"Coffee black," Cassandra ordered from the replicator, and picked up the mug. She wondered back over to a sleeping Kathryn, and put the coffee to her lover's nose.
Slowly, Kathryn began to stir.
"Good morning," Cassandra greeted, handing Kathryn the mug.
She smiled and took a sip, "What time is it?"
"Oh four hundred," the crewman replied, tucking a lock of Kathryn's hair back into place, "you told me to wake you before I left for my duty shift."
Kathryn sighed, "Thanks darling. What's on your agenda today?"
"Computer enhancements," she replied, getting dressed in her uniform, "replacing some gel packs on Deck Three."
"Sounds positively dull," Kathryn replied, sitting up, "don't you ever want something more exciting? You do have a lot of Starfleet training under your belt, and your talents could be put to better use."
"Maybe," Cassandra picked up her combadge from the nightstand and pinned it to her chest, "but I like what I do, and the people I work with. Besides, your schedule is hectic enough for the both of us."
"Agreed," Kathryn took another sip of her coffee, "but still, think about it."
The crewman walked over to Kathryn and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, "I will. But I got to run. Have a good day."
"You too."
Cassandra exited into the corridor and let out a frustrated sigh. She enjoyed being with Kathryn in every way, but after eight months together they never defined their relationship. Or spoke of love. Sometimes Cassandra felt one day Kathryn would end this, and was just waiting for that day. Several factors caused strain on their relationship; first of all Kathryn was the Captain, Cassandra was a lot younger, and while their relationship was common knowledge it was never made official. Kathryn did not go to crew functions unless pressed, and never with Cassandra, which bothered the young woman. Though Kathryn had never forbid her from talking about their relationship she still kept quiet about it with her friends, and was slowly losing them one by one. That was another thing, they both had very different circle of friends.
Worlds apart.
Maybe too far apart.
Then one day everything changed.
They had entered the Frashian system, the inhabitants were friendly and Captain Janeway had granted them all shore leave. But Cassandra was not invited to go with Kathryn, instead Chakotay accompanied her. She was distraught, hurt, and reckless. Terry, her only remaining friend, tried to cheer her up by inviting her to the beaches on the southern continent but she declined, opting for some time in the capitol city instead.
It was late at night, under the bright three moons. For a moment she felt like she was on Diedra Six, her home planet, a colony along the Demilitarized Zone. After the Treaty it was given to the Cardassians, prompting her to join the Maquis. Chakotay himself had recruited her, and saved her from her demons. Cassandra used a lot of Maraji Crystal in her early years as a Maquis, and it was with Chakotay's support she had come clean. But on a day like this, she wondered why she had ever given the drug up. It brought her release from pain and freed her mind from doubts.
She was alone, and in a seedy part of the capitol, known for its brothels and rancorous drug trade. Cassandra was out of uniform, and carried a small pouch brimming with local currency. Pawn shops were also common, and she had sold key aspects of Voyager's database. Music, stories, information on cultures, nothing criminal, but had the Captain known she never would have allowed it.
She found her contact in an alleyway, and as she counted out the payment he gave her a vial of Rhuludian Crystal, the Delta Quadrant's favourite drug. He also sold her a contraption to smoke the crystals, and quickly left her alone with her poor choices. Walking for a time she fingered the vial, thinking. She thought about Kathryn, and how she could never be what Kathryn actually wanted. Her feet lead her to the riverway, and she sat on the banks. Nobody was around, and she loaded the tube. Double checking to make sure nobody was around she took her first hit, and instantly felt the drug taking effect. Her pulse slowed, body became heavy, and her mind forgot to think. How long did she sit there, occasionally taking another hit, staring out into the water, she did not know. Cassandra's mind wandered so far she did not see the security coming towards her in time, and they arrested her.
Kathryn was laughing with Chakotay over a nice glass of wine when she got the hail.
"Neelix to the Captain."
She stopped laughing, "Go ahead Mr. Neelix."
"One of the crew has been arrested," he explained carefully, "for being caught with a controlled substance."
"Who is it," Chakotay asked, and Neelix wished he hadn't.
"Crewman Wilkes, sir."
Kathryn did not flinch, instead the Command mask went on. She made arrangements to transport over to wear Cassandra was being held.
