Chapter 2
As Alicia clutched her folder to her chest, she felt Cary's worried gaze on her. She fingered the smooth face of the folder, wondering what Will would think when he saw the contents – her resignation letter, a list of all the employees and all the clients coming with them. No, she told herself, she wouldn't think of Will. Besides, she was handing it to Diane, not Will, and she didn't care if that made her a coward, in addition to a traitor.
"Alicia, are you okay?"
Alicia fiddled with her hands, watched the number on the elevator rise and paused a second before answering. "Yeah, I guess…I guess I'm just nervous."
Cary inched a bit closer and stood beside her on the elevator, leaning casually on the back wall. Alicia turned to look at him, and try as she might, she couldn't for the life of her figure out how Cary could appear so calm. They were, in fact, a mere few minutes from arriving at their bosses' offices and handing them their resignation letters, and not forgetting the fact that by leaving, they were taking almost a third of Lockhart/Gardner's clients.
"Alicia, it's gonna be okay."
She didn't answer and Cary hesitated before asking, "Alicia, why don't I…why don't you give me the folder so you just need to hand in your resignation letter? I'll hand the lists to Will, along with the other associates' resignations." Upon seeing Alicia's uncertain gaze, he added, "It's fine, really."
Alicia slowly nodded after contemplating her young business partner. "Thanks, Cary." She took out her resignation letter and handed the folder to Cary.
After a few seconds of silence, Alicia spoke again. "I'm sorry, Cary."
He turned and met her sincere gaze with a confused expression. "What for?"
Alicia stifled a small laugh, "For not holding up as well as you are, for being so unsure about what we're doing, for being filled with so many doubts."
Cary sighed and in that frustrated yet sweet tone he always used with Alicia, he began, "Alicia…"
But right then the ding of the elevator forced a halt to their conversation. Following Cary, Alicia stepped out into the familiar front lobby of Lockhart/Gardner. Together, they walked to the partners' offices and just before turning right to enter Will's office, Cary stopped and whispered a heartfelt, "good luck."
Alicia nodded, and took a deep breath before slowly opening the door to Diane's office.
"Alicia…" Diane beckoned and silently, Alicia cursed. Her boss, no, former boss, was in an unusually cheery mood. What a perfect time to drop the bomb, she thought.
Before Alicia could open her mouth to speak, Diane continued, "I was just heading out for some wedding preparations."
Alicia felt her heart stop a second. "Congratulations! You are marrying Mr. McVeigh?" she said after composing herself from her shock, bewilderment, and also frustration. Great, she thought, now it was even harder for her to say what she needed to say, knowing that it'd probably more than ruin Diane's cheerfulness.
"Yes," Diane replied laughingly, "Isn't it hard to imagine me marrying someone like him? A gun-loving Republican cowboy?" She leafed through some of her papers and continued, still laughing a bit, "Life really is hard to predict. 20 years ago, I would've laughed at the mere thought of getting married."
Alicia bit her lip before forcing a smile, something she was frankly very skilled at, considering the numerous times she'd been on TV, standing next to Peter, acting the role of the good wife.
She shifted her feet, looked at the ground and forced herself to get to the point. Taking a deep breath, she willed herself to carry through what she needed to say without breaking down.
"Here's my resignation letter. I'm leaving with Cary. We're starting a new firm. Cary's talking to Will. We made a list of the clients and associates that are coming with us. Cary's handing it to Will." Alicia looked up after saying everything in one breath. She watched as Diane's expression turned from confused, angry and then back to confused.
"Why?" Diane whispered. She was still recovering from the shock, Alicia knew. And Alicia also knew that there was no way she could tell Diane the real reason behind her leaving. Not without exposing an even bigger part of her complicated, no not even just complicated, more like undecipherable relationship with Will. Diane already knew enough about her partner and her associate, Alicia wasn't going to simply volunteer more information about them, or give Diane any more reason to resent her.
So after half a second of ambivalence, Alicia decided to simply not provide an answer and tentatively opened her mouth, "I'm sorry Diane, you were a great mentor."
Alicia slowly headed towards Diane's desk and gently laid her letter on top of her other stuff. Then, she walked to the door and when her hand was on the handle, Diane's voice finally reached her, "Alicia." She hesitated before turning back, resolving to receive Diane's words, whatever they were, with solemn understanding and grave acknowledgement.
