A/N: This chapter is probably a bit OOC for Edward. He's out of control, and really doesn't know how to stop himself. Keep in mind, this is before he had to experience the months of preparation before the events of Breaking Dawn and the complete end to his desire to kill her after the events of New Moon.
Update: 9/14/18 - I am updating this lemon because I wrote it like...two years ago? It felt very amateur to me so if you notice a difference then that is why!
Summary: "He was my only…anything. Only kiss, only touch, only…fuck. I couldn't call it anything other than a fuck, because anything else hurt too much. He said it was a mistake, and making love isn't a mistake. Fucking is a mistake. Nonetheless, babies come from fucking. And my body was carrying a…baby." Bella awakens with a bit more clarity after her breakup-induced depressed stupor. With a biologically impossible situation at hand, Bella must find her way back to the Cullens and solve the problem that no normal teenage girl is fit to handle. New Moon AU, BxE.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Rated M for sexual content, adult themes, and adult language. An excerpt from New Moon is quoted in this chapter.
Chapter 2
Two Months Earlier - September 13th
I looked at Carlisle anxiously. "He's very upset."
"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are."
"It's not his fault."
"It's not yours, either."
I looked away from his wise, beautiful eyes. I couldn't agree with that. Carlisle offered me his hand and helped me up from the table. I followed him out into the main room. Esme had come back; she was mopping the floor where I'd fallen–with straight bleach from the smell of it.
"Esme, let me do that." I could feel that my face was bright red again.
"I'm already done." She smiled up at me. "How do you feel?"
"I'm fine," I assured her. I turned to Carlisle to make a comment on his quick work, but felt my legs give out from underneath me. I began to topple backwards, but Carlisle's cool hands caught me before I could hit the floor.
"Fine, are we?" He sighed and clucked his tongue. "Back to the examination table. Do you think you can walk, Bella?"
I was suddenly feeling very dizzy, but I dismissed it. "Of course." I felt his hands detach themselves from my arms, and I began to move forward. Like the last time, I fell forwards as I tried to take a step. My head had begun spinning mid-step. This time, two pairs of hands caught me. I looked up, expecting it to be Esme's small hands assisting Carlisle to help me stand upright. I almost fell again out of shock when I saw that Edward had indeed returned. I found myself trying to look at him, but I was beginning to feel nauseous. It must have been the blood that I had stupidly gotten all over the table and floor. I hadn't even considered that Esme hadn't cleaned it yet. "Edward," I muttered softly, a delayed reaction to seeing him. My head was moving so slowly.
"What's wrong with her?" Edward demanded, and I briefly wondered why he felt the need to ask the question aloud when he could easily read Carlisle's thoughts. I felt myself being lifted into the air, and I shut my eyes and curled my face into his chest. He placed his hand on my forehead. "Did she hit her head when she fell?"
I could imagine the perfect wrinkle between Carlisle's eyebrows. "No. Bring her here." Edward turned to the left, and I was placed onto the long, white couch. My head was lifted and one of their fluffy white pillows was placed behind it. I felt his cold fingers gently probing around on my scalp. He let out a quick sigh.
"Bella?" Carlisle asked. "You faint at the sight of blood, am I correct?"
I could have sworn that I heard a slight chuckle from somewhere around me, but I couldn't imagine who would be laughing after the macabre turnout of the evening's events. I inhaled a quick breath between my teeth before I spoke. "The smell. The smell makes me faint." I groaned. "I'm sorry. I tried not to inhale anything."
I felt a small, gentle hand smoothing over my hair. "Oh, the stress must be making it worse," Esme cooed. "Carlisle, she can't go home like this."
There was a long pause. I could have sworn I could hear faint whispers, but I couldn't concentrate enough to try to listen. I heard Edward groan, but he didn't leave my side.
"Bella? Do you think you would like to stay here tonight? Jasper is on his way to Canada. He's very ashamed of his actions and I think it would be best for us to go console him. We most likely will be gone the entire night, so there will be no immediate danger. I simply don't feel comfortable letting you go home alone in your condition. Edward is more than qualified to administer any emergency procedures, and the materials are all in my office."
He words seemed to slur in my mind, so I just nodded. I felt the urge to cover my face with my hands. This was mortifying and ironic in all the wrong ways.
"You should call Charlie. He won't question it coming from you," Esme interjected, and I appreciated her quick thinking. Charlie would have a heart attack if Edward called and asked if I could stay the night.
"Yes, I'll go do that. Edward, please take Bella up into one of the bedrooms."
Edward lifted me from the couch, and I noticed the tension in his muscles. Guilt spread over my slowly. It must have been incredibly difficult to have to hold me so close after what happened. Laying my head against his still chest, I felt the vibrations as he spoke. "When are you leaving?"
"Just after I make this call. We can't afford to lose any time. Alice is with him, but they aren't back yet, so I don't think she was able to change his mind. Call me if anything goes wrong." I heard his quiet footsteps leaving the room, followed by the small clicks of Esme's heels. His final sentence made me feel as if there was double meaning to his words, but for the life of me I couldn't fathom the meaning.
Edward silently began carrying me up the grand staircase, his seemingly ever-present angst radiating out of him like an electric blanket. I pressed my forehead against his cool chest again, hoping to alleviate the spinning. He still held me at a respectable distance. If I wasn't feeling so ill, I would have laughed. Of course, the night we get alone is the night where I felt as if I might vomit on him. A hideous image of him attempting to kiss me only to step back covered in partially digested birthday cake filled my mind. It took a great effort to keep my loopy brain from laughing aloud.
We stopped on the second floor, and, with my eyes closed, I would guess we entered one of the two mysterious rooms I had never been into. Not that I had been forbidden to enter, but my interests were never piqued enough. I opened my eyes, but see only the darkened fabric of Edward's navy button down. I groaned when he pulled me away from his chest and set me down firmly on what felt like…a bed? My body was stretched out in a way that could never be supported on a couch.
I made the poor choice of whipping my head around to look at the room, only making my nausea worse. I blinked to clear the vertigo. With my vision clear, I could see that the room was dark. The windows were pressed against the edge of the forest, leaving me with little light to investigate. Thankfully, Edward switched on a lamp in the corner with a loud click. I jumped at the disturbance to the otherwise silent room. His movements had been ghostly, making me completely unaware of his whereabouts until he quite literally shed some light on the subject.
A sort of general confusion came over me as I took in the bedroom. The furnishings were lovely—the Cullen norm—but I lay on a king-sized ivory bed. Far too many plush pillows were behind me, with an equally luxurious white blanket thrown tastefully over the foot of the bed. Like most of the house, the wall opposing the bed was entirely windows. I looked to Edward and raised an eyebrow. "When on Earth do you have guests who actually sleep?" I was satisfied at how clear the question came out despite my brain soup. "Other than tonight, obviously."
He was leaning against a bookshelf in the corner of the room, a suspicious distance away from me. His face was relatively smooth, but I could make out the faint lines from his inner turmoil. It bothered me to see such small flaws on his otherwise perfect face. I felt the urge to walk over to him and smooth the lines with my fingertips. "It's mainly for insurance. Outsiders rarely come into the house, but Esme likes to socialize. We try to keep the second floor as human as possible. There's even toothpaste and toilet paper in the bathroom, but that's mainly for you these days." He gave me a grim, close-lipped smile.
I sighed and shut my eyes again. "Do you want to talk about it or are you just going to sulk in the corner?"
I could feel his gaze burning into my outstretched form on the bed, but I kept my face smooth and relatively unbothered. I could use my negative state to my advantage.
I heard Edward take in a quick breath. "I am very sorry, Bella. You should have never been put in this position, and I will never be able to make this up to you—" I groaned before he could continue with his atonements.
Of course he would begin the Edward-Cullen-Painfest. "Edward!" I whined. "Don't do that. Please. There's nothing to apologize for." I knew his words were sincere, but that was not what I wanted from him. He was also so quick to shoulder the blame so forcefully that it nearly incapacitated himself, and I wasn't about to allow that to continue.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt the bed shift as he sat down. I had thought he wouldn't willingly come near me for another month. I noticed with glee that the world was finally still in my mind, the lightheadedness finally dissipating.
