Chapter 2
The day in the Hub was fortunately one of the slowest they had experienced in a long time. Owen was alternating between his computer and the sofa to check on his patient regularly. The Doctor looked a bit healthier now that they had fed him with the nutrition fluid over the duration of the day.
Tosh and Suzie had taken in Jack's report about what had happened silently and without making a fuss they had begun their usual work. All of them knew how important this alien was to Jack without their Captain having expressed it to them. They were used to Jack being secretive and he had chosen them because they were able to accept it without questions.
Rose hadn't left the Time Lord's side for a minute and was murmuring to him quietly. Owen was glad that she was there, knowing that whatever was happening to the alien had to do with his own mind rather than any influence from the outside. As Jack had told them, there was no sign of alien possession and Owen had compared his blood results with his normal levels and hadn't detected anything abnormal. Physically the Time Lord was completely healthy. But he hadn't come round until now and the only thing they could do was waiting.
Jack had closed himself in his office and Owen wondered why their Captain didn't fuss more over his friend. But it wasn't his place to ask. Maybe Jack had decided that Rose could help the Doctor better than him.
He saw the blonde girl yawning and realised that she should get some rest soon. Before he could point it out though, Tosh stood up and walked over to her. "You have to leave him for a bit," she said softly, placing a hand on Rose's shoulder. "I am going to sit with him. You need to get some rest."
The Doctor's companion looked up with tired eyes and Owen saw that she wanted to protest. He moved toward the sofa and cleared his throat. "Tosh is right. You're tired. I don't need another person collapsing on me today. We will stay here and I promise to tell you if anything changes."
Rose seemed to debate his suggestion, looking toward the Doctor with worried eyes. Then she nodded. "I don't want to go back into the TARDIS. Is there another place for me to rest?" she asked.
Tosh pointed toward Jack's office. "He has a place to sleep over there. Just ask him to show it to you."
Without further protest the blonde girl left and Owen gave Tosh a grateful smile.
The Asian woman sat down beside the Time Lord and took his hand like Rose had done before. "What's wrong with him?" she asked, knowing that Owen hadn't told Rose everything.
He heaved a deep sigh. "Honestly? I don't know. His blood levels are normal, as is his body temperature and his hearts' rate. He should be awake right now. The nutrition fluid did stabilize him enough but he is still underfed. I don't think he takes enough time to eat under normal circumstances. It's not a condition to run through time and space and save the universe on a frequent basis."
She looked at the still pale face of their patient. "I could check his brain activity," she suggested with a contemplative expression. "It could give us some clue about what's going on. Maybe he is somehow trapped within himself."
Owen's eyes lit up. "Tosh, you're brilliant. That's it. You think you can do that? His brain is vastly different from ours."
Tosh gave him an indignant look. "Well, this is not the first alien brain I have checked, remember?"
The medic felt excitement. He really wanted the Doctor to feel better. Briefly he wondered why that was. He didn't even know him that well. But somehow this alien had won him over with his normally so brilliant smile. Tosh seemed to be equally affected by him. He was like the sun and they were all circling around him. Only Suzie was ignoring his presence in the Hub most of the time.
Jack looked up when the door opened and he was surprised to see Rose standing there. She looked beaten and a brief look toward his watch told him that it was already late in the evening. He must have forgotten the time while working. "Have you been sitting with him for the whole day?" he asked with a slightly scolding tone.
She gave him a sad look. "Yes, but there's no change. He's just lying there, motionless." She sank down on the chair across from him. "Oh, Jack, what are we going to do?" she asked with a broken voice.
He ran his hands over his face, feeling desperate. He had hoped that Rose could be able to get through to the Time Lord. He knew that in his current condition it would be even more difficult for his friend to deal with Jack's supposed wrongness and he didn't want to put any more strain on him. But he had to check on him now. However, first he had to get Rose into bed. She looked like she was ready to fall over.
He stood up and took her hand. "Come on, I'll show you my bed. You really need to take a nap. It won't help him if you collapse from fatigue."
He led her over to the ladder and slowly began his descend watching her following him. When she was at the end of the ladder, he gently embraced her from behind. "I promise you, we will get him back," he whispered.
She turned around in his arms and her eyes were filled with tears. "Why are you so nice to me, Jack?" she asked, her voice trembling. At the question in his eyes, she continued, "After what I did to you? I've condemned you to an eternal life. The Doctor told me all about it. Oh, Jack, I am so sorry. I really don't know how I did it. . . ."
