Being
Author owns nothing except the ideas, and writes only for his own amusement and entertainment.
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Simon walked into the bay, following the noise of clinking metal. When you wanted to find Jayne, you usually could find him near that sound.
Sure enough, the big man was on his weight bench, straining over and over to heft a bar that Simon was sure weighed more than he did. He shook his head in amazement, and walked slowly over.
"What'cha need, doc?" Jayne asked long before Simon got there. Startled, he stopped.
"How do you do that?" he asked.
"Do what?" Jayne replied, settling the bar into it's rest, and sitting up.
"Know that it's me, without looking. For that matter, how do you know I'm here at all?"
"Smell you comin'," Jayne shrugged, wiping the sweat from his body with a towel.
"What?" Simon almost yelled, offended. He was the cleanest person on this ship! How dare this. . .this ape, accuse him of smelling?
"Smelled you comin'," Jayne repeated. "And get that look off yer face, Simon. I didn't say you smelled bad. Just said I could smell ya. Everyone's got a smell." Simon thought that one over for a moment.
"So you can identify all of us by smell?" he asked, curious. Jayne nodded.
"What do I smell like to you?" Simon asked. His natural curiosity got the better of him sometimes.
"Like a hospital," Jayne smirked. "You smell like a clinic. Clean, ani'septic like. And a touch o' rubbin' alcohol."
"I. . .I hadn't. . .I suppose I do," Simon finally managed. "I never thought about that." Jayne shrugged again.
"What's on your mind?" he asked, looking at the younger man. Simon looked a little uncomfortable.
"Mal and I, we had. . .well, he did all the talking, actually, but the discussion. . .that is, he came to see me last night about Kaylee and I." Jayne looked at him, grinning.
"Ripped ya a new one?" he asked, chuckling softly. "Oughta seen that comin', Simon, you a near genius and all."
"Yes, well," Simon spluttered. "I admit it was short sided of me to underestimate the impact of our relationship upon the captain. He does, after all, view Kaylee as his daughter, of sorts, and he takes his responsibilities very seriously."
"You got a point under all that Simon?" Jayne asked, eyes rolling a bit. Trust the core-bred sissy to take all gorram day to say two minutes worth of talk.
"Yes, I do," Simon tried to regain some momentum. "He, the Captain that is, has given me his consent to continue to court Kaylee. When I thanked him, he informed me it was you who had convinced him to allow it. I wanted. . .I wanted to thank you."
"Welcome," Jayne nodded, rising to his feet. "Reckon Mal made all manner o' threats ag'in ya, was Kaylee to be hurt?" Simon nodded.
"Figured so. Thing is, Mal, he talks a big lot, but he's not likely to really do any real harm to you, just kick ya off the boat." Jayne smiled slightly, but his smile was suddenly cold. "Me, on the other hand? I ain't much on talkin'. So let me just add, if Kaylee winds up hurt over this, I'll kill ya. Dead. Dong ma?"
Simon fought the urge to swallow. It was obvious that Jayne wasn't blustering as he normally did, or talking just to hear himself talk. He meant it.
"I understand," he nodded solemnly. "And I won't hurt her, Jayne. I love her, very much."
"Figured," Jayne nodded. "Take good care o' that girl, Simon. I ain't playin'. She sheds so much as a tear in pain, and you'll never see me comin'." With that the merc gathered his things and headed for his bunk.
"Thank you," Simon called out to his back. Jayne waved a hand over his shoulder in acknowledgment, but never slowed.
Leaving Simon to wonder why it was that he was always thanking the people on this boat for threatening to hurt him.
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Jayne walked through the galley on his way to his bunk. River Tam was sitting at the table, and Jayne slowed as he realized she was staring at him intently.
"I would not allow you to hurt him," she warned. Jayne smirked.
"He hurt's Kaylee, even you won't be able to stop me, Crazy," he assured her.
"I can kill you with my brain," she retorted. Jayne let loose a short bark of laughter.
"And I can kill you with my bare hands, my guns, my knives, and any number o' other ways," he replied, never losing eye contact. "You ain't the only one can sneak around, Moony, so you best be thinkin' on that. I ain't got nothin' ag'in ya, especially seein' as ya saved our hides on Universe's Moon. Fact, I'd figure I owed ya one, wasn't on account o' you we was in that spot to start with. But don't push me."
"You know I can take you," River replied almost scornfully.
"I know you think you can," Jayne shrugged. "And that works for me, not you." With that he continued on his way, leaving River to contemplate their discussion. River turned in her seat, staring at the merc's retreating back.
"Stop starin'," Jayne shocked her. "Ain't polite."
River's mouth was still open in shock when Simon walked into the galley.
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Zoe was leaving the bridge when she met Jayne in the passageway. He nodded at her.
"How you doin', Zoe?" he asked kindly. His voice was so soft that the warrior woman stopped dead, looking at him.
"I'm dealing," she said simply, after a minute's thought. Jayne nodded.
