter earns it's M rating - you've been warned! Please let me know what you think by clicking the little link at the bottom and leaving me a review. Each and every one puts a big grin on my face! Special thanks goes to jazzywriter22 for betaing and Angel's blue eyed girl & lauren3210 for pre-reading this chapter for me. Please go read their stories - all 3 are just amazingly talented writers! OK, here we go with Chapter 2...

Chapter 2 – Try Not To Breathe

Elena hesitated as she stood in front of the large oak door to the boarding house. She knew he was home – his classic blue Camaro was parked out front. What she didn't know was why he had yet to return her call. Or what exactly she planned to say to him once they were face to face.

Alaric had come over and helped her unload her car, thank goodness. They'd shared a pizza and the latest gossip, and later she'd sent a few text messages to Bonnie and Matt to let them know she was home. After a few hours of not hearing back from Damon, and Ric not having a clue as to why, she'd decided that she'd just bite the proverbial bullet and head over to his place.

Now she stood here feeling like an idiot in front of this door that she'd probably walked through a thousand times in the past. Hell, technically, this was actually her door. The Salvatore brothers had signed over ownership of the mansion to her more than five years ago, in an effort to keep all other vampires out without invitation. Unfortunately she'd died, briefly, shortly thereafter rendering that wonderful plan moot. None-the-less, in the eyes of the law, this house still belonged to her.

Before Elena could reach a conclusion on whether to knock or just walk in like she usually did, the heavy door was pulled open and suddenly she was staring into a very familiar pair of clear blue eyes.

She felt her hesitancy drain away immediately as she was overwhelmed by a wave of intense joy at seeing Damon's face again. Flashing a bright and genuine smile, she stepped forward to wrap her arms around his bare, muscular torso in greeting. She frowned against the angle of his collarbone when she felt his body stiffen beneath her hands for a moment, but then he seemed to relax and she felt his arms drift up and around her lower back to pull her in to him. He smelled strongly of bourbon, but underneath lingered the light fragrance that seemed to be a combination of peppermint, anise and something else that her brain would only identify as musk, although she knew that wasn't quite right – a unique scent which was intrinsically Damon. She had always loved it. As she deeply breathed him in, it hit her like a freight train how acutely she'd been feeling his absence. Elena swallowed as she felt her throat constrict with emotion.

"I've missed you," she breathed against the stubbly skin of his neck.

She heard him make a low hitching sound in the back of his throat before he softly replied into her hair, "I've missed you, too, 'Lena."

Pulling back slightly, Elena looked up into his incredible eyes. As always, his intense gaze seemed to penetrate her right through to her very soul. She felt completely exposed – like the truth of her heart was laid wide open to him - when he looked at her like that. For the first time in an extremely long time, it made her somewhat uncomfortable.

"Sorry I hadn't called you back yet," he said, as she leaned back into him again and broke their eye contact.

"It's OK," she whispered. It was.

And because she didn't know what else to say, didn't know what else to do, she simply put her hand on the back of his head and pulled his lips down to hers. The jolt of electricity that shot through her veins the second they touched set off a hot spark of lust deep within her.

Had she really not been in these arms in over two months? Had she really not kissed these soft lips, ran her fingers through this thick hair? It didn't seem possible. Time and distance and frustration melted away almost instantly as they strained to banish any slight amount of space between their bodies. She vaguely registered the door slam, before her back was pressed up against the solidness of it as his plundering of her mouth grew more intense. Damon's hands swept though her hair and down the curves of her suddenly overheated body as she noted the obvious evidence of his arousal jutting firmly against her belly.

In no time at all she felt herself being lifted as he sped them upstairs to his bed.

Elena fell against the softness of his duvet a split second before his hard body crushed hers into the mattress. She loved it when he took control in the bedroom; here was one place she had no problem relinquishing it.

She gasped for much-needed air as his lips left her mouth and began to trail a damp line along her jaw to locate that sweet spot below her earlobe. His questing fingers had already found their way under her shirt and before she knew it her bra was undone and both it and her top were being pulled over her head. The rest of her clothing quickly followed them onto the floor. Sucking in a sharp breath, she felt the cool air hit her bare skin and immediately turn her nipples into small hard pebbles.

Damon grinned as he paused for a moment to reacquaint himself with the loveliness of her firm little body. Elena had filled out a bit since the first time he'd had the pleasure of seeing her naked nearly four years ago. Less sharp angles, more delectable curves. She was even more perfect to him now.

Very deliberately he lowered his mouth to capture a pert breast between his lips. Her skin tasted like vanilla and honey on his tongue. The low moan that escaped her made his swollen cock harder still, if that was possible. God, this girl – the things she could do to him just with the noises she made when he touched her. Nothing pleased him more than knowing he was pleasing Elena.

