Everything is you,
My heart is consumed,
I'm so confused…
- "Circles," Mariah Carey.
Felix thumped his pillow viscously. He was lying in his bed, in his dorm and thinking wretchedly. Harry was becoming an obsession to him. What had started off as resentment and mild interest, had now spun totally out of control. He was falling helplessly for him, and he loathed it.
Firstly because Harry was a guy and Felix felt nothing for most guys apart from friendship. He couldn't understand why he liked Harry, when he was straight, or was he? He was beginning to doubt his own sexuality.
Secondly, he hated the fact that most wizards in the world adored Harry and it angered him when he saw girls salivating at him when they walked pass in corridors. He felt protective when his fellow Slytherine's in the common room mentioned Harry. Harry was their main topic to talk about when they were all feeling pissed off. Felix always left the room soon once they got started.
Draco was a problem to him too. Although he would have liked to be in Draco's good books, Felix's charm, obvious wealth, and popularity got on Draco's nerves and he constantly bitched him about as well. There had been more than one occasion where Felix had got himself into trouble with a posse of Draco's friends.
Although Felix was a generally polite boy, he couldn't stand most of his teachers, often making snide remarks about the lesson or their teaching skills. He always ended up in detentions and getting house points deducted from Slytherine.
Despite all of the hate Draco showed him, and constantly getting Slytherine in trouble by the teachers, all the girls loved him.
This irritated Draco further. HE was supposed to be the one they all wanted to bed. Pansy Parkinson had been heard by Draco talking to her girl friends about Felix. "I saw him practising Quidditch today. God that body of his is something. And when he swung the beater, you could see all the arm muscles rippling underneath his shirt. Oh how I long for those tender hands to run through my hair!" She had said before laughing with them. The result of this was that the next time there was a Slytherine Quidditch practice, Draco had picked up Daniel's beater and pretended to swing a few shots, making sure he hit Felix full in the face. Felix had to go to the hospital wing because of the extensive bleeding issuing from his bust nose. Thankfully, it hadn't broken.
Felix closed his tired eyes that were spilling over with tears. Visions of Harry kept enveloping his mind until sleep eventually consumed him.
The next day started as any other. Felix went into the bathroom to have a shower before dressing into his robes. He was jittery with nerves for the match and when he tried to eat some toast, he had to rush to the loo to throw up. When his stomach had nothing left to chuck except bile, a very pale Felix emerged from the bathroom to make his way down with the rest of the team to the Quidditch pitch.
Billy caught up with him just before he went into the changing room. He had Felix's broom, a firebolt, thrown over his shoulder.
"And how exactly did you plan on playing Quidditch today with no broomstick?" He handed a grateful Felix his broom.
"Jesus, you look like shit." He looked intently at Felix's face. Felix let out a hollow laugh.
"Gee, thanks for the fucking honesty."
"Man, you alright? I mean, I know you must be nervous and shit, but I figured you could be psyched as well?" Billy frowned anxiously at his friend.
Felix sighed tiredly, he had dark shadows beneath his eyes, but he was still as beautiful as ever. "Malfoy's out to bury me." He admitted solemnly.
Billy snorted. "Malfoy? Dude, did you throw up your brains also? Malfoy's on your team, dickhead!"
Felix gave a twisted smile. "Like that's gunna stop him! Just you see, by the time this match is over, you're gunna be scraping the remains of my body off of the pitch floor."
Billy shuddered and made a face. "Eew! I don't wanna hurl up MY breakfast too, thank you very much!"
Felix laughed; Billy always managed to cheer him up.
"Hey faggot! You gunna just stand there chatting up Foxe, or are you actually going to play?" Malfoy drawled from the changing room. A second later, he poked his blonde head round the door and scowled at Felix.
Felix gave a glare of his own before flipping him off. Billy laughed, wished him luck, and left to find a seat in the pitch stands.
"Nervous?" Daniel whispered to Felix. They were waiting to get introduced on the pitch.
"A little." Felix admitted, shaking like a leaf. His stomach had stopped fluttering around like butterflies and was replaced with great, lurching, nervous flips.