The young crewman was treated fairly, and placed in a cell to await what was to come. She hoped they would imprison her for a long time, it was a lot better than facing Kathryn. The drugs were still very strong in her system and everything was still hazy. According to local law the punishment was to undergo counselling, and the Captain made arrangements for Cassandra to remotely be counselled from Voyager. It could have been a lot worse for the young crewman, but the Frashians were kind, and it was Cassandra's first offence. They told Kathryn a lot of young people were attracted to the drug and some liked to experiment, and usually never relapsed after just one try. Chakotay knew about Cassandra's history with drug addiction, but did not bring it up, he was, however, concerned about the Captain. Though to the untrained eye it seemed Kathryn treated this no differently than any other crewman transgression he knew her better. She was wounded.
She heard the Captain's footsteps before she saw her. Cassandra stood at full attention as Chakotay, Kathryn, and the Frashian guard approached her.
"Could you gentlemen give me a moment with Crewman Wilkes," Kathryn requested, and they gave her some privacy.
Cassandra did not say a word, and tried to keep her emotions hidden.
Kathryn lowered the forcefield and stepped closer to her lover, "I want an explanation and I want it now."
"Captain," Cassandra began, choosing to remain formal, "I expect to be punished for my actions to the fullest extent of the law."
"That's not what I asked," Kathryn swallowed past the knot in her throat, "I asked why Crewman."
Cassandra met Kathryn's steely gaze, "Permission to speak freely."
Kathryn looked at Chakotay, to make sure he was out of earshot.
"Granted."
"I needed to forget."
She looked into her lover's eyes, "Forget what Cassandra?"
"That you don't love me," Cassandra said, and choked on a sob.
Kathryn did not deny it, she only look away. Cassandra felt like Kathryn had ripped her heart from her chest, and stepped on it as she activated the force field and walked away.
As per the Captain's orders she had to spend sixty days in the Brig, double the punishment as Tom had faced. Nobody questioned the Captain's decision, except her First Officer.
They were having dinner in her quarters, and the mood was subdued.
"Kathryn," he said, putting his fork down, "how are you holding up?"
She looked away, "I'm fine."
He poured another cup of coffee for them both.
"I was once really close to Crewman Wilkes," Chakotay began, but Kathryn interjected.
"I'd rather not discuss her."
"Too bad," he replied, "you need to talk to someone about it. Sixteen days she's been confined. Tom destroyed the oxygen factory in that water planet and received half the punishment."
"As Captain I decide what's appropriate punishment," she replied, "and I can't involve my personal feelings."
"Is that what you're doing," he asked, "proving you're unbiased? By doubling her punishment? All I see here is your emotions influencing your command."
"Your concern is noted," she replied coldly.
He pressed on, "What was it? Surely not the drugs. Why are you so angry?"
"She said I don't love her."
Chakotay paused, and looked up at Kathryn, "Was she right?"
A hand flew to her face, covering her blue eyes. They welled up with tears, and a familiar knot found hold on her throat.
"I beg your pardon," she snapped, but Chakotay did not respond, instead he let her mind weigh the facts.
"I don't know Chakotay."
He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "What are you worried about?"
"Everything," she admitted, "if I allow myself to love her, it changes everything. Can I stay objective as a Captain? What if something happens to her, do I risk everything to save her? And what about the emotional rollercoaster that love is, will it affect me. Then there's very clear protocol about relations with a member of the crew. And being thirty thousand light years from Earth is no excuse. I could lose my commission, and rank."
"Think about this," Chakotay looked pensive, "can you be alone for the next thirty years?"
Kathryn felt the first tears on her cheeks, "I don't want to be alone anymore."
"Then you know what you have to do."
She smiled up at him, her best friend. Kathryn found it hard to believe she had once almost lost his bond, when she found out about his relationship with Seven.
"Thank-you."
Sixteen days in the Brig, with only her thoughts as companionship. Neelix brought her meals thrice daily, and though it was bland and unappetizing she never complained. She was a model prisoner.
On the inside though, she was broken. After the way Kathryn had left her there, and- having not set eyes on her since her punishment began - it felt like whatever they shared was over. Cassandra understood though, Kathryn was the Captain and could not associate with problematic crewmen. Still, it hurt her deeply. At first she did not cry, instead she did push-ups or composed random poetry aloud.
