Soundtrack: Largo by Bach (performed by Emilie Autumn)

two; music and letters

Ciel woke the next morning to crisp slants of sunlight peeking through the curtains, and the cold emptiness of his bed. He knew Sebastian had his duties to attend, but Ciel couldn't help but feel empty and cheerless as he stared at the space Sebastian had previously occupied. He sat up just as the door opened, and Sebastian entered the room bearing a tray. He looked pristine in his suit—no evidence of the previous night on him. It was silly, but Ciel felt his heat skip a bit as the elder demon walked to his bedside.

"I trust the Young Master slept well after last night?" Sebastian asked, bringing the tray off his shoulder.

"Yes, I did." In truth, his dreams had been built on Elizabeth—her smile, her laugh, the softness of her hands. But he wasn't about to tell Sebastian this.

"I am glad my ministrations relaxed you." He pulled the covers off the plates and set the tray across Ciel's lap. "This morning's breakfast is a berry scone with a light cream sauce over it, accompanied by fresh mandarin slices and a vegetable omelet. For tea, I have selected a heavy earl grey."

"Thank you, Sebastian."

Sebastian paused as he adjusted the newspaper on Ciel's tray. Ciel knew he rarely thanked him, if ever. Sebastian said nothing, though, and simply left Ciel to enjoy his breakfast. Sebastian no longer had the obligation of reading off his master's schedule—they had all the time they wanted, now. Ciel opened the newspaper, and stopped to stare at the picture of the Midfords and Elizabeth's new fiancé, all positioned to look like a happy family. Elizabeth's smile wasn't genuine, though—Ciel knew her so deeply.

ELIZABETH MIDFORD TO RUN NEW PUBLISHING BUSINESS the headline read, and Ciel went on to read the article. It outlined how Elizabeth's new fiancé, John Simmons, had a deep love for books, and how Elizabeth had begun to write a novel. Ciel felt his heart both ache and swell, for he could easily picture Elizabeth as a writer, with her rich imagination and unwavering faith in humanity.

He didn't realize he was crying until dark blotches appeared on the newspaper, and he quickly wiped the tears away. He moved on to the entertainment section of the newspaper, but this only made him feel more melancholy. Reading of the balls, parties, and business events he wouldn't be able to attend only reminded him that he was no longer human. Sebastian returned only a bit after Ciel had finished eating, and both were quiet as Sebastian dressed him.

"What does the Young Master desire for today?" Sebastian asked when he was finished.

Ciel stared down at Sebastian as the other looked up at him from where he crouched on the floor. The young boy reached out, and softly ran a hand through Sebastian's hair. He took a deep breath, and rose from the bed. "I think perhaps it's time I learn your ways."

Sebastian tilted his head in confusion. "Whatever do you mean?"

"The . . . demon ways. What your—our—kind does with all this time. The magic and such."

"Ah, of course. What would you like to learn, first?"

Ciel tilted his head in thought. "I am not sure. What is there to learn?"

"Many things. Though, perhaps it would be best for you to learn to protect yourself, first."

"Really? I have you to protect me."

"Of course, Young Master. But every demon must know how to protect oneself. Especially since you are one so rare."

This caught Ciel's attention. "Whatever do you mean?"

At this, Sebastian smiled dangerously. "You are still very human, my Lord. You still taste of your soul. Certain demons are not above cannibalism, after all."

"O—oh . . . I—I see. Then, teach away."

"Yes, my Lord. Let us start with your best defense mechanism, then."

Sebastian led Ciel into the sitting room. "What would that be?" Ciel asked as he sat down on the couch.

"Shapeshifting." Sebastian turned to face him, and as he did—his face, his stature, his coloring, all altered, and Ciel stared in fascination at a perfect replica of himself. "The power of deception is the best way to protect oneself," Sebastian even sounded like Ciel, and it was quite disconcerting. "It makes it much harder for other demons to detect you, and it also means the human world won't be so suspicious of you."

Ciel lent this some thought. "I see. That does make sense, but . . . my true form is human. Doesn't that make it easier?"

"I suppose it does, for the humans, yes," Sebastian shifted back to himself. "But part of shapeshifting is concealing your . . . aura, for lack of a better word. Both demons and humans are able to sense it. Because you were once human, you seem to blend with them, but that means yours is very unusual to demons. It's this you need to learn to conceal."

Ciel nodded. "Alright. Are we to start with that, then?"

"Not at this point. Concealing one's aura comes after a more advanced understanding of shapeshifting. You must learn to control your physical self, before you can your spiritual."

