"Mate, Harry, come on, its breakfast mate".
Harry felt his shoulder being shook and twisted around to look up at Ron's freckled face. "I'll wait outside while you... prepare yourself. Talk about baptising a new bed" he said, laughing as he walked into the bathroom, closing the door gently behind him. Harry put his head back into the pillow in the hope of falling asleep again, but as realisation flooded over him he jumped up again. He looked down and saw what Ron had been talking about as waves of embarrassment swept over him like a tsunami. There was a long white streak down his duvet and across a section of the plush cream carpet. He looked over his shoulder and saw his trousers draped over his bedside lamp and a pair of boxers a few feet from the bed. Lifting his arm up, Harry sniffed his armpit and pulled back in shock.
"God I need a shower..." Harry said, looking around for his wand, but to no avail.
Harry stood, wiping sleep from his eyes as he wandered over to the bathroom door, grabbing a towel off the sideboard as he went. He looked around the room, trying to familiarize himself with the space without looking at the sink. He felt sick inside. He had wanked over images of his best friend playing with himself. However, as Harry turned the knob on the double shower and held his hand under to test the temperature, he couldn't help but imagine what he could do to Ron if only they weren't such good friends. And of course, if they were both gay.
"Not that I'm gay..." Harry assured himself "It's just... it's just sexual tension. I'm still a virgin, I just want the sex, no matter who it may be with. I just saw Ron and got turned on, no big deal". Yet even as he tried to assure himself that it was normal, he felt a brick resting in his stomach.
Was he as heterosexual as he considered himself to be?
The water heated to an adequate temperature and so Harry walked over to the shower. As he was about to get in, he glanced into the mirror. He looked himself up and down, admiring how much he had managed to hide the scrawny boy he had once been and become a muscular, tanned young man. He frowned again and stepped into the shower as the images of Ron came back into his mind. He had seen Ron naked before countless times, so why was this a big deal? Granted, he had never watched Ron masturbate before or became that turned on by him but it wasn't that different. He had become aroused in the Quidditch changing rooms before when the lad's were messing around but he had thought that was normal.
"Sexual tension, that's all" he said to himself again.
As he started lathering himself with soap, there was a knock on the door and Ron walked in from his bedroom to start brushing his teeth. Harry cursed under his breath for not locking Ron's door.
"So 'ave a good nigh' 'arry?" Ron asked with a toothbrush stuck in his mouth Harry looked around again, hoping his arousal would disappear, and sharpish.
"Yeah it was... interesting" Harry said hoping his burning ears would be hidden beneath his wet mop of hair "As you say, you should always baptise a new bed" he said with a wink at Ron. Laughing back at him, Ron pulled the toothbrush out of his mouth, rinsing it and taking a swig of water before turning to face Harry.
"Well it appears we both had the same mindset, except I was in here." Ron said with a smile. "I hope you didn't hear me, I was a bit... vocal" he added sheepishly.
Harry glanced down and seized the opportunity to step out of the shower while he was finally flaccid. Ron casually walked over with his towel while he shook the excess water out of his hair. Leaning back against the sink in a position very similar to that of the night before, Ron waited for Harry to dry himself off. Harry looked across at him and began to worry he would soon become hard again so headed off to his bedroom and pulled on a clean pair of tight boxers. He had just sat down to dry his feet when Ron walked back in with his book bag over his shoulder.
A knock sounded again at the door and Ron walked over to let Hermione in. She tutted at Ron's indecency when she saw Harry trying to cover himself over a bit more for her. Hermione's eyes wandered around the room, settling on the disheveled bed covers, and a small white stain on the carpet. However, she moved on from these as they seemed to be small nothings in her innocent eyes and instead walked over to Ron who was leaning against the chest of drawers next to the bathroom door.
"Your hair looks... different Hermione" Ron pointed out with a confused expression on her face.
"Do you like it?" She asked worriedly "I wanted to try out something new, I wasn't too happy with what it looked like before".