The Captain squeezed her shoulders reassuringly. "Rose, stop it. You don't need to apologize. I know how it happened and I don't blame you. It was difficult at first but I had over a century to become used to it." When he saw her tears welling even more at his words, he winked at her. "There are positive aspects to this, you know."
"What have we done?" she said between sobs, crying into his shoulder. "We left you there. Oh, Jack, if only I had known. I wouldn't have let him leave you behind."
He led her to the bed, sitting down with her and taking her hands in his. "And how would you have done that? He was regenerating and then you had to fight the Sycorax. You and him, you had enough on your plate. He already apologized and I can understand now."
She looked at him doubtfully. "He apologized?"
The Captain gave her a smile. "Well, he didn't use the exact words, but it was obvious enough for me to understand the meaning."
She laughed between her tears. "Sounds like him," she said and Jack was glad that she began to calm down.
"I am happy that he told you," Jack said slowly guiding her to lie down. "I've missed you so much."
She snuggled into the pillow and squeezed his hand. "I've missed you, too. It wasn't the same after you left."
Jack gave her a mischievous smile. "Well, I can imagine that. I am not easily forgotten." Then he grew serious. "And he is different after. . . ."
She rolled her eyes. "You tell me. I couldn't accept that he even was the Doctor first. I thought he was some alien. Well, it reminded me of the fact that he actually is. And he was so rude at the beginning. Yes, he's definitely changed."
Jack nodded thoughtfully. "There is some edge to him that wasn't there before. He seems more carefree than our Doctor but I've seen his eyes when he is angry."
She swallowed thickly at that. "Yes, he seems to have left behind the colossal amount of guilt he carried with him before. But in the same time he left behind the restraint. He gives his enemies one chance and you should see him when they don't take it. I've never seen this shimmer in the eyes of his former self. He's more intense. . . ."
Jack wondered briefly if his suffering was also more intense, which would explain his prolonged healing time right now. He smiled at the woman before him with reassurance. "But he is still the Doctor, absolutely brilliant and a little bit mad," he said in a light tone and received a laugh from Rose.
"Yes, he certainly is. And I am used to his current self now. He's not so bad looking either."
"He isn't as attractive as I am," he replied, gently stroking over her hair. "But I have to give him some credit there."
She giggled and he gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. "Sleep now. I am going to look into what my team is up to."
He turned out the lights and left her to rest.
"You're feeling better," the voice said, barely hiding its disappointment.
The Doctor looked around. He was still trapped in his own mind and somehow it had manifested itself through a vast white room. He leaned against the wall tiredly. "I still have some friends, you know," he said, his voice quiet.
"I wonder why that is? I mean, you don't really deserve them from what I've seen of your mind. You just use them, then leave them behind when they have outlived their purpose. Jack for example. He gave his life for you and you? You just bugger off without further thought."
The Time Lord flinched at that. The voice was right. He had hurt Jack and he should have fought the TARDIS when she decided that the Captain had no longer a place in their lives.
"You did the same with Sarah Jane. You couldn't be bothered to return to let her know that you were safe. You just left her wondering. But in the end you always succeed in wooing them again. She forgave you, Jack forgave you. But. . ." the Doctor felt the voice getting louder again, "you don't deserve their forgiveness!"
He shook at the impact of the yelling in his head. He slowly slipped down on to the floor, hiding his head between his knees. "Yes, I know," he said with a defeated voice.
When Jack came out of his office, the Doctor was still lying motionless on the sofa. He looked around and saw Owen and Toshiko behind her computer, whispering quietly. He didn't like the concerned expression on his medic's face.
"What are you two up to?" he asked and walked over to them.
Tosh turned around and smiled. "Well, it was about time that you came out. We've been wondering why you kept yourself locked in there," she said. "We've been checking the Doctor's brain activity."
Jack's interest was definitely piqued now. "And?" he asked looking at the screen before him.
"He's still fighting something," Owen replied. "The nutrition fluid helped him to regain some strength but his brain is practically buzzing with activity. If we can't find out how to snap him out of it, he will remain in this state. Well, maybe he will be able to figure it out on his own. But I highly doubt it. A brain like his should have fought off whatever is bothering him by now."
Jack gave them a nod. "Is there any indication what's happening? Any sign of which parts of his brain are mostly affected."
Tosh took a breath and pushed a few buttons on her keyboard. "It's his emotional center. The activity is centered around here," she pointed toward a red area on the screen. "The spikes are very irregular and I am pretty sure that only strong emotions would be able to disturb him like this."
"Well, I agree," Jack said, knowing fully well that the Doctor wasn't the best at dealing with his emotions.
