Hello, it's me. WeirdGuyOne. Now, this is the second part of White Rose vs Lancaster shipping war. My friend and I make great stories together apparently. Though, I'm a trash writer. Anyways, here's the story.
[Friend] It was a normal day in Beacon. Explosions, inhuman mutilations, Grimm attacks, scary Professors (one of them, actually), phantom teachers (poor Pr. Peach died years before, but her contract bid her to remain for 30 more years), odd Headmasters, but most of all arguing students.
Ruby and Jaune had gotten together, that was a fact everyone in the school was aware of. They had gotten together and somehow, they had survived meeting the parents. Yang, Taiyang and Qrow had attempted to murder Jaune, but the spirit of Summer Rose had intervened and possessed the boy, using her skill to defeat the three enraged relatives and then calmly tell them to f***. Ruby had had less luck, and the other nine Arcs had interrogated her for two days before Jaune had set their house on fire and blamed it on the neighbour. They still didn't know what happened to the neighbour, but at least Ruby was safe.
Ruby and Jaune had gotten together, and EVERYONE but two people thought they were so very cute together. Cinder went "f*** if" and cancelled her plans because she didn't want to break up such an adorable couple. All evil guys turned good and even Salem had come to bring the two of them candies.
They were just THAT cute.
Unfortunately, two people didn't think so.
One was Ozpin, Headmaster of Beacon Academy, a man with a suspicious addiction to coffee who had escaped the madhouse millennia before and somehow reached immortality. The other was Weiss Schnee herself, who claimed that Ruby should've been paired with her.
The Lancaster duo was currently being chewed off by the Frigid B*** (she had gotten an upgrade. +50% cold damage, +100% uptightness, +0% bitchiness because she's already at MAX Level) [Me] who was being a major bitch like always. She ran past the guy from that ranting story, John, who just smacked her across the head knocking her away before screaming, "STOP SCREECHING LIKE BANSHEE. YOU FUCKING RETARDED DISGRACE OF A HUMAN BEING! YOU LOW-LIFE SCUM! YOU FILTHY PIECE OF VILE SHIT! YOU ALSO BROKE MY FUCKING SCROLL! DOUCHEBAG!" John kept swearing curses, slapping Weiss at light speeds each word.
Then stopped, before putting his hand to his chin and asking, "Wait.. If you sister serves in the military but has daddy issues, would she call Qrow 'daddy' in bed?"
And with that, Weiss fell unconscious.
John looked at her comically collapsed body. "Huh. That's weird. I thought everyone saw Qrow and Winter being paired together. And who the fuck wears a dress for combat with heels? I'm surprised this kid hasn't died yet. Even Jaune is more capable than this girl and he doesn't know how to fucking wield his sword.. I mean the sword and shield, I'm not sure how he is in bed. I'll have to ask Ruby."
Ruby and Jaune, who were both listening, blushed, turned-tail and ran. ".. Okay, can people tell me why people are running away? My questions are perfectly normal!" John yelled, irritated. Before grabbing a sharpie, sitting next to Weiss and drawing some very offensive comments.
The list of comments on Weiss's face went as follows.
Ice Bitch
That One Fucktard Who Ruins Everything
Major disgrace
-3/10
Can't even grow boobs yet is 17 years old.. still has A-Cup and no ass either
Paler than a vampire.
Hair so white that this girl screams american
and so on.
Meanwhile, with Ozpin..
Who just woke up in front of a mirror and saw some comments on him as well.
The Fake Wizard
White Rose Shipper
Fucking Moron
Incapable Fighter
Can Only Tap Dance
Bringer of Destruction
The Reason Evil Exists
A Gay Boy
Dude who lost his balls fighting John because he insulted John's OTP: Lancaster
Guy Who Got Cloned by John but John's clone is actually nice
And more..
But what really took Ozpin's attention was the other Ozpin. Who was looking at him with a determined glare.
"So you ship White Rose, huh?" The second Ozpin said in a Russian accent, "YA SHIP WHITE ROSE, HUH COMRADE?!" He yelled in his Russian accent.
"FOR THE RED ARMY!" And with that, the second Ozpin blitzed to the first, temple punched, teleported, kicked him in his now nonexistant testicles, threw Cardin's mace with gravity affecting the weight to make it two tons at his chest, and then appeared at the desk in the middle of the room calmly, sipping coffee.
Original Ozpin; however, was NOT calm or sipping his hot cocoa. He just got his ass manhandled in .4 seconds. Not even enough to fucking register the fact he got his balls annihilated until a minute after what happened.
Then, he let out a Wilhelm scream.
[Friend] And thus was born the legend of Beacon's Male Banshee, called Banshin.
*meanwhile, back in Beacon*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
*ehm-ehm... somewhere ELSE in Beacon...*
Ruby and Jaune were trying not to break out laughing at Weiss's newest "makeup", thanks to the man of mystery named John. They'd have to get him something nice for that. Their first thought was to give him a few dozens cans of pepsi, but then they realized Remnant didn't sell those, plus he apparently had a limitless store with him.
But this is getting off-topic.
Ruby and Jaune were trying not to laugh at Weiss's face. Jaune because frankly, with her so very broken Semblance she could probably kick his a**, while Ruby had to keep up her innocent appearances and pretend she didn't know what the swears on her face meant. The task proved to be a hard one but our two heroes (meaning John and the as-of-now still unnamed farmer boy in Mistral who for some reason felt like he should thank someone called WeirdGuyOne) succeeded. Then, Weiss went into b***-lecture mode Mark XMIII (1993). Her Mark was so high because she practised it really often so it leveled up quickly.
"You two shouldn't even be together! It's not right! A failure like Arc shouldn't date Team RWBY's leader! She's unfit to lead but she still has to have some decency instead of dating a half-wit and weakling like Arc! Besides, partnership is a surefire way to confirm ships, so Ruby's with ME, not you, Arc, so step aside and I shall forget your existence."
In mid-scream, Ozpin still managed to wail a "...WhiteRose..." before his clone returned with a vengeance.
Weiss, still, nodded triumphantly. "See? Or rather, hear? Even the Headmaster wants us together."
Ruby and Jaune looked at each other before Ruby offered Crescent Rose in sniper mode at Jaune. Not burdened with the blade, he merely used it as a baseball mace and caved Weiss's already inexistent b*** in by hammering her chest, sending her flying until her skirt got stuck on the top of the Beacon tower. No one looked up to get a free glimpse because there wasn't really anything interesting to see.
Meanwhile, Weiss screamed "Someone get me down of here! I'm Weiss Schnee, Heiress of the Schnee Dust Company, you must serve me, so now get me down of here!"
For once obeying to her orders, John appeared beside her. She only had the time to say "No, not you!" before he ripped her skirt where it had gotten stuck, and she free-fell into the ground, creating a b***-shaped hole in it.
Back to Ruby and Jaune, they nodded in satisfaction. "How does a date to a bakery sounds?"
"When?"
"Right now."
and that's the chapter. I know it seems like my friend is doing more work and that's true. My friend is a great person, does my work for me it seems. No, I'm just kidding. I just write shitty parts that add something to the story and then they can be revised and have an extra part. So yeah, my friend does more work than me.