Reno dumped another can into the pot on the stove. It had taken him a while to figure out how to use the electric can opener, but he had gotten the hang of it. Now he was just waiting for everything to heat up enough to eat. The can of mushroom soup said that it was great for cooking on it, so he had dumped it in first, followed by a can of chili he had grabbed when he and Marlene went grocery shopping together. It had been the week after the Shadows' attempt to kidnap Marlene failed, thanks to Aerith, and he hadn't wanted her out of his sight. Most of the items he had put in the cart had stayed at the store, but the can of chili had slipped through Marlene's guarding of the shopping cart.
"Rice would make it more filling, but you have to add water to cook rice. That's boring…I know, I'll add my beer! That will make it taste awesome!" Reno almost opened the fridge, then remembered that Marlene had refused to let him keep beer in the house, so it was in the mini-fridge in the hangar. Streaking out there, he grabbed a six-pack and his bag of corn nuts.
Back in the kitchen, he popped open two cans of beer and poured them into the pot, then looked at the bag of rice. "Um…how much rice should I put in? There's not much soup or chili in there, I'll add half the bag." Reno put the rice in, and threw in some corn nuts for crunchiness, turning up the heat to medium before putting a lid on the pot. He hoped that would be enough food to satisfy his metabolism, which required him to eat large amounts of food, and never gain an ounce from it.
Sitting down at the kitchen table, he cracked open another beer and drank it while snacking on more corn nuts. "This is taking a long time to cook." Reno decided to put some bread in the toaster oven on warm to make grilled cheese sandwiches later to eat with his chili soup. Then he put his legs up on the table, feeling entirely comfortable, so decided to close his eyes and rest for a bit to ignore his hunger. In his bachelor days, he only ate corn nuts while at a bar with Rude, waiting for his food to be served. But he had gotten too used to Marlene's home cooking over the past few years, so now he only ate corn nuts while working on his helicopter, knowing his wife had food waiting for him back in the house. His stomach was well-trained to expect real food after corn nuts, and it wasn't quiet about letting him know what it thought.
"Reeeeno…wake up, sleepyhead…Reeeeeennnooooo…open your eyes." A sultry voice invaded his ears.
Opening his eyes, Reno saw his naked wife covered in whipped cream with cherries on her nipples and a bottle of chocolate syrup in her hand. "Marlene?" he asked, surprised to see her home early.
"Of course…you want more than food now, don't you? How about we do both with a banana split?" Marlene got in his lap, running her hands all over him.
"Banana split?" Reno repeated.
"You be the banana, I'm the toppings." Marlene opened the bottle of chocolate syrup.
"Shouldn't we have an actual banana for that?" Reno was up for whatever kinky shit his wife wanted, but he believed in proper food games.
"We have a banana, silly." Marlene started fondling him with her empty hand, and Reno looked down, stunned to see a large banana between his legs.
"What the…what'd you do to my dick?!" Reno was starting to freak out.
"Nothing yet, but I will." Marlene poured some chocolate syrup on his banana, and started to lick it off slowly. Reno groaned and decided he'd just let things play out and see what happened. "It's going to blow! It's going to blow!" Marlene exclaimed a little while later as she paused and looked at her husband.
"If you don't keep going, I won't!" Reno protested her stopping, until he heard a loud pop, then another one.
With the second pop, Marlene disappeared along with the banana. Reno found himself falling out of his chair as the lid flew off the pot on the stove, and he barely noticed that it was now dark outside. It was lucky for him that he fell out of his chair, for the pot lid flew off in his direction and hit the remaining beers in the six-pack, and they went flying towards the stove. One hit the knob for the burner Reno was using, turning it up to the highest setting. The other two cans landed in the pot, which was already hot enough, and before he was able to get up and turn the stove off, the beer cans exploded. The force shot the pot into the microwave, and the impact caused sparks which ignited the beer flying everywhere. Reno hurried to grab the fire extinguisher and put out the fire. Looking in stunned despair at what was left of his first attempt at a meal in the smoke filled room, he was so lost in thought about how he was going to eat now that he didn't even hear someone knocking at the door, or coming in after knocking.
"You tried to cook, didn't you?" Rufus said as he entered the kitchen.
"I'm gonna starve to death." Reno replied as his stomach started growling ferociously and he felt so hungry he thought he was going to throw up. "Hey, why are you here?"
"Marlene was going to give me the financial records for the orphanage so I can have my accountants go over it and make sure the money is being used profitably." Rufus explained. "And have you checked the refrigerator yet? Wives usually…Scarlet never did, but I don't think she ever cooked either…they usually make sure their husbands are provided for in their absence." Rufus walked over to the fridge, and Reno dejectedly followed him. When Rufus opened it, Reno was overjoyed to see a plate filled with his favorite breakfast foods, and a casserole dish containing Florentine casserole, with reheating instructions on top of them.
"I'm saved!" Reno was so happy he hugged Rufus just as the kitchen door opened and Marlene walked in pushing the sleeping twins' stroller, Addy right behind her.
"Why are you hugging your boss naked, and why is the kitchen on fire?" Marlene quickly covered their daughter's eyes.