Ron leant over and kissed her check a few times before whispering something into her ear. Harry watched as she giggled before looking around for his other shoe, finding it in the corner next to an armchair. He picked up his bag from beside the chair and walked out into the common room to grab his books off the shelf.
"You unpacked quickly" Hermione said, following Harry out of the bedroom.
"Kreacher did it for me before we arrived" Harry replied, zipping his bag shut and turning to face his two friends, "Shall we head down to breakfast then?"
Hermione, laughing as Ron's ears pricked up, pulled him towards the door. Harry let them pass through so he could be sure his door was locked behind him. He fingered his wand in his pocket, making a mental note to clean his bedroom when he returned.
"Ahh you three" came the surprisingly cheery voice of Professor McGonagall from behind Harry, Ron and Hermione "I hope you like your rooms. I pulled a few strings and got you put together".
"Thanks Professor, I had thought that there would be more than three rooms for the Quidditch captains" Harry said, smiling up at her.
"Quite. Anyway, here are your timetables, you're all continuing the same subjects as you had in your sixth year. I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that you don't have much catching up to do either. Nothing of value was taught last year" she said before walking over to Dean and Seamus.
"Shall we head off then?" Hermione said, "The bell should be ringing in a few minutes anyway."
Harry smiled as they walked on towards Potions. As much as he wouldn't have admitted it to anyone else, he had missed Hogwarts immensely. Even Malfoy was a welcome sight.
As the class queued outside the potions classroom, Harry remembered the night he had spent with Ginny in a broom cupboard. The relationship had escalated quite a bit after that. A bit too fast in his opinion. But now, that ship had sailed, and Ginny was dating Neville. Another good reason to get out of that dormitory if you asked him. The entire group of lad's in that room would talk to each other about who they'd slept with, who they wanted to sleep with. Conversations of masturbation, girls and sex were an all too common occurrence in the Gryffindor dormitories. Well, at least in the one Harry had been in. And all Harry had was an embarrassing 'almost' moment with Ginny in a cupboard. He had chickened out in the end, the relationship never quite recovered after that night.
The previous night's vision of Ron on his bed floated back to the front of his mind.
If I'm to be honest with myself Harry thought, Ron is pretty attractive. I mean, I'm not gay, but surely it's normal to appreciate someone's beauty, whatever gender they may be. His face has matured a great deal over the past few years, and he has a lot of muscle now... And he has a fucking gorgeous cock.
Harry looked around, feeling embarrassed, half expecting to see someone telling everyone what he was thinking.
But the image of Ron was just firmly settled on his mind now. Harry felt like he was running through thorns just trying to push it out of his mind. Struggle and you just get even more trapped.
Okay, he has a nice body, but maybe I'm just getting like this because I have no one to love, sexually, and Ron's closer to me than anyone else Harry thought, He is a brilliant friend, he's never vain, he didn't care when people were shouting my name and he had to sit in my shadow, he's never jealous or suspicious, he's modest, he's, he's just brilliant
Harry sighed, looking up at the ceiling, wondering what on earth was happening to him.
"Harry m'boy! Are you with us today?" Chuckled Professor Slughorn, pulling Harry out of his trance. Looking down, Harry saw that his classmates had already entered the classroom, leaving him standing in front of Slughorn alone. Ron and Hermione were standing in the doorway, hand in hand, smirking at him. Professor Slughorn, ever the optimist, stood laughing beside them.
"Well m'boy shall we enter, I've decided to start off the year the same as the last two" He continued his speech as he entered the class so that all the students could hear. "I shall be giving a bottle of Felix Felicis to whoever can create for me a sample of Amortentia. You have until the end of this lesson, to brew me the strongest love potion known to man. But remember, with great strength comes great danger, so be careful not to ingest any of it" Slughorn said heartily before setting them all to work.
"So you fancy being my potions partner this year mate?" Ron asked, sliding up to Harry's side.
"Yeah sure" Harry said "Don't you want to work with Hermione though?"
