Connected:

A Series of Josh and Sam One-Shots

Title: The Homecoming pt. I

Synopsis: Sam is surprised to bump into Josh Washington at a campus coffee shop - last she knew he was backpacking through Europe to distract himself from the grief of his missing sisters. Now, he's back in town to get on with his life and face reality - and visit his girlfriend, of course. If you like those cheesy rom-coms where everything coulda been fixed with a simple conversation, this is the story for you.

Genre: Comedy, Romance, Angst

Timeline: Post-Prank, Pre-Game Events

Pairings: [Josh/Sam] Chris/Ashley

Rating: T

A/N: I've been working on this one for a little while - I totally intended on it being a one-shot but it kinda took on a life of its own and now it's more like a two-to-three-part short story. If you're familiar with my writing you will know I can be a little long-winded. These next few chapters will be related, but then I will be back to one-shots again… until I find another premise to drag out. It's just easier to do it this way and I like it better than pouring all my heart and soul into a long, drawn-out saga that most people lose interest in after a few chapters.

It also turned out slightly angstier than I had initially planned. I hope it gives you as many feels reading it as if gave me writing it. Oh well! Here goes…

"Sam?"

If the suddenness of her name being called from across the coffee house didn't make her head snap up, the familiarity of the voice certainly did.

"Sam-maaay!"

It was like the voice of friends past, a ghost of someone she once knew. A flutter in her stomach. She turned in her chair, not sure if she hoped it was him or a complete stranger, but the moment her eyes caught his, Sam felt the smile crack across her lips. It was the smile she wore for only him, and she hadn't felt it in a long time.

"Is this real life?" Josh beamed, slinging a heavy-looking, army-green backpack over his shoulder and making his way towards the blonde, his arms out and prepped for a hug. She slapped her laptop shut and bounced up to her feet, her long arms wrapping tightly around the neck of her long-lost friend as he hoisted her up and squeezed, burying his face in her golden hair.

She smelled exactly how he remembered.

Familiar.

Home.

With her scent came a flood of memories; some of just the two of them, some with his sisters. He was afraid that might happen. But although the bitter nostalgia tugged on his racing heart, he was more than grateful to be embracing her.

"What are you even doing here? I thought you were still in Greece!" She pried herself away from his bear-hug, her eyes glistening with emotion. It was really him.

Josh left only two months after Beth and Hannah went missing. He had decided to backpack through Europe indefinitely. It was an idea broached (and then completely funded) by his parents. When Josh had mentally and emotionally lost it after everything that had happened, Sam and everyone else assumed the change of scenery would be a good distraction for him.

She punched him lightly in the shoulder, "and why didn't you tell me you were coming home, ya jerk?" she scolded through gritted teeth.

"My Visa was up…" Josh chuckled, cradling his 'wounded' shoulder with his hand.

"...and I just think it was time to get back to reality, ya know…" Sam could hear the smile in his voice and it made her heart swell.

He looked rested. Tan.

Happy, even.

It was a far cry from the last time she'd seen him in the hospital, which was a memory Sam had tried to push out of her head.

"Are you here to see Chris?" Sam wondered, then gasped as the horrifying (but probable) thought entered her head, "Wait, did Chris know!? Did you tell him before me?"

It was her first year at UCLA, Chris' second. In fact, of the eight friends, four were Bruins - Sam, Chris, Ashley and Jess. The rest were scattered around the country like ashes - Emily was at NYU (at her father's insistence), Matt working off a scholarship at the University of Oregon (Go Ducks!), and Mike got a full ride to Stanford for Political Science.

"No, no… I uh… I haven't told him yet..." he said uncertainly, his hand nervously finding the back of his neck.

"What?" It immediately struck Sam as odd. Josh might have been on another continent for months, but she could always count on Chris to have the newest updates on Josh for her.

"I mean, I just got home-" he gestured again towards his giant bag. Sam's eyes brightened at the prospect of being able to catch up with him.

Now, it felt like a lifetime ago that they were inseparable - the most ironic part was all the grief they gave Ashley and Chris for dancing around the idea of dating. Meanwhile, Josh and Sam had always been entangled in their own dance of sorts, as well.

An infinite tango.

Sam reached up and and grazed his hair with her fingers, crinkling her nose and snorting out a short laugh, "I've never seen your hair so long." Josh clearly felt self-conscious, his hand smoothing down his slightly unkempt hair.