He ran his fingers slowly along her side, making sure to flick over the unattended nipple with his thumb on the way down. He smirked at her sharp intake of breath he got in response.

Two months was an excruciatingly long time to go without sex for him. Though he'd never cheat on Elena, he did sometimes wonder if she knew the incredible torture her self-imposed separation had inflicted on him. His over-active imagination and hands were not in the least bit comparable to the real thing – who was currently shivering and moaning underneath him as he trailed his fingers down her abdomen with painstaking slowness and came to a rest just where her lower curls began.

Noting her soft sigh of frustration when his hand ceased its journey below, he smiled against her breast and shifted his lips over to lavish attention on the neglected one. She bucked her hips up once against his fingers, as if urging him to continue.

"Something wrong, Elena?" he cheekily murmured, before taking her nipple in his teeth and kneading it gently between them.

"God…Damon. Don't stop!" she groaned.

"Stop what?" He was teasing her now. "What do you want me to keep doing?"

"Stop talking. Keep touching…" she trailed off when his fingers abruptly found that tiny bundle of nerves between her thighs and pressed down.

"Touching where? Here?" he whispered against her flushed skin. Damon looked up to watch her face with interest. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and held her breath when he began rubbing circles over her most sensitive spot, alternating pressure as he went.

"Yessss!" she breathed out and suddenly twisted his hair into her fingers, tugging his face back down and wordlessly demanding his lips resume their attention to her breast. He drew it firmly into his mouth and began to suckle her with an intensity that he knew she loved. Her delicious squeal quickly rewarded him for his efforts.

No more teasing – going slow was just as much torment for him as it was for her right now. Slipping two fingers into her incredibly wet channel, he began stroking her velvety flesh in time with the patterns his thumb was pressing against her clit. She was beginning to shake under his ministrations already and he knew her first climax was rapidly approaching.

Elena gasped again as he lifted his mouth away from her breast and quickly slipped down between her legs to allow his tongue to take over where his thumb had left off. Oh God, the things this man could do to her body! She was putty in his hands – willing, pliant and trusting him to do with her exactly as he pleased. Because whatever he chose, whatever they did together, it was always amazing beyond her wildest expectations, even after all this time. One thing that she never had to worry about was becoming bored with their sex life. There was nothing routine, nothing passé, nothing boring about it. Damon always – always – managed to turn her on just as easily as flicking a light switch on the wall. It was one of the many things she truly loved about their relationship.

His talented tongue soon had her trembling and convulsing beneath him as her first orgasm in months swept through her. She fisted one hand in his hair and one in the sheets and her thighs squeezed tightly against his shoulders as she rode out the sensations. God, she must have been brain-dead to wait so long for this. He was so very good at pushing all her right buttons.

When her breathing finally began to even out a bit, Elena pushed herself up on her elbows and caught his eyes as he moved back up her body to bring his face even with hers again. He captured her swollen lips in his once more and she could taste the evidence of her pleasure on him. Which, as he knew, turned her on even further.

Reaching down, she wrapped her hand around his rock-hard shaft. She pulled her face back from his and seductively murmured, "Let me return the favour."

He rolled over onto his back, but before she could lower her mouth to him he changed his mind.

"Wait," Damon groaned, feeling like he must be certifiably insane for stopping her. "Don't. I…" he trailed off, and dragged one hand over his face and through his hair. "I need you, Elena. I need to be inside you. Right now."

She flashed him a grin and he understood that was exactly what she wanted, too. Grasping her hips, he lifted her up and on top of him. She carefully positioned her thighs and slowly, ever so slowly, lowered herself onto his nearly-painfully throbbing cock.

Time seemed to stand still for a moment for them both. They maintained eye contact while their bodies adjusted together and each remembered exactly how perfectly they fit.

Reaching one hand up into her hair, Damon pulled her face down to his for another deep kiss, swirling his tongue into her mouth and against her own. As he broke it, he whispered against her lips, "I love you, you know that right?"

"I do," Elena replied. And then she began to move and with each powerful swivel of her hips down onto him, he found it more and more difficult to focus on what she hadn't said.

A few hours later, Damon was still lying very much awake wrapped around her and listening to her even breathing as she slept peacefully curled up against him. He was ecstatic to have her back in his bed, back in his arms. There weren't adequate words to convey how much he'd been missing her. He pressed his nose into her hair and inhaled the delicate scent of strawberries from her shampoo.