"There is more," she added. "I've been able to detect an unused area of his brain and he's reaching out for it. It's as if he knows what would be able to help him but it isn't there."
A deep frown formed on Jack's temple at that. "You mean, his brain isn't fully functional?"
She gave him an unbelieving snort. "You really think that? No, I've never seen a brain like this. It's more than functional. It's even functional in areas where a human brain is just wasteland. He has telepathic abilities and. . . "
"Tosh," he cried out. "That's it! Oh, you're brilliant," Jack looked toward the Doctor and smiled. "I know what he's trying to reach out for. Telepathic, why didn't I think of that before?"
"Well, care to share your knowledge with us, or is this the moment you'll become all secretive again and leave us lesser beings in the dark," Owen accused, his voice laced with sarcasm.
Jack's eyes narrowed at that. "Now is hardly the time, Owen," he responded sharply. "He's a telepath and he told me that until his people had died, he had a connection with them. He's reaching out for that."
"And that helps us how?" Owen asked with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Don't you understand? He can't fight it off alone. But he knows it. He's reaching out for help and we just need to provide him with what he needs."
Their conversation had alerted Suzie enough to move over to them and she looked curiously at their Captain. "You mean provide him with a telepathic connection that is strong enough to draw him out of the corner of his mind, he's trapped in?" she asked. "Well, I hate to point out the obvious here but no one in this room has the necessary skills to make such a connection with him."
Jack turned toward her. She was their specialist when it came to these things. She was the only one who was able to sense a certain amount of emotions from other beings. But she wouldn't be able to do what the Doctor needed.
He took a deep breath. "Well, no one besides me," he said, bracing himself for their reactions.
As he had expected Suzie was the first to say something. "You?" she asked with raised eyebrows. "You never gave me the impression that you were psychic before."
"Yeah," he replied. "That's because I know how to shield. And I am no professional, so I don't use it. It could do more harm than good. But I've received a certain amount of psychic training in my life."
Suzie's eyebrows went up a bit more.
"He's traveled with the Doctor before he came here, Suzie," Owen explained. "I'd guess that sometime in the future he must have picked it up."
"I'm still here, you know," Jack said, his voice getting exasperated.
Suzie's gaze briefly shifted toward the Doctor on the sofa. Then she looked back to Jack. "Let me get this straight. You have some sort of psychic training but you've never used it for the benefit of Torchwood during all this time, knowing fully well that we could have needed it. You didn't because the risk was too high. I guess you mean the risk of your mind being consumed by another being because your training wasn't sufficient enough to maintain your shields while actively entering another mind."
He flinched at her words. She really knew too much about telepathic connections to deny it.
"And," she continued, her voice now rising the slightest bit, "now you want to use your training, because your friend needs some undefined connection to recover? You want to enter the mind of this man?" She pointed toward the Doctor. Then she turned around to the screen again and waved toward the picture on it. "The man with the most superior brain we've ever encountered. . . ."
Toshiko couldn't help but ask, "Why is his superiority significant?"
Owen rolled his eyes. "Because our Captain just suggested to risk himself losing in the mind of his favorite Time Lord. The superior brain is stronger and if Jack isn't able to maintain his shields, the Doctor's brain will swallow him whole."
Jack shot him a furious glare. "You don't have to exaggerate, Owen. I admit that there is a risk involved."
"A risk?" Suzie interrupted him, her voice incredulous. "From where I stand, looking at the brain of the Doctor, I can't see how you want to come out of this without suffering severe mental damage. Or am I wrong about the amount of training you've received?"
Jack shook his head. "Your judgment is right as it always is, Suzie. But I have to help him. I can't let him suffer any longer. If he's reaching out for help there's no way he will be able to come out of this by his own. Trust me I know him well enough to be sure of that. He never ever asks for any help."
"And why pray tell, would you risk your life, no your mind, for a man we haven't even heard about until two months ago he walked into the Hub and you introduced him as your long lost friend, the Doctor? If he is that important, why didn't you tell us of him before?" His second in command asked, trying to regain her composure but failing.
"Well, I couldn't talk to you about him, could I?" Jack responded with agitation. "What would you have me tell you? Oh, by the way the Doctor, Torchwood's enemy number one, is actually a friend of mine and he might walk in some day and if he does please give him a cup of tea and do not bother him. Yes, that would have gone well, would it?"
"Oh stop it, Jack," Suzie shot back. "That's exactly what you did two months ago. You brought him here, let him walk around as if he owns the place and told us to ignore the fact that Torchwood One would have our heads if they knew that their most wanted is here."
