AN: The encouragement I've received to continue this angst fest has been wonderful. Thank you. My Cullens sometimes have potty mouths. I know that's OOC as far as SM is concerned, so I thought I'd warn you.

Because I'm a music fanatic, each chapter will be introduced with song lyrics.

Disclaimers: Stephenie Meyer owns New Moon. Other disclaimers at the end.

Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars

Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are

As my memory rests, but never forgets what I lost

Wake me up when September ends

"Wake Me Up When September Ends" ~ Green Day

SEPTEMBER

Oblivious to the beautiful Alaskan scenery around me, I follow the path that will lead me to my family. They are awaiting my arrival, expecting a logical explanation.

Yet again, I am sure to disappoint them.

I am far from coherent.

The Denali Wilderness had always been a sort of sanctuary – offering solitude whenever I needed an escape from the voices in my head or when I found myself battling with my inner demons. It was the perfect setting and always complemented the dark moods that brought me here.

Abandoned and alone. Desolate and barren.

It perfectly described this land.

It perfectly described me.

I remember my last trip here – seeking solace from the delectable floral scent and brilliant chocolate-brown eyes that had permeated my senses from the moment she had walked into that classroom. I had fled to Alaska, then, as well. Left my home and family behind in my foolish attempt to alter Alice's vision.

Alice.

Alice would never forgive me. Of this, I was certain.

A vision of Alice and Bella – gold eyes and pale skin with arms entwined – floods my senses, and the shock and clarity of the image nearly brings me to my knees.

I was forcing my sister to choose between her best friend and her brother.

No, she would never forgive me.

I came upon a clearing and my mind was suddenly flooded with an ambush of emotional voices.

Alice: He's a fool if he thinks she can survive without us.

Rosalie: I'm glad the bratty human is finally out of our hair.

Esme: My son's heart is broken.

Jasper: Edward will never forgive me.

Emmett: If he's not here in ten minutes, I'm going out to look for him.

Carlisle: We must listen to and respect Edward's wishes.

It was sensory overload after twenty-four hours of silence, but I knew I had no choice. They loved her, as well. She was another daughter. Another sister. And they deserved an explanation. I would look into their loving eyes and offer my reasons. I would tell them I loved them.

And then - because I deserved no less - I would leave them behind, too.

"You look like hell," Rosalie's voice sang as she welcomed me into the log-style cottage. Ignoring her uncharacteristically cheerful demeanor, I pushed my way inside and found my family waiting in the dining room. They were stationed around the mahogany table. Rose took her place next to Emmett, and the image of each member of my family sitting with their companions - mate with mate - sent a tremor through my body. I gasped for unnecessary air as my stomach lurched in anguish.

"Son…" Carlisle's voice was soft as he dashed to my side – his hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and attempted to steady myself. The thoughts of my family echoed in my mind, each of them tortured to see me in this condition.

Well, almost all of them.

"Please…" Rosalie snorted. "All this drama for an insignificant human. What the fuck is your problem, Edward? This was your decision, you selfish bastard. And now, because of you, we've had to leave our home and come to this God forsaken wilderness!"

Esme shot her a pointed look as Alice hissed. But I couldn't deny it.

"I am a selfish bastard," I whispered weakly.

Carlisle examined me carefully, his eyes scrutinizing my features. "Edward, have you hunted?"

I shook my head.

"You should do that while we're here," he cautioned. "I know it hasn't been long since we hunted, but excessive thirst can make you deranged. I know you have…other things on your mind right now. But don't forget to feed, Edward."

My father had no way of knowing that I was already crazy. Blood from a wild animal would do nothing for my sanity.

He led me to the empty seat next to my mother. She grabbed my hand and held it tightly in her own. The gesture was meant to soothe me. But all it did was remind me of another set of hands I'd never touch again, and I abruptly jerked my hand away. I stared straight ahead, my eyes focusing on nothing.

My darling sister was the first to break the silence.