Edward let out a quiet sigh before he spoke. "Well, what do you want me to say then?" He was silent for a moment. "It's my fault your life was in danger tonight."
I opened my eyes and rolled over to face him. He stared at me in exasperation. I noticed that, like his adoptive father, he had a small wrinkle between his brows when anxious.
What did I want him to say? Him spewing apologies was typical—albeit annoying. After thinking about it for a second, I realized I shouldn't have expected anything else. My boyfriend was notoriously tortured. I decided to take another approach.
"I want you to say that you forgive me." My voice was incredibly small as I spoke. I realized quickly that that was the wrong thing to say.
Edward stared at me, his golden eyes blank before squeezing them shut and groaning into his large hands. When he looked up, his ochre eyes seemed to scorch my soul. His voice was raw with emotion when he spoke. "Forgive you?! What have you done? You cut your finger while unwrapping a present. It's hardly cause for the end of the world. Yet, with me, it is. You shouldn't have to worry about something as normal as bleeding. You shouldn't worry about me, killing you. If I were human—" He cut himself off, seeming too caught up in his emotions to continue.
I swallowed audibly, patiently waiting for his response.
"God, if I were human… Imagine how easy it could be, Bella." He looked away, and I could have sworn I saw the venomous sheen of his tears in his eyes. I noted that his voice had taken on an ironically cheerful tone. When he looked back to me, there was a sad smile on his face. "I could hold your hand and not have to worry about breaking your ridiculously fragile wrists." He grasped my hand and held it up for me as an example, but then continued. "I could kiss you and not have to worry about losing control." His thumb smoothed over my cheek, ghosting over the skin like I was made of the frailest of china. His cool touch sent the smallest of shivers down my spine. As he dropped his hand onto my lap, I noticed the storm grow behind his eyes. "…I could touch you—"
I couldn't be sure of what exactly happened next, but suddenly Edward's hand was running up the length of my inner left thigh, partially exposed from my open legs, as to further prove his point. My legs were bare, left open to the air for once thanks to the dress I had worn to the party. The typical shot of electricity ran through me as usual, but this skin was different. His hand was yanked away in a split second, but not before I felt a burst of desire run through me, a quick flash of heat than ran from somewhere deep in my hips to the apex of my thighs.
Edward, always the virginal saint, never touched me like that. Especially not on the exposed skin that he would not allow himself to touch. There had been a few times where his hands would accidentally touch something under the covers, or he would brush up against a more sensual body part in the hallways at school, but he would smooth over it like it didn't happen. But I could see the slight changes in his normally perfect demeanor. He would shift uncomfortably, which I had noticed that he didn't do, along with the rest of the vampires. He would also be very hesitant around me after that, and I could see his careful control beginning to slip. On one occasion, I thought I had seen some sort of physical response, but he seemed to clench his thighs so tightly that I'm sure he could have crushed a small building. The sign of his muscular thighs reminded me of his intense strength, and how he could easily overpower me.
The worst part was that I wanted him to.
So, so badly.
I was a hormonal teenage girl, and I had read my fair share of Renée's cheesy bodice-rippers back in Arizona. In fact, there was one I had smuggled into Charlie's, stuffed underneath my mattress. It only saw the light of day on the nights Edward went hunting, although I could never bring myself to successfully orgasm. Sex was incredibly appealing to me, and sex with Edward, who was the physical embodiment of masculine perfection, made it all the more so. With the simple touch of his cool fingers on my inner thigh, I felt a dull ache in my lower regions and my heart rate began to quicken.
When I finally had the courage to look up at him, he had his eyes trained on a spot on his lap. He kept his face blank, but I could see the panic flaring occasionally in his eyes. He was rather stiff, his nostrils flared and eyes widened. He inhaled very quickly and only a few seconds later his rigid stance relaxed ever so slightly. He was silent for nearly a minute, probably listening to my erratic heartbeat. "I'm sorry. That was inappropriate." His eyes were still wide, starin
"Don't be," I whispered. Edward had to have known that I wanted to have sex. If his sense of smell was as great as he claimed it to be, he had to have smelled my arousal. My wetness was almost embarrassing at times. Even if he couldn't smell it, sometimes I would wake up to find my leg hitched over his hips with mine practically on top of his own, and his torso shifted in a way that made him seem slightly on edge. I could usually feel the dampness of my panties as I was pressed into him. God only knows what happened while I was unconscious.
I could feel his sigh through the bed. He shook his head and gave me an exasperated look. "This is not the time to have this conversation. There has been too much risk tonight."
I felt a burst of anger shoot through me and I sat up on the bed quickly, praying the nausea wouldn't return. "Well, then when would it be ideal? We're home alone, with no crazy psychic sisters or protective dads nearby. This would be exactly the time to talk about this!"
He finally looked back at me, with a slight glare in his dark golden eyes. However, I noticed as he ever so slightly pressed his thighs together and shifted in his seat. "You're ill. You were nearly attacked and then you almost fainted. You need to rest." His voice was flat, firm in his belief.
I glared back at him. "I'm fine now! Jasper's gone and you're in control...We're teenagers, Edward. How long did you think you could go without us talking about this?" I looked down at my lap, suddenly discouraged. "I mean, you clearly want it, since you just….y'know."
"It's not about whether I want it or not. It's about your safety." He spoke quickly, his voice still reflecting some of his irritation. He stood from the bed and began to pace. "I don't think you understand, Bella. If I was ever holding you too close or touching you at the wrong moment and I lost control...you wouldn't make it through...I think you overestimate the control I have around you!" He stopped to look at me, eyes wide and wild.
Perhaps I did overestimate his control. But wouldn't it be worth it to just...try? We would never know if we never attempted anything.
He sighed and looked down after a moment. "I barely made it through tonight.…You don't know how…difficult it was for me to protect you from Jasper." He paused before jumping into the next sentence with fervor. "My brain was screaming for me to kill him for even thinking of hurting you, but every single fibre of my being wanted nothing more than to sink my teeth into your neck. Your blood…god, your blood…."
As he trailed off, I blushed and, to my horror, I felt the familiar dampness spread in my panties, and I was almost amazed at the instantaneous reaction. My center throbbed in want.
For the love of God, please don't let him smell it.
I struggled to speak, and looked down to try to cover my blush. Edward's suppressed, dark nature had always been a bit of a turn-on for me. As he spoke, he painted a picture in my mind of the sinful action. His full lips moving slowly towards my jugular, bared for all the world to see. I could practically feel the vessel throbbing. I subconsciously rubbed my thighs together as more of my arousal flooded my underwear. "I-I-I'm sorry."
He turned away from me, and I saw him rub and cover his face with his hand. "You aren't making it any easier for me.
As quickly as the blush came, I felt my face pale at his words. "W-What does that mean?!"
"You're wet. I can smell it getting stronger as we speak." The words came out quickly and with an agitated force.
I stared at him in horror, trying to ignore the urge to run to the bathroom and hide for hours. My greatest fear had been proven true. Edward could smell my desperation. Finally, I snapped. Tears quickly formed in my eyes, and I began to sniffle. The sniffles quickly turned into full-on sobs. Edwards arms almost immediately encircled me, and I could feel the softness in his form once again.
He spoke in a broken voice. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to say that. I didn't meant to embarrass you…" He paused, muttering something unintelligible under his breath. I felt his cold hand under my jaw, his fingers ghosting over my cheek. "Oh, love, please don't cry. It's your birthday." He wiped my tears away with the sleeve of his dark blue shirt. His voice was broken and I knew he was genuine. Of all the things Edward wanted, I was almost one hundred percent certain that he did not want to intentionally hurt me.
As he said that, I began to cry harder. "I'm so sorry. I just…I just love you so much. I can't help it. And I make things so difficult for you." I pressed my face into his shoulder as I sobbed, and tried to avoid getting any snot on the dark fabric. "I just want you so badly."
This was a new level of pathetic.
I felt him swallow and shift again before rocking me in his arms. "Shh, shh. It's not your fault. It's mine. You could do so much more if not for me. It's my fault we can't do this."
I sniffled. "Is there any way?"