Toshiko looked at her with bewilderment. "You have to admit that he doesn't seem to be the dangerous being Torchwood One made us believe he is."
Suzie turned to her. "Oh, he's wrapped you all around his finger hasn't he? You're all fretting over him as if he was the most precious thing. But you don't know anything about him, do you? He's not the innocent man Jack wants us to believe he is."
Jack was looking at his second in command with wide eyes. He hadn't realized how much she knew about the Doctor and he never would have thought that she had a problem with the Time Lord's presence here. For a moment he was speechless, not able to come up with a suitable response.
Owen cleared his throat then. "I don't want to disturb you in your little row there. But I have a patient and he's not getting better if we don't come up with a solution." He held up his hand to stop Suzie from interfering. "I am not interested in anything you have to say. As far as I'm concerned he can be the most horrible creature on Earth, well, in his case universe might be the more appropriate term. But he is still my patient and I will treat him."
At Jack's grateful smile, he added, "Don't get me wrong. I am not ready to risk you on the way either. Now, let me get this straight. There is a chance that a telepathic connection would help him snap out of whatever nightmare he's trapped in. But if Jack enters his mind, he will be too weak to avoid being consumed?"
Suzie gave him a silent nod. Apparently Owen's rational speech had calmed her down enough to leave the issue behind for the moment. Jack knew that this wasn't the end of their discussion though.
"Well, is there a possibility to make Jack stronger?" Owen asked.
"If another telepath could anchor him, he would have a chance to enter the Doctor's mind and do what needs to be done without risking himself," Suzie replied and turned toward Jack. "But as we don't have another telepath at hand, this is the end of the discussion."
"Except we have," Owen cut in and was met with incredulous stares from the rest of the team.
Owen slapped his hand on the desk before him. "Oh, we have. I should have realized when we were in his ship. It's sentient. It wasn't the Doctor who provided us with the nutrition fluid. He'd never even think about food why should he prepare something like this? It was his ship. If Jack was connected with her, he could do it."
Jack's heart sank. Owen was right but the TARDIS would never agree to this.
Toshiko's eyes became excited. "A sentient ship? Oh, that's wonderful, I'd love to have a look at it." Then she frowned. "But why does he need Jack then, I mean, couldn't the ship do it on her own? They already must have an established connection."
"The TARDIS can't do that," Jack said, shaking his head. "She can provide him with what he needs but she couldn't enter his mind to get him out. If it were possible, she would have done it the moment he collapsed. I presume he needs someone who can communicate with him on another level than her." When he saw the questions in his team mates' eyes, he tried to elaborate. "I don't know how it exactly works but I think their connection is based on feelings, emotions. They can't actually talk to each other. And as he is her pilot, he is the dominant one in this relationship. She wouldn't be able to tell him what to do. . . ."
"She can't order him to snap out of it," Owen cleared that up in his unique way. "But she could anchor Jack to do it."
Jack sank down on a chair, his facial expression showing defeat. "But she won't do it," he said and ran his hand over his face. How should he explain this? He couldn't let them in on his secret, there was already too much turmoil in their relationship after Suzie's rant about the Doctor. They never would trust him again if he told them now that their leader was an immortal 51st century guy. He took a deep breath, trying to regain some of his calm. Then he looked up.
"When I traveled with the Doctor something happened to me which made her reject me. That's why I came here and began working for Torchwood. She hurts if I enter her. She can't make a connection with me." The others were looking at him with confusion. "Look, I don't know how this works either. You'd have to ask the Doctor to explain it properly. The point is that something in my body is like poison to her."
Tosh raised her eyebrows. "Look at us. We're talking about a ship as if. . . ."
"As if she was a sentient being," Jack completed her sentence. "Well, that's what she is. And you get used to talking like this if you're around the Doctor."
They fell silent for a moment. Then Owen walked over to the motionless Time Lord on the sofa and touched his temple with his hand. "He's ice cold," he said with worry in his voice.
Toshiko began to type again and looked at the screen examining the Doctor's brain. "The activity has gone down," she muttered. "What's happening? I think he's beginning to give up. What the hell is he fighting? Someone with such a brain should be able to get out of this faster."
"He's trapped himself," Jack said with a sad voice. "There's only one being in the universe strong enough to defeat him like that. The greatest enemy of the Doctor is the Doctor himself."
Rose slowly came awake in the middle of the night and immediately knew that she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. The urge to go upstairs to check on the Doctor was too strong. Stretching her muscles, she moved out of bed and almost jumped out of her skin when she saw Jack sitting across from her in an armchair. He was looking at her and she cringed when she saw the sadness in his eyes.
