"Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel? If you couldn't get me back...You say sorry once and you think it's enough."- Jessie Reyez

Walking into the FBI building on Monday morning is an experience. The past weekend had been hell on Earth that started on Friday night and hadn't really stopped this morning, but she knew she would need to get the thoughts out of her head until she was out of the office tonight. Emily felt her heart being shoved back into a box, her feelings and intrusive thoughts being shoved into the metaphorical closet in her mind, and she honestly wished that Irish coffee was what she was drinking instead of the regular black coffee of the break room. At least if she had liquid courage in her she would feel better knowing that she would have to face Aaron- Hotch- whoever he was to her. She needs to deal with the fact that she accused him of lying, pranking her, and also that she cried while basically telling him that her mental health was a fucked up pot of fucking mess stew at the moment. If he hadn't come over after she had been stood up, her normal mask would have been in place and it would have all been easier to deal with. Or if he hadn't asked her on a fucking date. Or if you weren't such a fucking basket case… the voice in her head whispered at her, like it did after she fucked up every relationship ever. But this time you've fucked it up with your boss. The voice in her head was right. He could decide she was no longer competent for this position and take away the only dream job she'd ever had.

Breathe. Just Breathe. Emily decided to force a mantra in her head even if she didn't always like having to force herself to calm her intrusive thoughts. Bringing her coffee to her desk she pulls the prescription bottle out of her desk and pulls two of the dual colored teal pills out. Popping the anti-anxiety pills in her mouth with little preamble, Emily gulps down some coffee to swallow the pills to help her calm down before she goes to talk to Hotch. She hadn't taken them in a while, trying to convince herself she was better and didn't need them, but if last night had proven anything to her, for at least some time she did need some help. The anxiety was still strong in her mind and even trying to push it away into little boxes for later didn't seem to work. So medicating might be the only thing that would work for now and possibly help keep her life together.

Looking at the file in front of her, she waits for the meds to kick in. There's little noise around her as very few other agents were in yet. Without an active case, most others weren't around. Emily wanted to come in and put some time into the cases that needed her attention for write ups, consults, and translations, maybe that way Hotch would at least remember that Emily could do some things even if she had flipped out at him the other night. Speaking of the man she would eventually need to talk with, she risks a glance up at his office and sees Hotch and Strauss in a meeting. It's barely 8, why would they be meeting this early? Unless- Hotch wouldn't have already set up a meeting to get rid of Emily or to put her under psychological review would he? Emily felt her heart pounding in her ears as her mind started racing with all the possible little moments where he might have realized her focus wasn't entirely there in the field and then started adding up all of them to see if he had enough to get rid of her. Wouldn't he have scheduled a meeting with her? Did he already? Emily logs into her email as quick as her shaking fingers let her but it takes three attempts before she can get her account to log in correctly. And then she sees the dreaded email sitting in her inbox.

From: Agent Hotchner [ ]

To: Agent Prentiss [ ]

Subject: Meeting At Early Convenience

Emily,

We need to sit down as soon as possible. I have a meeting with Strauss first thing Monday, but after that let's sit down and talk.

Aaron

Fuck. First a meeting with Strauss and then with her? She's going to be fired. Emily pulls her thumbnail in between her teeth without thinking and her throat feels like she's been in the desert for weeks without water. The rest of her fingers are in a praying position and she squeezes them tighter, trying to give herself something to feel. She tries desperately to remember the five step thing that therapist told her to remember when she starts feeling panicky, but how did it go again? Five things you can hear? No. Five things you can see. Ok. One- her coffee cup. Two- her monitor. Three- her case files. Four- the picture Jack had drawn her when he was here the last time. Five- the picture of the team. Four things you can…. Four things you can...touch. Ok, hands, the ground, her chair, and-

"Prentiss you ok?" Morgan's hand touches her shoulder and she spins around.

"What the hell? Don't fucking touch me! Stay the fuck away from me!" Emily sprints out of the bullpen, her breathing alreading coming in gasps while the walls feel as though they are closing in on her.

Normally Aaron wouldn't have noticed things happening in the bullpen, since he is in a meeting but he has suspicions that since Emily had revealed more than she maybe had meant to the other night, he is worried about her. Hence why he had asked her to meet with him so they could talk and hopefully he could let her know he is here for her still. When he notices she popped up as signed on almost an hour earlier than when he told everyone they needed to be in, he has to looked down to check on her. He was hoping to see an Emily closer to his friend, but the Emily he sees is farther from that than the girl he had seen on Friday night. She had dark circles under her eyes, looks scared, and has her hands pulled together while she was chewing on her thumbnail already. Seeing her fingers going from red to white and the far off look in her eyes, made Aaron wonder if Emily was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Agent Hotchner do I still have your attention?" Strauss's voice came from across the room, but Aaron couldn't bring himself to answer as he watched in horror as a slightly confused looking Derek Morgan reaches to place a hand on Emily's shoulder not realizing that she's not in a place that she would want to be touched.

