Chapter 56
Vegeta: Idiot! (delivers a chop to the back of Trunks's neck, knocking
him unconscious)
Goten: (about to cry) Y...YY...You killed Trunks! Why? Why? Why? (runs up and starts beating on Vegeta's chest with his fists)
Vegeta: (backhands Goten across the face, sending him crashing into the wall and unconscious) Now that I've silenced those two fags...Who's Next?
Jerry: Wait Vegeta! We still haven't found out who Trunks's real father is yet.
Vegeta: Like I give a shit!
Jerry: Well...ok. (rips up the envelope)
Bulma: You mean I went through all that shit for nothing?
Goku: Yup...seems that way.
Bulma: (glares at Goku) I wasn't talking to you! (picks up Goku's arm and beats him over the head with it)
ChiChi: You bitch! Give me that! (snatches the arm away from Bulma, pulls out her sewing kit, and starts to sew Goku's arm back on for him)
Goku: (sees the sewing needle) Ahhh! Needle! (faints)
Jerry: (shakes his head in pity and mutters) Well...I guess it can't get any better/worse than this...
A new message appears on his teleprompter.
Jerry: (looks up and notices) Hey! It seems we have another guest to introduce. Please welcome Broly!
Dende: Eew! I hate Broccoli!
Chiaotzu: Yeah! Me too! Broccoli sucks! Broccoli sucks!...
Whole audience: (joins in chanting) Broccoli sucks! Broccoli sucks!...
Gohan: But I like broccoli...
Everyone: Shut up wuss!
Gohan: (starts crying again)
Goten: (wakes up) Broly? Him again? I thought we killed him...twice..
Marron: (gets up and starts giving Krillin a lap dance)
Broly walks in dressed in his normal Saiyan attire, a blank expression on his face. He sits down beside Krillin, who is too entranced by Marron to notice.
Jerry: Now Broly, it says here that you're a skitzo. Tell us, what's that like?
Broly just sits there, staring blankly ahead. His eyes widen when he sees Goku unconscious with ChiChi putting the finishing touches on his arm.
Broly: Katarotto...
Goku: (wakes up, his mouth watering) Did somebody say tacos?
Broly: Kakarotto...
Chiaotzu: I think he said carrots...eew! I don't like carrots! Carrots suck! Carrots suck!
Piccolo: (drives another baseball off the side of Chiaotzu's head) Yeah! We get the point!
Jounouchi: (runs onto the set) Hey guys, sorry I'm...late. (looks around) Whoops! Sorry...wrong set.
Chiaotzu: JOEY! (attaches himself to Jou's leg and starts humping) Save me from the evil green snotball!
Jounouchi: Hey! Get the fuck off me you little mime creep! Before I sick my Red Eyes Black Dragon on you!
Broly: (stands up) KAKAROTTO! (goes SSJ)
Trunks: (wakes up, stands up, and dresses himself) Wha...what happened? (notices Broly) Oh fuck!
Goten: TRUNKS! YOU'RE ALIVE! (glomps Trunks then stands up and turns away, crossing his arms) I'm still not talking to you!
Gohan: (looks around and chuckles) I feel sorry for you...last time you needed my help to kill him...not gonna get it now.
Spiderman: (shoots Broly in the mouth with a web) Leave him to me!
Captain Planet: (stands up) Yeah! We're the real super heroes here! Besides, he's polluting my sound waves! He needs to be punished! (charges at Broly)
Goku: No! Stop!
Broly: (extends his arm and vaporizes Captain Planet with a KI blast, then stalks towards Goku) K..mmmph!
Spiderman: (wraps Broly in webbing)
Goten: Eew! He's covering him in boogies!
Broly: (charges to "Legendary" SSJ, breaking the webs) KAKAROTTOOOOO! (grabs Spiderman and breaks his back over his knee, then vaporizes him with a KI blast)
Jounochi: No, I don't want any tacos!
Broly: (returns to normal and takes his seat, a blank expression on his face)
Frieza: (upon witnessing Broly's actions) Ooh! He's even more manly than you Vegeta! (rolls over to Broly and begins feeling him up)
Broly: (just sits there, staring straight ahead, expression unchanging)
Trunks: (to Gohan) Like we need your help! All I gotta do is fuse with Goten again!
Goten: Like that's gonna happen! You ain't getting any fusion from me!
Jerry: Well, it seems you two are having some relationship problems...Tell us Goten.
Goten: Well, I'm pissed off that Trunks lied to me! He's lied to me no less than twice now!
Dende: Well, it's better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Frieza: Speak for yourself! (cracks his whip)
Dende: (eeps and recoils in fear)
Frieza: Yes! Fear me! Ha Ha Ha!