"Did you watch me sleep?" she asked with a wink, trying to lighten his mood. "Really Jack if I didn't know you well enough, I'd say that is really creepy."
She was rewarded with a weak smile but the sadness was still there. "How is he?" she hurried to ask, swallowing against the panic.
"He's unchanged," Jack replied flatly. "Rose, I need to know what happened. Where have you been before this started?"
She shrugged. "Honestly, I can't say." She didn't want to talk about it. But she knew that Jack wouldn't ask without reason. "It was a sanctuary base in the 51st century. They examined an energy source near a black hole. Turned out that the energy source was an entity. It possessed one of the crew and he attacked us. Meanwhile the Doctor had gone down to the source. . ."
Jack raised his eyebrows and she shook her head. "I'm sorry this is all mixed up."
He smiled reassuringly. "Well, I am quite used to that or do you think that he gives me the full picture when he starts babbling? Anyway, tell me more about this creature. You called it entity?"
She shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, somehow creature doesn't describe it. It said it was the devil."
The Captain's eyes widened. "Rose, there's no such thing as the devil."
"As if I don't know that. . . However, it played with us. It drew on our deepest fears, guilt. . . All the dark emotions buried inside, you know." She took a deep breath. "In the end I sent it flying into the black hole and the Doctor did the same with its body. He rescued us with the help of the TARDIS and that was it."
"There must have been more, Rose. I don't believe that the Doctor would be bothered that much by a being that's calling itself the devil."
She frowned. "There was one more thing. As I said it played with our deepest fears. It told me that I am going to die in battle soon. The Doctor brushed it off and honestly it didn't really frighten me. I mean, I knew that this could happen one day. I faced enough deathly situations to not be put out by that."
He heaved a deep sigh. "It didn't target you, Rose. This was intended for. . . ."
". . . the Doctor," she whispered.
"That's it! Oh, I should have known that it was something like this," he exclaimed. "This man is so full of guilt. He's buried himself in it."
She looked at him with bewilderment. "What do you mean?"
"He brushed it off but it didn't work, Rose. He can't stand the thought of losing you, of your death being his fault, again."
"You think he's lying there for days because he thinks I'm going to die? Jack that's the Doctor we're talking about."
"Exactly," he said and sprang up. "Come on, we need to talk to Owen. I'm going to need your help persuading the TARDIS to assist me in giving him what he needs to snap him out of his guilt-trip."
Without awaiting her reply, he climbed up the ladder and she followed him. She wasn't convinced, however she would do what she was able to if there was any chance to make the Doctor better.
Upstairs in the Hub the lights were dimmed and Rose noticed that Suzie and Toshiko must have gone home. Owen was resting in his chair but jerked awake the moment they approached him. He shook himself and his first look went over to his patient, who was still resting on the sofa. Then he threw a questioning glance toward Jack, who slowly walked over to the Doctor and crouched down beside him. "Owen," he said in his commanding voice. "Tell Rose about our idea. She might be able to help." He took the Time Lord's hand and squeezed it. "You are the greatest fool I've ever met. But we will deal with this, I promise."
The medic gave a sigh. "I should have known you wouldn't abandon this," he said and led Rose over to Toshiko's computer. He took his time explaining the Doctor's brain to her and what the team had discussed earlier. When he had ended, she looked toward Jack.
"You really think you can do this?" she asked, her voice steady.
He stood up and walked over to them. "I am sure about it. Well, it depends on the TARDIS. But if she is willing to help me, I know that it will work. I don't think that I'd have to dig deep. He would feel me the moment I entered his mind, you know. . . ."
She gave him a nod. "Yes, he would. Well, it would be the best solution for him. However, why would you do this? After all that we've done to you. . ."
He took her by her shoulders. "I told you that I understand. I would do anything to get him back. I've been waiting for over a century to meet him again and he only just walked into my life. I don't want this to be over. He needs friends. I was sure about that when he was another man a long time ago. But I am even surer of it now. This Doctor needs someone. We have to show him that he doesn't have to bear this burden on his own. He saved the universe time and time again and no one thanked him for it. And now he is trapped in this nightmare of his failures. We need to remind him of his achievements."
Owen gave his leader a frown. "What do you mean? You've been waiting for over a century? That's impossible."
Rose turned to the medic and gave him a brief smile. "The first thing you learn when being around the Doctor is that there isn't such a thing as impossible. Now, I think questions will have to wait. We need to move the Doctor into the TARDIS and I am going to try to persuade her to help us."