Day seventeen dawned like any other, but when it came time for Neelix to bring her breakfast Kathryn came to see her instead.
Cassandra stood at attention when Kathryn approached her cell.
"Crewman Wilkes," Kathryn greeted, "upon further review of your case I have decided to reduce your punishment to sixteen days solitary confinement. Since you've been here long enough, you're free to go."
Kathryn nodded to the guard and he lowered the forcefield.
"Thank-you, Captain," Cassandra replied, "but I deserve no special treatment, and should fully serve my sentence."
Kathryn stepped into the cell, and stepped close to Cassandra.
"My previous sentence was too harsh," she explained, "and I hope you can forgive me."
"Yes ma'am."
She choose to be formal, to hide how much it hurt to see Kathryn, to feel her so close. The Captain was untouchable though, and this proved it. Cassandra went to exit the cell, but Kathryn grabbed her wrist. They stood in silence, not moving.
"Don't do this," Cassandra whispered, echoing her words, "don't let me think you might actually care."
Kathryn wrapped her arms around Cassandra, "I am afraid of what loving you means. But I know I can't live without you near me."
"What do you mean," Cassandra held back.
Kathryn bowed her head, "I'm in love with you. And I'm sorry it took me this long to realize it."
"I love you too," Cassandra replied, sealing her comment with a kiss.
Kathryn awoke before Cassandra for a change, and replicated two cups of coffee. Today she put her plans into motion. Though not officially Cassandra practically lived in Kathryn's quarters, and it made the Captain smile to see their toothbrushes side by side. In the two months since her confession their love had deepened into something sacred. They had also gone public with their relationship, much to the delight of the crew. It made them glad to see the Captain happy, though none could have ever predicted how things ended up. Kathryn took a sip of her coffee, then pressed her lips to Cassandra's sleeping ones. It roused the young woman, and she stretched languidly. Kathryn adored her lover's body, clothed and naked.
"Get up," Kathryn said gruffly.
Cassandra moaned in reply, "Is that an order?"
She chuckled, "A suggestion."
"You know," Cassandra sat up and accepted the steaming mug, "I'm off duty today. I thought I could sleep in."
Kathryn smirked, "It's oh seven hundred, you've done plenty of sleeping in."
She playfully slapped Kathryn and yawned.
"I'm getting old, Kathryn, I need sleep."
They both laughed, "You're getting old? Darling I'm surprised I haven't gotten any gray hairs yet."
"I dye them when you're sleeping," Cassandra joked.
"Bridge to the Captain," Tuvok hailed.
Kathryn rolled her eyes, "Yes Lieutenant?"
"There's a nebula on sensors, rich in hydrogen," he explained, "permission to use the Bussard Collectors?"
"Granted," she replied, "and unless there's an emergency I'd prefer not to be bothered."
Tom smiled from his station.
"Acknowledged."
"Ensign Ro to Crewman Wilkes," hailed the chief of the computer maintenance.
"Wilkes here."
"There's a jam in the computer systems," Ro explained, "and I'm sorry to bother you on your day off, but it is disrupting several systems."
"On my way."
Cassandra groaned again, and started getting dressed.
"I'll come with you," Kathryn offered, "then maybe we could go to the Holodeck."
"I'd like that."
Kathryn gave Cassandra a quick peck before they exited her quarters. At Cassandra's station she found it odd Ensign Ro did not stay to assist or even brief her on the problem, thankfully Kathryn was there.
"There's something jammed in a computer pathway," she said, punching some commands in a console.
"Here," Cassandra removed a panel, and ran a tricorder over the systems. A small ring-like object was rammed in the middle of a relay. It was hard to extract, but when it finally pulled free she examined it. She did not see Kathryn kneel behind her. The object was not ring-like, it was a ring. A small platinum band with diamond chips encrusted.
"What's this," Cassandra asked.
Kathryn reached over, and plucked it from Cassandra's grip. Her eyes followed Kathryn's hand.
"Cassandra," Kathryn began, "being with you makes this journey home bearable, even enjoyable. I love the way I love you, and I can't imagine spending my life with any but you. I know I can be irritating, stubborn, and self-righteous, and that's on a good day. These past months have been the most memorable of my life, and, well, I was wondering-"
Cassandra put a finger to Kathryn's lips, "Yes. I will."