Their lovemaking had been mind-blowingly amazing, as always. It was no wonder she was exhausted and asleep so early in the evening. He gently stroked one hand down her mahogany coloured hair. If he weren't a vampire he was sure he would've been spent and passed out, too. She'd even let him bite her tonight, which was something she had only allowed a handful of times over the years. She seemed to take pleasure in it when it did happen, but she very rarely offered and it wasn't something he ever wanted to pressure her about. He could still taste the unique honey-sweet flavour of her blood on his tongue.

She hadn't once told him that she loved him, though. Damon frowned and tried to remember the last time she had said it. He was pretty sure it was over spring break, probably just before she'd left to go back to Richmond. She hadn't said those words to him on the phone in a very long time. Was she even aware of this? He'd certainly noticed. And every time she had the opportunity to tell him and didn't, it broke his heart just a little bit further. Though he had been reassured tonight that she still desired him physically, an ever-greater part of him was beginning to doubt whether she was actually still in love with him.

Elena mumbled something in her sleep and rolled over, turning her back to him. He pressed his hands against her taut stomach and tugged her firmly against his chest to spoon her body skin to skin like he always did. This time, however, she pulled away slightly, so that there was a gap of a few inches between them. He looked down at that small chasm and realized it symbolized so much more than just an air space separating their bodies. He didn't know what was going on with them, or why, but he knew he hated it.

Elena is dreaming. She knows it's a dream, although she's not exactly certain how she knows this. It doesn't faze her though; she has lucid dreams like this every once and awhile. Looking around, she recognizes that she's in Damon's library. She walks about, slowly running her fingers over various surfaces – tables, walls, spines of books, backs of leather chairs. It's been a long while since she's spent any time in this room. She goes to wipe her dusty fingers off on her jeans and realizes she's not wearing any. She's not wearing anything, actually. It seems like she should be cold, but she's not.

Wondering where Damon is, she pauses to listen intently. Which in itself is odd, as she doesn't have the enhanced vampire hearing he does. But she hears him anyway. He's making strange sounds, ones she's never heard him make before. She follows the low breathy noises until she finds him. He's sitting with his back against the bathtub in the middle of his bathroom floor, his face in his hands.

She pauses in the doorway as she realizes he is crying. She has never seen him cry before. Watching him for a few moments, she wonders why he hasn't yet noticed her standing there.

"Damon?" she says softly, but he doesn't look up or respond.

Stepping forward, Elena gently lays her hand on his quivering shoulder, taking care not to startle him. His bare skin feels cooler to the touch than usual. He doesn't even flinch. It's like he has no idea she's even in the room with him.

She narrows her brows. Interesting.

Suddenly she feels herself become overwhelmed with a huge wave of empathetic sadness and within seconds tears begin coursing down her own face. It's incredibly strange, because she has no idea the reason for them. She just knows she's crying because he is.

Even though she's now aware that he won't feel her, Elena kneels beside him, wraps her arms around his shoulders and presses her face into the crook of his neck. She completely opens herself up emotionally and tries to absorb as much of his sorrow into herself as possible. To take away his pain. To lessen his burden.

A sudden loud sound awakened Elena abruptly from a deep sleep. It took her a few seconds of disorientation to realize she was wrapped up in the warms blankets of Damon's bed. He wasn't beside her any longer, though. The shower wasn't running and the house seemed completely silent. Could that have been the slamming of the front door that woke her up? She lifted her head to glance around the empty sunshine-filled room and frowned. Did he leave?

She reluctantly untangled herself from the soft Egyptian cotton sheets and stretched. Oh man, were her muscles ever sore this morning! She'd probably be achy for a couple of days. Any residual stiffness was well worth it though – last night had been simply incredible. The best sex they'd had in a really long time, and they always had the most incredible encounters. One hundred and fifty plus years of experience had truly made Damon into the sex-god he'd always claimed to be. The man had every reason to be cocky about his prowess. The things he could do to her – she was blushing just thinking about some of them, even four years along. Elena made her way into the bathroom to take a shower, possibly a cold one at this point.

As she stepped onto the heated ceramic tile, she had a sudden flash of her most recent dream and remembered finding him sitting with his head in his hands on this same floor. Her heart clenched at the painful recollection. What was that all about, anyway? He'd had no idea she was there – like she was a ghost or something. And she'd felt everything he was feeling. Even now she still felt an incredibly strong sense of despair wash over her just thinking about it.

She shook her head once, briskly, as if to clear out the strange emotions, and stepped into the shower. Glancing down at her arm as she turned on the water, she noticed the two small, neat fang marks high on the inside of her right wrist. They didn't hurt and she only vaguely remembered how they got there. She ran her fingers thoughtfully over the twin scabs before she reached for Damon's body wash.

