DISCLAIMER: I don't own most of these characters, but the story is all mine :D

I had to get out of there. Before I did something totally inappropriate. Like touch her beautiful hair, caress the soft skin of her cheek, kiss her, tear the robe off her body or throw her down on the rug and ravage her.

God! I was a sick pig. Here, she had just lost her husband, the father of her unborn child, and all I could think about was getting my rocks off...burying myself in her heat.

"Uh, okay Bella...well I should let you sleep. Let me know if you need anything." I muttered. I needed out! Now! I could feel my cock growing and straining against my jeans, my control slipping.

She walked me to the door, and as she walked past me, I inhaled her scent. Strawberries, and some other elusive, sexy, musky scent. She smelled like heaven! I knew that anytime I saw or smelled strawberries I would instantly think of her. It was so much an intrinsic part of her. My eyes focused on her as she walked and I noticed again how her hips swayed seductively. I'm sure it was unconscious, and not done on purpose. I don't think she would be trying to catch my eye...grab my attention. She was just naturally very sexy, and graceful. She just kind of glided across the floor. She said she was clumsy, but I highly doubted that. That was obviously an excuse she used to explain away her bruises and mishaps brought on her, by being beaten by her sick, bastard of a husband.

Yeah! Dead husband.

I needed a drink!

Damn! I didn't keep alcohol at the station. That meant I had to go to my house. The house that I bought with Tanya, shared with her, lived in with her...

Maybe I didn't need a drink after all. I didn't want to face all that crap tonight. It was already a shit-ass disaster of a night.