A smile broke out on Kathryn's face as she slipped the ring on Cassandra's finger. It fit perfectly, and looked lovely.
They shared a deep kiss, both lost in the bliss of their love.
"Neelix to the Captain."
Kathryn sighed, "Yes Mr. Neelix?"
"I require you in the Mess Hall immediately."
"Is it really important," Kathryn looked lovingly at Cassandra, "I'm kind of the middle of something."
"I'm afraid it's very urgent."
Cassandra followed Kathryn to the Mess Hall, and when the entered the lights were down.
"Neelix," Kathryn called, carefully stepping into the darkened room.
"Surprise," yelled the hidden crewmen, as the lights came on, to reveal what they had been scheming. A banner reading 'Congrats' hung in the corner, and several tables were laid out with food and champagne.
Chakotay approached.
"Commander," Kathryn chastised playfully, "I thought you could keep a secret."
"I did," he replied innocently, "it's Tom who told everybody."
"So," piped up the Doctor, "what did she say?"
Cassandra had been standing back shyly, a little embarrassed by the limelight, and now a deep blush overtook her cheeks.
"Mission accomplished," Kathryn announced, wrapping an arm around Cassandra's waist.
The Doctor held up his holo-imager, "A picture perhaps?"
"Darling," Kathryn asked the shy woman, who could only nod.
As Cassandra was taller she wrapped her arms around Kathryn's waist from behind, and rested her head on her future wife's shoulder. This was the true meaning of bliss. The future had never looked so bright.
Two months later Cassandra was in her dress uniform, nervously pacing up and down the corridor. Today was the day, though it was the third time her and Kathryn had tried to tie the knot. The first time the Borg cancelled several weeks of careful planning, and then the second time a spatial anomaly nearly destroyed them. Naturally Cassandra had a feeling the nuptials would not proceed as planned. Chakotay approached her, and nearly laughed.
"Nervous?"
Cassandra paused her pacing, to look at Chakotay.
"A bit," she admitted, "I keep thinking something awful is going to happen."
"Cold feet?"
She shook her head, "Never. I want to spend the rest of my life with that woman."
"Funny," he remarked, "when I went to see Kathryn, and found her pacing, she said the exact same thing."
She smiled, "Thanks Commander. For everything."
"Listen to me," he said, serious, "just remember that even though she's the Captain she still needs to be taken care of."
"I know."
"Then let's get started."
Neelix had erected a wedding arch in the Mess Hall, white roses entwined with the structure. Cassandra had let her hair down, curling the ends slightly. Her teal and black dress complimented her skin. She entered, and saw every eye turn to her, but here eyes fastened to Kathryn's, and found therein a deep joy.
She heard Seven at the piano, accompanied by Harry on his clarinet, as they played the Traditional Wedding March. When she finished her slow walk to Kathryn the woman took her hands in her own, and held them gently.
"We are gathered here to celebrate the joining of two people in their love," Chakotay said, "and I could not be more honoured to be in my position. Each and every one of us owes our lives to the Captain in one way or another, and I'm sure I speak for everyone gathered when I wish you both peace and prosperity in your love. I am not here as an Officer, but as a friend. Kathryn, eight years we've been in the Delta Quadrant, and your dedication and fortitude have been unwavering. Cassandra, your light and joy has touched the lives of many, and it brings my heart deep joy to see you bringing it to yet another life. The couple has prepared their own vows."
Kathryn's voice caught in her throat, and for the first time in her life words did not immediately come flying out of her mouth.
"You inspire me," she told Cassandra, "to be a better woman. And without your love I don't know what I'd do. With this ring, as a symbol of my unyielding devotion I take you, Cassandra Marie Wilkes, to be my lawfully wedded wife."
She slipped the band on Cassandra's ring finger, and kissed her palm.
Cassandra slowly made her reply, "When I first met you I thought you were stubborn, pig headed, and arrogant. Then by random chance I stole a peek into your soul, and everything changed. I realised you were steadfast, proud, and a loving spirit. I love you more than words could ever say, and with this ring, a symbol of my unwavering love, I take you, Kathryn Janeway, to be my wife."