"You'll do fine, mate. Trust me, you're real good at swingin' the bat. How come anyway? You were like, a natural and it had been the first time you'd ever picked up a beater. Remember that?" Daniel said softly, smiling in genuine honesty. Felix cracked a grin of his own, and out of nerves, started to babble.
"I guess its because when I lived in America, I used to play alota baseball. Know what that is?"
He didn't wait for him to respond and continued; "So it just felt normal using a beater. Of course, the weights different and all but it's the same concept. Apart from the fact that in baseball, you just hit the ball and not try to get someone con cussed like in Quidditch, know what I'm sayin'? But in America – " He broke off when he saw the alarmed expression Daniel was giving him.
"Would you shut the fuck up before you give your whole life story of 'America'." Draco drawled, rolling his eyes. Felix obliged and instead, chewed his bottom lip anxiously.
In less than five seconds, the banner in front of the team rose, and all the Slytherine's kicked off from the ground, soaring into their positions on the pitch. Felix flew next to Daniel, his beater gripped firmly in his right hand. Madame Hooch flew onto the pitch as well. "Captains, shake hands."
Urquhart, the Slytherine captain shook hands with Potter. Felix felt his knees weaken when he looked at Potter directly for a few seconds. Harry's hair was blowing in the wind. Felix wanted to run his hands through it. He spotted Felix gazing at him and shot him a small smile. Madame Hooch released the balls and threw the quaffle into the air. The game had begun.
Zacharias Smith was commentating. "And Weasley gets the quaffle, who passes it onto Bell, who…Ooo misses!" He said with glee. "Good save by Slytherine keeper!"
The game raged on, ten minutes had passed when the sky suddenly turned a cloudy grey. The next minute, rain started to drop down from the heavens faster than lightning. Felix cursed when he saw a Gryffindor seeker streaking towards him. He couldn't make out who it was though; his hair had flopped into his eyes, wet and limp.
"Move out the way Sylvian!" He heard Ginny scream as she flew passed. He cursed as the weather got worse and worse. Whacking a bludger at Demelza Robins, a Gryffindor chaser, he missed and almost hit Malfoy instead.
"Oi! Watch who you aim at, you stupid oaf!" Malfoy hollered at him before speeding off. Felix felt crushed. He was playing appallingly. Slytherine were losing to Gryffindor. It had been twenty minutes into the game and the score was already 60 – 10 to Gryffindor. The really bad accident that happened however, was when Felix was about a meter away from Harry, who was searching for the snitch. Malfoy had yelled at him to beat a bludger to Harry.
Just at that moment, Harry had looked up, and a bludger came hurtling passed. Harry did not dodge out of the way. He just hovered for several seconds, eyes locked onto Felix's, and watching what he would do. It seemed like an eternity before Felix wrenched his eyes away, when in reality it had only been a few seconds. Instead of hitting a bludger at Harry, Felix had flown a loop to dodge it. It went raging pass, missing Harry by inches; he had flown out of the way in the nick of time.
Felix was shivering. And it wasn't just because of the cold wind. He couldn't have done it. How could he of hit Harry? It was suicide, and yet he didn't do it. He had chosen not to, and in front of his whole Slytherine team. What happened next, he still couldn't quite remember. Out of nowhere, a bludger was smashed in his direction. Not having time to think, his instincts frozen, Felix did nothing. CRASH!
The bludger crushed into his stomach, sending him flying, the force was so hard! Desperately trying to grasp his broom whilst falling, he missed and continued to drop 60ft in the air. Even worse luck issued. A Slytherine chaser collided into him, sending him spinning even faster towards the ground. A moan of horror went up from the stands. Even the Gryffindor supporters looked on with concern. Felix landed on the ground with a sickening crunch. The next minute, Harry had caught the snitch and landed. He jumped off his broomstick to where Felix was lying motionless on the floor, covered in wet mud.
All the players had stopped, not even noticing the snitch fluttering in Harry's fist.
Harry bent over Felix gingerly. "Felix? Can you get up?" He asked him gently. Felix heard Harry's voice and opened a dazed eye. "H – Harry?" He croaked.