"No." His answer was final.
The rejection stung like a slap to the face, but it didn't stop me from trying again.
"I know you won't hurt me. Please, Edward," I cried, and I realized that I wasn't even turned on anymore. I didn't even care. I felt myself pathetically pressing myself against him. I don't think even his super strength could remove me. "I know you want it too."
"I do," he whispered, his voice filled with a longing that made my heart break. "I've been waiting for nearly one hundred years to make love with the woman of my affection. But we just can't, Bella." I felt him shake his head, and his hand began smoothing over my hair. The touch was wonderful, but nothing close to what my body really wanted.
"Edward…." I tried to speak again but it only trailed off into another set of tears. I was fully aware of how disgusting I sounded, but it seemed my pride did not mind for once. I decided to try one last thing. It was pathetic, really. "Like you said, it's my birthday. You said you'd give me whatever I wanted, no matter the cost."
"No, Bella." He began running his fingers over my arms, gently trying to push me back. "Don't you feel ill? What about your arm?"
My arm had gone to the back of my mind, and I almost swore when he drew attention to the stinging in my bicep. I pulled away from his shirt to look at his dimly lit face. No amount of pain would deter me. I could see the tension in his features, and it didn't seem to be a pleasant reminder for him either. "I'm fine, I swear…."
I trailed off again, not wanting to seem distracted from what I really wanted. The rejection was nearly suffocating, but I had to keep trying. He made it seem like he wanted me too, why couldn't he just stop resisting? It would have been an entirely different situation if he truly did not want my body...but when he explained how much restraint it took from him...
The words spilled out. "I'll do anything. Edward, please…All I want to do is try. If it doesn't work, then we can stop."
He looked at me for a long moment, and I bit my lip in nervousness. I felt another tear slip down my cheek. My heart was still pounding, and hopefully my tears would help my cause. I looked at him with pleading eyes.
He shook his head, shutting his eyes once again. His expression was torn between desire and doing what he felt was right. "Bella…you can't ask this of me. When I've wanted to give you so many things and this is what you want...This...impossible thing that I would love to be capable of giving you..." His comment sounded more like a surrender than denial.
"This is all I want," I whispered. "Please…I could never love you any more than I do now." A tear slipped down my cheek again. "In fact, I don't think anyone could love you as much as I do…" I trailed off, unable to come up with another comment. I decided to beg once more, pressing my face into Edward's chest. "Please."
"Bella….I can't." I couldn't see his expression, but he spoke as if he had a sob caught in his throat. "I want to give you so much…I just can't give you this."
I sobbed into him, the rejection overshadowing any pain from my arm. My face burned with embarrassment, and I'm sure he felt the change in warmth against his skin. "Edward…please," I begged one last time.
Edward remained silent and I repressed a sob by pushing my face further into his chest. His hand trailed down my back and pulled me closer still, and I tried to hide my face by curling it inwards so he couldn't see me. I began to lift my head when I felt his ice cold fingers brushing against the exposed underside of my jaw. I slowly turned my face upwards towards him, expecting to see that same beautiful sadness in his expression when I opened my heavy and irritated lids. However, instead of that, I saw his face moving towards my own.
When we kissed, my eyes fell shut once more. The electricity sparked as his lips gently caressed mine. After a moment—when I felt that the normal Edward amount of kissing time had passed—I moved to pull away from him. As I pulled back, one hand that was wrapped around my waist moved to pull me back towards him.
My eyes opened in shock and I ended the kiss abruptly. Instead of moving away, I pressed my forehead against his. When I spoke, my voice was a barely audible. "…Edward?"
His cold breath ghosted over my face as he took an unnecessary breath. His eyes remained closed. "Bella…if you want this so badly, don't stop me because I am incredibly tempted to change my mind."
As his words sunk in, my heart nearly stopped before reaching a speed that it had never come close to before. My entire body became warm, and I wasn't entirely sure it was from my own blush or if it was a completely mental feeling. To reciprocate his actions, I took a quick gasp before pressing my mouth to his once more, moving my hands to wrap around his neck tightly. Suddenly, my tears were forgotten and my body was live wire. Every inch of my skin was charged and I only wanted to press it against him. My entire body was calling for his touch.
My heart stopped once more when I felt his lips open against mine, signaling the entrance of his tongue into my mouth. This was already being taken farther than we had ever gone before. When our tongues made contact, I felt a direct throb in my core. I somehow pulled myself closer to him, practically curling myself into his lap. But I quickly had to gasp away to get air. My eyes nearly rolled back into my head when I felt his lips and tongue, cold as ice, moving down my chin and jaw to reach my neck. I gasped as he pressed his tongue against my jugular, and wetness flooded from me as I realized how close he was to my artery.
I moved my hand from his neck to knot my fingers into his hair. As much as it excited me, I had to keep him in control. "Edward."
He stilled his body and slowly pulled his lips away from my neck. A pit formed in my stomach as I realized I may have stopped him from giving me what I wanted.
Edward lifted his head from my neck. I assessed his face, noting his wild eyes and heavy breathing. He blinked several times, forcing himself to regain control. He did a slight, unconscious nod before looking to me and giving a sheepish smile. I laughed lightly.
"Perhaps you should lie down."
I realized that, even in the heat of the moment, I had never moved myself from his lap and we were in an entanglement of sorts.
I suppressed a cheeky smile as I understood the deeper meaning behind his words. I nodded and shifted myself out of his lap, laying back on the incredibly soft pillows. I realized that I still had my shoes on. I discreetly used the back of my heel to remove the slip on Vans.
Edward slowly stood from the side of the bed and as he turned to me, I could finally see his face. I saw clear desire in his eyes, but a firm control held his frame. He wasn't tackling me or ripping me to shreds, and he had already come dangerously close to my jugular.
I lifted my hand and beckoned him forwards. "We're just going to try."
He looked away to the window for a moment, his expression torn. I could see the internal battle being fought. Edward's morals were constantly being tested in his mind. He made at seem as if he was in eternal conflict with himself: the battle between his mind and his nature. I briefly wondered which side of him wanted my body.
Meanwhile, my own anxiety coursed through me. Before tonight, just the mere possibility of getting intimate with Edward would have made me laugh. It was an impossibility. Yet I was seconds away from actually getting what I wanted. Adrenaline rushed through me, making my mind spin with excitement and heart pump with eagerness.
"Edward…I trust you. Please…" I reached my hand out further to grip his own. He turned back to me and forced a smile. "I love you," I whispered, trying to keep my voice from shaking. His forced smile softened.
"As I love you." He lowered himself onto the bed. He paused for a moment. "For the moment…I think it would help if I were to be on the bottom."
I nodded. Edward's comfort was the most important thing. I held out my arms to him to adjust me as he pleased.
In less than a second, I was on top of him, with him lying against the pillows. The feeling of his body suddenly between my legs made my heart leap and my arousal return. I shouldn't have been taken aback when his lips met mine once again, but I jumped initially before hesitantly moving into the kiss. I had to control my own actions, but I could feel myself giving into my own desire.
Once again, his lips parted mine and I moaned softly as he tasted me. I blushed and had to make an effort not to pull back in self-revulsion, but he merely chuckled at me.
The feeling of his icy hand on the outside of my thigh wasn't entirely foreign, but it felt incredibly strange in this new context. Little sparks of electricity shot through me, making my chest crackle in excitement. His hand slowly glided up my thigh to move under my dress, exploring the new skin with light, hesitant touches. The touch was incredibly pleasant, somehow both fiery hot and freezing cold at the same time. He moved torturously slow, tracing indiscernible shapes across my skin as he reached my hips, brushing over the waistband of my underwear. He toyed with it lightly for a moment, dipping a finger underneath to touch the soft skin of my hip. The location was rather innocuous, but I couldn't hold in my light giggle from the slightly inappropriate and ticklish spot. I felt him smile lightly against my lips, but otherwise continued to kiss me, moving his hand upwards again over my side to eventually rest his hand on my waist. As his hand ascended, the skirt of my dress began to pool around my hips, almost exposing my soaked underwear to him. If the dress was lifted just a little higher...