"Yeah, if I woulda known I was gonna bump into you-" he stopped, unable to concentrate on the end of that sentence just as much as he was unable to look at anything other than her hopeful, excited eyes.

It was only fitting that Sam was the first one he'd run into upon his return - that's actually what he'd been afraid of. They'd exchanged a few letters while he was away - A postcard from Paris, a letter from Italy… While he was gone, Sam liked to picture him from place to place, sitting in seedy cabs and meeting new people in hostels, scouring marketplaces around the globe to pick out a trinket or two that he'd send off to her; things that he thought she'd like or that reminded him of her.

But that was part of why he left in the first place.

Everything reminded him of her.

And everything about her reminded him of them.

That's where it got his head kind of fuzzy.

School started to get busier and busier for Sam while Josh was always bouncing from place to place, and the correspondence lessened. And then, they just kind of stopped. While they both stood and stared at each other in awe of actually being in the same room together again (fate? kismet?) they were instantly overcome by a feeling of regret for not keeping in touch.

"It's... it's really good to see ya, kid," Josh said through a sideways smirk.

"Yeah… you too." Sam could never keep a straight face around that smile. It was infectious. Sometimes she wondered if he was doing it on purpose - or if he knew he was doing it at all.

His mouth dropped open and he looked at the door to the coffee shop as though he were waiting for someone, checked his watch. His eyes flitted back to Sam. He could tell by the look on her face she wanted him to stay. He wanted to stay.

"Unless, like… did you have somewhere you need to be? You wanna grab a quick drink and catch up?"

'A quick drink and catch up'

...turned into six gin and tonics between the two of them spread over a lengthy two hours.

Sam and Josh sat, bathed in the sunset leaking through the windows, up at the bar just like old times, laughing and getting caught up on everything they'd missed. It was as though no time had passed between them at all.

Josh told her all about his travels; how to ask for water in Italy (sparkling vs tap water), the way it's better to opt for a Eurail so you can see as many countries as possible with one pass, and about how the notorious couch potato actually went on a hike that would have made Sam proud (El Camino Del Rey in Spain). When he showed her a pic of him standing, arms spread and beaming (albeit, exhaustedly) at a viewpoint, she was proud.

And equally, undeniably jealous.

In the back of her mind she couldn't stop wishing she could have been there, too. Not just because he got to visit some of the most beautiful places on earth, but because they'd always talked about taking a trip like that - her, Josh, Hannah and Beth.

And because Sam wished she could have been anywhere else in the world while he was gone. While Josh was on an existential journey trying to forget his pain, Sam had been going through her own heartache back home.

"She was always so sweet to the nurses," Sam recalled in a breathy, wistful voice as she filled Josh in on the last few months with her mother, Margaret. "Like, they'd come in and prick her with needles and draw her blood and stuff… and in the end she'd be apologizing to them," she chuckled into her drink, holding her head up with her hand on the bar. Josh held his own glass up to his lips, shaking his head and laughing, himself.

"Your mother was an angel."

"My mother was a saint!" Sam shouted playfully, eliciting a few glances from the other bar patrons she she slammed her fist down on the countertop in mock conviction. "Oh boy…" she groaned, blowing out her lips with her forehead drooped into her hands when she suddenly realized just how tipsy she was. She turned a bit on her barstool, almost losing her balance and Josh's hands instinctively shot up to catch her just in case.

"Whoa there, buddy. Take it easy," he chuckled lightly as she got herself repositioned on her seat. He gestured to the bartender, "Can we get a water over here?"

Sam stared off into space a bit as she went on.

"My dad was in like, super denial, too. I mean… we knew it was coming, but nothing prepares you for when it actually does. You remember, right? We knew even before Hannah and Beth-" Sam caught herself, redirecting, but Josh just nodded in agreement.

He remembered when Sam came over in tears the night that Margaret got her bleak prognosis - the treatments weren't working and the cancer had spread throughout her body. It was forever burned into his memory as one of the worst things he'd ever witnessed, Sam breaking down like that. Up until that night, he'd never seen Sam vulnerable. And although he hated the reason why, he always felt like he was in this special club that only a select few got to be in, letting him see her that way.