Bra: (takes off her shirt, exposing her bare breasts. Then wraps her child in it and starts breast-feeding him) Now...what to name you..
Yamcha: How 'bout Yamcha Jr?
Bra: Hmm..nah.
Yamcha: Why not? He's my son!
Bra: (glares evilly at Yamcha) I know that! But I still say NO!
Yamcha: Yeesh! You remind me of your mother...I like that. (kisses Bra)
Bulma and Vegeta: (stand up, about to attack Yamcha)
Bra: (noticing her parents) MOM! DAD! Don't even think about it!
Bulma and Vegeta: (grumble and take their seats, still glaring at Yamcha with intent to harm)
Broly: (stares at Bra's bare chest)
Jerry: Oookay, I guess we're not going to get any comments from Broly, so onto our next guest! Please welcome Uub!
Uub walks in, a facade of confidence on his face. He takes a seat on the opposite end of the stage from Goku.
Jerry: Uub, it says here that you've come here to confront someone, please tell us about this.
Uub: Well Jerry, this all started when I was a kid, when I first met Goku...When he took me into the time chamber to "train."
Flashback
Goku: (starting to strip) Okay Uub, you ready to start training?
Uub: Yes sensei...Uh, why are you stripping?
Goku: (turns to face Uub, butt naked) It's part of your training...(walks towards the terrified Uub)
End Flashback
Uub: (about to cry) He...He...HE RAPED ME! Repeatedly! We never did any training! He called me his bitch...He also refused to use my name...Instead he called me, "Vegeta."
ChiChi: (bitch-slaps Goku) How could you! I want a divorce now dammit!
Goku: But...ChiChi..I never did that!
Uub: Yes you did! I brought the surveillance tape in from then! (produces a tape from his pocket)
Goku: Oh fuck! (shoots a finger KI blast at the tape, destroying it)
Uub: (annoyed look) I knew you'd do that...That's why I gave the producer a copy.
Surveillance tape comes on and shows that everything Uub said was true
Goku (on tape): (fucking Uub) Yeah! Take it bitch! That's right Vegeta!
Vegeta: (charges to SSJ and blasts the screen) KAKAROT! (fires another blast at Goku, blowing his other arm off)
ChiChi: (sees the tape and faints)
Frieza: Oh my...Looks like all you monkeys are the same...(rolls over to Goku, who is bending over to pick his arm up) And such a well-toned ass too...It makes me want to caress it!
Goku: (stands up and shakes his finger in a "no-no" fashion) Uh-uh. You can look but you can't touch.
Frieza: (cracks his whip at Goku) I'll do as I please! (proceeds to caress Goku's ass)
ChiChi: (wakes up and sees Frieza) WHA...! (tackles Frieza to the ground and proceeds to slap him across the face, which ends up in a girlish slap-fight between the two)
Jerry: I can see you all have some pent up energies that need to be released. I think it's time for our next musical guests! Please welcome The Ginyu Force!
The lights go out and everyone gets quiet. A silhouette of five figures walk onto the stage, the smallest one being a type of frog. They line up single-file, tallest to shortest. A spotlight comes on as the music starts. All five of them are dressed in nothing but their underpants, each with a single fig leaf in front, covering the crotch.
Recoome: G!
Burter: R!
Jeice: Dabru E!
Guldo: N!
Ginyu Frog: (standing on his hind legs with a translator strapped to his neck) Leaves!...
They proceed to sing "Yatta" by Happa-tai while dancing like Happa-tai in their "Yatta" music video. (A/N: If you haven't seen the video, think of a cross between "YMCA" and cactaurs from Final Fantasy X/X-2) At the end of the song, Gohan and Jerry are on stage dressed in the same attire as the Ginyu Force, dancing with them. The Ginyu Frog jumps into Bulma's lap and starts to nuzzle her.
Bulma: Hey little guy...Ooh, a little to the right. Yesss, that's the spot!
Vegeta: I knew it! I knew there was something going on between you two! So he's the real father!
Trunks: Then how come I can go Super Saiyajin?
Vegeta: That's what I'd like to know! (glares at Bulma and raises a brow when he realizes she's not paying any attention)
Broly: (still staring at Bra breast-feeding her newborn)
Jou: (raises a brow as sees the "musical guest" and starts backing up towards the nearest exit) Uh...I'm gonna go now...
Piccolo: Yeah, get outta here! You saw what happened to the other non-DBZ characters!
Chiaotzu: Joey! Don't leave me! (climbs up Jou's leg to his back and humps harder)
Jou: Hey! What the...Goddammit! (falls flat on his face) Okay, I won't leave! Just get the fuck off me!
Chiaotzu: Yay! (jumps up and down cheering)
Babadi: Ahh, an excellent choice for my new and improved slave! (waves his hands about) HAAA!
