Disclaimer: Clannad the visual novel is the property of Key and their respective partners. I'm not sure how much of Clannad the anime belongs to Key and how much belongs to Kyoto Animation, but nonetheless none of its content belongs to me. I'm not making any money with this fic.
Author's notes: Here's chapter two. Again, a big thanks to my beta-reader, Anya Anthony. Thanks to Vaarsuvius as well for reviewing.
Fujibayashi Ryou woke up well before her alarm clock that morning. Through the curtains, she could see how the first rays of the rising sun were dying the sky, and she sat there for a long while, staring at the breaking dawn deep in thought.
She felt she was supposed to remember something.
Shaking her head, Ryou looked around her still-dim room, hoping to get a clue of whatever she had forgotten. She had never been one to have morning amnesia, but for some reason she felt she really needed some directions for today.
Everything seemed to be in order in her room. Her few books were piled up on her desk, her bag was at its proper place, her clothes folded neatly next to her futon. When her alarm clock went off, she would put on her school uniform and go help her mother prepare the breakfast as well as wake up her sister.
Her eyes darted to the far side of her room, fixing on the set of clothing on the hanger. That's right; the Hikarizaka high school uniform which she had already used for the last two years. She would put it on today and head to school, and thus would begin a completely normal day.
So why did the thought of putting it on feel so strange? What had she forgotten?
"Ah, that's right," she murmured as her eyes caught the colour of the uniform's emblem. The deep blue background indicated that she was a senior student, and today would be the first day she was clad in that colour.
Today would be the beginning of her third year.
But even as Ryou put on the uniform and headed downstairs to begin her day, the feeling that she had forgotten something important didn't disappear.
"Hmph. It seems we're not in the same class," Fujibayashi Kyou said with a scoff. They were standing in the front yard of the school, reading the signboards for the seniors' class structures. "I'm in 3-C, and you're in 3-D."
"So it would seem," Ryou agreed quietly, nodding. For some reason, she had had a hunch this was going to happen. Not that it mattered that much - she and her sister spent so much of their time together that being in the same class wasn't really that much of a loss. They had spent their second year in separate classes, too. So why was she feeling so uneasy?
"Ryou, are you alright?" She wasn't surprised her sister could sense her uneasiness. "You've been awfully quiet today. What's bugging you?" She shook her head and managed a small smile.
"I, I'm alright, onee-chan," she told her. "I just feel like I've forgotten something. I'm trying to think of what it is..." Kyou raised an eyebrow. It wasn't normal for her to forget things. Then she shrugged and patted her shoulder.
"Don't worry about it, I'm sure it'll come back to you soon!" With that, she pointed at the signboards again. "Do you recognize any names from your class?" Ryou fixed her gaze on the name list. To her relief, she knew a few people from her previous class, and some she could talk to during breaks if her sister wasn't around. Suddenly, her eyes caught a name that was eerily familiar.
"Okazaki Tomoya," she muttered, loud enough for Kyou to hear. She couldn't tell for certain from her point of view, but she thought her twin just twitched slightly. She didn't fully register it, however, for her mind was fully occupied, trying to recall why the name sounded so familiar.
"Oh, are you in the same class as Tomoya? Lucky you!" her sister exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and snuggling her playfully. "Now's your chance to make a move for him!" Ryou blushed deep scarlet. That's right: Okazaki Tomoya was the tall, handsome delinquent she had seen sometime during her second year. When she had told with a slight blush to her sister that he 'looked kind of cool', she had winked at her and told her to let her take care of all of it. Apparently, her sister had taken into knowing Okazaki after that, to pave way for her twin's feelings.
Yes, he was the boy she had a crush for. How could've she forgotten that?
And why did she feel there was something besides that, too?
"O-onee-chan!" She squeaked, frantically looking around, trying to make sure he wasn't around. "P-please don't say such things out loud. I, I wouldn't dare... Something like that..." Sighing, Kyou let go of her.
"You're way too kind for your own good, you know - you're not gonna win his heart that way." Then she flashed a grin, and gave her a thumbs-up. "But don't worry, I'll help you out. Let your big sister take care of everything." Blushing, Ryou could only nod her thanks. She was right - with her stuttering and blushing, she wouldn't even be able to start a normal conversation with Okazaki on her own. She would be wise to rely on the help of her sister. However...