"But my dad…" she continued, "...he was always just pushing for second and third and fifth opinions. And it got to a point where she was just... done. She couldn't do it anymore, so she told him she just wanted to go home." Josh watched Sam's face shift into such intense concentration, as if she were trying to picture it all playing out in her own head. "That wasn't long after you took off," she noted, an unintentional sting in her tone yet miraculously, she smiled. Even though it was a painful one, that was Sam, for you. Trying to see the light in the dark. He wondered if that's why she'd always liked him...

"And it was so good for a little while. She was just happy to be home, surrounded by the people she loved. No more hospital beds or nurses or treatment plans… for those few weeks, I almost believed that she was gonna be okay..." Josh knew where the story was headed and he reached over to take ahold of her hand. Her smile faded. She swallowed and sniffed, wiping away a tear. "God, it was so stupid to think like that. So naive."

"It just sounds like you were just trying to cope with everything that was happening… after Beth and Hannah-" (Man… it still ached to even say their names) "it really couldn't have come at a worse time. " Sam nodded, offering him a weak smile in return for his kindness.

"...She got sicker. And then it was really fast. One minute she was joking about Dad's food being no better than the hospital food, the next we were deciding if her casket should be mahogany or oak."

"Is that why you stayed here instead of going into the Peace Corps like you planned?" Josh asked awkwardly, trying to steer the conversation away from coffins. Sam just nodded and gave a little shrug, as though giving up on her dream was the easiest decision she'd ever made.

"I wanted to be here for dad. He was such an absolute wreck when she passed," Sam muttered. "I just remember his desperation in the end. He even offered to give them his organs if it could save her life, saying it didn't matter if he lost his. I've never seen that before… it still haunts me."

Both of them sat in silence, pondering that statement and whether or not either of them would get a chance to feel love like that - so deep and true that you'd be willing to lose your life for it.

"And UCLA is a great college. I like it here, so far…" she reasoned, but Josh knew that Sam hated being here. She never fit in here in LA. She needed mountains and adventures and orphan children to feed and animals to save. Sam wasn't meant for this plastic world with plastic people. She was too good. Too grand.

Suddenly, Josh felt sick to his stomach.

He recalled all of the nights she was there for him in their grief over the loss of his sisters… and when she needed him most, where was he? Backpacking through Europe and escaping his own pain.

"Sam… I'm so sorry I wasn't here-" Sam turned to Josh and her gaze made him freeze.

"I needed you, Josh." She wiped away another quick tear. "I mean, I know that's selfish and unfair but… you were my person. And then you were just gone." Josh's hand clasped tighter around hers.

"Iknow," he choked. "I know Sam and I am so sorry… I just… I don't know if there was any way I could have been anything for anyone around that time." And yet, he inwardly winced when he thought about Sam's dad begging doctors to save his wife. Who knows what Josh could have been capable of. Maybe being Sam's strength during that time would have fit him like a glove. Maybe they could have healed from their horrific, unfair losses together.

But no. He bailed. He left her in her time of need.

Sam just nodded somberly; she appreciated his honestly. She suddenly felt ridiculous for making him feel bad about that. He'd just lost his sisters - there was no way he could have been there for her. Josh was not in his right mind then.

"I've… I've really missed you, Josh," she said in almost a whisper, their faces close. Josh's breath hitched - he'd wanted another moment alone with Sam like this for much longer than he could even remember. She slowly crept forward, and he thought that maybe, just maybe, she might even be trying to kiss him.

At the very least she was thinking about it.

That's what made saying what he needed to say to her so much harder.

"Sam, I feel like I gotta tell you something," Josh began quietly, his thumb rubbing against the smoothness on the back of her hand. He ignored the way it ignited goosebumps up her tan, bare arms. End of summer/early fall Sam was always his favorite - he loved the way the sun always lightened her hair and dusted freckles across her nose. "I'm… kinda here to see someone."

"Well, I'm sure you have a lot of people to catch up wi-"

"No, I mean… I'm seeing someone," he spat out quickly as to not let it linger between them too long.

Silence settled as Sam tried to pretend like that didn't bother her - he didn't belong to her. She had no claim to him.

And Josh tried to pretend like telling her this wasn't one of the more difficult things he'd done in his life. He had no idea Sam was at UCLA or that he'd casually bump into her at a coffee shop. Last he'd known she was joining the Peace Corps and building schools in Fiji.