"Alicia, I have nothing to say to you except that I am more than just disappointed in you. I never would have thought you'd be capable of doing something like this. Please pack your things and get out before Will comes charging at you, demanding answers, which for the record, I think he deserves. Oh and Cary, please tell Cary that…" Diane trailed off and Alicia took that as her cue to leave. She dared to sneak one last look at her former boss and mentor, and saw that Diane was staring out the window, with an unreadable expression that was probably more hurt than pissed.
As Alicia headed out the door, she found herself wondering the extent to Cary and Diane's relationship. Ever since she and Cary first joined Lockhart/Gardner, she couldn't pretend not to notice the special bond Cary and Diane shared. It was always something that Alicia couldn't quite figure out and now, she wondered how hurt Diane really was and whether she felt as betrayed as Will probably did.
As Alicia's thoughts reached Will again, she closed the door behind her, and when she looked up, her gaze unconsciously met that of Will's. Cary was passing him some papers and obviously saying something, but Alicia could tell Will wasn't listening. He was staring at her, and his eyes and posture told her that he wasn't pissed, wasn't mad, but just shaking his head with despair and lack of understanding. His fixed stare on Alicia wasn't accusing, but when Alicia really looked, she saw that for the first time, Will Gardner was broken down and hurt.
She shuddered as it dawned on her that it was her who did that to him. She quickly broke his gaze, bowed her head and walked straight to the elevator. She quickened her pace as she got nearer and wished the elevator to hurry up. Her need to get away from her old firm and Will grew even stronger when she entered the empty elevator and leaned back on the wall. In her rush, she suddenly realized she had forgot to pack up her stuff and pulled out her phone to text Cary. She wasn't about to step out of the safe haven of the elevator and head back in Lockhart/Gardner.
After sending the text, she closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them, she felt rather than saw someone forcing the doors open when it was half-closed. It was Kalinda.
Alicia turned and was about to say something when she found that there was nothing she could say to the other woman, her former friend and former co-worker.
In the end, it was Kalinda who broke the silence. "So," she tapped her pen on her ever-present mini notebook. "You're leaving with Cary?"
Alicia didn't bother to ask how she knew, but merely nodded, refusing to say anything else.
Just as Alicia predicted, then came the second question. "Why?"
Alicia sighed and was in the process of formulating another lie when she figured that there was nothing to lose in telling Kalinda the truth. Plus, Kalinda was bound to figure it out anyhow.
"Will and I kissed. Again."
At this, Kalinda turned and Alicia felt the other woman's complete attention on her.
"I can't work with him anymore. I'm leaving with Cary because I need to break all my ties with him." Alicia sighed again and watched Kalinda for a reaction, though she knew look as she might, she'd never figure out what Kalinda was thinking.
"OK," Kalinda paused, waiting for Alicia to continue.
Alicia shook her head, silently communicating that she had nothing else to add. But then she realized with a start that Kalinda could actually help her. "Kalinda, can I ask you a favor? Could you tell Will what I just told you? He's probably waiting for answers."
Kalinda was quiet for a moment but then Alicia saw the unmade mind turn to form a resolute decision. "No, Alicia, I think you need to tell him yourself. He deserves to hear it from you, in person."
As the elevator door opened and Kalinda headed out with one last look at Alicia, Alicia opened her mouth to ask about the something that was evidently up with the other woman and Cary. But then she felt her exhaustion and need of alcohol returning and walked towards her car with her mouth shut.
Right then, Alicia's phone rang and thinking it was Cary, she answered without looking at the caller ID.
"Alicia?" She recognized the voice on the other end in less than an instant. It was Will. She couldn't cope with talking to him, not right now when she was almost in tears. So she whispered a "sorry," that she couldn't even be sure he could hear, pulled the phone away from her ear and pressed a finger on the red button to end the call.
She entered her car and when she sat down and closed the door, she set her head down on the steering wheel and allowed her tears to flow freely.
When she finally lifted her head, she saw Cary heading her way, carrying a huge box under each hand. She wiped away her tears and reached for her phone.
Scrolling through her contacts, she hesitated before clicking on Owen Cavanaugh. When the call went through, she put her phone to her ear and before Owen could open his big mouth, she uttered, "I think I screwed up," and hang up before leaning back with another sigh.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone. And sorry I think this chapter went a bit longer than planned. But I do hope you enjoyed :)