"Onee-chan?" Nevertheless, why did she have a feeling that it wasn't appropriate at all? It felt as if she was... "Okazaki-kun is not dating anyone, is he?" It felt as if she was stealing someone's boyfriend. As she glanced sideways at her twin, she could see surprise written clearly on her face. Surprise and something she thought she recognized as guilt. Nevertheless, it was all blown away when she suddenly laughed.
"Of course not," she said with her usual mirth. "If he was, I'd know about it. I was in the same class for a year, and if someone like him managed to find a girlfriend, I would notice." The feeling didn't entirely go away, but Ryou trusted her sister - if she said he was free, she wouldn't have to have guilty conscience. She murmured a quiet 'OK', and gave a nod.
"Aw, geez," Kyou muttered, quickly changing the subject. "It looks like you're in the same class with Sunohara, too. I suppose it was too much to hope those two would be separated."
"Sunohara Youhei?" Ryou repeated the full name without looking at it on the signboard. Why did that name sound familiar, too? Her twin was equally surprised.
"You know him?" She shook her head, to which Kyou just shrugged. "I must've mentioned the name. He's the idiot friend of Tomoya, always seeking trouble and playing pranks that fail miserably every time. His idiocy is probably infecting Tomoya, because when they're together, he seems to come up with something equally stupid." Ryou resisted the urge to back off from her sister who was clenching her fist tightly, the air around her getting thicker with every spoken word. Of course, now she remembered the numerous times she had told her about 'the two idiots at school I had to straighten up - again'.
However, she knew her sister well enough to tell that she wasn't nearly as vexed about it as she pretended to be. In all honesty, she often seemed a little amused because of the duo's antics - and if nothing else, glad for the opportunities to vent her frustration on them.
"Well," she said eventually, her usual smile returning on her face. "If he gives you trouble, just call for me and I'll beat him up, ok?" Before Ryou had the chance to tell her that there would probably be no need for violence and that Sunohara would most likely behave well - even though something told her that that definitely wouldn't be the case -, the bell rang. Her twin glanced at the direction of the school.
"Ah, that's the signal for the opening ceremony. Come on, we don't want to be late," Ryou nodded, and trailed after her sister among the mass of students entering the school building. Perhaps her anxiety would fade after the official ceremonies were over and they could properly begin their school life.
However, she wasn't feeling very confident about that.
As she had predicted, the unexplainable uneasiness didn't vanish that day. She had managed to get in touch with the classmates she knew after the opening ceremony, and was feeling a bit better by the time their homeroom started. However, the peculiar feeling returned the moment she set her eyes on Okazaki Tomoya - who spent the whole homeroom lesson staring outside the window, clearly not interested one bit in what the teacher was talking about.
Ryou, on the other hand, listened intently like a proper student and even volunteered - hesitantly, but volunteered nonetheless - to become the class representative when it became obvious no one else was going to take the job.
However, the sideways glance she got from Okazaki because of her nomination seemed to tell her it had been worth it, even if it further fuelled her anxiety.
"You're just nervous because you're in the same class," Kyou said in a knowing tone that evening when she was having her hair combed by her sister. "With your nature, it's no surprise."
"I wish you weren't so blunt about it, onee-chan," she scolded her quietly, even though she knew her sister was telling the truth. Compared to Kyou - well, compared to anyone, really - she was meek to a crippling level.
"I'm just teasing you!" Her twin's laughter rang softly. "Don't worry about it; you'll get over the shock in no time! Or at least you better:" she added, mirth dancing in her eyes. "It simply won't do if you just blush and stutter during your dates with Tomoya." Ryou's cheeks flared.
"Onee-chan!" Again, her twin laughed, and this time she felt some of that joy touch herself as well. She resumed combing her hair in comfortable silence.
"Hey, Ryou?" Kyou spoke after some while.
"What is it, onee-chan?"
"How about you do your fortune telling for me?" For reason she couldn't understand, she stilled completely.
"What?" Her twin glanced over her shoulder to see her face.
"Read the cards for me. You know, to find out how this year is going to turn out." When she didn't respond, but simply stared into distance, she raised her eyebrow slightly. "You don't want to?"