"He was a good man, Zo'," Jayne said kindly. "I'm sorry." The emotion in Jayne's voice was soft and carrying, and for once Zoe never doubted that he meant it.
"Thanks, Jayne," she tried to smile, but didn't quite manage.
"Welcome," Jayne nodded, then kicked open his hatch, and eased down into his bunk. Zoe watched him go, then headed on aft. She walked into the galley, where she found the Tams in a discussion.
"It's not what it sounded like," Simon assured River, finding himself in the odd position of defending Jayne, of all people, to his sister.
"I will not allow. . . ."
"What's all this?" Zoe asked. River looked up at her.
"Ape man has threatened my brother," she said flatly. "I will not allow him to harm ge ge."
"River, he didn't threaten me. . .well, okay, he did, but it wasn't like that. The Captain threatened me the same way. They're both merely trying to. . . ."
"Captain threatened you?" Zoe broke in, frowning. "And Jayne too? Why?"
"About Kaylee and I," Simon's face went a shade redder. Zoe chuckled at that, realizing now what the ruckus was over.
"I fail to see the humor," River said, eyeing Zoe darkly. Zoe turned flat eyes on the smaller woman, and River could feel the pain, and perhaps the blame, all the way through her. She recoiled slightly at that, and Zoe nodded, having made a statement without making one.
"Captain feels responsible for little Kaylee," Zoe informed her. "Jayne. . .well, at this point, I'd say Jayne just feels protective. Your brother," she nodded at Simon, "is sleepin' with her, and, I hope for his sake, intends on courtin' her, and makin' an honest woman of her. Jayne and the Captain are just makin' sure that Simon knows the penalty for makin' Kaylee cry, I'd imagine." Simon nodded.
"That's what I was trying to explain, thank you," he sighed. "They aren't threatening me, mei mei, except in regard to their feelings for Kaylee. They're doing no less for her, than I would for you. Did for you," he added. River considered that.
"I do not require protection now," she said firmly. "So that is not a valid comparison. . ."
"River, there's more than one kind of protectiveness," Zoe cut in. "If you meet a boy you like and start. . .whatever," she smiled at Simon, and was rewarded with seeing him squirm uncomfortably, "then Simon will feel the need to let that boy know he best be observin' the proprieties, if he knows what's good for him. That's all this is," she concluded, heading to get some coffee.
"I see," River mused. "So if I were to start sleeping with Jayne, Simon would threaten Jayne?" she asked.
"What!?" Simon bellowed at the top of his lungs, as Zoe spewed coffee all over the counter top.
"Interesting," River noted their reaction. "Perhaps I was wrong in assuming that ape-man was simply threatening to harm ge ge for no reason. Thank you both for the enlightenment." With that she stood and headed for the bridge, leaving the two of them speechless. Mal walked in just as River was leaving.
"I do not plan on sleeping with the ape-man, Captain Daddy, so there is no need to threaten his life," she said seriously. Before Mal could recover, River was gone. He looked to Simon and Zoe, both still apparently in shock.
"What'n the hell was that about?" he asked. When no one answered, Mal turned to the comm.
"Jayne, get your pi gu to the galley right now!"
"Sir, you got this all wrong," Zoe finally recovered. "She was just. . . ." she was cut off by Jayne's arrival, running into the galley with Vera, his boots unlaced.
"What is it Mal?" Jayne asked, looking at Mal expectantly. "We gettin' boarded? What ya need me ta do?" Mal looked at him for a moment, startled by Jayne's quick appearance, and his willingness to follow orders. Then he remembered why he'd called him.
"You been tryin' to seduce that child?" Mal demanded. Jayne's look would have left Zoe and Simon in stitches, had they not still been recovering from River's announcement.
"Huh?" That was the best Jayne could manage. He'd come running, expecting something to be wrong.
"I asked you a . . . ." Mal started, but Simon intruded.
"Captain, I promise you, this is all on River. We had a misunderstanding about the little, erm, talk that both you and Jayne had with me concerning Kaylee. She's the one who used Jayne in comparison to herself. Probably to get just this reaction," he sighed.
"What about Kaylee?" the little engineer bounced into the room, smiling. "Who's talkin' 'bout me?"
"We weren't at the moment," Simon assured her, as Kaylee pecked him on the cheek, and sat down beside him. "We were talking about how River misread what the Captain and Jayne said to me when they found out about. . .um. . . ."
"What did they say?" Kaylee demanded, her eyes narrowing as she looked at the two men in question.
"That ain't the point here and now," Mal waved his hand down. "We're talkin' about Jayne and River."
"What about Jayne and River?" Jayne asked, his own eyes narrowing. "She threatened me, Mal, not the other way 'round."
"What? Why?" Kaylee demanded. Simon rubbed his temple, feeling a headache coming.
"She threatened you?" Mal asked. "What did you do, Jayne? So help me, if you laid said anything of a sexual nature to that girl. . . ."
"What?" Jayne bellowed. "I ain't said no sucha thing! I'd rather stick my head in the engine than even think about that moon brained girl like that, Mal!"