"Sorry Ma'am, I need to take care of something real quick." Aaron gets up and walks out of his office, closing the door behind him, only to hear Emily raise her voice at Morgan.

"What the hell? Don't fucking touch me! Stay the fuck away from me!" Aaron watches Emily sprint out of the bullpen as Morgan stares at her before looking at Aaron.

"Hotch, I don't know what happened."

"It's ok, I think I might have an idea. Stay here, I'll go find Emily." Aaron tries to think where Emily might have gone and hopes that she didn't run into the women's bathroom, since he goes to the place he hopes would be her number one option. He thanks his lucky stars, when he finds Emily in the corner of the stairwell with her legs pulled up to her chest. He sits across from her, and forces himself to not reach out to hold her as much as he wants to. She's staring straight forward and doesn't even register he's there. Aaron watches as her chest only takes in the smallest gasps of air.

"Emily, it's me, Aaron. I'm here for you." Emily's head jumps up about 30 degrees as she realizes there's someone else sitting with her. "It's ok, Emily. Look at me- just breathe ok?" She opens her mouth and tries to take in gasps of air, but it only makes her hyperventilating worse. "Em, hey. Slow. Breathe with me, ok. In for four, out for four ok?" Eyes flecked with hazel and copper meet his and for a while all he can do is count for her, but eventually he sees her shoulders start to relax and her breathing start to slow and calm down. She even moves so she's sitting cross legged like he is. "Hey."

"Hey." She eventually whispers. "Thank you."

"Emily, you don't have to thank me. I meant what I said the other night. I'm your friend no matter what else happens. So if you're having a panic attack and you need someone, I'll be there for you, no matter what."

"Did-" Emily's head tilts to one side but she cuts herself off.

"Did what Emily?"

"Did you run out of your meeting with Strauss because I was having a panic attack?" Emily's eyes drop his as she realizes the timing of everything.

"I did."

"Hotch, you should go." Aaron could see her shoulders coming back towards her ears and he could almost feel the verge of another attack starting himself.

"Emily- you are more important than any budget meeting I promise. I'm here because I care about you. The budget can wait until another day. I needed to make sure you're ok." Emily's panic seemed to stop, but she didn't bring her eye contact back to meet Aaron's gaze. "What is it?"

"It's nothing." Emily shakes her head. "You should go Hotch. Strauss is probably waiting to see what inconsequential thing dragged you away from your meeting. I'll be fine." Aaron made no move to leave, as Emily still wasn't telling him something and the wording she used still worried him. Her hands drop into her lap and her thumb starts playing with the lines on her palm. The only place Emily was making eye contact with was the floor.

"Emily, you are not an inconsequential thing, if that's what you're thinking." Emily's lower lip was pulled ever so slightly in between her teeth and Aaron can't help but wonder if he's on the right track. Aaron thinks through the little information he has and tries to figure out what could have set her into a panic. Was it possibly something he had done? He hadn't interacted with Emily other than Friday night as well as sending the email to set up the meeting to discuss making work easier. Unless…? "Emily, was it my email that set your panic attack off?" Emily's non answer gave more of an answer than he normal would have received from her silence. "Because if it did I'm forever sorry."

"Why would you be sorry that my fucked up brain can't handle an email?" Emily's eyes meet his in an instant. Her hiss of an accusation hurts Aaron's heart that she truly feels this way about herself.

"Because I was setting up the meeting so I could hopefully tell you that I want to utilize our friendship to help your mental health at work. I was hoping to sit down so that we could discuss what would make work easier for you. We work in a stressful and tough environment and you handle it so well that you kept something this immensely difficult underwraps, but I'd like to help you if you'd like."

"Why?"

"Because I love you." Emily stares at him, tears filling her eyes. "And I'll share that love with you in whatever ways you're willing to accept, whether it's friendship or something more. But you are beautiful inside and out."

"I thought you were going to fire me." Emily whispers.

"Why would I fire my favorite person?" Aaron rhetorically asks with a smile that Emily rarely sees. "If I get rid of anyone, I should get rid of the person who keeps setting you up on awful dates and never once tried to set us up."

"That would be the entire team. Well except for Reid." Emily lightly jokes but relief flowing through her body. "But he only really hangs out with the team so his only options to set me up on a date would have been with the team." Emily laughs softly at the mental images flowing through her head. "But really though thank you Aaron. No one else has ever sat through a panic attack with me, not even my mother." Not even her own mother? He wants to ask but doesn't want to push her any farther than she's comfortable with right now.

"I'm here if you ever need anything Emily."