"N-no, that's not it," Ryou replied, shaking her head. "I was just a bit surprised about you asking that all of a sudden." Why was she spacing out? Fortune telling was her dear hobby, wasn't it? She had read her twin's fortune numerous times before - why did it suddenly feel so unfamiliar? Why did it suddenly feel so… distasteful? Her sister turned her face away.
"If you don't want to, it's okay," She shook her head again.
"No, I'll get the cards," she told her, reaching for her school bag. After rummaging through it, she pulled out a deck of playing cards. "Ah, there."
"Ryou, could you do your fortune telling for me? To find out how our family life is going to turn out?"
Her muscles came to a screeching halt. As she stared at the deck of cards in her hand, an image of a young brunette seemed to flash in front of her eyes. Her stomach had swelled to ridiculous proportions in comparison to her otherwise small frame, but she still held a warm, happy smile on her face as she rested her hand on her abdomen.
"Ryou?" Her twin's voice brought her back to reality, and she found her peering over at her face, worried. "Is everything alright?" She nodded on reflex.
"Everything's fine. I just thought… Ah, never mind." Her sister still appeared troubled, but didn't press it. She began shuffling the cards, trying to concentrate on the task at hand. However, her memory was acting on its own, flashing images in front of her eyes.
"Are you sure? My fortune telling isn't all that accurate…" The pregnant woman nodded, and smiled again.
"Even if it turns out wrong, it's still better than nothing. Plus, it seems like a fun thing to do," she explained, clasping her hands together.
"Heh, I know that," Kyou said, startling her. Had she spoken out loud? "But it's still better than not knowing anything at all, right?" With a flashed smile, she laid herself on the floor in front of her sister, gesturing her to lay down the cards. Ryou complied, placing three cards in front of her sister, and frowned at her slightly trembling hands.
"Jack of hearts, three of hearts, and an ace of diamonds," the brunette read the cards. "What does that mean?" She looked silently over the cards, pondering about their possible meanings for a while before she cleared out her throat.
"W-well, heart symbolises love in this case, and the jack is referring to male. Three of hearts means probably three people who love each other, and the ace of diamonds is referring to either something precious or something ever-lasting," she explained, and then smiled. "In short, you could sum it up as 'A boy who will bring much love, ties together three people in precious times.'" The brunette looked down on her stomach.
"A boy who brings much love…" she repeated quietly, rubbing her stomach gently. She then raised her gaze, and stared at her in awe. "That's amazing, Ryou-chan. How can you read the cards like that?" the Fujibayashi blushed slightly and gave a nervous laugh.
"Well, it's all self-taught, to tell you the truth." Then she sobered, and fixed her gaze on the woman sitting across the table. "B-but like I said, it's not always accurate. Even if I say it will be a boy, it might also be a girl - the future is not set in stone. Either way," she told her with a warm smile of her own.
"You're going to have much happiness, Nagisa-chan."
"Ryou? Ryou, are you… Crying?"
Even after Ryou had stopped crying, she hadn't been able to give her sister a proper explanation as to why she had suddenly burst into tears. Even after having the strong flashback about the pregnant woman, she hadn't managed to convey her strong feeling of sorrow appropriately to her. Moreover, when she had tried to describe what she had suddenly remembered, the memories had kept on slipping out of her touch.
It had pained her greatly to see her twin's face, struck with worry, confusion, and helplessness when she had realized that she couldn't help her sister with whatever it was that was eating her.
In the end, Ryou had almost burst into tears again, apologizing for being such a messed-up bunch of trouble for her sister. That, in turn, had earned her a whole-hearted scolding from Kyou, mostly revolving around 'being too sensitive over some stupid déjà-vu' and 'my sister isn't messed up' - followed shortly by a pep talk of how she was just stressed out or slept badly and how everything would become normal in just a few days.
Once again, she was reminded of how lucky she was to have such a strong, caring big sister.
By the time she went to bed, she was feeling a bit better, but Kyou still insisted that she had better not go to school tomorrow unless she was feeling one hundred percent healthy and rested. She promised to think about it in the morning, after a good night's sleep.
It was not something she was going to get. Ryou's sleep was restless; plagued by memories she didn't remember having, people she couldn't remember ever seeing before. Every now and then she woke up with a start, deeply troubled by the scenes her sub-consciousness unfurled in front of her. In addition, every time she tried to recall what she had seen, the accurate details kept avoiding her, leaving her with only blurred images and ghosts of memories.