Jou: (rolls over and starts screaming) Get outta my head!
Babadi: (starts doing pelvic thrusts)
Jou: Gah! Stop raping me! You're raping my mind!
Babadi: That's right! You're my new bitch! Now arise Majin Jou!
Majin Jou: (crawls up to Babadi on all fours and woofs like a dog)
Chiaotzu: Ooohh! Joey's a doggie now!
Bra: (moans as Yamcha latches his lips to her other nipple) Hey Yamcha! Save some for the baby!
Bulma: (pushes the Ginyu frog away) Hey I have a good name for the baby...How about "Tightie-whitie?"
Bra: (between various moans and gasps) How about no! I'm not going to name my child after an undergarment!
Broly: (continues staring at Bra, her newborn, and Yamcha)
Goku: (tries to fit his arm back into place) Chichi! I told you to wait till after the show to mess with Frieza!
ChiChi: (sits up) So? When was the last time I listened to you? You're not my daddy!
Goku: B...but ChiChi! (waves his amputated arm at her)
Frieza: (whips Goku) Yeah! You're not her daddy! She can do what she wants!
Piccolo: (stands up and throws a fist into the air) Yeah!
Roshi: (crawls up to Goku on all fours) We swears to do what you wants! Gollum Gollum!
Krillin: (jerks back on Roshi's leash) Get back over here! BAD Hermit!
Roshi: (holding both arms out to Goku) Master! Save us!
Goku: (chuckles) Save you? Why should I? (slaps Roshi with his amputated arm)
Roshi: (growls and lunges at Goku, snapping the leash) It's ours it is! Your ballses! Give us your ballses!
Goku: (reaches into his pocket and pulls out a one-star ball) Fine! (throws it at Roshi, hitting him in the forehead) You're not getting the other one! It belonged to my grandpa!
Vegeta: Nobody gives a rat's ass about your dead "grandfather" Kakarot! (makes quotation symbols with his fingers as he says "grandfather")
Goku: Oh stuff it you…you…you big meanie!
Vegeta: Come now Kakarot, you're acting like your son.
Chichi: Like father like sons.
Piccolo: I never knew my father….He died seconds after laying me.
Chiaotzu: Eeew! You got laid by your father?
Piccolo: As an egg! (gives Chiaotzu a death-glare)
Roshi: (regains consciousness, picks up the ball, and does a happy-dance) Wheeee! It's ours it is! No one shall ever take it from us again!
Dende: (sneaks up and snatches the ball away from Roshi) Haha!
Roshi: (growls at Dende)
Dende: Gohan! Catch! (tosses the ball to Gohan)
Gohan: (catches the ball) Ha ha! Keep away!
Gohan and Dende proceed to play "Keep away from Roshi" with the Dragon Ball.
Roshi: You're making me angry…you won't like me when I'm angry. (growls and grunts like he's constipated, his muscles and upper body begin to bulge)
Krillin: Run for cover! He's gonna blow!
Everyone: (stops what they're doing and hides down behind their chairs)
Roshi: (still growing, face turning red, then blue, still grunting)
A/N: It was at this point that I was at a standstill in my writing. I came up with 2 possible ways to go from here, wrote out a short example of what would happen with each one, and showed some friends of mine the manuscript. Here are those 2 options
Option #1: "Hulk"
Roshi: (stops growing when he reaches a height of 6ft then starts stomping around, knocking chairs over) Hulk SMASH! SMASH! (stomps over to Dende and Gohan) SMASH! (brings his fists down on the tops of Gohan and Dende's heads)
Dende: (looks up and blinks at Roshi)
Gohan: (eyes water, tries to hold back from crying)
Dende: (raises a brow at Gohan) Oh c'mon Gohan! You can't tell me that hurt!
Gohan: It's not that…(points at Roshi's ripped pants laying on the floor a few feet away) and that (points at Roshi's naked/exposed crotch)
Dende: Holy shit!
Bulma: (peeking out from behind her chair) What? Let me see! (spots Roshi's extremely large dick) Oh my…I should have let that old man have me from the start! (runs over to Roshi and attaches herself to his leg)
Option #2: "Heart attack and soil"
Roshi: (continues growing till he reaches a height of 6ft, then suddenly clutches his hands to his chest and falls over, reverting back to normal size)
Gohan and Dende: (peeking out from behind their chairs, blinking) Is he….dead?
A loud "fart" noise is heard coming from Roshi's general direction.
Jerry: Steve! Go check it out for me!
Steve: (looking at Bulma from behind) looks fine to me…
Jerry: Not her! The old man on the floor there!
Steve: Right! (walks up to Roshi then turns back around) But I don't wanna!
