Okay I decided to make this a story. This chapter takes place sometime after the battle, like a year or two after. Ginny and Harry got together in chapter one durning the christmas in HBP. Now Harry still broke up with her like in the book and went off to hunt down moldy shorts. And this story falls in line with the seventh book detail wise. But in my story Fred lives simply b/c it wouldn't have been as funny with out him. This is not a serious story, it's simply humor and I hope you enjoy. Next chapter coming soon.

I own neither Harry Potter, the Bible, James Bond or the Pygmies in Africa.

You know I've always placed myself as a sane person.

Considering the family I come from, I have found keeping my sanity has been an incredible feat. I have always believed that my family was a bit mad, or in the words of the Americans, "effin crazy". And the conversation that is taking place right now further proves my point on the question of my family's madness.

So what is this conversation you may ask?

My git brothers are talking about my virginity.

My damn virginity I tell you, not the weather or the latest racing broom as you might expect, but my chastity.

Damn it all too bloody hell.

Oh but guess what?

Not only are my brothers here but so are Hermione, Phlegm and Harry! Thank Merlin Mum and dad are out.

At this moment I'm kind of wishing Harry didn't off old moldy shorts, so that way the nose less wonder could kill my bleeding brothers!

So how did the conversation get on my nonexistent sexual life?

Well I'll tell you, my git brother Ron.

We were all enjoying a nice quiet sibling dinner (with Harry, Phlegm and Hermione) when my stupid brother told a stupid joke about one losing one's virginity. Well the moron botched the joke and Harry chose the wrong moment to laugh.

So guess what?

My brothers now have the impression that Harry has taken my…er…well you know.

Which he has not! Do you think I would really do that? Come on! I know Mum would somehow find out and I'd never hear the end of the scarlet woman lecture. So I'll wait until I'm married thank you very much.

Any who, my brothers are now glaring at Harry, who is sweating droplets the size of gobstones. Hermione is looking at her plate. Phlegm's mouth is hanging open and I'm…well I'm explaining the situation to you.

Alright we need to devise a plan of action!

Harry might have beaten old what's his face but I doubt he could take on six fully grown Weasley men at once. And here in lies the problem. See I know I can't bat bogey hex them all at the same time. Me and Harry might be able to hold off three, maybe four at the most. But there are six of them and while we're dealing with the four, two of them could use stealth tactics and get us from behind.

I'm back to square one.

So why don't we just tell them we have not done the deed? Simple, they are Weasley's and their minds are a bit preoccupied at the moment to hear any of it. So that means no matter what we tell them, they wouldn't hear a word of it. Their minds are on one thing and one thing only.

Kill the four eyed sister deflowerer.

Speaking of my brothers, they seem to be in a trance of anger. That's good for me, it'll give me more time to work on the plan.

Wait I've got it!

There's a window right behind us, we could jump out. Now all I need to do is distract the one closest. (Ron) Well he's not that bright, so I could throw a steak behind him and that should give us just enough time to make our escape.

Wait, foiled again!

All the bloody broken cauldrons are right below the window and I don't feel like going to St. Mungos trying to explain why I have bits of cauldron stuck in my arse.

Damn it!

We could make a break for the stairs, fight our way up, go to my room grab my broom and fly out my window. But that brings me to another problem that I've just realized. If we escape what in the bloody hell are we going to do afterwards, or when mum finds out.

Oh my god mum!

We'll have to leave the country because that's the only option we have. We'll move to Africa and live with the Pygmies.

But wait Africa is hot isn't it?

My hair does not like hot weather. It gets all puffy and I'll have to wet it to get it to lie flat. Plus I know my make up will run there and I don't think I'll like living in a hut. Plus I don't think they play Quidditch there.

So Africa is out—oh wait, brothers are about to kill Harry.

Right.

Alright I'm breaking out plan K, we have no choice but to go down in all flaming glory. We'll stand up and go down in the history books—Oh my god!

What's the Wizarding world going to think of me when they find out my brothers killed the-boy-who-lived, the chosen one because my chastity came in to question.

Dear god it'll be scandalous!

Romilda Vane will hunt me down with her little "We love Harry Potter" club. I'll have every witch in Britain trying to kill me.

Living with the Pygmies is sounding good again.

OH SHIT! The vein in Bill's temple is pulsing, that's not good.

I'm out of ideas so I'm just going to inform Harry of my sketchy plan. I turned to Harry, whose robes are now soaking wet and said.

"Africa, Harry! We have to get to the Congo!"

He turned his attention from my demon brothers and just gaped at me. Even my brothers came out of the trance they were in and looked at me.

See this was bad, my brothers were now out of the trance they were in so that means feeling had returned to their bodies, meaning they could now function in the way wizards do best. Or in other words they were about to start throwing hex's.

I looked at Harry who looked at me and we came to some kind of telepathic agreement. We were both thinking the same thing.

"We're going down fighting."

We nodded at each other and the moment of truth was upon us. We both stood up, knocking our chairs back, wands at the ready. At the same moment my brothers stood up, six wands pointing at Harry.

You want to know something bad? I'm not really thinking about the fight that's about to break out. Nope, what I'm really thinking about is my brothers are about to kill my boyfriend before I can really lose my virginity. I'm going to die a virgin; I'm going to be just like that Lady Mary in those muggle stories. I'm going to be laughed at when I'm ninety because my womb is barren.

People will point and throw rocks at me.

My life will be hell; I might have to go live with the Pygmies even if Harry doesn't live just to escape the jokes about my barren womb.

Either way, Harry living or dying, I see Pygmies in my future.

My future is not bright.

Anywho, ladies and gentlemen back to the fight.

"WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU MEAN BY THAT LAUGH POTTER!"