"Uh huh, I'm right here." Felix tried to move his arms and legs and whimpered. "I – I think I've broken something." Madame Hooch burst into action, pushing Harry aside.
"Sylvian. We need to get you to the hospital wing." Gradually, her voice to Felix started to fade away. Felix's eyelids were fluttering. He faintly saw players from the Slytherine team crowd over him anxiously. And then finally, Dumbledore came into view. With a lot of effort, Felix managed to softly whisper one name to them all. One name that they all managed to hear despite it being said so quietly, "Harry."
And then his mind went blank, as he fainted.
Felix struggled to get his eyes open. When he eventually did, he found that he couldn't move his legs. As panic set in, Felix frantically tried to sit up. After several unsuccessful attempts, he managed to. He was in the hospital wing. Harry was sitting on his bed. He couldn't believe it. Harry was sitting just a few inches away from him. If he stretched out, his hand would brush against his thigh and…
"Glad you can join the world again?" Harry's voice broke into his thoughts. Felix looked into the glittering green eyes and noticed that they were laced with concern.
"Uh, yeah. I guess…how long have I been out?" His voice sounded husky and lower than usual. Harry smiled and handed him a goblet of pumpkin juice.
"A couple of hours. That was a nasty fall you had on the Quidditch pitch. Madame Pomfrey says she fixed the broken arm, leg, sprained wrist and twisted vertebra. It seems that your only war scars are the few cuts and bruises on your face. Don't worry, you still look beautiful."
Felix, who had taken a sip of the offered pumpkin juice, almost spat it all out. "What?" His pretty, blue, impish eyes widened in shock. Harry coughed uncomfortably before saying gruffly, "You heard."
Felix swallowed. His throat had gone dry. "Uh…who won the match?" Harry grinned broadly, showing Felix his even, white teeth. "Gryffindor."
Felix rolled his eyes. "Yeah well, you're the best seeker in the school so you were bound to win, huh?" Harry raised his eyebrows and smirked. "You think so? Well that is something coming from a Slytherine." Felix's own smile vanished slowly as reality sunk in.
He looked away sadly. Harry bit his lip.
"Felix? Did I…say something wrong?" He asked gently. Felix felt like a still living fish that had been cruelly gutted. He clenched his teeth in sudden fury. "Harry. Do you…what are your true…feelings?" For the first time, Felix looked into Harry's vibrant green eyes, and saw fear.
"Feelings?" Harry repeated.
"What you feel. Happiness? Sadness? Jealousy? –"
"Jealousy…Ron."
"Anger?" Felix blinked his blue eyes, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay as he spoke to him.
"Anger…" For minute Harry's eyes soured. "Malfoy."
"Love?" Felix spoke so quietly; it sounded as though it was his last breath.
"Love?"
"Love."
Harry swallowed uncomfortably; a stubborn look crossed his face as he spoke hollowly. "I have never heard of it."
Felix's brow furrowed in unhappiness. "I think you have, Harry. I dare say you've felt it yourself. For something or…someone."
Harry leaned in close to Felix's ear.
"Never."
He pulled away again and said with a clipped voice. "Even the sound of it offends me."
Felix bit his lips and turned away. How could Harry speak so immaturly of love? It can be such a beautiful thing, for those who are lucky enough to find it...
Harry abruptly got up off the bed.
"I should go." He said quickly. "Ron and Hermione will be worried, ya know?"
Felix nodded and blinked back the brimming tears.
"I'll probably see you soon…don't want Malfoy to see I was talking to a Slytherine." Irrationally, that statement annoyed Felix.
He snapped his head to glare at Harry; any trace of tears earlier had vanished. "What's so wrong with me being a Slytherine? Just because Malfoy's one, doesn't mean I'm going to be like him."
Harry just shrugged off handily. "Get well soon, Sylvian." He said and walked away.
Felix rested his head back against the pillow and fought breaking down into sobs. It hurt when Harry called him by his second name. He only did that when he talked to Malfoy. The realisation upset him even more; he would never be seen as anything more than a friend, because of what house he was in.
A/N Promise, promise the next chapter is slashy! Not 1 review sobs on floor dejectedly but i'm going to keep on writing!!! luv yew all! x x x