"Alright. Then, where shall I start?"

Sebastian left for the kitchen, then returned a moment later with a glass of water, which he handed to Ciel. "With the makeup of things. As a child, I learned by examining the particles of objects, and learning to alter them. I also found it's best to start with simple objects."

"You were a child?"

"I was born a demon, so yes, of course."

"Oh. How interesting."

"Anyhow, you want to start by focusing on the water in the glass. Fill your mind with it, and you should be able to sense its particles."

Ciel felt a bit foolish, staring intently at the glass, but he eventually relaxed into it. He began to notice more details as time went on—the refraction of images behind the water, its weight in his hand, the cool temperature. As he did, the edges of his mind seemed to sharpen certain things about the small object in his hands, and Ciel grew to know an awareness towards the essence of each thing, each component that made up the liquid within the glass. It was like little grains of sand, the very essence of matter, moving in a torrential dance of pure energy.

The resonance of the doorbell disrupted his focus, and Ciel blinked up at Sebastian, who was rising to answer the door. Ciel remained where he was as he heard Sebastian open the door, and speak with whomever was there. He waited for Sebastian to return, and contemplated the water in his hand. It was strange, but he now felt something of a connection with it—a sort of rough knowledge of the materials that created it.

Sebastian returned to the sitting room, and sat down beside Ciel again with a sigh. "It was merely a solicitor. Now, focus on the water again."

The remainder of the morning was spent focusing on objects and sensing their makeup, which grew in complexity, from the water to a pen, to a camera, and lastly, an apple. Organic matter was the most complex, being alive, while inanimate objects were easier. Fortunately, Ciel was a fast learner, though he was exhausted by lunch. He was growing tired of the work as he read the second half of the newspaper while Sebastian prepared lunch, and became distracted by an ad for a musical store in London, not too far from their flat. It felt like an eternity since Ciel had last played violin.

"Sebastian," Ciel emerged into the dining room as Sebastian set the table. "I want to go shopping after lunch."

"Of course, Young Master. What would you like to purchase? Or do you wish simply to browse?"

Ciel sat down once Sebastian had set the food out. "I think I would like to purchase a violin."

This caught Sebastian's attention. "Whatever do you mean, Young Master?"

"It's time I take up my music lessons again." Ciel stared down at Sebastian's hands as they finished adjusting plates. "I . . . I miss it."

"Of course, Young Master," Sebastian lifted the lids on the food. "Today's lunch is a chicken and spinach pie with butter on the side, accompanied with fresh London greens and white wine."

"Thank you, Sebastian."

This time, the butler was prepared. "You are most welcome, Young Master."

As Ciel ate, he and Sebastian discussed the shops they were to visit. Though Ciel was believed to be deceased, Sebastian had arranged some redirection of the revenue from Funtom Sweets, now run by the reliable Tanaka. While they were no longer wealthy, they still sat on enough that Ciel could live comfortably. For him to make a large purchase like a violin was not within their budgets, but Ciel also knew Sebastian could easily arrange bonuses for them. The key was not to take so much money that the human world would notice.

They set out for London once Sebastian had cleaned everything from lunch. Ciel thought about the fact that he had to do a lot of waiting now, as they bustled along the London streets, just one of many in the crowd. With nothing to do, he noticed and appreciated the amount of time Sebastian spent keeping their household in order all the more. Ciel hoped the violin would help occupy him otherwise—about the most interesting thing he did lately was read. And sleep with Sebastian, perhaps, to which Ciel flushed. That was very recent, anyway.

The first shop with the newspaper ad yielded no results—their violins were cheaply made, mass-produced things that produced a thin, weak sound Ciel despised. As a skilled violinist, he expected nothing less than the best. They moved onto the next one, where Ciel found violins that were much better made. However, he found that none of them fit right for him—there was something so specific about an instrument for a musician. It had to feel like an extension of his body, like the sound of it spoke for his inner being.

It was at the last shop that Ciel found it—a beautifully crafted violin of maple and spruce, with a dark lacquer finish and silver trimming. As soon as he touched it, he knew it was the one, for to him, it was like touching a living thing. He could tell immediately that it was old, and of Italian origin. He picked it up slowly, with reverence, and tucked it under his chin, the weight of it easy. It was elegantly and delicately made, perfectly balanced so that even if the wood were dense, the way it was handled would be light.