"Hey!" Simon and Kaylee both objected. "Ain't no need for name callin', Jayne," Kaylee said reproachfully.
"I'm just sayin'," Jayne told her. "Ain't no way in hell!"
Through all this Zoe merely observed. She'd never say so, but she was really enjoying all this. It was a wild misunderstanding, so there was no chance of anything bad happening, and, once this was all over with, everyone would get a good laugh from it. Just as she thought that, Inara walked in.
"What's all the shouting for?" she asked innocently.
"Jayne's been. . . ." Mal started.
"Mal accused me o'. . . ." Jayne started
"This is all a misunder. . . ." Simon started.
"They's talkin' 'bout me, 'Nara. . . ." Kaylee started.
Inara retreated a few steps as everyone started talking at once. Finally, unable to take it any longer, Zoe burst out laughing. Everyone stopped talking, looking at the first mate questioningly.
"Want to tell us what's so funny?" Mal finally asked.
"All of you," she waved at them. "Save Inara, of course, who just happened into the middle," she added, smiling at the other woman. Simon nodded, starting to chuckle himself.
"I don't see what's funny!"Kaylee said indignantly. Simon wrapped his arm around her shoulders, standing and taking her with him.
"I'll explain everything," he promised, guiding her toward the stairs. "Let's go and sit down, since this will take a while."
"Captain here," Mal announced. "I ain't done talkin'."
"Zoe can explain better than I can," Simon assured him. "There's nothing for you to be mad about, Captain, I promise."
"River thought that Jayne was threatenin' Simon for no reason," Zoe began.
"You threatened Simon?" Mal demanded. Jayne nodded.
"Yep. Same as you," he added.
"You threatened Simon?" Inara demanded of Mal. Mal nodded.
"Yep, I did," he replied. "'Bout what might happen to him, was he to hurt Kaylee." He looked at Jayne. "That what you did?" he asked.
"Yeah," Jayne nodded. "Just makin' sure he understood the rules is all," he added to Inara. The woman looked at him for a moment, then smiled.
"I think that's very sweet of you, Jayne," she told him, and Jayne beamed at that.
"Hey!" Mal looked indignant. "I threatened him 'fore Jayne did!"
"And I'm sure you did a very good job, Mal," Inara patted his shoulder gently. Mal looked mollified at that.
"I take it you don't need me no more?" Jayne asked, laying Vera over his shoulder.
"I still wanna know what River meant," Mal looked at him accusingly. Zoe snorted.
"Simon was trying to explain to River why the two o' you felt the need to threaten him. Girl wasn't gettin' it. I told her Simon would likely do the same thing, once she found a boy she liked, and River seized on it. She said then if she started sleeping with Jayne, Simon would threaten him the same way."
"Well, that ain't never, ever, gonna happen," Jayne muttered darkly. "Ever," he added for extra emphasis.
"What if she were willin', Jayne?" Zoe teased. "Sure you could resist?"
"Ain't but one woman on this boat I can't resist, and that's not a issue," Jayne surprised them all. "And she ain't the one, neither. That crazy, crack brained girl'd be as like to stab a man in his sleep as to cuddle around him. 'Sides that, I don't like her much, nohow. Now, can I go?" he asked Mal.
"Yeah, you can," Mal nodded. "Sorry I jumped to conclusions there, Jayne."
"No harm done," the merc shrugged, and started for his room. Mal shook his head, and headed for the bay. Inara and Zoe looked at each other for a moment.
"Kaylee?" the two said at the same time, then burst out laughing.
"It's sad, in a way," Inara remarked. "I'm tempted to feel sorry for him."
"Me too," Zoe agreed. "Jayne ain't all bad. Just mostly," she added.
"I think it's time I had a talk with River," Inara announce. "Make sure something like this doesn't happen again. Want to tag along?" Inara regretted the invitation as soon as it was out of her mouth, but it was too late.
"No, I think I'm gonna get some sleep. I had the late watch," she stretched. Truth was, Zoe couldn't help but blame Wash's death on the Tams. She'd like think she was dealing with that, but sometimes she wasn't sure. She started toward her bunk, and Inara walked along with her.
"If you need to talk, Zoe. . . ." Inara began.
"Just need to sleep," Zoe smiled tiredly. "See you later.
"Zoe are you sure you're okay?" Inara asked.
"No, but I gotta keep on being," Zoe shrugged. "Otherwise I'll just curl up in a ball and wait to die. That ain't my way." They stopped at Zoe's hatch.
"He'd want you to keep 'being' you know," Inara replied. "He loved you far too much to want you to curl up and wither away."
"I know," Zoe smiled, and for once, it touched her eyes. "And I will. Thanks, Inara."
"Anytime," Inara nodded, heading to the bridge.
"River, I think we need to talk," was the last thing Zoe heard before her hatch closed, and she couldn't help but smile again. Inara might have an easier time than Simon did.
But she doubted it.