His thumb moved in circles, giving me chills that ran up my spine. I gasped softly and felt myself throw myself into the kiss a little more. I was becoming very…bothered and it took all the restraint in the world to keep me from grinding against his groin. I knew a lot about Edward, and grinding wasn't even close to his idea of romance. Beneath me, I felt nothing prodding me yet, but I could feel the slight tension in his hips below. He kept them still, but I wondered how long until I would feel something poking me through my underwear.
The very thought of something so sexual and downright foreign coming from Edward made my stomach do a backflip.
His lips broke from my own, and when he spoke, his velvet voice was strained.
"I keep telling myself to move slowly…but I think if I moved at the pace I thought we should, you wouldn't leave this bedroom until you were twenty." He forced a chuckle, and his nervousness broke through. I pulled back to look at his impossibly handsome face. I had never seen him look nervous before. Anxious, yes, but never nervous. What could he possibly be nervous about? He was Edward. Everything he did was perfect.
I ran my hands through his hair, applying pressure to his scalp with my nails. He seemed to relax greatly from my touch, leaning into my hand for a second. He shut his eyes and pressed his forehead against mine again. When he opened his eyes, they were wide in uncertainty. His usual confidence and smug attitude had vanished.
"Bella…are you absolutely sure?" He sounded terrified, all the softness gone. Rather than appearing like his typically daunting, Edwardian self, he seemed much more like the seventeen year old virgin I knew he was.
Sometime I felt as if the words 'Edward' and 'virgin' shouldn't be in the same sentence at all. His body was literally designed to draw us weak, susceptible humans in. How had he not ensnared someone in the near hundred years he had spent in immortality? I hadn't believed him when I'd asked him explicitly. He'd implied months ago that he'd never felt anything like what he felt for me with anyone else. However, that didn't necessarily mean he had never had sex.
"Edward, there is no way you're a virgin," I whispered, a giggle threatening to bubble over. He was too perfect, how could he have abstained from the thousands—and I am sure it was thousands—of thoughts he had heard expressing their desire for him? I was thankful for my silent mind, hiding the countless embarrassing scenarios my mind had concocted. I don't think I would survive our relationship if he had been able to hear my internal monologue.
He gave me a half-sheepish, half-cocky smile and shrugged. "I'm as pure now as the day I was born."
I scoffed and then felt my face grow hot as my thoughts took a lewd turn. I looked away so he couldn't catch it, but he missed nothing. "What is it?"
I bit my lip, refusing to meet his eyes. It was quite difficult when we were pressed up against each other in my small bed.
He laughed. "Oh, now I have to know." I could feel his eyes on me, and I couldn't resist looking back at him after a moment. Shit. He was dazzling me. He knew exactly how to break me. One thick eyebrow lifted into the air in question, beckoning me to speak.
"I was just curious...does everything...work y'know? Like a normal man?" I asked, and immediately regretted it. My next words came out rushed and fumbling. "I just—I-I'm not exactly educated in vampire science and—"
His laughter cut me off, nearly shaking the bed from its intensity. I tried to share the same feeling but was ultimately too mortified to do so. I stared at him expectantly, waiting for his laughter to subside and to hear whatever possible explanation he had.
It eventually quieted, but his lips still twitched in a smile. "Oh, Isabella. You're so precious and you don't even realize it." His cold finger tapped me on the nose and I scowled at him. "To answer your question...yes, everything works." I felt my stomach bubble excited at the words. Quietly, he mumbled. "It all works a little too well, if you ask me."
I thought about that response for the rest of the night.
I had never wanted something…someone so badly in my entire life. My entire body ached for him in a way that could never be expressed. The mere proximity of us in such a close embrace made me feel more warm than I ever had—and he already made me very warm. Instead of speaking, I kissed him once more, pulling as much passion as I could.
He kissed me back, responding with the same unfamiliar passion. It was almost crippling, to feel this new intensity that I hadn't seen before. He had held so much back from me, and he released it all in that single kiss. I took that as him accepting my answer. Our tongues touched once more, and I whimpered into his mouth.
His lips began to move down my jaw again, but only ghosted down my throat before reaching the neckline of my dress. His hands, steady and determined, moved behind my back to nearly yank the zipper down, somehow not entirely ripping it off in the process. He then moved to the hem of my dress, pushing it upwards. I lifted my hips to make the task easier. He pushed his hands upward, leaving a trail of icy fire over my skin as he ascended them and lifted the dress. I raised my arms and he pulled the satin garment off of me, tossing it aside with a little more speed than necessary. I followed it with my eyes before looking back to him.
I was now completely exposed to him, save for my bra and underwear. I was thankfully wearing a decent navy bra that provided both lift and support and matching navy underwear. I had forgotten how dark they were and their appearance temporarily saved me from revealing how aroused I was. Whereas my desire was temporarily hidden, Edward's was not.
His eyes were hungry, roaming over all of this new, foreign territory with a want I had not seen in his eyes before. The sight of something so absolutely different from Edward made me feel tingly all over, most notably in my stomach. His irises were a dark, dark golden and they wheeled over my form, tracing my curves. His hands dropped to my waist, pushing small circles into my skin with his thumbs. For the first time since we began, I felt self-conscious.
A blush quickly blossomed on my face, rapidly declining down to my chest. I realized that he now could see how far my blush descended. I dropped my eyes, feeling a touch small, before his fingers were under my jaw again, pushing my face up towards his. His cool touch made my head spin, one part of my mind trying to comprehend what was happening while another part was trying to rationalize the unfamiliar Edward behavior. Edward engaging in any sort of sordid actions had previously been associated with alarm bells in my head, a learned reaction to keep him from doing something he might regret. It was both terrifying and satisfying not to object to his devotion.
He spoke a strained whisper. "You are stunning, Isabella."
The words scent a waft of that delectable, irresistible aroma over my face and into my nostrils. Honey and sunshine. My eyes nearly rolled back at how amazing it was, but I forced myself to keep my eyes on him. His face was still hungry, but not for my blood clearly. He would occasionally drop his eyes to view what I was offering him. His hand snaked around to settle on the small of my back, forcing me to sit up a little straighter on his lap. As I readjusted, I felt the thing I couldn't find before.
Edward's member was firm in his pants, slightly poking me now in a spot that made me feel hot all over. My face caught on fire at the realization that I was feeling him but the shock was short-lived. We both gasped at the contact and I saw his lip lift ever so slightly in a playful smile. It was quickly removed by my own lips, attacking his own in my desperation to move closer.
His patient speed was quickly beginning to drive me insane.
His hands moved from the small of my back to past my waist and then move behind the clasp of my bra. Once again, my head nearly fell back from the electricity of his touch, making me break out in goosebumps all over while somehow being entirely warm. He pulled his head back from me, toying with the clasp of my bra. I, on the other hand, was not so eager to expose that part of myself yet. He wasn't being entirely fair.
"…Would it be fair of me to remove your shirt now?"
When he looked up at me, it almost seemed like I disturbed him. He nodded, caught off guard, and dropped his hands.
I settled myself by straddling his lap. We had to have both been incredibly aware of his arousal, which had grown slowly to press against my center. His pants were a frustrating barrier, but I didn't dare to try to grind on him.
My hands were quite shaky as I undid the buttons of his navy blue button down. I had seen his perfection a couple times, but nothing could prepare me for the masterpiece of his frame. I almost felt embarrassed next to him. He was so smooth and muscular, almost as if he truly was made of marble. In comparison, I felt red and unflattering.
I reached my hands out to run my fingertips over his abs. They were hard and perfect, but not overly defined. His lanky frame was subtly crafted, with muscles hiding underneath the smoothness of his skin. I found myself incredibly grateful for his inability to grow body hair, because any hair would just damage his perfection.
I felt his body jolt underneath my touch, the muscles flexing. He shifted his hips.
I struggled to speak, but I did want to increase the pace. "Perhaps, the rest of the clothes now?"
I gasped as I felt Edward's cold fingers gripping my waist suddenly. In a swift movement, he had removed his pants from beneath me. It had happened in a matter of me being lifted up by a single hand.
We were both as exposed as we had ever been with anybody, yet we hadn't even begun yet.