When she went downstairs fifteen minutes later, she realized her first instinct had been right. He wasn't here. There didn't seem to be any note left anywhere, either. How odd. He always loved to wake up beside her, usually followed by a quick morning romp to start their day. Elena laughed a little to herself. Something really important must have come up for him to skip out on the opportunity for first-thing-in-the-morning sex. Or shower sex. Or both.

Deciding to head home for breakfast instead of waiting around for who knew how long for him to return, she gave one last glance about and went out to her car.

Caroline and Bonnie showed up at her door at promptly 7:00 that evening, with two bottles of red wine and a couple of DVD's in hand. To say she was pleased to see them would be an incredible understatement. There was a great deal of squealing and hugging; it was just like they were teenagers again.

Elena got out three stemmed glasses and it wasn't long before the wine was flowing freely. Bonnie caught them both up on her love life – her latest boyfriend was a bass player in a band who was about a head and half taller than her, which instigated several very personal questions from Caroline. She seemed to be heads over heels for him, which pleased Elena to no end. Before long Caroline was telling them more details about her wild sex life with Tyler than the other two really needed to know and much childish giggling ensued.

Aware that the conversation spotlight would soon be aimed at her, she disappeared into the kitchen to grab a fresh bottle of wine and surreptitiously check her phone for a message from Damon. She hadn't heard from him once today and was starting to get a bit worried. Elena knew she would need to be at least another glass down before she was ready to talk about her relationship with her friends. She chewed her bottom lip. Possibly not even then.

There were no new messages.

She sighed and walked back into the living room with the Merlot. As she came through the doorway her friends immediately stopped speaking, which was never a good sign.

Elena forced a laugh as she set the freshly de-corked bottle on the coffee table. "Talking about me?" she teased.

The girls regarded each other sheepishly for a second, then Bonnie jumped right in. "So, have you seen Damon since you've been back?"

Well, that hadn't taken long.

"Yeah, what's going on with you two these days?" Caroline inquired.

Elena glanced away from them and self-consciously tugged her sleeves down over the backs of her hands before responding. Though it was really none of their business, she hoped they wouldn't notice his bite mark.

"Yes, I saw him last night." She frowned as she contemplated the second question. "I'm honestly not sure where we stand right now."

"Really?" Bonnie seemed genuinely surprised to hear it. But she hadn't lived with Elena for the past four years like Caroline had. The blonde had known something wasn't quite right between Elena and Damon for a while now. She was also aware that her friend hadn't wanted to talk about it before.

Elena topped up her glass and took a big gulp before continuing. With a nervous laugh she said, "Yeeeah." The other girls looked at her expectantly. They were obviously waiting for her to elaborate but she really didn't have any idea where to begin.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I just don't know anymore. For all these years he's been all I ever wanted. But now…now I'm not a hundred percent certain what I want. I mean…I don't know." She took a deep breath and downed another large swallow of wine.

"I'm ready to start my future. I mean, my real life. As an adult. I'm not the person I was when we first got together anymore."

Caroline reached over to pat her knee, "I know, sweetie. You've grown up so much and he's stayed exactly the same. You've drifted apart a bit. It's not unusual. Distance and a complicated life can sometimes do that. But now that you're back here, maybe you can drift back together again?" She smiled hopefully at her friend.

Elena looked back at her with a serious expression. "I don't know, Care. I hope so. But I don't know if it's what's best for me now or not. I'm sorry…I know that probably doesn't make sense."

Bonnie spoke up quietly, "It makes perfect sense, Elena."

Elena gave her a small smile and was greatly relieved when she put on "Bridesmaids" and the focus was shifted away from her relationship problems.

When the comedy finished, Caroline grabbed her phone and stepped out onto the porch to touch base with Tyler. Bonnie seized the opportunity to speak candidly to Elena in the blonde vampire's absence.

"Elena, listen to me. It's either one of two things, I'll bet." She held her best friend's gaze as she spoke softly, "Either you know for a fact now that you never want to turn, or you know you want to have kids someday and that's something Damon can never give you. Both are deal breakers, aren't they? So which is it, hon?"

Elena looked down and focused on her hands twisting in her lap. "Both, I think," she whispered. "And I don't know what to do." She felt tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.

Bonnie wrapped her arms around her friend and gave her a squeeze. "Whatever ends up happening, you know you'll always have us to support you. I can't even imagine how conflicted you must be feeling trying to decide if giving up the man you love is worth it to have the future you need." She paused and looked into Elena's sad face again. "You do still love him, don't you?"

The tears finally broke free and Elena dropped her face into her hands. Bonnie was sure she saw her friend nodding against her fingers.