Var watched the Collector ship leave with mixed feelings. She had forced them out of the colony, but they took most of the colonists with them. At the very least, they possessed new knowledge on how they were making human colonies 'vanish'. She could tell Garrus felt the same. After waking up with all of her priorities shifted, it really was nice to have his face with her. He was the only real stability she had now, but he wasn't the face she yearned for.
"No," the surviving colonist shouted, following vainly after the ship. "Don't let 'em get away."
Shepard felt a good deal of anger for the needy man. He asked for a good deal and she delivered. Still he was not satisfied. "That ship is huge," she stated bitingly. "Exactly how are we supposed to catch it?" Was he that daft or did he have a suggestion? The former was more likely.
"Half the colony's in there," he raved, not thinking straight. "They took Egan and Sam and- and Lilith!" He paced back and forth.
"I did my best," Var snapped "You just hid in your damn bunker!"
"If it wasn't for Shepard, you'd all be on that ship," Garrus added bluntly. She appreciated it, but knew better than to think it was entirely her doing. She had a damn good team on her side.
The man stopped pacing and looked at them as if seeing them for the first time. "Wait, Shepard. I know that name." This failed to shock the irritated woman. She became the first human Spectre, defeated Saren, nuked Virmire, purged Omega and died. People knew her name by now. "Sure, I remember you. You're some type of big Alliance hero." His lack of awe did not surprise her either. What did was the sudden presence of a particularly ambrosial Alliance soldier.
"Commander Shepard," Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko recited, passing by some crates on his way nearer. "Captain of the Normandy, the first human Spectre, savior of the Citadel."-Here he addressed the colonist. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost." His eyes bored into hers, revealing nothing. She despised it, but was too overwhelmed to hide it.
"All the good people we lost and you get left behind," Delan murmured, scowling at the soldier with a vengeance. "Figures. Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types." He waved a dismissive hand and stalked off into his empty compound. Var was too distracted by the handsome creature before her to be irked by the ungrateful louse.
Kaidan took a few steps until they were inches apart, his face a mask. Var could not tell if he wished to kiss her or beat her; probably both. He stared at her for a moment and pulled her into his arms. The embrace was familiar and she returned it eagerly, resting her head on his armored chest. It was some time before any words were spoken.
"I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did." Despite the horribly emotional situation, his voice was just as controlled. He pulled away and she did not protest. This was tender moment and she would not push her luck.
"It's been to long, Kaidan," she replied "How have you been?" She sounded painfully casual, but wanted to know that he had been fine without her. In her mind, it had not been as long as it had. He was clearly angered by the response.
"Is that all you have to say," he asked, trying to keep the rage from his voice. He drew in a shaky breath. His words grew angrier and angrier. "You show up after two years and just act like nothing happened. I thought we had something, Shepard—something real. I love you! Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" Var found his discontent rather painful. She should have. She did try, didn't she? He would listen to her. He had to!
"I was dead," she replied "I've spent the past two years in a coma. They didn't exist for me."
Evidently, this excuse was not enough for him. "Why didn't you try to contact me," he repeated "I've moved on, Shepard. At least, I thought I did. But now we've got reports about you and Cerberus-"
"Reports," Garrus interrupted "You mean you already knew?" That was indeed suspicious. Var was brought back only weeks ago and working with a rather guarded organization. How would anyone, other than those who had seen her, know of her reanimation?
"Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies," Kaidan elaborated, not disguising his annoyance. He wanted this sorted out as quickly as he could manage. "They got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy."
This raised more suspicion and a good deal of anger. Var kept this emotion at bay. The situation was delicate and any instability could cost her the man she loved. "Our colonies are disappearing," she stated "The Alliance turned its back on them. Cerberus is the only group willing to do something about it."
"You can't really believe that," he argued, not masking his own animosity. "You know what Cerberus is like, what they're capable of! I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."
A cruel heat whipped through her and she stepped closer, scowling. "The Alliance turned their back on me," Shepard shouted, frustrated. "But I'm not going to lie down and take it like an old dog! I don't trust Cerberus, but they're doing the right thing. You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies. And they're working with the Reapers!"
"I want to believe you, Shepard, but I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? What if they're working with the Collectors?"
"Damn it, Kaidan," she interjected, running a hand through her scarlet locks. "This isn't about Cerberus! I don't care if I'm with the Alliance or Cerberus or the damn Migrant Fleet! I'm going to stop the Reapers, end of story."
Kaidan stepped back, gazing at her as if she were some foreign food he had no intention of sampling. "You've changed," he stated accusingly. "But I still know here my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier; always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide whether they believe your story or not." He turned his back and made to leave.
Var stared at him in disbelief. Was he really compromising everything because of Cerberus? Was he really so close-minded that he refused to look at the bigger picture? He wouldn't even try to see her paradigm. But she was desperate.
"I could use someone like you on my crew, Kaidan," Var said, praying to any deities that he'd consider it at least. "It'll be just like old times." Except for Cerberus and the captain's quarters.
"No it won't," he countered, turning to look at her. "I'll never work for Cerberus." He paused and gazed at her. His handsome features were controlled and grim. His eyes scanned her toned legs, her slim waist, and her scarred face before meeting her eyes. She let him see everything; the hurt, the apology, the helplessness. "Goodbye, Shepard. Be careful." Then he left.
Were this a cheesy romance novel, Var would drop to her knees and beg, then kill herself. While the temptation sounded like a simple solution, the galaxy needed her. There was an army of Reapers determined to exterminate her species and no else would step up to the plate. On the bright side, the Omega 4 Relay might kill her off or she could go down with the Collectors. Preferably the latter, it sounded less incompetent.