I didn't disguise my expression as I moved to see his entire frame. He was a sculpture, to put it simply. His black boxer briefs helped to disguise his desire, but my face flooded.
I had known these parts of Edward worked—he had told me so. However, seeing them myself and in this particular context was both enthralling and mind-boggling. I had spent the entirety of our relationship believing that what was transpiring between us was almost definitely an impossibility. Yet, his dick was pressed up against me.
The very thought made my core tighten and I struggled not to moan aloud.
His eyes continued to roam over me, looking a touch more nervous than before. His heavy brows were lifted ever so slightly in bewildered bliss, and I felt a burst of pride for myself when I realized I had created that response in him.
"You are a vision, Isabella," he whispered, grabbing the ends of my hair flung over my shoulder. He twirled them in his fingers before letting them drop. "I have wanted to see you…touch you for so long." The words made my blush impossibly deeper. He moved his fingers to stroke along my shoulder, hitching his pointer finger under my bra strap. "Are you sure you're ready?"
I had never been more ready for anything. My body would surely implode if he were to back out now. I nodded quickly, and I moved to run my fingers through his hair again. "I am if you are."
His eyes left my face and moved to my shoulders. His finger dragged along the bra strap until he reached the band at the center of my back. Moving his hand from my waist, he deftly undid the clasp of my bra. He slid his fingers under the straps, his fingers ghosting over my skin like a feather, and pulled the garment off of me. I heard his intake of breath, but I couldn't bring myself to look at his expression.
I shut my eyes as my natural embarrassment took over. I couldn't see his face, nor did I want to. I felt his eyes scaling my form, and my skin burned like fire. My chest was ablaze, and he could finally see how far my blush descended.
After an immeasurable moment, I felt something cold brush my cheek, leaving it to tingle as if I'd been burned. I opened my eyes to see Edward, his face much closer than before. His eyes seemed to melt into mine, molten pools of gold. There he was, dazzling me again. My breath caught in my throat. Wherever my mind had been before, it was insignificant next to the reminder that Edward Cullen was looking at me with pure adoration in his eyes.
"Bella, please, do not hide your eyes." He shook his head infinitesimally. "I would give the world to understand an inkling of what you think. When you cut them off from me, I lose everything." He raised his eyebrows at me, hoping that I understood. I nodded, still too dazzled to speak aloud.
Edward's hand drifted to my jaw and he ever so softly pushed my jaw back, tilting my head backwards. I heard the softest of gasps and I had to suppress the urge to shut my eyes again. Years of poor self-esteem were not boding well for me.
There was another long still moment before Edward's chilly fingers ghosted down my throat, drawing a trail of fire that made my nerves scream in pleasure. The pleasant chill made me very cold and I felt goosebumps break out over my skin. The electricity humming between us created a pleasant energy over my skin as he touched me. I wanted his hands all over me.
As his fingers reached the curve of my right breast, I seemingly blushed a darker shade. I had never been touched by anyone like this, never so exposed. My breasts weren't small, but not large either. My nipples stood at full attention, hardened by the near constant stimulation he had been giving my body with his wintry digits. My breasts had never been touched by anyone other than myself, and I had never understood why their stimulation was such a focus in Renee's romance novels. However, now, I understood. My nipples were practically reaching toward him, especially with my head tilted back. I ached for his nimble fingers to trace and tweak them, for his hands to massage me, for his mouth to taste me there. The sensitive buds had never been so desperate to be touched.
I looked to him in excitement, eager to see his expression finally. He studied the skin there, eyes far more intense focused than one would typically see. He was infatuated, ghosting his fingers over me before actually making contact.
I couldn't contain my gasp as his fingers moved ever so slowly down my breast. When his fingers finally touched my right nipple, I sucked in another breath as it tightened even more, almost painfully sensitive and hard from the chill. He stared at it still, eyes both hungry and intrigued. I felt him place it between his thumb and forefinger, and I released the shaky breath from my lungs as he ran the hard bud between his fingertips. He looked at it, almost studying the tight flesh. Soon, his fingers left my nipple only to palm my breast. The feeling of my nipple rubbing over his smooth palm sent sparks of desire straight to my panties, flooding me with wetness and a throbbing desire. My core was hot and pulsating, waiting for attention. It took all of my strength not to moan.
As he palmed my breast, he massaged it gently and placed his other hand on my left breast. I gasped again at the unexpected touch and bit my lip to try to keep my body from moving spontaneously from pleasure. His touch was divine. I had never known that he could make my body feel such strange things. I spared one last look to him, intently focused despite the wildness in his eyes, before unconsciously tossing my head back to the ceiling as he stroked the pebbled flesh again.
With my head up to the ceiling, I never anticipated the cold wetness of his mouth on my hardened right nipple. I gasped loudly and gripped onto his head, trying to convey the absolute pleasure that his mouth had brought me. He ran his lower lip over my nipple, and I finally looked down to him. His eyes were shut, but my glance seemingly called him as he met my eyes with a hooded glance. I had never seen such unbridled desire in his eyes. He looked free—there was no restraint, no distress in this look. It took extreme power not to come undone just from his look. However, when he shut his eyes again and moved his lips to pull my tip into his mouth, I finally released my moan and threaded my fingers into his hair.
His lips pulled my nipple gently, the cold and wet making me feel painfully aroused. My eyes rolled back into my head when his tongue laved the tip and eventually wrapped around it. The feeling was absolutely sublime and so erotic. My hips almost began moving against his own, but I was shocked when his own hips moved up against mine. I felt myself almost come undone as he placed pressure on my center. He moaned, and the vibration sent another wave of pleasurable sensation down to my core. I almost sobbed from the sensations.
He suckled my nipple with fervor for a moment before letting it go with a wet pop. I tightened my fingers into his hair and looked to his face, but his head was already on the route to my neglected left breast. In contrast, the right ached from the cold air as it was exposed. He wasted no time placing the left between his lips, running his tongue around my areola before beginning to taste it once more. I groaned and couldn't help myself from finally grinding against his erection. The dual sensation made my hips buckle and he moaned against me in return, opening his mouth and breathing cold air against me. I tossed my head back again. Edward detached his lips from my breast, leaving me feeling painfully unattended.
"You are so warm…" he whispered, the cold air blowing over my ribs. "I never thought…I feel your heartbeat in every part of you."
I was momentarily shocked as he flipped me onto my back, leaving him on top and me on the bottom. However, his hands moved to stroke my nipples once more, this time with much more fervor, leaving me incapable to question the switch or to respond to his words. A shaking breath came out of me, and one of his hands was placed on my abdomen. He likely was attempting to calm me, but it only made my stomach twist in excitement. A moment later, he switched the hand on my stomach back to my breast as began to kiss down over my ribs, his fingers almost pinching to stimulate the hardened tips. I moved my hands from his hand to push on the backs of both hands, signaling that I needed more of his touch. He palmed both breasts as he kissed downwards, running his thumbs over my sensitive peaks occasionally. His touch was quick, but the pressure was enough to almost make me moan. As his thumb smoothed over my right nipple, I almost bucked my hips into his face. In response, he shocked me by forcibly pushing my hips down.
He looked up at me, raising one perfect thick eyebrow. I got the impression that I wasn't helping with his control, but he didn't look concerned. Instead, he looked…playful. He returned his lips to my left hip, kissing around the curve.
Edward's suddenly boyish attitude surprised me, since his attitude had been so serious moments before. The thought almost began to concern me until I felt his cold lips on the inside of my left thigh.
I bit my lip to hold in my moan. He was nearing dangerous territory. I didn't consider what he might have been doing before I noticed that his head hovered above my underwear, hand reaching to pull them off of me.
I sputtered in shock. "Edward?!"
He looked up, alarmed. "Do you not want me to?"
I shook my head rapidly. I had never thought I would want something so bad in my whole life. It had just never occurred to me that he would be into less….traditional methods of sex. My underwear were sopping with arousal.
"No, no, please…oh my God, please!" I tossed my head back against the pillow.
