A/N will be at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I don't own O.U.A.T

Warning: Mentions of sexual abuse, and child abuse

Flashback

"She's sweet, she is… I'm just not sure she's right for us…" The younger woman said apologetically. Her eyes flitted to the ground as she nervously played with her fingers. The man that stood next to her tightened his grip around her protectively.

"Well maybe if you spent a little more time with her I'm sure you could see—"

"No." He said firmly. "It's like my wife said she's sweet but she's a little vulgar, behind on her education, and I'm just not sure we are ready to take care of someone who's already had so many problems this early in life. We truly wish her the best of luck though"

The wife smiled weakly in agreement and the older lady just sighed in acceptance. It hadn't exactly been the first time this had happened, but she had truly believed this would be the couple. The younger woman had seemed so attached to her. "I understand."

"Alright then, we'll call you soon about meeting with Taylor. We're really excited about this one Ms. Carter." The couple was quick to say their goodbyes and head out the door. The older lady stood silently before setting down her glasses on the table. She could feel the headache coming on, but it was better to get this over with now rather than later.

She knew she was waiting… just like she always was.

Patsy Carter went over to the door to find it already open, with green little eyes staring back out at her. "Emma?" She pushed open the door and the small blonde was standing there with a teddy bear in hand. "Oh Emma you weren't supposed to hear tha—"

"I brought Ruffles to show Ms. Lacey." She raised the ratty stuffed animal to her as if to prove a point. Tears were sliding down her pale face and she was sniffling.

She had put on her best dress today. It was the only one she owned and it was a little wrinkly, but Emma still thought she looked pretty in it. Ms. Carter had always told her so to. She usually didn't like to wear it cause it was so uncomfortable, but she wore it for Ms. Lacey. She wore it cause she had been so sure, she had done everything right this time.

The aging woman frowned sadly getting to her knees, "Honey…"

Emma dropped Ruffles on to the floor. One of his eyes had popped out and the seam was ripping, but he was the best thing she owned and she loved him. "What's wrong with me Ms. Carter? Why does my heart hurt so much?" The little girl finally cried out.

Her small body shook as the tears streamed down her face while her hands stayed clenched at her side.

Patsy was quick to grab Emma in her arms and hold her even though the tiny blonde fought back tirelessly. "Somethin's wrong with me! No one ever wants me! I hate all of you!" The orphanage mother just held on all the tighter until finally the young girl quieted to just crying into her shoulder.

Patsy held back her own tears at the sound of the hopeless little girl. "There's nothing wrong with you! You hear me Emma? There ain't one thing wrong with you…"

At one point Emma would have believed her when she said that, but she was nine now. She's been in the foster system for all of her life and in all of her life ain't no one wanted her, not even her real parents…

She felt so alone.

Flashback End

Emma woke up sweating and gasping for air. Her knuckles were white and the pressure in the back of her head was overwhelmingly painful. "It's not real. It's not real, I'm not there anymore. I'm not a kid anymore." She moaned at the rush of emotions that surged in her chest and she tried to calm herself.

Why was this happening? Things she had put away so long ago kept coming back up these days. This had been the fifth night in a row that she had woken up practically in hysteria. She was having to re-live her past at night and no matter how much she tried she couldn't make them stop. Her nails dug into the skin of her palm hard. It was painful, but it was a much needed distraction.

She got over this. She got over this years ago and she put it behind her. Why the fuck was it coming back now? She had to focus on something else, anything would do.

Green eyes darted around in the darkness. "Shit, I don't even know where the fuck I am!" She was on a couch that she knew wasn't hers. Her couch would never be this comfortable. The one she owned was itchy and hard as a rock.

It wasn't completely unfamiliar though. Knocking off the blanket draped over her she tried to stand, before immediately falling back down hand held to head.

"Fuck... what the hell hit me…" She cursed softly, but focused herself to recall last night's events. Grimacing she remembered the party and her conversation with Ruby. Then, then she had been with Regina before leaving. And that's where things went blank.

It felt as if someone had just cut the rest of that night out of her memories. Green eyes slowly looked around in the dark scared to find someone else next to her. She wouldn't have been surprised if she had found someone to go home with, but… she really didn't want to be like that anymore. She didn't want to just sleep around when things got messy.

When she saw that she was by herself she couldn't stop the quiet sigh of relief. She never thought she'd be so happy to be alone in a room. She also thankfully found that she had most of her clothes on to; the only things missing were her shoes and jacket.

The worst thing wrong as far as she could tell was the smell and the splitting headache coming on. She absolutely reeked and that was really saying something. If alcohol was a pure solid concentration Emma was sure she was it.

Deciding it was time to get up she slowly ambled her way to her feet. Her hand rested heavily on the arm of the couch and she had to try to gain her footing feeling more than a little clumsy. It was then that she finally knew where she was and why it seemed so familiar.

She couldn't stop the frown from her face. "Well, shit." And it was in that moment that she finally remembered a few of the events from last night. "Double shit." She cursed softly under breath.

Emma didn't quite know all the details, but she remembered the gist of things. She had been drinking. She had been doing a lot of drinking. Then after she had finished her binge she had gotten angry, no downright furious and then did things she knows she shouldn't have. Things were fuzzy, but the thing that stood out the most was that someone had walked in on her.

Correction, when Regina had walked in on her.

Some parts were edited, but she remembered seeing Regina and the next thing she knew the brunette was helping her stumble out of the Sheriff's office and into her Mercedes. Emma was sure there had been a lot more in between and she knew she also wasn't the best drunk. The blonde could only hope she hadn't said too much or done anything to stupid. Feeling her phone snug perfectly in her pocket she took it out and checked the time.

5:27am

Good. It was still early. It looked like no one in the Mills house was awake but her so she could sneak out without a problem. It took her ten minutes to stumble around the room to find her boots and she was sure with her hangover right now she had completely messed up the lacing of the boots.

She also had the feeling she really didn't want to look in a mirror right now. Personal hygiene had never exactly been her strong suit.

Finally heading for the front door all she could think about was how badly she needed to get out of there. She needed to forget this ever happened. She needed Regina to forget this ever happened. No one was supposed to find her last night; she didn't even know how the brunette had found her last night. Emma had just needed some release, some time to let go of everything and she managed to ruin that as well.

Opening the front door, she squinted at the light. "Damn it…" She forget how shitty after morning hangovers were. Grimacing she was about to head out the door before she stopped at the entrance.

Bitter as she was to admit it, Regina flashed through her mind scowl and all.

She had come to get her last night. She had taken care of her and the way she thanked her was by leaving hung-over at the crack of dawn without so much as a goodbye? She was such a douche and Regina deserved better than that – if at least for the kindness that she did for her.

Clumsily making her way into the kitchen she took out what looked like paper and a pen before scrawling a few ineligible words on it. Everything was still a bit fuzzy so Emma had to hope it was at least legible. And then she booked it out of the house and with no car to drive she had a long walk back to her apartment for a much needed shower.

And after that she had to go clean up the shit mess she made last night. It was going to be one hell of a morning. She glanced back at the closed door of the house. She hoped that her message on the paper was enough; she hoped that Regina could understand.

Sorry, thanks. It won't happen again.

-E

Last night never happened.

Regina looked at the note and frowned. The brunette had woken up much earlier than intended because the entire night she couldn't sleep knowing Emma Swan was unconscious and drunk sleeping downstairs on her couch. Then when she finally dragged herself out of bed just to go check on the blonde she was gone and all that was left was whatever this pathetic attempt at a note was.

"Mom!" She heard Henry whine from the kitchen. "I'm hungry! Can we make pancakes?" Brown hair peaked out around the corner and big green eyes that looked awfully familiar stared at her helplessly. She sighed, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Henry how many times have I told you pancakes are unhealthy?" Regina said with a hand on her hip. "It's too much sugar in the morning, you need something nutritious."

"Aww come on, I'll even make them for us! Emma taught me the best way to make them, plus I made coffee for you to…." He said waggling his eyebrows playfully.

The mayor stared at her pleading son knowing that she could never win. She never had been able to deny him what he wanted and he had made her coffee this morning. "Fine, but only this once Henry."

The young boy gave a large grin that almost split his face before pumping his fist in success. "Yes! You're the best! I swear they'll be the best pancakes ever! I'll even put chocolate chips in them!" Regina laughed at his enthusiasm.

Feet padded off quickly back to the kitchen before padding back over to the living room. "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"What's in your hand? You're kind of crushing it and if it's important I don't want you to ruin it ya know…" He said pointing at the flimsy piece of paper that was Emma's note. Regina eyebrows knotted as she quickly crushed the paper completely.

"Huh? Oh this…" She said raising the ruined note. "It was just trash, don't worry about it honey. Go start the pancakes and I'll be there in a minute to help."

Henry eyed her for a moment suspiciously before shrugging his shoulders and running back to the kitchen excited. "Pancakes!" The brunette smiled watching her son. Tossing the paper in the trash she thought of Emma.

If the blonde thought for one moment she was going to let this go she had another thing coming. She had every intention of finding out just what the hell last night was and she was going to do it soon.

Emma wrapped the bandage around her arm. The blood seeped through the white cloth easily, but the blonde didn't really have any other choice. Really it had been an accident, completely unintentional but that didn't stop it from looking any worse.

When she first came into the sheriff office she had been more than a little put off by what she found. The entire room was trashed, ruined at every corner. Things were flung everywhere and glass littered the floor.

It had taken two hours in itself just to pick everything up and clean it to a least presentable state. She had been picking up the last of the glass before she had mistakenly fallen causing the glass she was holding to slice a gash in her forearm.

She winced as she finished tying the last knot of her make-shift bandage. It wasn't great but it would hold. Sitting down in her chair she didn't really know what to feel. After the initial grimace at the office, she had gone through everything methodically and calmly cleaning the office.

She didn't feel anything. Looking at everything, she just felt nothing. The more she cleaned the more tidbits of memories that came back to her, but it was like watching it from third person. That wasn't her. It couldn't be.

She had forgotten she could ever be like that. Emma had thought she had buried that part of her away so far that it would never resurface. She had drowned it, trying to kill every part of her past. Every part that made her who she was today.

Her hand worked its way down to the bottom drawer at her desk, pulling it open. When the box was empty, she wasn't totally surprised.

She had wanted to be wrong. When the blonde hadn't found it this morning she had prayed it would be here. She didn't mean to need it like she did, but it was the only way she felt safe. With it she had a way out, without it she was trapped.

Emma recognized the small bit of shame that welled up within her at the incessant need for it, especially since she had gone almost the whole year without it for the first time since she was sixteen. It had been an accomplishment to let it go, but the minute she had picked it up two days ago she knew she was falling. She was falling, and she was falling fast.

She felt vulnerable and if there was one thing Emma Swan wouldn't be it was vulnerable.

Emma's attention was turned elsewhere as her phone began to vibrate on the desk. Quickly shutting the drawer she picked it up to see Regina's name flash on the screen.

"Damn."

"Sheriff." She picked up answering formally.

"Miss Swan we need to talk." Regina's voice came out clipped and Emma knew she was in trouble.

Green eyes darted to the clock. She knew the brunette had just dropped Henry off school at and was probably on her way to the mayor's office now. She'd give Regina credit, she had timed it perfectly. "I'm sorry; I'm a bit busy with work today. Another time maybe?"

The phone buzzed immediately. "It wasn't a question dear. You will be here at my office at 11am this morning. And for your sake I hope that you aren't late." She hung up after that.

"Fuck…" Emma cursed closing the phone angrily. She glanced back at the clock.

9:54am

Getting up quickly she stalked towards the door. She had an hour to go kill the treadmill.

"Mayor Mills, Sheriff Swan is here." The receptionist spoke into her phone. Emma fidgeted as she stood. When the phone was hung up the receptionist smiled. It looked fake and the blonde briefly wondered what Storybrooke character she was in the Enchanted forest. An entire year here and she still didn't know.

"She'll see you now."

Emma said her brief thanks before walking in. She kept her eyes trained on the floor and when she entered the office she shut the door behind her. She breathed in slowly before finally turning to face the one person she'd rather not see.

"Regina." She said nodding in recognition.

Regina looked up from her paperwork with a rue smile. "Late as always Miss Swan."

Emma walked over and chose to ignore the seat offered. It felt better standing. It was easier to run that way. Silence ensured between the two women. The blonde was sure Regina had questions about the previous night, questions she had no intention of ever answering.

Yet the blonde couldn't deny that being able to be open with someone would be better than being alone all the time. Especially since she was afraid that she was losing control again.

On the other side Regina stared at Emma Swan. And it was differently than she had previously. In past occasions she always knew what to say. She always had some scalding remark, but as she sat here staring at Emma now she had no idea.

There was nothing in green eyes. It unnerved Regina. Emma had never been so blank. Yesterday this would have been easy. Today it seemed so hard to say anything because all she could think about was Emma dancing. All she could think about was Emma crying. All she could think about was how close their lips were together.

Emma Swan had completely overtaken every thought on Regina's mind and she had no idea how to stop it.

The blonde woman finally coughed and ruined their awkward silence. Regina thankfully blinked out of her haze to pay attention. "So what exactly did you want to talk about?"

It was a stupid question. Both of them knew exactly what they here to talk about.

Regina's hand slid under her desk. And when it came back up the dark metal weapon echoed loudly on the wooden desk. "I believe you already know Miss Swan." She saw Emma's lips form a hard thin line in response.

Briefly Regina flashed back to the night before when Emma danced with her. Whispered in her ear and trailed her lips on her skin. When she had huskily told her to call the blonde by her first name. She wondered how much Emma actually remembered?

The blonde woman's hands immediately reached out to grab the firearm. Regina was faster pulling it back into her grasp smoothly. "I went to return this to our weapons cabinet only to find that it wasn't one of ours."

Emma's tongue darted out to lick her dry lips, eyes focused on the gun. "It's not the towns. It's registered in my name. I have a permit." She finally snapped in response.

Regina narrowed her eyes. "I believe in this town you are supposed to check in all personal firearms."

Emma cocked her head with a scowl on her face. "I'm sheriff. I know every fire arm in this town, including my own."

"And exactly why does the sheriff need her own personal firearm in a town she is protecting?" The brunette questioned. Emma was quiet. "I have no intentions of asking again." Regina said mockingly.

"Personal reasons."

"I'm the mayor, I've heard everything dear. " Regina said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. The blonde bit the inside of her lip.

Flashback

"Girlie! Come here!"

Emma sucked in a breath from the kitchen. He was calling for her again. Slowly she made her way out and towards the living room. At sixteen and unadopted they had finally placed her in a foster home with no other options.

And this is where she had ended up.

Emma peeked out at the man. He was thirty, unemployed and disgusting. He made his living off of the foster kids he took in. The stipend that was supposed to go into taking care of them instead used to pay off his beer and cigarette debts.

From the corner of her eyes she saw her foster siblings peer out afraid. The two siblings had only recently come into the household. It was odd to see sisters like this not already adopted especially since they were still so young. They were still in what Emma dubbed, "the cute and innocent phase".

They really had been unlucky in getting placed in this particular home. They all had.

"Go." Emma mouthed to them silently. "Closet." She watched with some relief as they scampered off into the closet. Their only safe place in the house.

She felt a heavy weight in the back of her ratty jeans that she wore, but continued on anyway. Today something terrible was going to happen. She felt it. She prayed to whatever God that was up there she was wrong.

If nothing else she would have to make sure the kids would be okay. They deserved better. She expected stuff like this for herself, but not them.

The blonde made her way to the living room and stood in front of the aging man on her couch. In nothing but pair of sweats and a dirty wife beater he sat avidly watching the television set in front of him, laughing haughtily.

Emma stood quietly waiting to be addressed. When he finally turned to her he smiled to her sweetly. "There you are girlie. I've been so lonely; lord knows I can't ever find the other two when I'm looking for some company." He blew out a puff of smoke. Emma was so used to it at this point she didn't cringe anymore at the smell as it clouded her face.

"Did you want another sandwich?" She said plainly.

The man narrowed his eyes and stood up. Emma didn't move. If you moved or backed away it would only be worse. When his hand hit her face she didn't make a sound. She felt the pain and the stinging in her cheek, but she refused to react.

"Watch your tone with me." He said roughly. Frowning he then took her face in his greasy hand. "See look what you've done now, that'll bruise your pretty skin." His thumb brushed right under her eye and she flinched at the sensitive spot.

He smiled sympathetically and some part of her recognized that in his mind he actually felt sorry. "Baby I didn't mean it. You know I didn't mean it. I'm sorry my pretty pretty Emma."

The blonde nodded, unable to form words.

"Here..." He lifted his beer bottle and pressed it to her pale lips firmly. "Drink." She readily opened her mouth and let the vile liquid in. "You see isn't that better?"

Emma nodded again.

"Good. Now come here." He dragged her over to the couch before sitting down. He opened his legs and motioned for her to sit in between them. Emma felt her nails digging into her palm furiously and she hesitated.

She didn't want this. She had never wanted this.

Green eyes flashed over to the closet where she saw another pair of eyes watching frightened. A firm tug on her wrist brought her back and the man's angry scowl made her decisions easy. "Emma… sit." The sweet voice was gone and there was a promise of threat if she didn't do as she was told.

Small white burn circles on her arm burned with a phantom pain. Every inch of her body begged for her to fight back, but previous lessons had taught her otherwise.

Carefully she sat down straddling the man. His hands found her ass and pulled her up closer to him. He moaned, "Yeah, that's better."

Emma smiled wanly. "You know I've been thinking, your sixteen now and a growing girl. You've grown up so so much." He said with his fingers teasing the skin under her shirt. "And I'm a growing man and I have certain needs you understand." He said smiling. His eyes flashed down briefly and then looked back up at her.

"I can make you feel so good." He whispered placing chaste kissed along her neck.

Emma's heart was hammering. His hand was completely under her shirt now and making their way to her breasts. She didn't want this.

"No." The word came out of her mouth unwillingly. And the dark flash of the man's eyes was all she needed to know she screwed up. His grip around her tightened painfully. "No?"

She was given a chance. Fix her mistake, say the right answer and then this would be painless.

"No." Again her mouth betrayed her.

The man sneered and the next thing the young blonde knew she was flipped on the couch. Her hands were above her head and he was pressing his full weight on to her. She felt digusting and she couldn't stop the scream that ripped from her throat.

"Please, please no. Please don't do this." She begged.

"Shhh…" He said into her ear as he unbuckled his pants. "You'll like it; this'll all feel good I promise." His hand clutched her covered breasts possessively, pushing up the flimsy material of her shirt. "You're so pretty Emma. Such a pretty pretty girl."

"No! Stop, please stop!"

The man grunted when a shoe hit the back of his head.

"What the fuck?" He turned around angrily letting go of Emma to see the sisters standing at the closet with tears in their eyes.

"Stop hurting her!" The youngest one threw another shoe hitting their foster caretaker in the shoulder. A furious look overcame his face. "You little shits, all I do for you and this is how you treat me?"

He was quick to get up and approach the girls' fist raised. The girls screamed and Emma sat shocked. He grabbed the eldest by her hair lifting her a foot off the ground. He threw her towards the wall and that is when he started screaming.

"You need to be put back in your place little swan. It doesn't have to be like this! I don't want it to be like this, you make me!" He lifted his foot to kick the young girl. It was then that the gunshot echoed in the room. The man fell to the ground with a loud thud as Emma stood behind him gun raised.

He didn't move.

Red painted her white shirt while Emma's hands shook uncontrollably. Her green eyes were wide with fear and anger. What had she just done? The sisters looked on in shock only momentarily before running over to their foster sister sobbing.

"Emma!" They cried into her leg as she stood frozen and unmoving staring at the body on the ground. There was blood. So much blood.

Finally after a minute she bent down and gathered the girls into her arms, hugging them. "Come on. Come on we have to go." She quickly grabbed what little they all had to own and quickly exited the small apartment. She had to leave. She had to get out of there.

Emma carried one of the girls in her arms and held the other sisters hand as they ran down the stairs of their building. The blonde teenager looked at the two little girls and knew immediately she couldn't take them with her. She stood at Room 104 and knocked furiously, eyes darting for anyone to pop out and hurt them.

The door swung open a minute later and a much older lady stood unhappy. "Do you even know what time it is!?" She asked furiously.

No. She didn't know what time it was. Was it early? Maybe it was late? She didn't even care at this point.

"Emma?" The grouchy older woman asked in surprise finally recognizing her.

Emma couldn't say anything to in shock of everything, but the younger girl in her arm practically jumped out her grasp and latched onto the old woman's leg. " !" Emma's foster sister started crying again.

Emma watched as Ms. Crocker looked at her foster sibling and then to the gun in Emma's hand and the blood that was on her shirt. The blonde quickly let go of her other sibling's hands and shoved her through the door.

Gone. They were out of her hands and they would be safe. That much she at least knew.

"Is he?" Ms. Crocker finally asked staring at Emma in disbelief. She didn't even need to be told, she already knew. Everyone in the building knew what had been going on, but none of them had saved them. None of them had saved Emma from the horrible man. They had left her alone in that room with him. They made her do this. Why? Why her?

Emma shook her head and opened her mouth uselessly. "I-I don't know. I- he…."

The older woman quickly brought the teenager into a hug. "It's okay. I know." She whispered softly.

"I have to go." Emma pulled away roughly and looked at the little family. "Take care of them?"

Ms. Crocker nodded. "Wait. " She disappeared for a minute before bringing out another small bag. "Here."

"I-I can't."

The bag was forced into her hands. "Yes, you can. It has enough money to a buy a ticket for anywhere at the bus station. You need to get out of town Emma."

She nodded shakily in agreement.

"It doesn't mean much at this point I know, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I should have done something."

The blonde stared at her and then the gun in her hand before she started to shake uncontrollably. Still she slowly slid the firearm back into the waistband of her pants, the heavy weight a comforting feeling.

"Go." Ms. Crocker said and that was all the blonde needed to start running.

She started running and she never once looked back.

Flashback End

Emma's fist clenched at her sides. "Safety reasons."

Regina scoffed at the answer and slid the gun back into her desk making sure to lock it as she closed the drawer. "Well then, Storybrooke thanks you for your donation Sheriff. I'll be sure to have David add the new addition to our stock later."

"You can't—" Emma started indignantly, desperation welling up in her chest.

"I believe I can! I am the mayor of this town Sheriff!" Regina said raising her voice. She hadn't even realized she had gotten to her feet to stare across the desk at Emma.

The blonde woman sneered. "Just say what you really want to ask me Mayor Mills!"

"Fine!" Regina said easily. "Just what were you planning to do with that gun Miss Swan? Shooting imaginary villains, cops and bandits maybe, or is there something else I should know about?" She wasn't sure what she would gain by the last part, but the question hadn't left her mind.

What was Emma doing with a gun out last night?

"That's none of your fucking business!"

"I'm making it my business!"

Emma slammed her hands down on the desk. "I don't remember! Happy Regina? I don't fucking remember!" She finally screamed.

Regina quieted for a moment, but the furious look remained. "And exactly why is that?" She snarled.

If looks could kill Emma would have burned Regina a thousand times over. "What? Do you want me to admit out loud that I got drunk off my ass last night and I can't remember anything no matter how hard I try?"

"Yes I actually do dear!" Regina mocked

"Fine! I got drunk and I can't remember a damn thing! My bad!" Emma finished obnoxiously gesturing with her hands. She was quiet for a moment before she continued. "I can't remember a damn thing… it's just blank." She finished much more quietly.

Both of them were silent after that. They're heavy breathing the only audible thing. Regina stared at Emma. She had seen the blonde worked up before but never like this. She hadn't wanted this. She hadn't meant to let it play out this far. It just happened, just like all their other confrontations.

Then there was the small part of the brunette that was stricken with the fact that Emma didn't remember anything. She didn't remember what had happened between them. She didn't remember how close their lips had gotten, how bad Regina had desperately wanted to close the distance.