"Oh," she breathed, shaking away the dazed look on her face and forcing a tight-lipped smile. "That's great!" Josh cocked an eyebrow. It wasn't the reaction he expected - no, actually, coming from Sam it was exactly the response he'd expected.

"It is?"

"Well, sure! Yeah, I mean-" she stammered, taking a pause to sip her water and buy herself some time to think of what to say next. She gave a nonchalant roll of her shoulder. "Why wouldn't it be? You're single. Single people… date. And stuff. You guys are dating?"

"Uh-huh…" Josh grunted, still puzzled by her bizarre reaction to his news. She seemed to notice her face was still close to his; she sat up straight and backed up a bit. "Are… you okay?" Sam laughed. Too hard. She was uncomfortable.

"What? I-I'm fine."

"You sure?" he pushed.

Say it. Say you're bothered. Say you missed me. Say you regret never telling me how you felt before.

"I said I'm fine," she snapped. She folded her lips, closing her eyes and silently chastising herself for being unable to get her tone to match her words.

Josh just wanted to brush it all off. Sam knew how he felt about her.

It wasn't mutual.

They both inwardly cringed at the memory; Josh had told Sam he was in love with her not too long after his sisters went missing and she shot him down. She wasn't mean about it. It wasn't so much a "no" as it was a "not now."

He didn't blame her; Josh was never very good with 'timing.' His sisters were missing and they were both in mourning, she'd just gotten the news that her mom wanted to go home and live out the rest of her days with her loved ones. Sam kindly told him she really cherished his friendship and that they were all there for him.

He booked his flight two weeks later.

"I'm… really happy for you," she nodded with wide, doe-like eyes. He wanted to believe her, but just like he always felt when it came to Sam, he knew she was holding back.

They closed their tabs and once again the universe sent them spiraling in different directions; Sam went home to cry into her vegan ice-cream and figure out just why she couldn't ever bring herself to tell Josh how she felt.

Meanwhile, Josh checked the address written on a crumpled piece of paper and began walking to go see the girl he was dating. He needed to tell her that it was never going to work between them.

His heart was never really up for grabs.

Their would dance continue; the agonizing tango of never saying what they meant to say.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Sam scolded herself to the rhythm of each step that propelled her away from him. She tightened her coat around her to combat the chill in the air and hoisted her backpack more securely on her shoulder. She painstakingly recounted every single line of dialogue she'd just exchanged with him.

"I'm fine," she snarled ironically, furious at herself for keeping her feelings, once again, bottled up inside.

Sam took in a staggered breath and relished in the cool night air. She decided as the streetlights kicked on that she would take the long way back to her apartment. She needed the time to clear her head - her mind was loudly buzzing with all the things she wanted to say - all the things she meant to say.

…the thing he'd bravely told her once.

"I think I'm in love with you, Sam," Josh had said very seriously less than a year ago, which caught her off guard because it came at the tail-end of one of their laughing fits on the floor of her bedroom. Her laughter stopped and her nerves began to jangle - she'd wondered. He sometimes looked at her like he was in love with her and Hannah and Beth would tease him but she never thought he'd just out and out say it.

Sam reached over and turned down the Blink182 that had been blaring between them.

"Wait… what?" she asked low in her throat, wrapping her arms around her knees and sitting up. She stared down at her ratty old Converse sneakers because it was easier than making eye contact with him. He sat up right in front of her, cross-legged, as he leaned more in towards her peripheral.

"I said-"

"I know what you said," she uttered. She couldn't bear to hear him say it again. Josh cleared his throat, giving her a shrug as he fussed with a loose thread on his jeans nervously.

"Well… you asked 'what' so I-"

"When?" Her glossy green eyes bravely met his now and he almost lost his nerve, but it was too late to go back now. He'd already said it. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting - this was Sam, afterall. She was a closed book. He'd spent countless hours pouring his heart out and telling her every thought that high-tailed its way through his complex and muddled brain and she'd never told him what was going on in hers. His lips parted revealing a confused but goofy smile - he thought for a moment.

"Probably always, I think," was his insightful response. His smile faded when he saw her expression change.

"Josh-" she began, her eyebrows turned down into two sympathetic slopes. "You mean so much-"

"Ahhhh," he groaned from the back of his throat, scrunching his face and shaking his head. He knew where this was headed. He leaned back on his hands, sighing. "Don't. If you're not going to say it back, that's okay, ya know, but… spare me the embarrassing after-conversation. I can't, uh…. I can't do that." Sam's legs twisted beneath her and she raised to her knees, carefully placing her hands on each of his shoulders and squeezing.

