100 Missions Challenge.
The craziness will REALLY get under way now! R&R.
2nd Objective: Intelligence.
Before I go on, here are the BLU descriptions I promised you.
Joey Osbourne (Sniper): A serious yet sarcastic man from Australia, this guy represents epic snipers everywhere. However, mention the word "tea party" and all that will fly out the window: turning him into an excitable little girl. He lives in fear of Saxton Hale finding out this secret.
Emmett Bleu (Spy): The opposite to Felix, Emmett spends his days alternating his routine between joyful pranking with reckless abandon and reckless socialising with joyful abandon. He is best friends with his Pyro, who is second in rank of friendliness. He is also a handsome rogue with the ladies.
Chazz Patch (Pyro): The funny thing about this Pyro is that he is really bad at his job for one reason: he is terrified of fire. Thus, this little guy can often be found poking his flamethrower warily and firmly keeping his mask on for fear of facial burns. Is Emmett's partner in crime.
Harry Brooklyn (Engineer): A calm, fatherly man who, along with his Medic, likes to take care of his team. He often has to be strict but fair and his speciality is making great steaks, making him a firm favourite with Soldier.
Elias Franz (Medic): If Engineer is the strict father, then Elias is the indulgent, softy mother. Cut your hand? Elias will be more than happy to give you a Batman plaster and send you on your proud way with a lollipop and an "I was brave." sticker. He's shy but determined to do well for the team.
Damon Karakoffski (Heavy): The opposite to Adrik, Damon possesses vast quantities of intelligence and is often found teaching Elias English. He observes the RED Heavy with an expression that is torn between amusement and despair for Heavies everywhere and his secret hobby is knitting.
Scotland Yard (Demoman): His mother was so proud of her roots that she named him after the very country he was born in. Coupled together with his last name, he often confuses himself with the London police force of the same name when drunk (which is nearly all the time). Many people flock to him for his "detective expertise" – with often disastrous results.
Jane Doe (Soldier): While many of the BLU Soldiers use this name as an alias, this one is ashamed to admit that this is his actual name as his mother thought he was a girl when first born. He makes his team-mates call him either "Sarge" or "Solly" and his love of meat has led to many animals fleeing on sight.
Seth Haraway (Scout): He may have heaps of boundless energy…but he does nothing outside of battle (it's a push to get him to do anything IN battle either). Meet the laziest Scout to have ever existed. Not even baseball can make him move his ass and tends to miss many of his team's adventures due to his motto; "Can't be bothered to move, see you guys later."
All was quiet in Gorge that fine summer's day. The sun was shining merrily, Seth was lazing about in front of the TV, the birds chirped like an annoying choir and Bryn napped underneath his camper van. The breeze cooled what would have been a boiling hot day and the green grass (what remained of course) waved at the random half-heartedly built RED base and the concrete, safe BLU base.
Unfortunately, this peace was soon to be shattered in a violent way.
Adrik the RED Heavy was bored. And when he was bored out of his skull, bad things tended to happen. On this particular day, Heavy was pondering one thing.
"WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF HEAVY SAT IN CART AND RODE IT ON TRACK?" he wondered loudly and causing the nearby Emmett to jump into a large, empty box.
The cart he was referring to was the Payload Bomb cart. Right now, it was empty and had no "present" in it from BLU. A long track wove its way around Gorge and it looked like a big rollercoaster.
This is what Adrik had in mind.
Uh oh.
Damon watched curiously from his bedroom window as Adrik tested his weight gingerly before plonking himself into the cart.
"Oh nyet…"
"Something wrong?" Elias asked, trying out his English to communicate with his heavy friend.
"Da, look." Damon replied with a groan and pointed at Adrik, who was now trying to get the stubborn cart to move forward by rocking back and forth.
"Nein, a fit!" Elias cried and before Damon could stop him, the little BLU Medic had rushed outside, coat flapping behind him comically.
"LEETLE MEDIC, PUSH ME!" Adrik yelped as Elias reached him and the Medic nodded naively.
"Okay!"
One huge push and Adrik was off!
"YEAH!"
"NYET!" yelled Damon, setting off at a run behind the cart.
Elias watched him leave in bewilderment.
"He told me push."
The cart trundled along, the RED Heavy holding on tightly and yelling out his enjoyment. All of that changed a few moments later when the cart came to a hill. It slowed down drastically…then hit full speed as it descended. Adrik took that incident to realise that this wooden cart only had two things wrong with it – minor troubles really. One; it had no brakes.
Two…it was highly flammable and explodable.
"AAAAAAAHHH!"
Damon heard Adrik's cry of fear and knew there was only one way to catch up to him now.
"SOLDIER!"
Somehow, this war-like plea travelled far and wide, stopping at Solly's ear. That man could hear a battle summons from Japan, let alone the exercise room.
"To the War Mobile!" he cried and set off at a hearty run, humming the Batman song loudly. Apparently, the "War Mobile" referred to his own two legs.
"CHARGE! Nanananananananananana, Baaatman!"
Arriving at Damon's side, Jane Doe squinted at him from under his helmet.
"What is it, maggot?"
Damon looked at him and the Russian flag rose out of the ground behind him as a curious glint appeared in his eye. Solly didn't bother to ask where it came from – the flag, not the glint.
"We are going to do something dangerous."
Soldier grinned wickedly.
"I'm listening."
A minute or two later, the two hapless BLUs were chasing the dumb RED on a rocket launcher.
Don't ask me how.
But how - ?
I SAID DON'T ASK ME!
Ahem…
"I'M COMING FOR YOU!"
"I NOT LIKE THIS ANYMORE!" Adrik screamed back frantically and the threesome spotted the looming cliff as they continued to accelerate.
"OH NOOO!"
"THIS IS BAD!"
Solly whooped and gripped the flying rocket launcher tightly.
"We die as real men, boys!"
With a crash, the cart and rocket launched through the fence and off the cliff in slow motion.
It was epic.
Somehow, Damon managed to reach out and grab on to the cliff edge (these are TF2 men, they can do anything!) and all three men dangled helplessly on to each other as they watched their vehicles spiral into a fiery explosion.
Brave Solly knew instantly what to do in situations like this as he had fought in many wars including 'Nam, WW2, Star Wars –
"Woah, woah! You're definitely exaggeratin' now!" Seth demanded vigorously as the two teams mingled to hear the story in the aftermath. "What REALLY happened?"
Grumbling, Solly let Damon finish the story.
Damon actually watched Solly cry heartily at the loss of his precious launcher (creatively named Rocket) and Adrik peed his pants in fear. The fiery explosion wasn't done yet and ripped a blazing path towards them.
"Oh f - !"
It hit.
"AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!" The three full-grown men screamed like little girls as they soared off into the distance, flying at the speed of light.
The BLU Demoman, Scotland, gaped at them in a drunken wonder as they flew by.
"Ah'm drunk!" he exclaimed to nobody in particular, then fell asleep, snoring very loudly.
The three men's faces ended up plastered against RED Medic's window, all of them moaning his name in pain before sliding down with a squeak of skin against glass.
"And THAT is what happened." Damon exclaimed, smiling at the silent mercenaries.
"I am NEVER healing you dummkopfs again." Jasper groaned and put a gloved hand to his forehead with a big slap.
"LET US DO IT AGAIN!" Adrik suddenly bellowed and everyone stared as the Heavy gleefully ran to find another cart.
"Ack…schweinhund." Jasper growled as the other mercenaries screamed at him to stop.
Mission Objective 2: Completed.
Another chapter done. A series of sketches next!
Love Lily. X