"She's working with Neville, given he has no other friends in this class except us, Dean and Seamus".
"Okay then, I'll let you get the ingredients" Harry said distantly, bending down to get his cauldron and scales. When he reached into his bag to grab his potions kit however, a thin shadow fell over him. Looking up, he saw Malfoy standing over him. Harry quickly jumped up and moved his hand to his pocket, ready to draw his wand if necessary.
"There'll be no need for that Harry" Malfoy drawled with a smirk on his face. Harry looked at him dumbfounded. Had Malfoy just called Harry by his first name?
"H-Harry?" he replied.
"Yes, Harry. I think it about time we put our differences behind us. I don't mean we should be friends, but after, you know, last year, I think it's only right to put it all behind us and start a fresh." Malfoy said, holding out his hand for Harry to shake.
Harry grabbed the outstretched hand, shaking it warily. Draco left just as Ron emerged from the store cupboard.
"What was that about?" Ron asked, having evidently witnessed the end of the conversation. "He hasn't started pissing about already has he, the years only just started!"
"No, he just, decided we should put our emnity behind us" Harry said, still a bit confused. "Shall we start with this? I wouldn't mind getting good old Felix back."
Ron nodded and started chopping some roots.
"So what was wrong with you earlier?" Ron muttered, looking round to make sure everyone else was too busy with their work to be listening.
"Nothing, I just, had stuff on my mind" Harry replied, casting his eyes around as well.
"Well you know that I'm here for you if you need anything" Ron muttered, putting the roots in the cauldron. "I know I may act like a douche sometimes, but I can listen if need be".
Harry grinned to himself.
"I'll bear that in mind, I promise, but it's not really something you can help with" Harry said, knowing that Ron could only possibly help by letting him watch him wank again, but that would only confuse Harry more.
"You may as well try me" Ron replied, dropping some shredded roots into the cauldron.
Harry cast about his mind for something to tell Ron. If he told him something at least close to the truth then he may get some useful advice without having to actually say what his problem was.
"I like someone" Harry finally said, pouring a liter of water into the mix and setting it to boil.
"Well that's not as bad as I thought it was going to be" Ron said merrily.
"What were you expecting?" Harry asked, smiling at his friend.
"I dunno, maybe, help Ron, I think I killed someone" Ron replied with a laugh.
Harry grinned again before looking around again to make sure no one was listening.
"It's not just that I like someone though" Harry began, "I know that I can't possibly like them, and I don't fully understand why I do. Well, I understand why, I can see why I'm attracted to the person, if that's what it is, but I can't see why-"
"Whoa mate," Ron said, stopping Harry's rant mid-flow. "Slow down a bit, I can't keep up".
Harry muttered a quick apology, before starting again, speaking in rhythm with stirring.
"I like someone. But I know that I can't, it's sort of wrong to like them, I think. I find them attractive, both inside and out, but I just really don't know what I should do". Harry said, starting to stir anti-clockwise.
"It's not Luna is it?" Ron asked "Because that is wrong".
Harry snorted with laughter, catching the attention of those around him. He lowered his voice and shuffled slightly closer to Ron before replying.
"No, it's not Luna".
Ron smiled as he added the final ingredients to the potion. He sat down, motioning for Harry to do the same.
"Good, because I think she would probable accidentally kill you" he began, making Harry laugh again. "Now, I'll not ask who it is, I'll just wait for Hermione to start questioning you and let her do the digging".
Harry grinned as he sat down beside Ron.
"But if I was this person, I think I'd want to know. You're a good looking lad, I can't imagine anyone turning you down" Ron said, surprising Harry by his lack of pink cheeks after having said something so unlike Ron. "You could probably even bend Malfoy to your will if you felt the need".
"Thanks Ron" Harry said, smiling up at Ron, "You weren't wrong about being able to listen".
"No problem mate" Ron replied "I'd hug you or something but it may be pretty awkward given where we are".
Harry laughed again.
"I'll let you away with it this time" he said, making Ron smile.