Ciel took up his bow, handed to him by Sebastian, and laid it on the strings. He allowed a moment of silence to settle as he felt out the instrument for a moment longer, then slid the bow across the strings in a soft G. The note that was produced was crystal clear and so very sweet, perfect in its vibrato and the purity of sound. Ciel closed his eyes and slipped into the music as he burst into a sweet Corelli sonata. Each note was etched with passion and pain, emotion drawn from the violin by Ciel, who played with abandon. It had been so long. He finished after only the first movement, however, for he couldn't stand there in the shop and play for the next ten minutes, though he was regretful to cease.

"This is the one," Ciel murmured, lowering the violin to second position.

"It is exceptionally luxurious, my Lord. I am not sure we have the funds to make this purchase."

Ciel shot Sebastian a sour look. "We shall put it on credit, then."

"Yes, my Lord," Sebastian looked resigned as he turned to the shopkeeper.

The shopkeeper seemed satisfied to put the violin on credit—it was an immense sum of money, and Ciel made sure to thank the shopkeeper with a few extra coins pressed into his hand. As Ciel carried the violin home in its black velvet case, he watched Sebastian in his peripheral vision. He wondered if the elder demon would again take an interest in Ciel's music lessons, or if he would simply teach Ciel only as much as he wanted to know. Violin had seemed like one of the few things Sebastian was truly passionate about.

As soon as they arrived home, Ciel located the old book of sheet music he had used for lessons, stored in a trunk underneath his bed. He pulled Bach's Largo from among the sheets of paper, and then located his music stand. He set it all up in the sitting room, and immediately broke into the sonata. It was a slow, melancholy piece, and as he played, Ciel swayed to the music, his body given over to the sweet, sinuous voice of his new instrument. The rich, lovely sound filled the entire room, and the sound was so pure, so real, it felt as though it were almost tangible.

He had so very much missed music.

Once Ciel finished the sonata, he slowly unfolded from his reverie, and looked up to find Sebastian standing in the doorway. "Your higher notes need more vibrato," Sebastian walked further into the room. "You also need to watch your crescendos—a few of them squeaked a bit."

Ciel nodded to Sebastian's feedback. "Alright. Thank you."

"All in all, though, it sounds as lovely as ever, Young Master. I must admit, I have missed your playing."

At the last words, Ciel bit his lip, and stared down at the violin. "I am glad you enjoy it."

Sebastian walked over to Ciel, and put his hand under Ciel's chin, tilting his face so they made eye contact. "I suppose it would be appropriate to continue your music lessons."

"Of course."

Sebastian nodded to this, then released Ciel and opened the book of sheet music. Ciel watched over his shoulder as the butler rummaged through, which jostled several pages, causing them to slip to the floor. Ciel leaned over and picked them up, and paused. The papers were not sheet music, but a letter, covered in the careful, elegant cursive of Elizabeth Midford. Ciel paused, and gently touched the curved, feminine letters, mouthing the last sentence: I shall always love you, even if things fall apart.

Ciel's eyes grew hot as his vision blurred, and heat seared down his cheek, his sorrow marked with the burning path of a tear.

"Young Master?" Sebastian reached over, and touched Ciel's head in an unusually tender gesture. "Are you all right?"

Ciel sat down on the couch, and smoothed the creases from the letter. "I can't stop thinking of her."

Sebastian emitted a soft sigh, and continued to rummage through the music book. "It is natural for you to still have earthly attachments, Young Master."

"Ciel," The younger demon looked up, and his eye burned underneath its patch as he gave the order. "I am no longer nobility."

Sebastian also looked up, his beautiful face furrowed with perplexity. "You want a more familiar address?"

"Yes, please."

"Of course . . . Ciel," Sebastian sounded immensely uncomfortable with the name.

Ciel returned his gaze to the letter. "Sebastian. I'll be able to change my appearance at will? Eventually?"

"That is the aim, Ciel."

"Then, I think perhaps, it would be appropriate for me to continue business endeavors with the human world." He took a deep breath. "Elizabeth is starting a publishing house."

At this, Sebastian froze. "I am not sure that is a wise idea."

"Why not?" Ciel asked, irritation swelling in his chest. "There's no harm if they don't know who I am."

"Ciel," Sebastian put the music book down, and studied his charge's face. "Do you really wish to torment yourself so?"

The young demon looked away. "She is everywhere, Sebastian. Dish soap makes me think of her. At the least, if I can see her on occasion, watch over her . . ."

Sebastian softly touched Ciel's cheek, the soft fabric of his glove rustling over flawless skin. "You will always love her, won't you?"