Edward's fingers dipped into the waistband of my underwear. I had lifted my hips to help him, but I only pressed myself further against his face, and I thought I heard him stifle a moan through his closed lips as he pushed my hips down forcefully and he pulled them off so quickly I heard the material rip. A gush of wetness emerged in response to his domination. As he pulled the remaining scraps off of me, I felt their weight and wetness against my leg. I did not see where Edward discarded them.
For the first time, I actually considered the state of my downstairs. I wasn't a shaver, but I did keep my curls trimmed and made sure they were never unruly. I didn't think Edward would mind much, since he had always been about traditional values. I would have been lying if I said I hadn't been trying to take better care of my landscaping since meeting him.
I looked to him to see him practically transfixed by my most personal area, finally exposed to him. He took a deep breath and spoke. "Oh, Bella."
I couldn't hide my shaky breath as he placed his hands between my thighs, the chill sparking the electricity once more. He ever so gently parted them and I saw him faintly inhale. I didn't know whether that was good or bad. He was silent for a moment.
His hands suddenly gripped my inner thighs, quickly separating them and opening myself further to him. The movement was sudden, and he spoke quickly. "If I can't have your blood, then this is the next best thing," he announced. I looked down again, only to see him lowering his head between my thighs.
As soon as his tongue made contact with my folds, I yelped from the contact, jerking upwards. He chuckled, and I felt another gush of wetness at the vibrations. He gripped my hips to keep them in place, pressing his fingers into my flesh to hold me down. I was feeling so desperate and I almost began pressing myself against him again. His hands gripped tighter to keep me in place, wrapping my thighs almost around his head.
Well, he doesn't need to breathe….
His tongue began moving slowly, tasting the coats of arousal that were covering my lower lips. I moaned in relief as something finally made contact with me, but I quickly wanted more as I realized it wasn't enough. He moved tortuously slow, and I think I let out a whine before attempting to press his face closer by pulling on his hair. He obliged by readjusting his position and raising my thighs slightly. It required no effort on my part, and I began to moan almost uncontrollably as Edward's tongue probed around. When he actually made contact with my throbbing clit, I pressed my face into a nearby pillow to try to muffle my yelp. His lips enclosed around it and he began to suck on it as well. I felt myself still trying to press myself closer to him, but he could only do so much. As he continued with his work, he would occasionally move to lap up my arousal, as if he really did enjoy it. I had no idea what it could taste like, but he seemed to enjoy it. I found myself pressing myself onto his cold face. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, since I would surely die from how red my face was.
When his tongue would run over my clit, I would almost instantaneously moan. The pressure was building for my first orgasm, but that was so incredibly pleasurable I didn't think I could take any more. I was already about to burst before his tongue even touched me. However, as he circled my clit with his tongue, I felt myself finally reach release.
It was a very unusual sensation, definitely unlike anything I had felt before. There was extreme heat, coupled with the feeling that I had fallen from a great height. I heard myself moaning loudly, but it was almost muffled by the cloud of ecstasy that fogged my mind. It almost felt like a thousand firecrackers had gone off between my legs. Edward continued to taste me, lapping up my wetness. I hated to go against his wishes, but there was no way to stop my eyes from closing.
I almost wept when the sensation faded, but I only exhaled loudly. Edward had stilled, and I was almost unwilling to open my eyes to see him. Thankfully, he was preoccupied by suddenly peppering my body with kisses, moving up my figure until he was pressing his lips against my own. He was excited, and I pulled my head back to balk at his response.
His face was gleeful, his eyes bright with excitement. "Oh, Bella, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He pressed his lips against mine again.
I furrowed my brow, but didn't hesitate to kiss him back. "…For what?" I asked incredulously.
He looked at me like I had missed something obvious. "For allowing me to see the most marvelous sight the world could possibly conjure."
As his words sunk in, I just rolled my eyes and kissed his stupid, smiling lips. I rarely saw him excited and I loved the light in his eyes. He seemed playful, but I knew from his body that he was still under careful control. However, his control couldn't conceal what was poking me in the thigh through his underwear. I made a quick decision and found myself gripping onto it. I couldn't have anticipated Edward's reaction.
He gripped my waist and a shudder ran through his body. I felt his fingers tighten uncomfortably around my rib cage, and I held in the small squeak that nearly escaped. They groped higher until one hand clutched my breast and the other gripped my shoulder.
Oh no. I had done something bad. I had risked his control. I knew there was a reason I never saw playful Edward.
He pushed his hands until he was hovering above me, and I realized what was happening. We were so close, and any sign that he should stop would ruin the evening. I quickly dropped my hand and held it to my chest. Edward, who seemed to be unaware, loosened his fingers and took in a quick breath. He lowered himself down, but balanced his weight on the hand on my shoulder. I could feel his knuckles braced against him, supporting the weight.
"Oh, no. I don't think I can handle that tonight." He breathed, his body visibly relaxing in front of me. I nodded. "Let's just…stick with the basics for me."
He lowered himself so his hips pressed against mine and we both moaned lightly. I blushed, but my face was already so red I doubt one could tell the different. I could already feel the wetness returning. My hands fisted in his hair, and the pain was completely forgotten. We kissed and he began to gently move our hips together. The friction of his underwear was maddening, and I found myself almost bucking my hips into his again.
His boxers were almost completely soaked from my wetness after a few moments. Edward lifted his head from my lips. "Bella, are you sure?"
When I spoke, my voice was barely a breathy whisper. "Yes." I had never been more sure of anything in my entire life. My body would surely explode if he were to change his mind.
He nodded almost absentmindedly, his mind clearly focused on something, and raised his hips. From the angle in which he was in above me, I couldn't see what he was doing. When I felt fabric of something brush against my thighs, understanding dawned on me.
I felt my gut do another somersault. He was removing his underwear; the thought made me blush even though I was already entirely nude and had already touched his member. He had already tasted me in my most intimate of places, yet the mere thought of something so private and outright sexual directly spawning from Edward was unheard of. Until that one conversation, it was a very real possibility in my mind that he did not have a dick at all. Sex and Edward fell into two different spheres that only touched in my mind, when my thoughts would go to darker, impossible places. I only began to consider that side of him after our conversation about his virginity, my thoughts spiraling down the sex rabbit hole. I wasn't entirely sure why I was so surprised that Edward was, in fact, a man. A man with sexual desires and urges and parts that worked just as well as any other man's. Or possibly even better, as he had hinted at. The knowledge that he had that side of him that I would seemingly never see was maddening. It was one of the driving forces behind my own conquest to rid myself of my virginity. It was madness to know that Edward could engage in passionate love with me, but forced himself to abstain.
The concept of his much-thought-of-dick—a fantasy that I never dreamed I'd be able to witness with Edward in any state of rationality—coming anywhere near me sent my heart into overdrive.
I couldn't stop the words, pushed out by my stupid, hormonal passion. "Are you going to let me see it, then, if I can't touch it?"
He looked at me then, his expression a touch shocked and...bashful? My blush remained, swirling on my cheeks and circulating down to my breasts. I noticed his eyes drop for the briefest of seconds. His mouth twitched as he tried to conceal his smirk, but then laughed lightly and nodded. "It's only fair," he conceded. Slowly, he pushed himself back onto his knees to finally reveal what lay between his legs. I noticed his eyes dart away from mine, almost as if he too was nervous about being seen. The thought was laughable; Edward was designed to be a god. How could he even have a drop of modesty left in him? A century had passed since his birth; surely, he had changed with the times.
My mouth literally fell open at the sight. From the dicks I had seen in pictures, movies, and artwork, nothing could compare to his. Long, pale, and…intense. I couldn't even think of how to describe how it looked. I was normally a little repulsed by human male penises, but his was actually as pretty as the rest of him. With his pale pallor, it resembled a marble sculpture. I felt my center throb in desire and my stomach do a flip. My brain could hardly process the reality of what I was seeing.
"G-goodness," I choked out, almost unable to look away. I did, however, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. His eyes still did not meet mine until a few moments later. His responding smile was small. He looked thoughtful for a moment before laughing lightly.
"I don't know why I'm being modest...I've been a man for nearly ninety years now and I still feel as if I should be blushing like a schoolgirl—"His eyes shot to me, eyes originally looking playful but growing more hungry as they traced the path of my blush again—"all because the girl I love is looking at me...like this."