By the time the dawn broke, she felt like she hadn't gotten any sleep at all.
"You definitely aren't coming to school today," Kyou stated matter-of-factly the instant she laid her eyes on her sister. "Judging by your looks, you must've slept horribly."
"Ah, just a bit," she protested timidly. The flat look she earned from her was enough to tell her that they were both well aware that she was lying. "But I'd still like to go to school. Today would be the first proper day..." Her voice trailed off. She didn't have the courage to tell it to her sister, but she had a slight premonition that something important would happen today. "I'd really like to be there." Unrelenting, her twin shook her head.
"Not gonna happen. You promised last night that you wouldn't go unless you were perfectly healthy - and I can tell you're far from it. Don't worry," she assured her, smiling. "I'll tell your teacher and your friends that you've caught a cold. You just focus on getting better, okay?" Ryou wasn't entirely okay with that, but because she didn't want to cause her sister more worry than she already had, she didn't have the heart to start driving her mindset through.
Instead, she just nodded and thanked her sister for all the effort. Shortly after her sister left for school, she tried to fall into sleep again, only to find out that even though weary, her body wouldn't let her drift into unconsciousness on such a strange hour. Instead, she ended up laying wide awake on her futon, staring the ceiling and spacing out, losing the track of time completely. By the time she looked on the clock again, she realized absently that the morning lesson were about to begin.
Suddenly, her eyes flew wide open, and she sprung up from her futon. Wrapping her arms around her frame, gasping for air as if drowning, Ryou was hit with such a strong feeling that it left her paralyzed for a better part of a minute.
"W-What..." Not knowing why, she raised her gaze and stared outside her window, to the direction where the Hikarizaka High School was. Shivers ran down her spine, and the anxiety that had plagued her for yesterday returned stronger than ever, the tension almost causing her to break into tears again.
Something important would definitely happen today.
Kicking away the sheets, the indigo-haired girl reached for her school uniform with hands that should've shaken uncontrollably after such a strong, violent reaction. However, her grip and actions were strangely steady. Likewise, even though a part of her mind was in absolute turmoil of what she had just felt, there was a functional, determined part of her mind that intended to get to the school by any means necessary.
For the first time ever, it felt truly essential to go so brutally against Kyou's wishes.
Her parents had thankfully left for work already as she rushed down the stairs, haphazardly putting her shoes on. She didn't think she could've whipped up a good excuse for going to school regardless of not feeling well - especially not in the state she was currently in.
Normally, she took a bus to the school, for the trip was quite lengthy to cover by foot, but she was certain that it would take a while for the next bus to come. Plus, the nagging premonition told her that the bus would go a route that would make her miss out the... Whatever it was that she had set out to see.
Instead, Ryou ran as fast as she could. She was certain that she appeared as someone who had just badly slept in, and silently prayed that no one who could recognize her would see her - it would be a horrible and embarrassing hassle to sort out with her twin and her parents if word came to them about this.
Ryou wasn't a strong, enduring athlete like her sister, and she soon had to stop and lean against her knees, trying to ease her breathing. Looking up, she determined she was only about half-way through to school and already at her limit. Reaching the school in time seemed impossible, and she found her spirit waning. Was this really how little she could take when faced with such odds?
A determination she didn't realize having suddenly flared through her.
"No..." she huffed, getting her breathing under control. "I... I must do this... I must help... Must help..." She couldn't get the last few words out of her mouth, the ones that would've told her just what it was she had to help. No matter how hard she tried to nail the thought down, it kept avoiding her touch. Giving up, she figured that the only way to really find out was to make it to school in time.
So she ran.
"Do you like this school?"
She had never made it to the school. The last obstacle that remained between Ryou and her school was the natural hill upon which the school had been built. All the new students had found the long uphill climb to be vigorous exercise, and some - mostly those with lower scores - joked that they had often considered turning back and going back home to sleep. Eventually, however, everyone got used to the everyday routine of climbing it. But even then, some people still had difficulty going over that obstacle.
"I really, really do. But... Nothing, nothing can remain the same."
She had never made it to the school, because she had run into two people she just couldn't pass on the foot of the hill. Okazaki Tomoya was there, his schoolbag under his arm, one hand placed care-freely in his pocket. As the famous delinquent, he probably saw it fitting to come to school at such an hour, when everyone else was already attending lessons. His visage was facing left, locks of dark hair twirling in the air for a brief while as a gust of wind got a hold of them, and Ryou couldn't get a proper view of the expression he had.