I had decided to go back to the station, where I usually stayed, sleeping on the couch or one of the chairs. It had been years since I had slept in my bed, and had a decent night of sleep, but I just couldn't face that house...empty house. It held too many memories...of my failure...my failed marriage.

~~~~Flashback~~~~

I was pledging for a fraternity. Hell week didn't faze me. I didn't get embarrassed easily and enjoyed the adrenaline rush from the hazing...excitement from some of the crazy shit they wanted us to do, to prove that we were a good candidate.

A lot of the activities included our sister sorority, also hazing their pledges. That's how I met Tanya Denali.

Tanya...So beautiful. She looked like a model, and had the confidence and attitude of one too! Tall, 5'11", and slim. Narrow hips, full breasts and mile-long legs. Just the thought of her wrapping her legs around me, made me hard. Her face was pretty, in the girl next door kind of way. Wholesome and classical. Icy-blue eyes, cat-shaped and turned up, in an exotic way. Long, thin nose, with freckles splayed across the bridge and her cheeks. High, prominent cheek bones, and a wide smile. Her lips plump and pale pink. She had natural strawberry blonde hair, pin straight, that was cut in a smooth bob, at chin length.

She was cocky and brash. Fierce. Full of herself. She knew she was beautiful, and wasn't above using that to her advantage. She knew that men wanted her and desired her...putting her in control of most relationships that she had.

She was pledging as well, and she was as much of an adrenaline junkie and exhibitionist as I was. We had other things in common too. We both were planning on being teachers so that we could have our summers off to go on adventures. She was majoring in math and education. I was majoring in English, music and education. I liked her immediately and loved the fact that she was not only beautiful, but smart and funny too. Easy to talk too. She was physically fit, and into keeping active as much as I was. We would work out and go hiking, rock climbing, and camping together.

We were friends. I wanted her. I wanted her to be mine, but I didn't want to be one of many guys chasing after her. I wanted her to chase me. She was too used to guys chasing after her, wanting her. And she chewed them up and spit them back out. I wanted to last longer than a couple of days, or weeks.

Her biggest dream...to climb Mount Everest. That soon became my dream too. She was my dream, everything about her was perfect for me, and she soon stopped accepting dates from other guys. We just fell into a relationship. One day friends, then suddenly our passions over-ruled everything else, and we were lovers. I was devoted to her. I lived and breathed for her.

Once we met, my whole universe changed. Tanya was the gravity that held me to the earth. We were inseparable. I loved her with all of my being, all that was and all that I had.

We dated for two years, spending our breaks from school off on vacations all over the world. Some kind of extreme sport, always being the central point of each trip. Any suggestion I threw out there, she was willing to try. Never afraid, to risk her life, for one of my ideas.

I asked Tanya to marry me while we were snorkeling in the Caribbean. Maybe not the most romantic proposal, but perfectly suited to us.

We decided that we had no reason to wait, and couldn't wait to get married, so we cut our trip short, and flew to Vegas.

We were 20 years old, and in love. We were compatible in every way. Had so many common interests, and dreams. We thought that first, young love would be enough...would conquer all.

We still had two years of college left to get through, but we had our lives mapped out. We got an apartment off-campus, so that we could live as husband and wife, but stayed faithful to our houses. Participating in any and all activities, that required the brothers and sisters to attend. It was at one of these parties, that changed my life, our lives, forever.

Tanya was off with one of her friends, getting drunk, and I was hanging with my best buddy, Jasper Whitlock. He was a year ahead of me, but also majoring in education and history. We were laughing at some of the younger guys in the fraternity. The idiots were trying to light their farts on fire. Seriously? But they were hilarious to watch. My younger sister, Alice, who just started college in the fall, and had pledged and got into Phi Beta Kappa, was weaving her way over to me, when all hell broke loose.

Alcohol and fire, mixed with drunken idiots...not a good idea.

Someone was screaming "Fire! Fire!"

I was looking at the idiots in front of me, but that was not the cause or source. The house was filling with smoke, and everyone, in their panic and inebriated states, started stumbling and running for the doors. I jumped up and grabbed Alice. Where was Tanya? Jazz, Ali and I made it out front without getting trampled, but I was worried that someone may be trapped inside...and I still didn't see Tanya. I was freaking out, and was about to run back inside, to look for her when she emerged from the house. Coughing and stumbling. I ran to her and picked her up and carried her to safety.

The fire trucks pulled up, and the rescue workers, went about their job. Some unraveled hoses, and went around the back of the house to work on the fire, while others, went in, to search for injured survivors, still trapped inside. I wanted to help so bad. I wanted to do that. I wanted to save lives. My whole universe shifted...my outlook...my desires and goals. I knew in that moment, I would never be satisfied, being a teacher.

After the fire was doused and everyone was safe, they questioned everyone, to find out what we knew, about how the fire started. Not many of the people were sober, so it was pretty slow go, and most of us had no idea how it started.

I could think about nothing else the whole weekend. The fire, firefighters, the excitement, the power and ability to save lives. I was in a dream like trance. I wanted to be a firefighter.

Monday morning, I left the house early and went to see my guidance counselor. I was going to see what I needed to do to change my major, and what I needed to do to become a firefighter. Starting in the winter semester, I would be officially changing my major to fire science and fire engineering.

I told Jazz about my plans first, even before I told Tanya, and he felt the same way, although he was going to keep his history and education as a backup. You couldn't be a firefighter for ever. What if you got injured and couldn't do it anymore? He had a point.

When I told Tanya, about my change in major, change in career choice, and change in plans she was livid. To say that she was unhappy with my decision was an understatement. She felt like I had betrayed her, by not discussing this change with her first. I tried to explain to her, that I couldn't see myself sitting at a desk or standing in a classroom, growing fatter and more indolent each year. I needed the excitement and physicality of being a firefighter.

This caused a lot of fights between us, but we stayed together, struggling to work it out. We still had our passion for extreme sports, and our dream of Everest. We were growing apart though. My fault. I was the one who put the wedge between us, and I didn't know how to fix it and remain true to myself. I mean I could give up my dream, and become a teacher, but that would just create even more resentment.

Jasper, had graduated, and was able to get a job as a firefighter in my hometown of Forks. His twin sister, had met and married, Emmett McCarty, one of the firefighters there. He helped get Jazz a job. So when I graduated, I looked at Forks first, and was lucky enough to get hired there as well.

Tanya applied and was hired for a job, teaching math, at Forks High School, and our lives seemed to be on the right track again.

When we first got married Tanya and I agreed to wait until we hit 30 to discuss having a family. While in school we had both wanted to wait. We were young and active, having children would get in the way of hang gliding, sky diving, and mountain climbing. I didn't want to stop doing all the fun things for a while. Children would put a stop to that stuff. They were expensive and demanding. Time consuming, and I didn't even want to think about having to be responsible to a child. Tanya was the center of my universe, and I was the center of hers. I didn't want to share.

Now that we were in Forks, both working in our choice of career, we bought a small house and settled into marriage, and small-town life. Suddenly Tanya wanted to be a mother. I think it had to do with Rose and Em. They just had a set of twins. Emmett strutted around the station, handing out cigars...proud father to two boys. Rose and Tanya, though not best friends, did hang out and do stuff, shop and do lunch. The minute Tanya had one of the babies in her arms, her whole demeanor changed, a look of longing in her eyes. She looked over at me, with a small, wishful smile. Hope shining in her eyes. I knew what was coming...and I wasn't ready for it.

When we left, that was all Tanya wanted to talk about. She wanted to stop birth control immediately. She was going to make an appointment with her doctor, to get checked out and make sure it was okay to start trying to have a baby. She wanted me to stop at the drug store so we could pick up some prenatal vitamins. She was making all of these plans without my consent. I wasn't ready.

But she was ready. She was determined. She believed this would fix our relationship. Give her something to focus her attention to. That's all she wanted. She begged and pleaded with me. She told me this is how I could make it up to her, for changing my mind about being a teacher. The more she argued in favor of getting pregnant and starting a family...the more I resisted. I stopped making love to her, started avoiding her...spending more time at the station. I threw myself into my work. Good for my career Bad for our marriage. I rose up in the ranks quickly, as my marriage deteriorated. Tanya used to be my universe, my gravity. Now like magnets flipped the wrong way, she was repelling me, pushing me further away. I avoided her, and home at all costs.

It had probably been weeks, maybe even a month or so, since I had gone home, when I got served with divorce papers.

Shocked, and yet not really. I knew this is where we were headed. Our relationship was non-existant. Destroyed, by my selfishness, and her demands. I knew I was to blame. I was at fault.

I went back to the house, thinking we could talk, maybe salvage this. I could apologize for my actions and avarice. But she was gone. I mean really gone. I walked into a shell of a house. She had taken everything and moved out. Well not everything. My piano was still there in the corner of the living room, where it has sat since we bought it. Next to the fireplace was a box. On closer inspection, it contained all of the pictures of Tanya and I over the course of our relationship.

I walked from bare room to bare room, looking at the emptiness of the house and my life. This is what it had all boiled down to. Finally I walked into the kitchen, and she had taken all of the cookware, dinnerware and furniture in here as well. Just the appliances were left in here. I noticed a single magnet on the refrigerator holding an envelope with my name written on it from Tanya.

Dear Edward,

I wonder if you are reading this because you came home on your own, or because you were served with divorce papers.

I have found someone else, who wants the same things as I do, and wants to be with and spend time with me.

As you can see, I have enclosed a sonogram, a picture of my baby. I am pregnant and want to be with the father of my child.

I didn't take any of your money, only the furniture, that I bought with my money, to decorate our home. I don't want to fight you on this. I just want a quick divorce, so I can remarry.

I wish you only happiness in your future, I just don't want to be a part of that anymore.

I will always love you, but I need to look out for me and do what's best for me.

Take care, Edward, and be happy.

Tanya

I was 24 years old and divorced. Married for four years and a failure. Nothing to show for all those years that I have loved her...worshipped her...taken her for granted.

I knew in my heart that our marriage was over long before I received the divorce papers, but it still hurt. She cheated on me. She left me. I never cheated...always faithful. I was just too immature, too egotistical, to make a good husband. I just disappeared, and ignored her, because it suited me.

We both grew up, changed and grew apart. We had both hurt each other.

We had married too young.

~~~~End Flashback~~~~

I focused on my surroundings, and realized I was parked in the driveway of my house. Why did I come here? I had decided to go back to the station.

Shit! I had been sitting out here for over an hour...lost in thought...thinking about Tanya.

Well, I was here. I might as well go inside and get that drink.

I walked into the empty house, and looked around. I had never replaced the furniture that Tanya had taken. The living room off the front door had my piano and bench, a lawn chair and a t.v. table. The hall was empty. The kitchen had another t.v. tray and lawn chair. I went to the cupboard and pulled out a bottle of Jack.

I had no glasses to drink from, so I decided I would kill the bottle. I shuffled into the bedroom, which had a deflated air mattress in the middle of the floor. I sighed and rubbed my face wearily and then sat down, my back against the wall, and tipped the bottle to my lips, feeling the burn as the alcohol slid down my throat, to my empty stomach. I felt the heat of the drink, rush through my body, and flushed. I hoped I would just pass out soon..

Hopefully I would get so drunk, that I could sleep without dreams. I had already been haunted enough by ghosts of the past.

I kept thinking about Bella and Jacob Black. Another example of marrying too young. I wondered what her story was. She said that she was the daughter of Charlie Swan. He was a good police chief. Much better than the guy in there now. I never knew Chief Swan had a kid, and in a town this size, you would think I would have.

I kept drinking, feeling the burn, waiting for oblivion. Seeking, even chasing after it.

Ugh! Why was I on the bathroom floor? God! My body hurt! My head hurt! My eyeballs hurt! Fuck! My hair hurt! My mouth tasted like something had crawled in there and died. I looked around at the porcelain fixtures of my bathroom, trying to remember how I got in here.

I felt something nudge my foot again. That's what woke me. I pried my eyes open to a slit and looked down my body to see who was kicking me.

Alice stood over me, with a grimace on her face.

"Shit" I moaned. Rubbing my face and trying to sit up. I was over taken with a bout of nausea, and I leaned over the toilet and vomited up what was left in my stomach.

"You're pitiful." Alice said. "I brought you some fresh clothes and breakfast. Jump in the shower and I will meet you in the kitchen." And she turned and walked away.

I did what I was told.

Standing in the spray of hot water, I started to feel like a human again. I rarely went on benders, but last night I deserved oblivion. I washed the smoke, sweat and sour vomit smell off of my body, and my mind cleared. Finally feeling like I could handle things, I got out of the shower. I quickly dried off and got dressed. I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled a new toothbrush out, and scrubbed my teeth and mouth clean. Definitely better.

I left the bathroom, and joined Ali in the kitchen. She was sitting patiently in one of the two lawn chairs. Breakfast for one, spread out on the t.v. tray. Scrambled eggs, bagel with cream cheese, and fresh fruit. And coffee.

The smell of the coffee hit me, and I moaned in pleasure. I grabbed the cup, and inhaled the heat and smell of it, before taking a cautious sip.

"Aaaahhhh. So good! Thanks sis!" I said solemnly.

"Jazz told me about Jacob Black. How are you doing? Is there anything that I can do?" She asked, concern creasing her brow.

"Yeah. I need you, and maybe Rose if she is available to check up on Bella Black...Jake's widow. Try to befriend her. She just found out that she's pregnant. Jake didn't take that news very well. And she's young...only 21 years old. No family, as far as I can tell. Can you do that for me? I don't want her to be alone, or afraid. She needs to have our support."

"Oh! Poor thing! Of course I will check on her. And I know that Rose will feel the same way." She was so tender-hearted. "Why have we never met her before though?"

"Thanks Ali! I appreciated it. As for why you've never met her, well, that mystery lies with Jacob Black. I have no idea why he never included her. But that has to change. If she stays here in Forks, invite her to do things. I know you will get along with her. I know you will love her. She's a lot like you, independent...strong." I couldn't tell her my real motive for wanting her around. That I wanted to be able to get to know her better. To give her the time she needed to grieve for Jacob, but to be there for her when she needed someone to talk to. I wanted to be there when she was ready to start seeing people...men. I wanted a chance with her. I was aware that I was a little obsessed with her.

I wanted her...and I was willing to wait for her.

Alice gave me a nod, and smiled at me. "Well then, I can't wait to meet her. I will go over there today, just give me directions to her home."

After giving her the directions, she left on the mission I had given her.

I wandered into the living room and sat down at my piano. My fingers itching to play. I ran my fingers along the keys. Caressing them. I played. I don't know how long I sat there and played, but it was a while. I was enraptured by the music. Lost in the simple beauty of the sounds I could elicit from the instrument in front of me. I became aware of time passing when the room grew dimmer. Sighing in contentment, then standing. Stretching my body and flexing my muscles, working the kinks out of my neck and back. I needed this. I needed my music. It brought me so much...joy. I needed it like I needed air, food and water. Music and playing made me happy...brought me back to life. I needed to start living again.

I smiled, and looked around the room. I needed to live here. I decided that I would go shopping for furniture and move back into my house...make it my home. It would have to wait until after the funeral though, I had too much to do in the next couple of days...but after the funeral, things would slow down again.

My thoughts went to Bella Black again. I was having a hard time staying focused on anything but her. I wondered if she would like my house. If she would even stay here in Forks, or if she would want to make a fresh start and move away. I wanted her to stay.

When I got back to the station, Emmett was the only one there, and working on the rigs as usual. I thought back to the conversation we had about the Black's after Bella's visit last year.

~~~~Flashback~~~~

Emmett and I were the only two at the station. Everyone else had gone home. We were playing poker and shooting the breeze, so I brought up the Black's.

"So how did you know about Bella Black? That Jake was married? I mean, I have never heard him speak of her. Never mention that he had someone in his life, let alone that he was married." I was trying to sound offhand. I hoped Em didn't realize how interested in his answer I really was.

"Well, I coached Jake, back in high school. He was one of my best receivers ever. Kid had sticky hands. With his height and reach he was practically unstoppable. He could've gone pro, but then he blew out his ACL early senior year. He missed the rest of the season and the scouts because of that injury. Tough break. Anyhow, you know how I recruit from there for volunteer firefighters, so as he sat sidelined, we talked about doing this. He seemed interested. We did a lot of talking that year. He told me about the girl he was in love with, Bella Swan, she was a couple of years younger than him. How his dad and her dad wanted them to get together. How he had no problem with that, but that Bella was playing hard to get.

After he healed, he started taking the fire safety classes he would need to volunteer, but he never did. He want to the local community college...taking the required classes to become a full-fledged firefighter. He applied here and got a job.

When Bella's dad was killed last year, Jake saw it as his chance to make his move, she agreed to marry him, and the rest is history." He was shaking his head as he said this last bit. "To tell the truth, he took advantage of her vulnerability at the time. She was being hounded by bill collectors, and got kicked out of school, because of no one was paying the bills. Unfortunately Charlie didn't provide for her. She was left penniless and homeless. She almost didn't have a choice. Jake offering to take care of her...to marry her, was an answer to her prayers...if you ask me."

"Do you know why he never invites her to our get togethers? If I knew about her I would have extended an invite, or had Alice or Rose invite her...get to know her." I muttered. I felt bad for excluding her.

"Nah, I don't know." Emmett said. "Maybe she's shy."

"I didn't get that impression from her." I said, thinking back to earlier and her winking at me as she left. She seemed very friendly and outgoing. Confident. "Maybe Jacob wants to smother her, and not let her see she has other options. Keep her all to himself." I mumbled to myself.

"Can you blame him?" Em said, he obviously heard me. "She's smokin' hot, and so small. Damn, man, the kid is in love with her, and has been for, like, forever. He obviously is very protective of her, and feels responsible for her." He was trying to be diplomatic.

I was still disgruntled, and I didn't like feeling this way. I agreed with Emmett. Bella Black was hot! And I felt a surge of desire and protectiveness too. Yeah, I can see how her size alone would make her seem frail and helpless. I was seriously jonesing for another mans wife...and it made me feel like shit.

~~~~End Flashback~~~~

"Hey, Eddie! You okay?" Emmett asked.

His words brought me back to the here and now. "I'm better than I was last night, but I'm not great. Just can't get it out of my head, that first Bella lost her dad in the line of duty and now her husband."

"Yeah, sucks that! Kid's got an unlucky streak a mile wide." Em huffed loudly. "Kid deserves a break."

"Yeah. A break. Maybe some friends. I want everyone here to be as supportive as they can be for her. I don't think she got it from the police department, when her dad died. I want to do better by her than that. Let's take care of our own. I already asked Ali to go talk to her. Get Rose involved too." I told him, and he nodded.

"Go home Em. I'll cover the station. If I need you, I will call." I said as I clapped him on the back. Then I walked in the main part of the building, and up to my office.

I turned off the overhead lights and just left the desk lamp on. Sitting at my desk, feet propped up on it, hands behind my head, I thought again about her.

Like I had summoned her, she suddenly appeared in front of me.

"Hey." She said softly. Like the last time she came to the station, she was dressed head to toe in black. "I have some questions for you."

I got up, and led her back downstairs to the lounge so we could sit and talk. I sat down on the couch, hoping she would sit near me.

"What's up?" I looked over at her.

"What do I do now? How does this go down?" She questioned.

"Jacob died with honor, in the line of duty. The department will handle all of the arrangements. Did you notice the flags are flying at half-mast outside?" I asked, and she nodded. "They will remain like that for the next 30 days in honor of our fallen man. All the normal traditions will be followed, for his funeral. We will have a bell ceremony and the reading of the firefighters prayer at the interment. You don't have to worry about anything. You just need to show up for the ceremonies." I felt so guilty. Like this was all my fault.

She nodded, then said softly. "Thank you." She seemed lost in her thoughts, staring at the wall, but not seeing it.

I put my arm on the back of couch, and touched her hair, trying to draw her attention.

"How are you holding up?" Concern in my voice.

"I'm okay. Alice came over earlier and pretty much told me everything you just said, so that I understand what's going on. She's really nice. She said she is your younger sister and married to one of the guys here. Is she married to Emmett?" she asked.

"No, her husband in Jasper. Emmett is married to Jasper's twin sister, Rosalie." I stated.

"One, big, happy family." She mumbled. She sounded lost and sad. "What about you? Are you married?"

I grimaced. "No. Divorced. My ex-wife didn't agree with my career choice." Bitterness tinged my words.

"You weren't a firefighter when you met? When you got married?" She looked confused, rightly so. "You're not that old, and you must have been doing this for at least a while to be in charge of this place." Her voice was full of curiosity and confusion.

I ran my hand through my hair. I was embarrassed at my failure and stupidity. "I got married too young. I...we were 20 years old and still in college. We both planned on being teachers, but mid-way through school, after we got married, things happened that made me want a different career. I switched majors. Started pursuing my current career. Tanya, my ex, was not happy. We tried to make it work, but, we grew too far apart as we grew up. She cheated on me, got pregnant by her lover, and divorced me. That was five years ago, I was 24 years old. I hear she's happily remarried, and has two children. They live in Seattle."

I realized at this point that I had my arm around her shoulders and was holding her. As I was talking she had curled her legs under her body and was leaning into my body. Held against my side, a tiny ball of heat and sweetness. Bella felt so small and fragile in my arms. I looked down into her big brown eyes, as she stared, unblinking, up at me. I doubted she had any idea what her closeness was doing to me.

The urge to kiss her almost overpowered me and I jumped up and away from her. "Ahhh. It's getting pretty late Bella..." I trailed off. Her lips pursed than pouted, and I just wanted to kiss, suck, lick and bite them.

She looked at me then away. "Of course. I should go home." She sounded so sad, and lost. "I guess I will see you at the funeral." She walked away slowly, like she didn't want to go home...to be alone.

I knew that feeling. That's why I hardly ever went to my own home. loneliness can be a bitch.