I giggled in spite of my nerves. "Old habits die hard."
"Very old, in fact. Elderly."
I felt my nose wrinkle for a second before I burst into giggles again. His hand traced my cheek then, quieting the sound. I bit my lip, staring up into his gaze that grew more and more wanton by the minute.
His lips pressed against mine again, his cold tongue snaking out to trace the shape of my lips. The electricity sparked from lips all the way down to my center. My hips twitched and I brushed against something cold and hard. He took in a breath. I pulled back, checking his expression.
His eyes were alight in a way that I hadn't seen before, burning with both desire and a happiness that could surely make my life entirely wonderful as long as I got to witness it. However, I noticed them grow uncertain, his eyes dropping from mine before closing tightly. I could feel his indecision radiating off of him in waves.
"It's okay. I'm ready, I swear," I ran my fingers over his cheek. "I love you. I…trust you. More than anything. I know you can do this."
He nodded, eyes still shut. When he pulled away to speak, his voice was a soft whisper. "You'll tell me if anything is wrong. Promise me."
"I promise," I whispered. Silence filled the space and my nerves were running haywire in anticipating. I had never felt so alive, each cell dancing in excitement.
I felt his moving his hips. I took a deep breath.
Finally, his cold member brushed against me against. My goosebumps seemingly doubled as I felt my nerves light up once again, excitement literally tangibly flowing through me. I waited patiently, and he slowly began to move it forward. I adjusted my hips slightly to improve the angle. We both gasped as we made contact with other. He slowly began to insert himself. The pleasurable chill was unbelievable, but he seemed to be overwhelmed by the heat of my body. I gripped my hands in the hair on the nape of his neck, wordlessly trying to encourage him to keep going. He released a couple shuddering breaths. He looked into my eyes, and pushed further. Finally, he was lined up at my entrance. "I'm so sorry, love." He pushed further and finally pushed through the barrier.
I hissed in pain, but the low temperature of his member helped soothe me quickly. He pressed his face into my neck, and I felt the cold air of his breath against my skin. My heartbeat, which was already racing, jolted in surprise, and I hoped he would blame that on the current situation. I drifted my fingers over his back again in an attempt to calm him if he was becoming overwhelmed. My nails traced over his marble skin. I felt his muscles relax infinitesimally.
"Everything is fine," I whispered into his ear.
He nodded quickly, and I felt his hips lift over my own, eliciting a small groan from me. He then lowered his hips once again, and I realized he was trying to set a rhythm. My folds were so slick, he slid back in with ease. I noticed his expression, eyes still glowing with excitement but preoccupied with extreme concentration. As he moved, I realized at his angle he was hitting some spot that caused me to let out a small, breathy moan each time he hit it. I shut my eyes as they rolled back into my head. I let my head fall back on the pillow, exposing my neck to him in a way that probably was dangerous. I didn't care. I felt too wonderful to care.
Edward moved one hand to grip my waist and one hand to presumably grip the headboard. I heard the smallest cracking sound from above me, and I opened my eyes to see his knuckles moving as he gripped onto it. I looked to his face to see his eyes clenched shut in concentration, but we both suddenly moaned as he thrust and my walls briefly clenched around him. I was amazed at my body's responsiveness to him. Every warning and concern I'd ever heard about the girl's first time always being lackluster was immediately thrown out the window. Clearly, they had never had sex with a vampire. A vampire that I adored with every ounce of my soul.
He lowered his head and kissed me passionately. His hand moved from my waist to grip my neck, moving his thumb to stroke my jaw. His lips then dragged wet kisses down my throat and chest, spreading a trail of icy fire. I was amazed by his ability to move as he maintained his rhythm.
His eyes were still so intent, but his expression of pleasure was literally awe-inspiring. He looked more godly than anyone had the authority to, with his mouth open as he exhaled sharply with each thrust. He let out a groan, his eyes shutting and his hands tightening.
He looked magnificent.
As he continued thrusting, I found it difficult to keep myself from slipping into a euphoria induced state, my eyes shut and my focus solely on the feeling between my legs. My heart beat so loudly, it had to be all he could hear, even over my breathy gasps. Each thrust led to another surge of pleasure between my legs combined with the feeling of total warmth that covered. His cold body was nothing against how ridiculously hot I felt, warm and glowing beneath him as he and I joined in the most intimate way.
That same feeling that I had when Edward went down on me began to build again. This time, it stemmed from a different location. The heat was maddening, and I was suddenly climbing up that hill again. In Edward's interest, who seemed lost in his own concentration, I figured I should alert him.
"Ed—ward," I spoke, my word split by a gasp from his thrust. "It's happening soon."
He nodded and almost seemed relieved. He opened his eyes and looked at me, but didn't speak. I tossed my head back again as his member hit that special spot again, and I turned to moan into the pillow again. This was a much slower build.
Edward's hand slowly dragged down my body, gripping my waist again. He repositioned himself and I cried out loudly as he hit a new spot that I never thought would feel so mind-blowingly fantastic.
"Edward…." I moaned. "Oh, god..."
The heat built again and that same firecracker feeling went off between my legs, only this time I could feel my walls clenching around him. I heard myself moaning loudly, but I couldn't focus. Edward's speed increased until he stopped. His hand gripped the left side of my waist and I felt his fingers shake, but I was too high from my orgasm to notice anything but absolute bliss. I felt like my body had turned to molten lava, slowly dripping with hot, burning pleasure. My limbs were loose, but I remembered my body when his mouth collided with my own. His hips jolted and I felt the new, odd sensation of his semen shooting into me. He groaned, removing his lips and pressing his face into my neck, pulling us closer together when we were already so impossibly joined. The sensation was divine, his chill mixed with my overwhelming heat as we joined in the most intimate way.
Sound, which I hadn't even realized had evaporated, slowly returned to me. I was gasping in the most embarrassing of ways. He was…purring. The vibrations went through my whole body, creating a pleasant stimulation around his member. My body felt like it had been turned into rubber, with all my joints loose and springy. There was also an extreme electricity that buzzed throughout me, which was actually incredibly similar to the sensation that transpired between Edward and I when we touched. It was like that had been injected into my bloodstream, making me electrified all over.
Edward nearly collapsed, dropping his weight down onto his free hand. He lifted himself to pull out of me, but I slid my hand down to grip his ass. I knew nothing would stop him if he really want to move, but I think the shock of my touch stilled his movement.
"Don't leave…please." It took so much for us to get this far, I didn't want him to leave me yet. His member had softened, but still felt firm and cold inside of me. My walls wrapped around it snugly.
He nodded, still looking incredibly blissed out, and then held me to him as he rolled over so I laid on top of him. The change in air exposure made me realize how sweaty I was, and I pressed myself closer to his cold body, wrapping an arm around his waist. My breasts pressed against him and my already hard nipples somehow pebbled further against his chest and I hated how even that moderately tame action still made me feel so excited, the context of the situation still utterly enthralling. His member stayed inside me and we truly were two halves of a whole. I typically would have rolled my eyes at the cheesiness of the thought, but I couldn't be bothered. I was just too happy.
My heart fluttered in my chest, still beating wildly in reaction to what had just occurred. We had joined so perfectly. How could it possibly have been better than what I had expected? It was the opposite of a let-down—his prowess was better than I was capable of imagining. I wished I could purr with him to express my absolute adoration towards him. Instead, I kissed him again, not even entirely sure what I was touching. It ended up being his sternum. I conveniently turned my head and rested it on his chest. My ear was placed against his silent heart, something that still slightly disturbed me to hear. He distracted me from it when he chuckled above me.
I tilted my head back to look at him and my lids proved to be heavy. My exhaustion was sudden and overwhelming and I wanted nothing more than to sleep. I now understood why you waited to have sex until nighttime.
Edward looked…blissful. His head looked up to the ceiling, but my gaze pulled him back down to earth. His smile was stupid and wide and crooked and absolutely heart-melting. A flash of mixed gratitude and love ran through me, nearly incapacitating me. His fingertips began to graze themselves up and down my back, something that he knew would cause me to melt in a matter of seconds. Pleasant chills broke out over my skin and I pulled myself closer to him. He was cold but I was still so hot. It felt wonderful.
"Thank you," I whispered, overcome with my devotion. I raised my face and he met me halfway, our lips touchings once again. The passion was subdued, instead replaced with seemingly-mutual adoration.
He smiled his stupidly goofy grin, something even his vampiric perfection had never managed to burn away. It only came out in moments of total trust and love, and it filled me with butterflies to realize that I had brought it out of him. He moved his lips to kiss my forehead. "Thank you...Happy Birthday."
x
I woke up momentarily confused, expecting to see the dim light of morning peeking through my window before school. When I saw the trees gently rustling in the breeze through the familiar windows of the Cullen residence, the memories of the evening flooded back to me. Naturally, my face began burning against Edward's cool chest.
I shut my eyes again, seeing the night play back in my brain. I turned my head and buried it into Edward's chest, pulling the plush blanket he had wrapped around me over my head. He had to have pulled it from the end of the bed at some point in the night. Otherwise, we didn't seem to have moved since nighttime. We were still sprawled across the middle of the giant bed. I still felt him between my legs, but he had pulled out by that point. I could feel...something touching my hips and the thought made my stomach jump. Even after our coupling, it still baffled me that we were in such a risque entanglement. Just the concept of him naked beneath me made me blush once again. I don't think I could ever get used to something so foreign for us. "Good morning." My voice was muffled from the blanket.
I expected a chuckle or just a slight movement to indicate that he knew that I was awake. A stroke on my back, a snide comment. Something or anything that would make things feel normal. The situation wasn't...awkward, per se. Rather, it was just completely unfamiliar waters for me. I had never had to deal with post-coital conversation.
However, he stayed still as a statue. The tension between us grew thicker and thicker as the seconds passed. I felt his chest move up and down with his breathing, but there were no other movements.
I lifted my head and turned to look at his face. As I slept on his chest often, I was surprised when I didn't see him propped up against the headboard, as per the Edward usual. Rather, we were both lying amongst the pillows. He was awake, obviously, but looked like he was sleeping fitfully. His head was resting on the pillow with his eyes shut and brow furrowed. I wanted to kiss the worry away.
"Edward?" I asked, placing a hand on his chest, lightly tapping my fingers on his hard sternum. I lowered my head to his body again and looked up at him. Open your eyes, you insomniac vampire...
He stayed still, but I saw his lips press together infinitesimally. He finally licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak.
"Bella—" he started, but it cut off abruptly. I lifted my head again and moved to sit up and look at him in concern. He finally opened his eyes, but looked away when he saw me and...winced?
Ow. That was a blow to my already awful self-esteem.
He began again, opening his eyes. The emotion was unreadable. "Bella, you promised you would tell me if I hurt you," he said, his voice sounding irritated. The air grew still and uncomfortable. I looked at him, trying to comprehend what he meant.
What? What was he talking about? His words were a statement of fact, but they sounded like an accusation. Had he come up with some ludicrous story in the night? Had he misinterpreted my gasps of pleasure to be whimpers of pain? I recalled his totally exuberant expression as we both came down from our momentary high. We had kissed and giggled and everything had seemed totally fine.
"I did. And I kept that promise." I spoke flatly. "I didn't feel any pain, Edward. Obviously I'm alright. I think I'd notice if you had bitten me." I tried to laugh playfully, but he remained nonplussed. What was he getting at?
He raised an eyebrow at me, but otherwise his expression remained neutral. "Really? You're going to lie to me now when there's physical proof." He looked away from me towards the windows. He shook his head. "Bella…please look at yourself." His voice became soft and wavered a little.
I looked away from him in confusion. Had he bruised me a little? That happened even with human couples. To investigate his claims, I looked down at myself, lifting the blanket.
"Oh…" I whispered.
My body was a smattering of blue, purple, and yellow blossoms, all varying in intensity.
"Oh," he repeated coldly.
The bandage on my arm had fallen off at some point, and my macabre stitches didn't help it all. They only contributed to the horror that was my body. I had completely forgotten it in the night, the pain masked by the circumstances. My chest was a nightmare. My nipples were purple and my areolas were surrounded by fingertip shaped bruises extending out to the edges of my breasts. The right side of my waist was the worst, dark blue and purple from his grip during his orgasm. It almost looked like a bruise from a broken bone, but I felt no pain…yet. I could clearly see the lines of fingers wrapped around me. My hips were also dotted with fingerprints from him holding me down. I didn't even want to imagine my face. His kisses had been rough at times, and if the simplest touches were marking me up….
Ever so lightly, he lifted my right arm from my side. It too was marred with several bruises and he placed his hand right over the marks. Fingerprint for fingerprint, his large hand matched the bruise.
My throat felt suddenly swollen.
In the moment, I had felt none of this. It came across as the simple movements of sex. People became overwhelmed and held on too tight. None of this was out of the ordinary. None of it had hurt...then. But now, I did feel the soreness. It was dull, but I knew I would feel it when I moved. It would only get worse as the day went on.
He was right. He had hurt me.
But...it would be bearable. It was worth it in the end. Hadn't he been worried about killing me? This was nothing in comparison.
I turned back to him to see him staring at me, his eyes roaming over his mess. His face was strangely blank, but I knew Edward all too well. In his over a decade of living, he had learned exactly how to disguise his expressions on the surface; however, his eyes would always tell the truth. His golden eyes were burning with an intensity I had only seen when we had realized James's risk to my life. That same hatred filled his eyes as he looked at my body. I looked away before I felt nausea. I didn't want to think too much about what that expression meant.
I attempted to rationalize. "I didn't even feel it, Edward" I began. "Really, this is nothing. It could have been much wor—"
"Enough." He cut me off. His tone was harsh and a complete 180 from where he had been last night. I mourned the loss of my carefree Edward, still happy after the magic that had transpired between us.
My mouth closed quickly and tears sprang to my eyes. I hadn't felt this kind of rejection in a long time.
"It was a mistake, Bella." He muttered the words quickly, his face a mask. I thought I detected a touch of shame or perhaps regret, but it was quickly out of my sight as he closed the only gate to his true emotions by shutting his eyes.
I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. "A…m-mistake?"
What had been his words last night? How could he have gone from so happy to so regretful in the hours that I had slept? I regretted letting myself fall asleep so quickly. Perhaps, if I had stayed awake with him, I could have kept his thoughts from going down this path.
My stomach clenched itself into a pit of despair and I struggled not to tear up. I couldn't help myself when the tears sprung up. The briefest hint of sob came out, but I swallowed it down so only an uncomfortable squeak came through. I quickly looked away from Edward, but his eyes were too fast. He had to have seen the tears glistening in my eyes. I reached up with my right hand and wiped them away.
I expected some sort of consolation, perhaps an apology for my tears. He had always told me how much it hurt him to see me cry.
"We both knew it was dangerous. It shouldn't have happened." He shocked me by pushing my shoulders up. His touch was so light I barely felt it, but the shock made me move quickly in response, sitting up quickly and exposing myself in my eagerness. The action was stupid, as it only led to a full-body wince that he obviously saw. My mouth unconsciously twisted in pain as my waist injury made itself clear. He did not miss the expression.
His eyes, which had previously been somewhat subdued, dropped to look down at my bare body. I blushed and he could once again see it's entirety, but this time he did not seem to enjoy what he saw. How could he? The red looked disgusting underneath the bruises and marks that dusted my chest and probably my throat and face. Instead, his eyes suddenly grew to express a hatred that was crippling. Agony and disgust blazed in his eyes, hot and golden and near-impossible to witness. I could not longer breathe underneath his glare that was directed solely at my damaged, fragile, and weak body. I couldn't bring myself to pull the blanket around me, too horrified and disgusted with myself to attempt any sense of rational self-preservation.
His eyes lifted slowly, looking out towards the window to the right of the bed. The storm in them calmed again, reaching some blank glare that made me want to scream in frustration. A tear slipped down my cheek.
He stood suddenly and walked to the bathroom—to do God knows what—and shut the door.
I stared after him in shock. As the shower cut on, the sobs came loose.