"You are my best frie-"

"Nope!" Josh blurted, popping up to his feet and clasping his hands behind his head as he shifted his weight from side to side. He gestured between the space between them. "It was stupid, ya know? Can we just like… pretend I didn't say it at all?"

Sam swallowed and stood up, gazing up at him. Her face was blank - everything about her was so unreadable it drove him insane. Before he could figure out exactly what she was doing she leaned forward, pressing a soft, chaste kiss against his lips. She pulled away, setting her palm to rest against his cheek.

"Why'd you do that?" he asked quietly, the words almost caught up in his throat.

"Because I wanted to," she smiled achingly. Her fingers slid down his arms to interlace with his. "I can't even begin to tell you what I feel about you." Josh wanted to snort out a laugh - of course that statement was incredibly accurate. Not only couldn't she, but she wouldn't.

Sam's mouth fell open and she waited for the words to come, Josh stared back at her hopefully. She closed her mouth and shook her head, her eyes misting.

"My mom's dying, Josh," her voice cracked. He wordlessly nodded because how could he argue with that? "It's just… it's just not the right time, you know? I've got too much on my heart, I don't think I could take that on, too… I don't need you as a boyfriend, right now." When she said it like that, he felt like an ass. Of course she didn't. How could she possibly? Her eyes widened, "I need you as my best friend, Josh."

Maybe she did. But those weren't the words he wanted to hear and it gave him a hopeless knot in the pit of his stomach. Josh's hands broke from hers and retired to his pockets. He took a step back, forcing a smile.

It hurt like hell, being rejected, but that's what you do for people you love. You smile through it. You understand. You go on living even though half of your heart is living in someone else.

Josh told her only two weeks later that he was going to Europe.

"You're what?" she had breathed. He beamed proudly and showed her his ticket. "Like… alone?"

"Well, I mean, kinda. My cousins will be there for some of the trip. I'll be meeting my grandparents in Paris-"

"So you're like… leaving?" Sam croaked and watched as Josh's grin dissipated. He looked at her sympathetically, giving her a bit of a sideways hug that felt foreign to her in contrast with his usual, grand, all-enveloping bear hugs.

He'd barely talked to her since the night he told her that he loved her and it was killing her.

"Well, I mean, yeah but just for a few weeks or so… my parents thought it would be a good idea… you know, get away from the memories, here."

"Uh-huh," Sam said, awkwardly turning from him so he couldn't see that she was dangerously close to crying. She gulped down the lump in her throat. "Sounds great." He was leaving her. She'd just told him that she needed her best friend, and he was leaving. Sam had spent countless hours counseling him and mourning with him over Beth and Hannah and now that she needed him most he was taking off. Her tears were hot and stingy and angry.

Josh forced her to face him, pretending not to see her teared eyes just as she pretended that she wasn't about to cry.

"It hurts too much to be here," he said darkly, and maybe he was talking about his sisters, too… but Sam knew deep in her heart that he meant it hurt too much to be here with her.

Without another moment's hesitation Sam flung herself into his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around him and relaxing when she felt him give her a real hug in return.

"I'm gonna miss you," she nearly sobbed into his shirt, and Josh just nodded.

"I'm gonna miss you too, kid."

Sam shook the thoughts and memories away, slipping her keys into the lock and letting herself into her apartment. She immediately felt her stomach drop at the sight of Josh standing in her living room.

"Uh… hi?" she said, her brow furrowed in bewilderment. She peered into her apartment and then back at him - his eyes were wide and guilty, his arms folded awkwardly in front of him. "What are you-" and suddenly the confusion of the situation was beginning to subside. "How did you-"

"Sam!?" Sam jumped at the yelling of her name before Jess popped her head out of the kitchen door. Sam's mouth ran dry and she was instantly queasy as she stared vacantly between the boy she'd loved since she was a girl and her roommate. She just prayed that this wasn't exactly what she thought it was. "Hey! Look who I found…" Jess said happily.

I'm seeing someone.

Jess walked out and slipped her hand around Josh's waist and pressed a kiss onto his cheek.

"Surprise!" she squealed.

And Sam realized

It was exactly what she thought.

To Be Continued...