Princess Peach. The eternal puzzle.
And one Iggy Koopa was desperate to solve.
The well-known mad genius of the Koopalings, Iggy was attracted to things he couldn't quite understand. And beyond all the technology he had created, from the airships that could escape gravity's iron grip and travel into space, to the very anti-gravity engine in the rocket-shaped motorcycle he was currently buffing, there was one thing that had always eluded the grasp of his highly gifted analytical mind. One Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, Peach.
Not why she wasn't exactly reciprocative of his father's advances, stars no. That much was obvious. His King Dad, though he'd never say this aloud, was a massive egomaniac and didn't have any concept of what made a proper romance. Bursting in and kidnapping the woman you're infatuated with wasn't a proper courting technique.
No, what stumped this green-haired Koopaling was the monarch's tolerance of the continued abductions. It's always been obvious, since the whole Smithy incident where their father had had to go on an adventure with Peach and a Star Spirit and some other guy named Mallow, that Peach had awesome power. Mostly supportive magic, like healing, but she could also make people fall asleep, and that frying pan of hers wasn't to be underestimated. She could use things like Fire Flowers, Super Bells, and Tanooki Leaves without any notable effort, and was a capable adventurer in her own right, as seen during the Vibe Scepter and Sprixie Kingdom incidents.
So why didn't she fight back? Iggy momentarily forgot about preparing his beloved bike for the races as he scratched his chin in deep thought. It couldn't have been returning the affection in her own odd way. Peach was quite clear whenever Bowser hatched a scheme and took her from her home that she was not speaking to him, and would only speak to servants or the Koopalings themselves if they were around. Junior seemed to be her favorite to talk to, but that didn't say much.
Peach's magic was powerful. Peach was powerful. She could hold her own in any real fight. But her power came from her pure heart, as many villains could attest to. Perhaps this was her attempt to make her father 'see the light' as it were...No, otherwise she would attempt to engage with him more. Get him to open up about more than just some oddball scheme to take over the Kingdom. Indeed it seemed to Iggy that Princess Peach was mostly unaware of Bowser's feelings.
And then there were the plumbers. Iggy's expression soured as his buffing slowed, his Jet Bike already shining like new as he stared into the reflection, lost in his thoughts. Mario and Luigi, heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom. Iggy scoffed at the thought. Though a formidable opponent indeed, Iggy had no doubt that the Princess could handle herself possibly better than Mario could against the might of the Koopa Troop. While they were acrobatic and their skill with those hammers was not to be trifled with, the Princess could likely compensate for such shortcomings with her magic, as the Koopa King himself could likely attest to.
This conundrum had haunted the Koopaling genius for years, since he could first understand that it was a conundrum, in fact. It was an utter paradox, and he hated those. Some days she let Bowser take her, and there was no other phrase for it, let him take her. And then there was those other times, when Peach, on more than once occasion, had simply used her magic or strengthened another into simply swatting him into the sky.
Before Iggy knew it, an empty blueprint sheet was filled with wild theories, some barely legible, as his mind worked a mile a minute to find the missing link, the one thing that actually made sense in this fiendish dynamic between the Princess and the King.
There were too many inconsistencies. One day the princess screamed for help as the Plumber and the King clashed. On another they were all too happy to invite him racing, or golfing. On others, they worked together to fight a common villain, sometimes willingly, like the Smithy incident, sometimes not, such as the Fawful incident, which was the most bizarre in the young Koopaling's mind.
After discovering that the Mario Brothers had been assisting him in secret throughout his entire adventure, the boisterous koopa king had not taken it well, and had started a fight, which, logically, had not gone well. As the grumpy, injured Bowser recovered, he had gotten a package. A cake.
That cake...It burned at the forefront of Iggy's mind. Was the Princess daft to send a gift to her nation's most hated enemy? Was this a hint to her true intentions? Did it have any meaning at all? All these questions swirled in Iggy's mind, even as he felt his consciousness slip away.
"Yo, Iggs." The green koopaling snapped awake as his brother Roy spoke. The musclebound brother gave Iggy his glasses, and the mad prankster thankfully placed them back on his head. "We're getting loaded up for the races. King Dad says you better be well-rested, or at least awake enough to fake it." And with that, he left.
Iggy sighed and rubbed his forehead. He really needed to stop overdoing it. This...puzzle was beginning to give him a headache. As he headed for the kitchen to eat some breakfast, leaving the heavily-scribbled on blueprint behind.
The mad Koopaling had only one thought on the matter, even hours later as he revved up his bike, Peach in her delicate Cat Cruiser and Bowser on his Flame Rider ahead of him. Throughout the entire grand race through the Kongo Jungle, his eyes never left his father and the Princess, watching every one of their interactions.
Even as the race was over and the next one was scheduled and once again, Iggy was left alone in the garage to fine tune the vehicles of his family, he still was no closer to figuring it out. And that frustrated the spikes off his shell.
This was one puzzle even he couldn't figure out so easily, not when the Princess made it so darn difficult.