The Blank Static Screen
Chapter 1
This was the second time in my life that I was confronted with a building that I would be spending excessive amounts of time in. It was the second time that I realized that for the next couple of years at least this was going to be my home – the place where I would loose pieces of myself and gain new pieces. I wasn't sure I was ready to do that again... I'd lost too much the last time.
I remember the first time I went there, I looked up at the castle in front me with clear eyes not hesitant or afraid, they were almost excited and embracing. There was a certain eagerness in them that no one could doubt. The bright, unguarded smile and the relaxed posture all added to the happy-go-lucky persona I exuded... the happy-go-lucky person I was.
And I remained that person for the first 6 and a half years, but then it happened and nothing went according to plan anymore. It's funny how when something bad happens it ends up triggering other bad things to happen and all that happens in the end is that you're caught in a downward spiral – you get closer and closer to the bottom of the well. And slowly you start slipping down the rope you were holding until it snaps and you land with a thud, and you realize you're all alone with nothing but the water from your tears to comfort you. But even that gets old after a while... you realize that there's no point to crying. There's no point to anything anymore. You just want it to stop. To end.
So the well dries up and it becomes hard and cold – just like you. And just like that, BAM, you hit rock bottom. Except you'd been there for a while now you just hadn't realized but you don't really care anyway. Wanna know the worst part about the plunge? It's completely internal! Isn't that just the cherry on top? You can't even tell people who were once your friends because what can they do? The harder they try to pull you the more you cry and drown in your sorrows. All they can offer you is pity and that makes you feel pathetic. Pity, pathetic... they alliterate for a reason. You think you want to be alone and work it out in your head but you can't and by the time you realize this they're gone. Psychology is a real ass.
All these happy feelings aside I was really looking forward to this. It meant that I could be nobody for a while. Just a face in the crowds. I just had to do my work and that was that. Nobody had to know who I was. I didn't need to shine. This time I would be careful, I didn't need to be successful, I just had to play my part right. That was all the success I really needed.
I, Lily Evans, was going to be a nondescript healer... for now anyway.