"Even fun things... And happy things. They can't possibly stay unchanged."
Her gaze rotated right, towards a girl slightly shorter than her wearing the same uniform. Ryou couldn't tell the colour of her badge from her point of view, standing several dozen feet behind her back. The schoolbag rested against her knees, her petite hands clutching the handle as she spoke softly to herself, the cherry petals falling gently around her. Even though far away, she could hear what she was saying like she was standing right beside her.
Ryou didn't know her. This chestnut haired short woman, she had never seen her before, never exchanged a single word with her, didn't know anything about her.
"Even so… Can you keep on loving this place?"
Yet still, Fujibayashi Ryou felt her tears budding again as she looked at her. This unknown woman, the sight of her filled her with happiness and warmth and heart-breaking sorrow all at the same time; She was supposed to be here, supposed to be here where she could love and be loved - yet still it was impossible, for she had gone to a place where there was no return. It was sweet to the brink of painful to see her standing here, but Ryou knew it was also supposed to be impossible.
Nagisa-chan. She remembered. She remembered being in the funeral, gazing upon her friend's urn and her picture next to it. They had all been there, all her friends and family - all who had loved her. She remembered crying. She remembered mourning. She remembered how unfair it had felt to see Nagisa-chan taken from her family.
Yet here she was in front of her eyes, very much alive. She wanted to call out to her, wanted to run at her side, wanted to talk with her. She wanted to cry out her happiness, to renew their friendship into what it had been, to once again be her beloved friend and to have her as a beloved friend.
But some part of Ryou held her completely still, made her stand there and look at Okazaki and Nagisa from the distance. Some part of her remembered that she must not interfere with the scene in front of her eyes.
"Just find them," he said after a brief silence, breaking her out of her monologue. With a start, she looked at him, and Ryou couldn't tell whether she was more surprised about him talking to her or about the fact that there had been someone hearing her loud inner debate. The two locked gazes, the cherry petals swirling in the wind around them as he continued. They did not notice her. It was as if the two of them were in a world completely of their own.
"Just find new happy and fun things." Nagisa simply stared at him, her mouth slightly ajar. Eventually, he turned his gaze away and sighed. "Come on, let's go." She complied and walked on his side.
Ryou was left standing there, staring after the two figures that ascended the long climb without pause, together.
And then she fell on her knees as the surge of memories kicked in.
She was home again, lying still on her futon, her gaze fixated on the ceiling. As soon as she had made it back home, she had changed back into her nightgown and went back to bed to get some rest, just like Kyou had told her to. When she and her parents got back home, everything would seem perfectly normal again.
The only thing was that anything wasn't normal anymore.
On the foot of that hill, she had remembered everything; Ushio's demise, Tomoya's lapse into deep depression, and her own inability to do anything to help him. She remembered the strange shop and the mysterious deal she had made - a deal that had, as impossible as it sounded, apparently thrown her back in time. Or, if what the woman had said was true, into another world.
If Ryou hadn't had such strong memories of the previous six years of her life, she would've considered this just a dream - or herself having very bad mental issues.
She still hadn't counted that last option entirely out, mind you.
After getting a hold of herself and walking home, however, she had managed to make a truce with herself and somewhat convince herself that what she faced now and what she remembered were both reality. Just how that was possible, she didn't even want to find out, but she had a growing suspicion that the shop she had visited and the woman there had been much, much more than she had thought.
As shocking as the situation was, Ryou's confusion had slowly turned into mirth; Now that she was here, be it the past or alternate world, she had a chance. With her memories about how the future, she finally had a chance to help Tomoya, a way to grant him the happiness he couldn't obtain before. The cheerful thought had lasted for a better part of a minute, until reality had come crashing down upon her.
Just how was she going to do that?
She remembered claiming to the woman that she could make him become happy by 'helping him make the right decisions'. Initially, she had thought that Tomoya had made an err at some point of his life and all she needed to do was to fix that mistake - but how was she supposed to know what that mistake was? Had there been just a single wrong decision, or several? Could she discern the right option of the wrong ones? Was there just one right option?