"I may as well go put the ingredients away then" Ron said, standing up and gathering the spares.
"Well m'boys" said Slughorn as Ron returned "I couldn't help but notice that you seemed finished. Mind if I check?"
"Be our guest" Ron said, seating himself back in front of the cauldron.
Slughorn bent over the potion and sniffed at the contents.
"This seems perfect, can't find a thing wrong with it" he boomed excitedly. "What do you smell?"
"Well I can smell Lavender shampoo, lamb stock and," Ron stopped speaking, deciding instead to stare wonderingly into the potion. "Well I have no idea what that is, a kind of woody scent. It's nice though".
Slughorn chuckled before turning his gaze to Harry.
"I smell... smoke, Christmas trees and ... that smells something like snow I think, if snow has a smell" Harry said with a laugh.
"Well that sounds perfectly fine! Well done" Raising his voice so the rest of the class could hear, Slughorn said "Well I think we've found our winner today! Well done Harry, Ron. The rest of you may finish your potions and then pack up." Harry grinned at Ron.
"We have Felix back!"
Harry began placing all of their utensils back into his bag whilst Ron went to talk to Hermione and Neville. He leant back against the desk, his eyes watching Slughorn fill a phial with some Felix Felicis, but his mind on other things entirely.
"Gay? I'm not gay, I can't be gay. Seventeen years of Uncle Vernon would have driven that out of any teenage boy. But now Ron wants me to tell him. How the hell does a person bring that up? Hey mate, just thought I'd let you know that I found other men attractive, so, yeah, make of that what you will".
Harry was dragged out of his thoughts, not for the first time that day, by Slughorn tapping his shoulder.
"Your reward m'boy" he said, offering Harry the bottle.
"Thank's professor" Harry said, taking the bottle from his professor.
"I'm glad to see you can work just as well without that book" Slughorn said with a wink, before walking to his desk.
Ron appeared behind Harry just as the bell rang.
"He knows about the book?" Ron said, making Harry jump.
"Apparently so" Harry replied, turning to face him. "I guess McGonagall found out with what happened with Snape after Dumbledore died"
"Sound's legit" Ron said, picking up his bag and heading out of the classroom with Hermione.
Awe followed the eighth year students out of the Defence Against The Dark Arts classroom.
"We haven't had a lesson as good as that since Lupin" Ron said, turning to face his two friends "What'cha think we're doing next lesson then?
"Dunno" Harry said, imagining all the amazing things Henderson could possibly do for them.
Hermione turned in the direction of the library, stopping the conversation in it's tracks.
"Hermione, what work can you possibly have to do, you've been in the same classes as us today, and we have no work" Ron said confusedly.
"I have no work, but I also have no books to read tonight" she replied before reverting to the original topic. "But Professor Henderson was nice, wasn't he?"
"Yeah, let's not get used to him though" Harry joked, "Only got him for a year"
"Mind you Harry, that curse may have died along with Voldemort" Hermione contemplated, pushing open the Library door. "When Dumbledore died all his charms on Grimmauld Place ceased working. You weren't under his charm anymore either were you?"
Harry smirked at Ron as the walked past Madame Pince's desk, both of them being used to their jokes being taken literally.
"I guess we'll just have to wait and see" he said, following Hermione down an aisle.
"I'm just heading over to the Quidditch section" Ron said, walking away from Harry and Hermione. "I'll meet up with you's in a bit".
Harry watched him go before turning to face Hermione.
"You know, I could have sworn you had a book on the train" Harry said, sitting down at one of the desks.
Hermione sat down beside him, pulling a random book off the shelf.
"Ron spoke to me earlier" she said, flicking through the books pages absentmindedly. "He told me you have a small problem".
"I must admit that I expected it was only a matter of time before you started asking me questions" Harry said, smiling at her.
"So, do you want to talk?" she asked, closing the book and pushing it away now that she was sure Harry didn't mind her knowing.
"I may as well, you probably know what I told Ron anyway".
