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As Rachel had hoped, the rest of the day had been uneventful. Finn had questioned her in regards to why she had been late for Spanish and she make up an excuse about getting caught up in Glee preparation and Finn had easily bought the lie. She then put on a smile and kissed him and he was none the wiser to what had truly taken place.
Rachel stood by her locker after her last class had let out. She was arranging her books and putting everything she needed for that nights homework into her bag before Glee practice. She usually met Finn around this time and they would walk to Glee together. She scanned over to his locker, which was conveniently less than three meters away, but he was yet to appear. She busied herself by looking into her star shaped mirror, strapped to the inside of her locker. She put on a little blush, hoping to make herself seem perkier than she felt.
She could see Quinn and Brittany talking by Santana's locker and hated that they always seemed so perfect. Rachel knew that they must have the same fears and worries about their bodies that she had, but they didn't have people pointing out their insecurities every day. They were friends, and they had each other. That was something that Rachel didn't have. She had Finn, but had never really experienced having a good female friend. It must be nice to have someone to go shopping with and be there for you in a way a boyfriend can't. Rachel pushed the feeling aside as she saw Finn arrive at his locker. She slammed the door to her locker and raced over to give him a hug.
'Hey Rach," Finn said warmly, pulling her towards him.
"Hey," Rachel said back, glad to have the comfort of his arms around her.
"I missed you. I know it's only been like an hour since I saw you, but I can't help it," Finn said softly into her ear.
"Me too," Rachel whispered back.
Finn let Rachel go and finished putting his things in his locker before grabbing her hand and walking to Glee together.
They took their usual seats in the front row and waited until the rest of the group showed up. Once everyone was seated Will walked in with a handful of sheet music.
"Ok guys, I have high hopes for New Directions this year as I'm sure all of you do. We are going to make it to Nationals, but first we really need to start thinking of possible song choices to WOW at sectionals. Any suggestions?" Will asked the group.
Rachel raised her hand immediately. She had a million ideas racing through her head. She got excited thinking of all the songs that would best showcase the talent of the club.
"Yes Rachel," Will said, unsurprised that Rachel would be the first to have her hand in the air. He admired her drive and creativity, but was worried that her sometimes abrasive nature could make the other students less likely to input into group discussions.
"Well, I think we should definitely do something from RENT. What about take me or leave me or seasons of love?" Rachel knew these songs were crowd pleasers and would be a great representation of the musical diversity of the club.
"How about we don't do something from a musical," Quinn said loudly.
"I'm surprised you actually know that RENT is a musical," Rachel responded, anger showing in the tone of her voice.
"Girls, this isn't something to fight over. We need to come together as a club and decide what we want to do," Will said, trying to calm the situation.
Santana was the next to speak.
"I agree with Quinn. Why don't we do something unexpected? I am sick of Broadway songs," Santana said with venom directed at Rachel.
"Well this is a Glee club Santana. Broadway songs are not going anywhere and you might as well get used to it," Rachel was indignant, what did Santana think this was? If Rachel had anything to do about it the club would sing more Broadway songs.
"OK guys, we don't have to decide anything today, let's just start thinking about it ok," Will said, determined to get the kids to focus on the rest of the lesson. "How about we start with some warm up exercises."
The kids all got up and began following Mr Schu's instructions. The rest of the lesson passed pretty quickly. Will knew that Rachel was upset, but at least she had stopped storming out of class when the others kids didn't agree with her. Still, he felt something was off with her. He decided to hold her back after practice; he still needed to talk to her about her lateness for Spanish that morning and thought perhaps he could see if everything else was ok with her.
"Ok guys, we are done for today. Good work and I will see you all again on Wednesday if not sooner in Spanish." Will paused and waited while the kids packed up. "Hey Rachel, could I speak to you for a second," Will said as nonchalantly as possible.
"Sure Mr. Schu."Rachel said with a little hesitation. She hoped that he wasn't going to give her a lecture on team spirit again. She thought his attitude towards her could often be totally unfair. Everyone usually got away with their snide comments in Glee, but when Rachel tried to defend herself or oppose their views, she always wound up getting in trouble.
Kurt was getting a lift home with Finn so they both waited with Rachel while the other kids said their goodbyes and left the classroom.
"Guys, could I talk to Rachel alone, it's just about some school work," Will said.
"It's fine guys. I'll see you tomorrow." Rachel said and leant up to kiss Finn goodbye. Kurt gave her a quick smile and the boys left.
"Rachel I didn't manage to talk to you about missing the start of Spanish class this morning. You have never once been late and I wanted to make sure everything was ok." Will could see Rachel begin to squirm a little. He could tell she was uncomfortable.
"Oh Sorry, I got caught up in the auditorium practising for Glee. It won't happen again," Rachel said and added a smile for extra effect.
Will could tell that she wasn't being honest but let it go. She was a straight A student and it was the first time she had ever been late.
"Ok, well just don't make a habit of it," Will said gently.
"I won't," Rachel said resolutely.
Will was about to let her go, but something still didn't seem right.
"Rachel, if you ever need to talk about anything, you know I'm here right." Will said, wanting to make sure that if anything was going on she knew she had someone willing to listen.
"I know, thanks Mr Schu," Rachel said and left the room. She felt a bit better. Maybe Mr. Schu didn't hate her as much as she thought.
As Rachel walked outside she silently curser herself for not asking Finn for a lift home. Glee had run late and everyone had already gone. She had forgotten that her dad wouldn't be able to pick her up and that her daddy was away.
I guess walking home it is, she thought to herself.
It was starting to get dark and Rachel didn't relish the idea of walking home under these conditions. She could have gone back inside and asked Mr Schu to give her a life, but after the ballad disaster she didn't want him to think she was crazy again.
She set of briskly, and decided that the Wicked soundtrack would soothe her during the twenty minute walk.
After a few minor freak outs of thinking someone was behind her, Rachel was safely inside her house. She went to the kitchen and saw that there was a message on the phone. She played it and was not surprised to hear that her dad telling her that he wasn't going to be coming home. He was staying at the office working on a case. He had tried calling her cell, but it was turned off. Rachel quickly dug through her bad to retrieve her cell. He was right, the battery had died.
Great another night by myself. Rachel ordered some steamed vegetables and decided that posting a myspace video would help take her mind off being alone. She logged onto her account and was surprised to find a few new comments to her videos. She was not surprised that the majority of them were negative. She quickly deleted the bad ones, knowing that most of them were from kids at school and left the remaining positive one. She read it over and over again, trying to drown out the negative ones.
"You are really great. I wish you all the success in the world and hope you become the star you dream of being."
Rachel was disappointed that no matter how much she tried the comments calling her "ugly", "fat", "man hands" and "Ru Paul", didn't disappear as quickly as she would have liked.
Rachel decided that she would skip posting another video tonight. She slammed her laptop shut and lay down on her bed. She ran through the day's events in her head. She was worried about what had happened in the bathroom. Maybe she really was turning into a freak. Rachel decided the best course of action would be to pretend it never happened and hope it wouldn't happen again. She was surprised by how nice Kurt had been to her. Sure he had experience bullying and humiliation at the hands of the popular kids at school, but hat had never really made them allies before. She thought that he had always hated her. Yes he respected her talent, but did that mean he respected her? Rachel knew that he was going through a lot. Being gay in high school couldn't be easy, and maybe she was too focused on her own dramas sometimes to understand his struggles. Whatever had transpired between the two of them, she felt that Kurt was slowly becoming a good friend. They understood each other in ways everyone else didn't.
Rachel's mind then turned over the issue of Mr Schu. She didn't want him to know the full extent of what was going on with her at school. He knew about the teasing and the slushy's, but she always put on a brave face and he thought she was strong enough to cope with it. She wanted to keep it that way. She didn't want him calling up her dads and bothering them with her issues. They were busy enough as it was and she wanted to keep the time she spent with the as happy family time; not dealing with her issues as school.
Having gone over the day, Rachel was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed with all of her problems. She decided that she would put in an hour on the elliptical before bed and it would help her clear her hear. She took off the clothes Kurt had found for her and made a mental note to wash them before bed. She put on her runners and hopped on the elliptical in her underwear and bra. When no one was home she like working out like this. She could look into the mirror at her hideous thighs and it was like constant motivation to go harder and faster. It often made her more motivated than staring at her "Rachel Berry : Tony Winner" sign.
After finishing up on the elliptical, Rachel took her slushy drenched clothes and the clothes Kurt had found for her down to the wash. As much as she tried she was unable to get the slushy out of her cardigan and she became extremely upset. Her Daddy had bought her this on their most recent father daughter shopping trip and when she wore it, it reminded her of him. She bagged it up and put it in the trash. She hated being in this big house alone and that all she had was a stupid cardigan to remind her of having parents. This wasn't fair. This wasn't how life was meant to be for her. Shelby had rejected her at Regional's, Jessie had betrayed her, most of the kids at school hated her and now her fathers were away more often than ever. At least I have Finn, Rachel thought to herself.
Rachel dragged herself up the stairs to her room, had a quick shower and jumped into bed. Tomorrow will be better she thought to herself. It had to be.