Ciel looked back at Sebastian. "I don't know, Sebastian." He reached up, and laid his hand over his butler's. "I think, perhaps, you might be able to help me forget."

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at this. "I will never be able to give you what she can."

"I know. But at least it's something."

Sebastian pulled back, and dropped his hand. "It is your choice. But I advise against it."

Ciel gently touched Sebastian's cheek. "Are demons not capable of love?"

Sebastian narrowed his eyes. "Demons are selfish creatures. To love something is to go against our nature."

"Then what of me?" Ciel asked. "What of Hannah, who said she loved Alois?"

"I do not know, Ciel. You were once human, and you are not quite a proper demon, even now, so you are an anomaly. As for Miss Hannah, I have no idea."

Ciel watched Sebastian for a moment longer, before he leaned in and kissed the elder demon softly. Sebastian responded, moving into the kiss, hands soft on Ciel's shoulders. The boy deepened the kiss, pressing further into Sebastian, and his butler hummed gently. Even if Ciel felt as though everything had crumbled around him, he could at least seek the physical comfort Sebastian offered.

Sebastian moved from Ciel's mouth to his neck, which he sucked on and kissed until Ciel was gasping with pleasure. The young boy began to fumble with Sebastian's coat buttons, and the elder demon took over and deftly pulled it off. Sebastian then did quick work with Ciel's own jacket, and managed to swiftly unbutton his dress shirt as well, exposing his slender chest. Ciel leaned into Sebastian's hands as they wandered up and down his chest, over his stomach and sides, down to his hips. He bit his lip as Sebastian moved from his neck, down to his collarbone, his chest—he seemed to be descending downwards.

"What are you doing?" Ciel murmured.

"Mmm, I was wondering if you wanted me to use my mouth in a different way~"

Ciel flushed a deep red at this proposal, for he knew immediately what Sebastian meant. "W—well, I'm not against it . . ."

"Alright, then."

Sebastian beamed, and kissed Ciel's stomach and unbuttoned his trousers. Ciel felt immensely self-conscious as Sebastian pulled aside fabric. Mostly, he wasn't sure what to do with his hands, and ended up resting them awkwardly on Sebastian's head. He was shortly distracted, however, when something hot and slick traveled up the underside of his member, pulling a small gasp from him. He was amazed at how wonderful it felt, as Sebastian did it again, and again.

Ciel saw stars when Sebastian took the entire thing in his mouth, and sucked hard, before pulling up and swirling his tongue around the head. The younger demon shuddered, and his hands clenched in Sebastian's hair. He writhed as Sebastian resumed sucking him off properly, and Ciel swore elaborately—it felt so good. He wasn't sure if he liked this or what they'd done last night better—it was hard to tell.

It was only a bit before Ciel could feel pressure building, building, white hot and blinding, until it crashed into the great release of energy that was orgasm. As he caught his breath, Sebastian leaned up and kissed him softly, then nuzzled at his neck. Ciel snuggled close to the elder demon, who moved onto the couch. For a bit, they simply watched each other as Ciel descended from the afterglow.

As soon as he did, a raw emptiness set in, like barbed wire in his chest. He swallowed as Sebastian observed him, waiting for his next order, bound only by the contract. For a fleeting moment, he wondered what it was like to spend eternity under the order of a million different humans, to always be at their beck and call, all for a meal. Only to eat. The thought depressed Ciel. He couldn't imagine a lifetime of that. He rose from the couch, and Sebastian took this as his cue to leave in order to prepare dinner. Ciel watched him depart, and that emptiness doubled until he swayed and his eyes watered.

He wished, in that moment more than anything, to be human.

it goes like this:
the fourth, the fifth,
the minor fall, the major lift,
the baffled king composing hallelujah!

hallelujah, hallelujah . . .
hallelujah, hallelujah.

A/N: So, this chapter was a bit slow. I apologize for that—things should be much more interesting in the next one. This one was mostly just Ciel figuring out what he wants and just . . . feelings and stuff. Yeah.

Anyway, you may have noticed at the top that I listed a song in this chapter. I am currently building an FST for this fanfic-thus far I only have the first two songs for sure. I am hoping to have it done by the time I update to chapter 3. I will definitely announce it once it's finished, and it will be on 8tracks!

Also, I know I didn't say this in my last A/N, but reviews and comments are deeply appreciated. While I write fanfic for my own enjoyment, it's still really nice to know I have an audience, especially since I do this for free. So, if you like my fic, please tell me! I would love to hear it!

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter!