PROPOSALS

PROPOSALS?!

Akatsuki Proposals: MATTERS UNSETTLED

A lot has changed since the first chapter…

#1 and #3: Pein and Konan: All's goin' well!

Pein and Konan have been living their happily married life as the couple to whom no limits apply for piercing numbers…or places. This couple now currently holds the Guinness World Record for Most Piercings.
Now that Pein is married and understands the many hardships of living with and trying to understand the mind of the opposite gender, he can better tend to the rest of his subordinates, who have been going through many marital problems themselves…and coordinate missions accordingly.

#2-#10: Deidara, Tobi and Mio: The Complications of Cuteness

"MIOOO, UHN!" Deidara called from another room in their house.

Completely overjoyed to hear his call as usual, Mio waltzed away in the direction of the voice. When she found Deidara, he was adjusting his shoes as if he were preparing for an outing.

"Leader just gave us information on the whereabouts of that jinchuuriki we've been keeping an eye out for, hm. Let's go show that lowlife the true meaning of art! Un!"

"Hmhm, ever-enthusiastic as always to proclaim the beauty of art!" Mio smiled as she, too, fastened her shoes and cloak. They were very used to their life of fast travel and change of plans.

Deidara reached into his pocket and brought forth a complex clay figurine of a triple-decker sundae that contained three flavors of ice cream with chocolate fudge, rainbow sprinkles, and four cherries on top for his lovely wife.

"I'll give you the honors when we find him, yeah!" He proceeded to hug Mio close.

Of course, SOMETHING…erm, SOMEONE had to ruin their happy moment.

"Seeempaai, how come you never told me about the jinchuuriki yet?!" Tobi whined, standing right in front of the two with his hands on his hips. "I heard everything you just said. But, if Mio-chan is going, Tobi's going, too! Tobi is her good boy!"

"Her good boy? C'mon Tobi, she's mine, un." Deidara held her even closer and looked at her warmly as a way to confirm it. "Bug off, hm. You're not coming."

"Uhh…" Mio scratched her head. "I don't like where this is going…"

"But Mio-chan's cute smile is all mine, Sempai!" Tobi tugged on Mio's arm and drew her away from Deidara.

"Let go of her or feel the wrath of my beautiful art, hm!!"

"I don't need your beautiful art, Sempai! I made Mio-chan some beautiful art of my own!" As if wearing a humungous smile once again, Tobi dashed into the kitchen and back out again.

In his hands, specifically for Mio and for Mio only, was a humongous triple-decker sundae he'd prepared with chocolate, strawberry and vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, rainbow sprinkles and four cherries on top.

"It's all for you! But, Mio-chan, please know that I think you're sweeter than the biggest sundae in the world!!"

"What's up with all this, hm?!" Deidara already had a clay spider climbing up Tobi's mask and threatened to detonate it.

"What, you don't know, Sempai? She dumped you and married me!"

Deidara was speechless. His eye moved its angry gaze from Tobi to Mio and back. "That can't be true, hm." His spider fell off of Tobi's mask.

Just when I was beginning to think no one would notice…Mio thought.

"But it is!" Tobi pointed at Mio. "She ate my chocolate muffin!"

Somehow, just somehow, Deidara knew the significance of Tobi's chocolate muffins.

"The hell, Mio?! You ate Tobi's muffin?! HM?!"

"I was hungry!"….Mio sensed a wave a fury and tightened her shoes one more notch.

"Hungry, my art! TOOOBBIII!"

Deidara chased Tobi out the door and Mio ran as far away from them as she could for the bombs Deidara decided to use were infused with C-4 chakra.

"HOW DARE YOU PROPOSE TO HER WHEN YOU KNOW SHE'S MINE, UN!!"

"AHHHHHH!!"

BOOM

"UUUNNNN!"

"WWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! SEMPAII, I COULDN'T RESIST!! AND YOU TWO SERIOUSLY DON'T FIT TOGETHER! SHE'S SOOO CUTE AND YOU'RE SOOO MEAN!"

BOOOOM

"TOO LATE TO SAY THAT, YEAH! SHE'S MY WIFE, YOU LITTLE !! MY BEAUTIFUL ARTISTIC WIFE!"

BOOOOM

"CRY LIKE A LOST CHILD, HM!! I'M TAKING YOU DOWN!! ART IS A BLAST! 8D"

BOOOOOOOOM

"OK! 'MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY'!!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Once Tobi was no longer moving, Deidara brushed the dust off of his clothing and walked on over to Mio, who was watching the whole show while sitting on the grass.

Deidara offered her his hand. "So, I'm gonna ask you, are you still mine? Hm?"

Mio looked back and forth from Deidara's convincing smirk to the ball of flames rolling in the background that was Tobi.

"Yeah, I did get a little sidetracked from his cuteness when you got busy with missions, but you're better than he'll ever be!"

"That's what I wanna hear, un."

Mio broke out into a random fit of laughter.

"Heheh, what is it, hm?" Deidara asked, confused.

"Be right back," she said as she walked away from him in nothing's general direction. Suddenly, she faced him and sprinted toward him as fast as she could. "TACKLE GLOMP!"

"AHH!" Deidara laughed and ran for it.

And the two happily continued their life together after having sent Tobi back to Zetsu in abox.

#4-#6-#8: Itachi, Eden, Kakuzu and Kashi: Say what?!

Eden, eyes wide with shock, looked as Orochimaru fell to the ground as prey to the Mangekyo.

"I…Itachi!! How could you?!"

Itachi, in no hurry to answer her, glared at Orochimaru's dead body to make sure it was really dead. "It had to be done."

Eden and Itachi spoke no more and let the silence and coldness of the still room engulf them. Eden slowly crept over to Orochimaru's side and felt that he was cold.

"No…" she thought. "No!!"

Itachi quickly stepped sideways behind the door.

"No!!" Eden heard a shout in the hallway. "I'm not marrying you!...GET AWAY, INFERIOR!"

"I'm definitely not inferior," a male voice replied to the first. "I'm far superior than you in every way except for the fact that if I were married to you, I'd be 300 dollars richer. C'mon…You know you want me…"

"No! Don't tell me what I know, because you don't know!"

"Please?!"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't wanna marry you?!"

"Five million, seven hundred sixty three thousand, two hundred and forty-four times!"

"Where the heck did you get that number?!"

"It's how much money I'd have if I had 300 more dollars!"

"AGHH!"

Eden recognized the voices to be Kakuzu and Kashi as fast they grew closer to the door. Itachi had recognized who they were a while before in the silence.

Itachi pressed himself up against the in-side of the door and knocked on it three times.

"Hm?" Kakuzu said. He walked up to the door and slowly opened it. "Who're you?"

Eden looked up at the incredibly tall masked man and replied with her name. Kakuzu didn't care, though – all he saw was Orochimaru on the ground. He stooped down and picked him up by the jacket collar. Once the body's neck was tightened, the transformation jutsu uplifted, revealing a completely different person.

"Say what?!…That's not Orochimaru?!"

"Orochimaru? No…This is that spy we've been notified about that has been trying to infiltrate our organization through tactics unknown. Thanks for killing him."

"…" Eden looked at the body with utter shock and newfound happiness and relief. "It's not Orochimaru!!"

"…You didn't kill him?"

Eden glanced at Itachi, on the inside of the open door, and back to Kakuzu who couldn't see him.

"AH, well, this spy has a big bounty on his head, so I'll be stealing him."

Kakuzu turned around and notified Kashi that Eden was in the room – but he didn't clear himself out of the entryway. "Marry me if you want to see her."

"Oh, so now you're bribing me!"

"Kakuzu."


Itachi spoke from behind the door. "Don't ever ask her or bribe her to marry you again."

"Why not, Itachi?" Kakuzu glanced at the door from the corner of his eye.

"I'll kill you."

Kakuzu showed no change of expression and walked silently out of the room and down the hallway alone.

"Say what?!" Kashi was stunned as she entered the room. "You got him away from me so easily! Thank you, Itachi-san!"

"No problem. Kakuzu wastes everyone's time…" Itachi closed his eyes as he spoke and sighed with disgust. When he opened them, he set their soft stare on Kashi.

The three were all silent and didn't know what to say, but in their heads, they were screaming.

"Say what?!That girl RESEMBLES me!"

"Say what?! Is it me, or is that guy hot?!"

"Say WHAT?! Look at how they're looking at each other! Those two like each other now?!"

All three opened their mouths to speak at the same time.

"You go first," they all told each other.

Itachi sat down on the bed and rested his eyes, because he just used the Mangekyo and needed to muster up a little more chakra for his eyes to be at a normal state again.

The girls' first instinct was to let the Akatsuki member speak first.

"I simply wanted to ask if I could speak to miss Kashi alone…but I don't mind, get out whatever you two need to say."

Eden spoke next. "I can't believe you! Itachi, you dump me and some time later go for my best friend?!"

"It's better than Orochimaru giving up on me and going for my little brother…"

Given Itachi's response, Kashi learned that Itachi maybe felt the same way about her and couldn't help but to stare at Itachi in a weird way.

Meeting Kashi's odd gaze, Itachi continued talking to Eden. "I noticed your reaction to the Orochimaru imposter…Hidan is hooked up to someone who follows him."

"…" Eden was suddenly filled with excitement, and Kashi took the hint, so she opened the door and yelled for Kakuzu.

He IMMEDIATELY teleported to the room. "Did you finally decide you want to marry me and love me and share money and all that crap?"

"No. Eden wants you."

"But I don't want Eden, I want you!"

"NO! I mean, Eden needs you for something."

Eden firmly stomped up to Kakuzu. "TAKE. ME. TO. HIDAN. NOOW."

"Ok, ok." Kakuzu sighed and gave Kashi the look as he led Eden with him out the door.

"…" Kashi fidgeted with her fingers. It was only her, a dark room, a single candle, and Itachi.

"We're finally alone," he said. His eyes weren't trembling from exhaustion as bad as they were before.

Kashi looked at Itachi, waiting to see if he'd say anything else.

He simply stared back and her and smirked.

She was utterly confused, so she blinked her eyes a few times.

Itachi turned his head slightly to the side, without turning his eyes away, and blinked once.

Kashi tried confirming if she understood what he implied by moving her head back slightly, and blinking and pausing a little before opening her eyes again.

Itachi relaxed his posture and gave a small "hm".

"I'm confused! What do you want?"

"I just wanted to see how well you could communicate with your eyes. You 'heard' me…you know exactly what I want."

"No. I don't."

"Or are you just unwilling to admit that you understood me?" Itachi arose from his sitting position.

"I'd rather say I'm second-guessing my interpretation."

"And what was your interpretation?"

"………'come'?!"

"Exactly. But, I guess since you won't come, I'll have to come to you."

He walked across the room to Kashi and leaned one arm on the wall.

She suddenly started to blink in rapid succession as she looked up at him.

"What would you say if I asked you to be my girlfriend?"

"Rabbits luffle?!"

"Say what?" Itachi raised one eyebrow.

"That would be a yes times five million, seven hundred sixty three thousand, two hundred forty-four…"

"Hm."

The flame of the little candle that lit the room slowly died off into darkness.

#5: Zetsu: Together Forever

Because he's with himself all the time, the Zetsus eventually didn't care that they were married and continued with their day-to-day cannibalistic plant life.

#7: Kisame and Ayame:

They eventually had a fish-like daughter in secret named Kisaya, who became third-generation heir to Ichiraku Tsukemen, Ramen and Dangos.

#9: Hidan, Tayuya and Eden: BLEEP!

Kakuzu and Eden had themselves a two-day walk in silence to a different Akatsuki lair. Along the way, Kakuzu stopped and exchanged the body of the foreign spy for cash, and then they continued on. Hidan chose the other hideout to both get away from Kakuzu and make the distance between himself and Orochimaru's lair shorter.

"We're here," Kakuzu told Eden as he pointed to a passage behind a waterfall.

"Thank you soooo much! Why did you bother taking me here, anyway?!"

"Because I have a mission to do with Hidan soon, so it'd be good for us to get on the same terms as far as recent activities go."

Eden and Kakuzu ventured behind the waterfall to find a large cave, a Jashin symbol, a collection of flutes, and two people on top of that Jashin symbol in deep concentration.

"They're praying again…" Kakuzu whispered to Eden. "Ah, hell."

He suddenly shouted, with his booming deep voice, "HIDAN! TAYUYA! YOU HAVE A GUEST!"

Hidan and Tayuya immediately looked up with intense rage.

"You freaking startled the crap out of me!" Tayuya said.

"Better go change, then," Kakuzu remarked.

"Bleep you!" she yelled.

"Bleep!! That's no way to treat my wife!"

"That's no way to treat a guest, either!" Kakuzu yelled back at them and pointed to Eden.

"??" Hidan and Tayuya tried to figure out who she was.

"Is that the girl you keep whining about how badly you wanna marry her?" Hidan asked.

"No, that would be Kashi. This is Eden. She wants you."

Eden stepped forth to speak to Hidan.

"You…'want' me?! Didn't I just say I have a wife? It's against the commandments to be with several women at once, no matter how badly I wanna!!"

"Wow," Eden thought, "A decent commandment…"
"NO, not like THAT!" she said aloud. "I need Miss Tayuya here to take me to someone."

Hidan sighed with relief.

"Who would that be?" Tayuya arose and walked over to Eden.

"Orochimaru-sama."

"Orochimaru?! What for?" Tayuya eyed Eden up firmly.

"I want to follow him!"

"That just makes my life easier, someone who actually wants to follow him right off the bat!" Tayuya turned to Hidan. "You won't mind if I leave for a while and take her to Orochimaru?"

"Not at all," Hidan said, "Just as long as you come back!"

So, Tayuya led Eden to her master's lair which took several hours. When they arrived at the lair, Tayuya showed Eden the tricks to avoiding the rigged traps and after a few minutes they found the main throne room.

Tayuya knocked on the door.

"Orochimaru-sama!"

"Is that you, Tayuya?" he responded from the other side. "Do come in."

Tayuya entered with Eden and knelt down before Orochimaru.

"Who is this?" Orochimaru met his eyes with Eden's and he lifted his chin off of his hand.

"She goes by the name of Eden and wished for me to bring her here so that she might follow you."

"Follow me?"

Orochimaru stood and walked to Eden, who stood as still as a statue in his presence. "Am I glad to have you here…However did you hear of me and by whom did you hear of me to decide such a thing on your own?" Orochimaru already knew what happened to her and who she was, but asked the question simply to be safe.

"Well…My uh, Lord…I've been with the Akatsuki the past year or so, and a spy tried getting in with your appearance…and proposed to me. I couldn't get his image out of my head, so I decided that I should meet the real Orochimaru when the spy died."

"Ah, my poor spy…" Orochimaru sighed. "I directed him to do exactly that."

"Really?!" Eden looked at Orochimaru with disbelief.

"Yes. I knew that you separated from Itachi in the Akatsuki, so I directed my spy to use my face and 'encounter' you along his recent mission."

Tayuya took the hint that she was no longer needed in this conversation and left.

"Hmhm, my plan worked. You did come."

"You…Planned it all?!"

"Hm!" Orochimaru smirked and moved a step closer to Eden. He whispered in her ear, "Shall I repeat myself?"

"…" Eden was so happy she couldn't speak.

"I would like…for you to surrender your all to me," he lifted her head by placing a finger under her chin and staring deeply into her eyes, "for you to obey whatever I tell you to do, help me with experiments and provide useful insight when I need it. In other words, I would like for you to…marry me?"

"This time I can actually tell you – Yes!!"

And so, Mio and Deidara, Kashi and Itachi, and Eden and Orochimaru contently lived on with the ones they loved…

But is it the end?