"She won't survive without you," Alice whispered meekly, her eyes in her lap. "I know you told me not to look into her future, but that doesn't mean I don't see it."

My head snapped up. "Why? What did you see?"

"I thought you said you didn't care," Alice accused with a smirk. Before she and the rest of my family had left Forks, I had made her promise not to peek into Bella's future. We had caused enough trouble, and I didn't want my sister meddling in Bella's life.

"I never said I didn't care!" My fist pounded on the table, causing splinters to erupt beneath the force.

"Finally! Some emotion!" Alice's nostrils flared as her eyes grew wide with anticipation. "Would it send you running back to Forks if I tell you that Bella wants to die? That she has no intentions of ever pulling herself up from that cold, hard, bedroom floor? That she never plans to go back to school or even leave the house?"

"What did you see, Alice?" I repeat evenly.

"I saw absolutely nothing, Edward! Because that's what she's going to be. A hollow shell of the girl you left behind! She cannot breathe without you. I know you think her feelings are ridiculously human and have no way of comparing to yours, but that's where you're sadly mistaken. You left her! You made us leave her! Made me leave her! She was our family, too. But most of all, you have broken her heart and her spirit! Don't you get that?"

My body shuddered as her words washed over me. It was true. Every single word.

"She could have died, Alice!" My eyes found Jasper's pained expression. "Jasper, I'm sorry. I know you blame yourself…."

"Of course I do," Jasper murmured tiredly. "Words cannot express how sorry I am, Edward. I know how important she is to you, and I'm sorry for forcing you to make this choice. I even spoke with Alice about it. We would be happy to leave the family if it means you can be with Bella. We would miss all of you, of course. But your happiness is what's important. I am happy anywhere as long as Alice is by my side. Let us do this for you so that you can be with your mate."

"Jasper," I explained quietly. "You are not the danger. Don't you see? It wouldn't matter if you lived on the other side of the world. Bella will always be in danger because of what I am!"

"Perhaps that's true." Esme – who had been quiet thus far - surprised me by agreeing. "But I think we've all forgotten a very important detail."

"Which detail?" Carlisle wondered.

My teeth snapped as an image of Bella with glowing eyes appeared in Esme's mind.

"It's what she wants," Esme whispered calmly to me. "She's told me on more than one occasion. She wants you, Edward. And if that means becoming one of us, then she is more than willing to pay that price."

I shook my head sadly. "That's not the answer. That….that would be a tragedy. I will not do that to her."

"But if it means you can be together….." Emmett's voice murmured. "Isn't it worth it? You wouldn't be tempted by her blood. She wouldn't be chased by lunatics like James. She could take her rightful place in our family. Everybody wins."

"Everyone except her," I whisper.

"I didn't mind so much," Emmett shrugged. "I gave up a life of steak and potatoes and disease and certain death. And in exchange, I have Rose and immortality. It's not a bad life, bro. Why are you fighting this?"

"Because he's a moron," Rosalie snapped. "I mean, the girl gets on my last nerve, and I am in no hurry to welcome her to the family, but she's obviously…..the one, I guess. You've searched the planet for a hundred years and finally found her. Right? That's what you keep telling us."

"I don't expect you to understand, Rosalie," I grunted with fury. "I don't expect any of you to understand."

"Well, hell, I don't have to be a psychic to know that Bella's heart is broken," Emmett grunted. "But I'm more concerned with you, bro. I mean, how the hell do you plan on surviving without her? Can you do that?"

"No," I answered honestly.

"You're leaving us." Alice murmured accusingly and every head at the table snapped in her direction.

My shoulders slumped in defeat. "Yes."

"That's not necessary," my mother's voice was coaxing. "If you insist on going through this life alone, at least spend it with your family. Let us take care of you."

"I can't be with anyone right now," I explained. "And I don't wish for you to see me like this. It will only bring you pain, and I've caused enough of that."

"Will you at least keep in touch? Let us know you're okay?" Carlisle asked quietly.

I nodded. It was the least I could do.

"Carlisle, I do have a favor. I know I have no right to ask…."

My father shook his head. "Whatever you need, son. You know that."

"It's not for me," I explained quietly. "Not directly for me, anyway. It's for Bella. It's very important to me that….that she never want for anything. We'd recently started to discuss college, and I don't want finances to be a determining factor…" My eyes bore into my father's, and he nodded his head in understanding.

"You know how proud she is," I reminded him. "If she even suspects the money is from me…."

"Of course," he nodded. "I will take care of everything, son." His mind began listing the steps in organizing such a discreet arrangement, but I ignored the details. All that mattered was that Bella would be taken care of.

"Thank you."

The room grew silent, and after a few pointed looks between my brothers and sisters, I decided it was time to go. I stood abruptly. Within seconds, each member of my family – even Rosalie – enveloped me in their arms, and I allowed them to believe they were providing comfort to me.

"I love you all," I whispered faintly. "And I'm sorry. I just….I just need to be alone for now. I hope you can try to understand."

With one last look at the family I loved so much, I turned and walked out of the kitchen.

"I can't see where you're headed," Alice mumbled as she followed me out the door.

"That's probably because I don't know where I'm going."

"Edward," she whispered sadly as she took my hand in hers. "You are my brother. I love you."

I turned to face her, and her expression caused my heart to break just a bit more. "I love you, too, Alice."

"But you can't live without her. You won't survive on your own. Just like she won't survive without you. You know that, don't you? Edward, she's…..she's not going to be well. I don't have to see her future to know that much. I don't trust her. She could get hurt…."

"She promised me she wouldn't do anything reckless," I whispered, images of a bruised and battered Bella sifting through my psyche. The visuals caused my throat to constrict, and I shook my head to erase them from my mind's eye. "She promised me that she'd take care of herself. I trust her to keep that promise."

"Then you're a fool," Alice hissed.

I sighed wearily.

"Fine! Let's say she keeps her promise – which she won't. But let's say she does. What about you, Edward? You know what this means. An eternity of solitude! Is that what you want? Another century of walking this earth without her by your side?"

Her words cut through me like ice.

"You know that's not what I want," I whispered shakily.

"She'll never love again," Alice murmured with certainty. "Bella has been just as altered as you have, Edward. You think she'll forget you with time, but that isn't going to happen. Just because she's mortal doesn't mean she can't love you eternally. Sure, in time, she may become so lonely that she allows someone else into her life, but he will always be second best. You think you're being so self-sacrificing and noble, when really, all you're doing is sentencing both of you to a lifetime of misery."

"But at least she'll have a life," I reminded her gently. "A life free from monsters and constant peril. That's all I want."

"What about what she wants?"

Bella's words from the night of our prom suddenly echoed in my brain.

I dream about being with you forever.

"She doesn't want this," I murmured darkly. "No one would simply choose this life. She doesn't understand…"

"You know," Alice's eyes were blazing. "You don't give her enough credit. Someday, you're going to see that Bella is much smarter than you think she is. Someday, you'll realize that she understands exactly what she wants. She wants you!"

I closed my eyes and leaned close, kissing my sister on the forehead. I was tired of arguing. I was tired of everything.

"I love you, little sister."

"You can't do this…" she whispered as I turned my back and walked numbly down the steps of the cabin. "You can't survive without her."

I walked slowly through the snow-covered field, and her melancholy thoughts became softer as the distance grew between us. Her last words echoed in my ears.

You can't survive without her.

I smiled ruefully as I realized just how much I was counting on that.

Disclaimers: Some nods to Midnight Sun were used here, including the explanation behind Edward's previous trip to Alaska. If you've read the extras for New Moon, you know that Edward had arranged for Bella to receive a "scholarship" in her bank account each month. That part of the story was cut out of the final draft of New Moon. I liked it, so I used it here. If you haven't read Midnight Sun or the extras for New Moon, you can find them on Stephenie Meyer's official website.

As Alice says, "Show me the love…" and leave a review. Thank you!