It was Charlie and boy was he mad. I've always thought the dragon taming gave him a bad disposition. He might need to consider a holiday.

"I…I…"

Apparently Harry was trying to defend his self, but he was failing, miserably.

"I didn't…didn't mean anything by it."

Awwwww, he's stuttering. Bless him, he's so cute when he's stuttering. He has this little dimple that forms on his left cheek-- Focus! Ginny Focus!

Now I know you're thinking, why don't you speak up Ginny?

Well I've already covered this, they are preoccupied and the only thing on their minds is.

Kill the four eyed sister deflowerer.

So it wouldn't do any good if I did, they would not hear of it. So this means, me and Harry are going to have to fight our way out of here and go live with the Pygmies, puffy hair and all.

Any who, four wands are pointing at Harry--

Wait a minute four wands pointing at Harry?

There were only four wands pointing at Harry. That means two are missing. Oh my god! Stealth tactics!

I hastily looked behind me, but no one was there. Then I saw them when I turned back, the bloody gits!

Fred and George had left the fight and were now sitting side by side munching popcorn they had conjured watching the fight like it was the premiere of a James Dond movie, or whatever that bloody movie series is called.

"Any last words Potter?" asked Ron.

I looked at Harry and thankfully the boy had realized my brothers meant business and was standing tall looking as if he meant business as well.

Damn it, his dimple went away.

"Nope" said Harry.

His response gave me hope; maybe we would make it through this because he knew we would because he didn't need to give his last will and testament. But then I remembered living with pygmies and that hope suddenly went away.

"Suit yourself." said Percy.

And here is where all hell broke loose.

Several spells went Harry's way but he deflected them with a shield charm and then he dived behind a chair, sending hex's the whole way there. I sent a hex Ron's way but the idiot managed to duck it. The yearlong camping trip they took gave him an upper hand when it comes to dueling.

Bloody git.

Fred and George were now laughing and holding each other up on the floor and Hermione and Phlegm were standing screaming something about this being barbaric.

No kidding?

Harry had sent a leg locker curse Bill's way I'm guessing, because Bill was now wobbling about the place still trying to send curses in Harry's direction.

This was all out war so I screamed to Harry. "Help me get the table!"

He nodded and we flipped it on its side sending dishes and food everywhere, using it as protection. But in the act of doing this Harry lost his wand. Oh no that's bad.

"Look" I said. "I'll distract them, grab your wand and come back."

We looked at each other and I grabbed his head giving him an all out snog. It was a snog like a wife would give her husband before he goes in to battle.

Well this is kind of the same thing right? I mean he could go out there and get killed for goodness sake.

We let go and he gave me a fleeting hug. He went to one side of the table and I to the other. I peered out over the side and sent some cover fire for Harry as he went for his wand. As I watched he dived for it and as he did this Bill tried to wobble to where he was at, but Harry was too quick for him. Harry grabbed the rug and pulled it sending Bill on his Arse.

GO HARRY!!!

I sent more cover fire and threw a chicken leg (That hit Percy) as Harry jumped over the table to join me. Then it hit me that I could have Accio'ed his wand to me and we wouldn't have had to do all that. Look we're in battle my brain is fuzzy okay.

I'm guessing Hermione and Phlegm had given up and gone in the sitting room because I didn't see them when I peered over the side of the table. Fred and George on the other hand were still on the floor laughing and choking on popcorn.

Stupid gits, I hope they choke on a hand full.

Charlie, Ron, Percy and Bill were in a circle looking like they were discussing a plan. Apparently someone had done the counter curse on Bill because they were all standing, correctly. I looked at the window behind us, cauldron bits in my arse was now looking better and better. So I devise a plan of my own and relayed it to Harry.

"We need to open the window and get the hell out of here."

He nodded.

"Open the window and when we hit the ground, head straight for the broom shed, grab a broom and we'll get the hell out of here. But watch out for the broken cauldron's when we land outside the window."

He nodded and asked "Where are we going to go when we leave?"

To Africa to live with the pygmies I suggested. He merely looked at me and said. "No, Grimmauld place."

I gaped at him. "They're all secret keepers there! That's the first place they will look."

"It's the only plan we have Ginny."

I went with it even though I didn't like it.

He pointed his wand at the window and it opened. We got in one last fleeting kiss, counted to three and then we dashed up heading for our only means of escape.

And that's when I heard a manly war cry. "THEY'RE ESCAPING!!!!!!!!"

"Ginny go first I'll hold them off" shouted Harry. Awwww, The he-man-I-will-save-you hero complex just kicked it. He's always trying to save me. Like last week, he pulled me out of a hole I fell in.

What? It was a big hole. And I didn't know it was there. I mean really, who goes around digging large holes and not telling people they're there. I bet it was Romilda Vane.

I got to the window and as I fell out I saw curses flying everywhere, then I hit the ground. And as I expected cauldron bits were now sticking in my arse and it hurt.

"OUCH!" I shouted.

I got up picking the bits out and ran as fast as my legs would take me to the broom shed. I turned just in time to see Harry jump out the window by passing the cauldrons.

Bloody git, how come I get peppered with rusty metal as old as Merlin but he doesn't.

"Go Ginny! Go!" he shouted.

I grabbed two brooms, throwing one to him. I threw my leg over the ancient piece of wood just as I saw my four brothers trying to get through the window, at the same time.

Stupid Morons, they ought to know they all can't fit at one time.

We took off and started climbing, just as we made good air. I heard two distinctive POP's ring through the air.

Oh my god, Mum was home and we destroyed half the house! Plus my Chastity was in question.

My brothers wanted to just kill Harry, but I knew after my mum walked in to that house she would want to kill the both of us.

Yep, living in Africa with the Pygmies was sounding good again.