Ryou shook her head vigorously, trying to clear out her jumbled thoughts. Despite the confusing situation and the number of questions swirling in her head, there was one thing she could tell for certain: However Tomoya obtained his happiness, it wouldn't happen without Furukawa Nagisa.
As much as she hated to talk ill of her friend, she had to admit that Okazaki Tomoya, despite his carefree appearance, was a rather troubled person. She didn't know all the details, of course, but the little titbits she had gotten in the time she had known him told her of problems with family even before Nagisa's death. The little she had gotten out of Sunohara - who had been uncharacteristically reluctant to talk - had suggested that he had had to stop playing basketball due to medical reasons, and that had left its mark on his whole high school life. Ryou had concluded that all this mustn't have done exactly wonders to his attitude towards society in general, and she had often wondered - even during the time she harboured tender feelings for him - how he would fare in the everyday life after school.
But all that had changed; Tomoya had joined a club and partaken in school activities, graduated, found a job, and at least part of the problems with his family had been sorted with his marriage. She, like many others, had found a valuable friend in the previously so distant and indifferent Okazaki Tomoya.
This had all been thanks to Furukawa Nagisa. Ryou had been there to prove the transformation: How Tomoya had gradually begun to change under her sweet influence. Of course, at that time, she had been heartbroken to have her own feelings ignored, but she had soon realized that it wasn't only Okazaki who was changing - Nagisa, herself, had slowly but surely grown stronger and happier because of him. As far as she could tell, the two completed each other - how could she - or anyone else, really - compete against that?
No, the Fujibayashi was certain that those had been made for each other. Tomoya wouldn't find his happiness without Nagisa, and vice versa.
So, in order to grant him his happiness, she had to make sure those two would end up together. That, she reckoned, would be the easy part, with the aid of her memories of the school years - all she would have to ensure that the two got the drama club up and running, and the rest would happen on its own. Then, she would have to make sure that whatever disease had claimed Nagisa the last time wouldn't do it for the second time - that would be the hard part, for if not even professional doctors hadn't been able to help her, what could she possibly do? She would have to find a way.
"I'm home!" Then there was the nigh impossible part: Acting normally in front of everyone, especially her sister, so that anyone wouldn't be able to suspect she was from the future - not that she considered anyone to have that as their first guess, though. However, she was certain that pretty much anyone could tell something had happened to her if she suddenly became to act against her 'old self', and she wagered that she couldn't give anyone - much less her sister - a proper, reasonable explanation for her sudden 'change'. Ryou sat up just a few seconds before the door was opened and her twin stepped inside.
"Welcome home, onee-chan," she welcomed her, waving her hand slightly. Kyou frowned, and then dropped down her schoolbag, making her way to the other twin.
"Why aren't you resting? Don't try to tell me you're feeling better already," she accused sceptically. She gave a small, embarrassed laugh.
"Yes, well, I'm feeling fine, actually," before she had a chance to elaborate, Kyou placed her hand on her forehead and raised her eyebrows in surprise - not because of her temperature, but normally Ryou was so timid that physical contact even from her sister caused her to tense up entirely. Now, however, she hadn't reacted in any visible way. "It was a wise decision to skip school today, after all." She had to refrain from frowning. She was trying to act as naturally as she could, yet she was already going against her old personality.
It was so difficult it almost hurt. She had never been one for acting, and now she was supposed to forget all about her twenty-five-year-old self and return into the horribly timid schoolgirl she had once been - and in front of her sister, the person who knew her the best, no less! She could no doubt pick up even the slightest deviation in her personality, and it felt just plain to futile, not to mention horrible, to even try tricking Kyou.
"Ryou…" her twin said, puzzled. "Did something happen today? You didn't hit your head or anything, did you?" The look in her eyes was almost enough for her to burst into teary explanation of what had happened. Pouring out everything, no matter how absurd it must've sounded like, seemed like a fitting price to erase that lost, confused gaze. Yet, she knew she couldn't do that. She shook her head as she replied.
"I'm fine, I'm fine, nothing really happened." There was a smile on her face, even though she felt like crying on the inside. Having to lie to her felt just plain wrong. Every day, now and in the future, she was reminded of just how much Kyou did for her, how much she came out of her way to come to her aid. She really was an ungrateful little sister for not being entirely honest with her.