Regina was the first to look away in their staring contest, but neither said anything. The brunette sat down in her chair and crossed her legs before calmly looking up at the blonde.

It was better that she didn't remember. That's what she needed to tell herself.

"As mayor I'll be requesting that you get a psych evaluation from Dr. Hopper before you go back to work—"

"What?" Emma hissed softly.

"It's protocol. One you never bothered to read up on dear and especially after your incident last night I'm going to have to insist that one be done." It was for her own good. Emma would understand that right?

"You're fucking crazy Regina if for one second you think I'm going to a shrink for my ability to complete my job." Emma said a little shakily. She couldn't. She absolutely wouldn't do that. She refused.

"It's not an option Miss Swan. You will be going."

"Like hell!" Emma finally said finding her voice again. Fear was overtaking her. There was a reason she avidly avoided Archie's office.

"Then please hand over your badge." The words fell out of Regina's mouth before she could stop them. It was just a reaction. Emma Swan was a reaction and she did things she knew she shouldn't, said things she knew she shouldn't.

Emma stared in shock for a moment.

"Either get this done or hand over your badge. I will not have an unstable sheriff walking around with a gun in this town." It was simple. Emma wouldn't hand over her badge. Regina knew she wouldn't.

When the little golden badge fell cold into her hands brown eyes looked up unable to hide their shock. Emma looked at her like the devil itself. "Then I guess I'm resigning."

Without another word the blonde turned around and left leaving Regina holding her badge.

Flashback

She emptied all of the rounds except for one and clicked the glock back into place. She had done this when she was younger. When she wasn't sure if she could go on or not.

Green eyes took in the dark space of the Sheriff's office. She had gone through her first bottle of whiskey already and could feel the effects buzzing around in her head. Everything seemed a little off to her, but it was better this way. All of her anger and fear seemed small, it seemed ridiculous now to even think about it.

Maybe that was why this was so easy for her.

She felt the heavy weight of the gun in her hand. It almost had a calming effect on her. Raising the cold metal to the side of her head Emma could feel her hand shake softly.

Why? Why was she so weak?

She placed her finger on the trigger. There were so many reasons not to do this. She had a son, she had parents and friends, she had Regina to on some occasions. With the alcohol buzzing in her system it was so much easier to accept the things that she knew she was starting to feel for the other woman.

The way that she captivated her green eyes. The way she spoke when she was angry. The secret smile she would give when she was watching Henry. Emma was drawn to her in every possible which way.

And it was all so much easier to admit when she was drunk.

Tears formed in the corner of her eyes. She had all of this and still she sat here pointing her own gun to her head. She was so god damn selfish.

But it was just all too much. She couldn't do it. Emma knew she was bound to mess up. It would be better this way wouldn't it? But what would Henry say? What would he do once he found out? And her parents? Would Regina be sad? She was savior; she was supposed to be saving these people.

Her finger felt the trigger. It was up to luck. Her body shook uncontrollably. She could put the gun down now. She could stop this. Did she really want this? Was she ready to die?

Emma pulled the trigger. Yes. Yes, she was.

An empty shot fired and Emma sat there with wide eyes in the darkness. Tears welled up in her eyes and a low sobbing sound ripped through her throat. The tears fell faster than she could stop them and she screamed in frustration.

Pulling her knees in tight and rocking herself on the cold floor Emma cried because she was too weak and stupid. She was going to lose it all.

Hands curled into her hair as she struggled to breathe. "Why?" She moaned out softly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, please! What did I do to deserve this? Haven't I given up enough already?"

She grabbed the whiskey bottle next to her and drank as fast as she could. She didn't want to remember this. She didn't want to remember anything. She just wanted to forget.

Flashback End

As Emma ran out of the Mayor's office not bothering to look back she could only think one thing.

"I remember everything."

A/N - Heyo, what did you think? I tried to delve a little more into Emma's past b/c I find it interesting. Next chapter will see more interaction between the two and I hoped you liked it. Any thoughts or reviews are welcome.

See ya next time.

Chasing fantasies