"Well, he did tell me what happened, but you know how his mind wanders, you could have told him you were gay and he probably wouldn't notice".
Harry laughed nervously.
"Well okay then." Harry began, "I assume you have at least heard that, I like someone".
Hermione nodded, urging Harry to continue.
"But, I know that I cant like them, and it sounds stupid when I say it, but I just feel like I'm not allowed to, no matter how I think about it".
"Because it's a he" Hermione said, more as a statement than a question.
Harry stared at Hermione in bewilderment.
"I'm sorry if I've jumped the gun" Hermione said, her hand twitching towards the book again.
"I'm not gay" Harry muttered, looking out of the window behind Hermione in a trance-like manner.
"I'm not saying you are" Hermione began saying. "Well, I suppose I did, sort of..."
"Why did you think I was?" Harry asked, bringing his gaze to Hermione's shoulder.
"I just, it popped into my mind one day, and ever since I've been noticing small things about your mannerisms to just, support that" Hermione said, staring at a fascinating scratch on the desk beside her.
"What do you think?" Harry asked after a few minutes of silence. The tension between the two was growing by the second, Hermione hoping that the ground would swallow her up. She had never intended on trying to out Harry, it had just slipped out.
"Is that the only confirmation I'm going to get?" Hermione asked, smiling at his chin.
"Who said it's a confirmation?" Harry asked, somehow hoping that Hermione would completely forget about what had been said.
"I'll take that as a yes" Hermione said, still not meeting Harry's gaze.
The pair sat in silence for a few more minutes, their eyes only meeting when the two stared at a fly passing between them.
"I'm not entirely sure what it is" Harry finally said, deciding that if killing Voldemort hadn't wracked his nerves all that much, this shouldn't either, "I think I'm slightly confused at the moment, to say the least".
Hermione nodded, finally making eye contact in an attempt to spur him on to tell her more. Harry sighed before continuing.
"I'm not entirely sure what I am to be honest" he said, twisting in his seat to get himself more comfortable. "For as long as I've been old enough to have any form of sexual desire, I seem to have, well, I wouldn't say, preferred men, but I didn't really look at any women with sexual lust. It was only more recently, when I was about 16, that I think I started looking at men. I never really came across gays or homophobes in my childhood, and having definitely not spoken to Uncle Vernon about my sexuality, I think that at the time, I just considered it normal. I still dated Ginny though, but I think it's just because I didn't really know what I wanted. I was attracted to her, but casting my mind back, it was probably just because I do love her so much, but only as a sister. I don't know really. Like I said, I feel, I feel shitty".
Harry cast his eyes back out of the window again, thinking about what he was to say next. Fortunately, Hermione saved him the trouble.
"And now, it's all starting to bubble to the surface as something that suddenly needs attention? You've never had to think about it before, you've been deprived of anything a normal teenager would have, you never really had time to, well, time to think about it."
"Yeah" Harry said, smiling at her.
"What set it off?" she asked, putting the book named 'Jewish Witches Through the Ages' back onto the shelf neatly, obviously not expecting to need it again.
Harry looked down at the table awkwardly before answering.
"Well, if you really must know, I've been watching Ron a little bit recently. But I don't want to date him or anything" he added quickly, "I just, you know, think he's a bit attractive, but not like I want to, you know, I don't want him to-".
Hermione held her hand up to stop him, smiling as she did so.
"It's okay" she said, "You're perfectly within your rights to find any lad you want attractive. Even my boyfriend".
Harry laughed.
"I'll keep that in mind in future" he said, winking up at her.
"Well now that's that off your chest, shall we head off to find Ron?" Hermione asked, standing up and pushing her chair under the desk.
"Yeah, sure" Harry replied, standing up with her, "But, you're sure you're okay with this whole, you know, thing?"
"Of course I'm okay with it, you're my closest friend, I'll always love you, no matter what" she said, pulling Harry in for a hug, "And of course, it goes without saying that I'll keep this to myself. You can tell Ron in your own time".