But Ryou couldn't bring herself to tell her the truth. Kyou would probably conclude that there was something major wrong with her brain and get her some professional help or become her personal shrink herself. Ryou didn't want to have her sanity questioned - and more than anything, she didn't want to cause her twin any more worry. Worse still, what if she actually believed her? Just how would Kyou react to the news that her twin had been replaced by someone who was still technically her sister, just an adult version of her? Whatever happened from that point onwards, Ryou was certain that the relationship between them would change. Who would take the role of the elder sister from that point on?
Would she even consider her a sister anymore?
She had to mentally steel herself in order not to shake visibly as the thought filled her stomach with ice and made her throat constrict painfully. Her sister's love and support was something she could never, ever think of losing. She simply couldn't take the risk, no matter how miniscule it was, that all that would vanish.
So, she would have to get her act straight. Fast.
"I just focused on regaining my health," she concluded meekly, turning her gaze on the floor, feigning timidness. From the corner of her eyes, she could see that Kyou looked doubtful still, but eventually sighed, a smile forming on her face.
"Fine, if you say so. If you rest for the rest of the day, too, do you think you're in a condition to go to school tomorrow?" She nodded, resisting the urge to sigh in relief. For now, she had managed to convince her.
"I think so. If I'm not, I'll let you know." Kyou grinned.
"That sounds awfully like what you said yesterday, too." Ryou could only smile sheepishly, while her twin gave her a pat on the shoulder. "But I see you're really feeling better. I'm glad for that." That simple gesture warmed her heart; It felt like concrete proof that whatever the time, whichever world she was in, her big sister would be there for her. She felt her confidence returning, and smiled warmly at her twin.
If she could achieve things with her will alone, nothing would harm the relationship between them.
The conversation moved on to lighter topics shortly after that. As Kyou handed over her homework, Ryou asked her casually:
"How was school today?" Her sister fumbled down a textbook, cursing silently as she picked it up and handed it to her without making an eye contact.
"Feh, the usual," she told her, shrugging. "Nothing real eventful happened, our lessons for this course began with place assignments and the usual hassle. I heard Sunohara was picking a fight with a second-year girl and got his ass handed back to him. Can you imagine that? With a second-year?" Ryou smiled, hiding her mirth behind her palm. It wasn't really acceptable to laugh at his friend - well, future friend, actually - but her sister sounded as if Sunohara losing, even to a second-year - and a girl, no less -, was perfectly normal. She had almost forgotten already what the chemistry between her twin and Sunohara had been like during their school years.
However, if her twin knew her like the palm of her hand, it worked the other way around, too. Ryou didn't need but a glance at her sister's direction to tell she was hiding something, and was now covering up for it the best she could.
"What about Okazaki-kun?" She didn't feel satisfaction seeing Kyou flinch. If she had decided to not tell her something, it was most likely to spare her, and she must've felt as horrible as she did when she had to lie to her other half.
"Don't worry about it," she announced to her before anything else, flashing a self-confident smile. "It's just a minor setback, and probably didn't mean anything anyway." Even though she should've probably taken the hint and not pressed the matter further, it felt necessary to question her more.
"Please, onee-chan, if it isn't anything awful, I'd like to know." Kyou didn't respond immediately.
"Well," she said after a pause, her eyes staring into distance, purposely ignoring Ryou's gaze. "I saw him sitting with a girl in the school yard today. I think they left the school together after that." The more timid twin turned her gaze down on the floor in order not to show her face. An image of Okazaki and a chest-nut haired girl sitting together on the yard in the setting sun flashed in her mind.
That's right, she mused. I remember seeing that, too. Back then, she had hurried away, probably as flustered as Kyou was now, but now she was simply content. It seemed that even without any action from her behalf, Tomoya and Nagisa would end up together. "I see," she muttered out loud.
"It's not that they were doing anything strange!" her twin exclaimed swiftly. "They were just sitting there and talking casually." She had taken Ryou's quietness as a sign of resignation - which was exactly what she had hoped for. "Like I said, it probably didn't mean anything." Ryou nodded and then raised her head, hoping that Kyou couldn't determine what the source of her smile really was.
"If you say so. And, starting tomorrow, I'll be there for him." Just not like you think, onee-chan. I'm sorry, but it seems I won't be going on a date with him after all. she finished mentally. Unaware of her inner monologue, her twin flashed a smile and gave her a thumbs-up.
"That's the spirit!"
She still took her encouragement to the heart.