Jerry: (glares at Steve and points at Roshi)
Steve: (frowns and turns back to the old man, broom in hand, and lightly pokes Roshi in the side with the end of the handle) he smells…
A large bulge is quite noticeable in the base of Roshi's under garments.
Steve: (poking at the bulge) it's squishy…and this handle is leaving imprints…
Krillin: Uh oh…he shitted his pants again.
Suddenly, Roshi's pants rip at the ass and out crawls a ½ ft piece of shit with arms, legs, eyes, and a mouth.
Mr. Hankey: Hooooooooowdy Hooo! (waves an arm at everyone as he speaks)
Piccolo: Oh shit…
A/N: Of course, the winning option was Option #2. And now, on with the show!
Roshi: (blinking his eyes open slowly) uhhh…(sees Mr. Hankey) Holy shit dude….Mr. Hankey, what the fuck are you doing here? It's not Christmas!
Mr. Hankey: (leaps into Roshi's mouth and starts sliding in and out) Shut up bitch! I'm in charge now! I've been crawling around inside you feeding off your power for years now! (leaps out of Roshi's mouth and starts prancing around) That's right! I'm stronger than all you bitches now!
Vegeta: Bullshit! There's no way you can be stronger than the Prince of all Saiyans!
Suddenly, the top of Mr. Hankey (little area above his eyes) turns into a golden-yellow color and a KI aura flares up around him.
Everyone: O.O!
Vegeta: I…it's a trick! There's no way!
Goku: Come now Vegeta, you're sounding like Mr. Satan.
Mr. Hankey: Now I'm Super Shit! The strongest of them all!
Vegeta: (grumbles) yeah, sure…I could squash you if I wanted to, but I just polished my boots!
Mr. Hankey: (flies towards Vegeta and starts bitch-slapping him and sliding in and out of his mouth like he did with Roshi) Who's your daddy now bitch?
Vegeta: (goes SSJ 4 and spits Mr. Hankey out of his mouth) You vile, disgusting piece of shit!
Mr. Hankey: (fires a KI blast at Vegeta, temporarily stunning him) Noone spits out a Super Shit-Jin! Now you must suffer! (goes up to Vegeta, rips his pants off, and starts sliding his way up Vegeta's ass, moving in and out) Yeah! Who's the strongest now little prince?
Trunks: Dad! Somebody help him! Babadi, send your "dog" to help!
Babadi: (rubbing under Jou's chin) Why should I? You never helped me!
Trunks: True enough…Ok, Chiaotzu, it's up to you!
Chiaotzu: (rubbing Jou's belly) Me?
Trunks: Yeah! You're the only one with the stomach to handle Mr. Hankey!
Chiaotzu: You want me to eat him? Eeeww!
Trunks: Yeah! It won't be that hard, just picture it as a big Tootsie Roll!
Chiaotzu: Yay! I love Tootsie Rolls! (runs over, pulls Mr. Hankey out of Vegeta's ass, and eats him)
Vegeta: (able to move again, then notices he's naked from the waist down and Chiaotzu's standing behind him) ….(grumbles) I don't even wanna know.
Chiaotzu: (looks up at Vegeta, smiling, shit stains on the sides of his mouth, and belches) Not bad…didn't taste like a Tootsie Roll, but not bad…
1/2 of the audience and guests: (turn away and vomit)
Jerry: Uh…looks like we need some heavy maintenance and clean-up crews here. Judge Judy, mind if we use your studio?
Judge Judy: Just as long as we don't see anymore talking shit, no.
Everyone: (gets up and starts walking to Judge Judy's studio)
Pan: Aww man! I was just about to cum again!
Evil Buu: Uh oh..
Pan: What?
Evil Buu: I think my protection broke…
Pan: Wha! (goes silent for a few moments then takes out her dagger and cuts her hand again)
Evil Buu: (takes the dagger and flings it into the wall, near the ceiling, and heals Pan's hand) I'm glad you're taking it so well…(snakes his tongue out and licks up the blood)
Pan: (trying to smile) Meh, I don't care anymore! Let's get dressed and get out of this room! It stinks in here!
Meanwhile, en route to the set of Judge Judy
Jerry: (thinking to himself) This show is great! I wonder if this is going to be the start of a revolution in my show...I can see it now! Anime and video game characters from all over come to reveal their darkest secrets on The Jerry Springer Show! (smiles inwardly)
And then there's Bra, who is still walking around with hardly any clothes on, still feeding her child
Broly: (staring at the child/Bra's breasts) Kakarotto...Kakarotto...(drools on Bra's shoulder)
Bra: (bitch-slaps Broly) Fuck No! I'm not going to name my child after a veggie either!