"Then with the power vested in me by Starfleet Command and the United Federation of Planets, I now declare Kathryn Janeway and Cassandra Wilkes joined in marriage," Chakotay declared, a large smile on his face, "you may kiss the bride."
"Yes sir," Cassandra said, and pulled Kathryn in for a long, deep kiss.
The people gathered broke out in applause, and an occasional tear slipped from an eye. Due to the nature of Kathryn's position they could not take the Flyer out for a honeymoon, as Tom and B'Elanna had done, but they did book a week on the Holodeck. Also, that day marked the day when Cassandra officially moved into Kathryn's quarters.
They quibbled over decorations, furniture arrangement, but all in love and patience.
"No more," Kathryn's head streaked with sweat, and she dropped the couch, "it stays here."
Cassandra laughed, "In the middle of the room?"
"Yes," she replied, "right here. We've moved the damn thing six times already, darling, no more."
"Okay," Cassandra relented, pulling Kathryn on the couch, "don't tell me you're too tired for me."
Kathryn groaned, "Is moving furniture your idea of foreplay?"
"Maybe."
Admiral Owen Paris looked at the latest datastream from Voyager, in particular a footnote in the logs. It was so simply stated he almost skimmed right over it, but he went back.
"Capt. Kathryn Janeway and Crewman Cassandra Wilkes joined in marriage."
Part of him felt Kathryn should be reprimanded for fraternizing with a member of her crew, but Voyager was a unique situation. He knew if he had found love on the other side of the galaxy it would be pursued, and it made him glad to know in Kathryn's case her love had bore fruit. There was no doubt in his mind regarding this, and when the next datastream was sent he enclosed a message for Captain Janeway.
"Captain Janeway," he wrote, "it is with a joyful heart that I - on behalf of Starfleet Command - congratulate you on your recent marriage. I wish you both the best of luck."
Kathryn cried when she read the letter, and knew it was official sanction for their relationship. She replicated a bottle of champagne, and a lovely dinner.
"What's this," Cassandra asked, entering their quarters.
Kathryn showed her wife the letter.
"You were right to tell Admiral Paris," Cassandra placed a kiss on Kathryn's lips, "and what smells good?"
Kathryn smiled, "Linguine. I replicated it myself."
"Should I notify Sickbay," Cassandra asked playfully.
"Maybe," Kathryn admitted.
She watched as Cassandra removed her jacket, throwing it on the couch. Cassandra could be a bit untidy sometimes, but so could Kathryn.
But some love was not meant to be.
Before celebrating their second anniversary Cassandra beamed down to an M-Class planet with an away team, to gather foodstuffs. It felt good to be outside again, the sun on her cheeks. Holographic sunlight was no substitute for the real thing. Her eyes drank in the foreign landscape, and it's alien beauty. She was one of a dozen survey teams on the surface, Voyager in orbit. Her mind drifted to the conversations she and Kathryn had been having, about having a child. Medically the Doctor informed them it was possible, but there were a lot of unknowns. Raising a child on a starship was treacherous at best, though little Miral Paris was doing well, and Naomi turned out better than okay. Still, it required a lot of thought. Could Kathryn be involved enough and still the Captain? Who would carry? Cassandra had joked that Kathryn carry and they put a bassinet in the Ready Room. In all seriousness, she was ready to start a family with the woman she loved.
"Wilkes to Ensign Ro," she hailed.
"Ro here."
"I'm detecting what might be tritanium deposit's a kilometre from the beam in site. Permission to investigate?"
"Granted."
She made her way there, her mind unfocused, thinking about other things. Cassandra did not see that the rock she had stepped on was unstable, and it collapsed under her weight. Upon falling she struck her head on a different rock, and lost consciousness.
"Report," Kathryn demanded, storming into Sickbay.
Cassandra was in the Surgical Bay, the Doctor and Tom tending her. On her head was a deep gash, but the wound was superficial compared to what else was going on.
"She suffered a brain hemorrhage when she fell," the Doctor explained, "and every time I stop one another starts somewhere else in her brain."
Kathryn stood next to Cassandra, "You talk as if there's nothing you can do."
"I'm sorry Captain," he replied, "the damage is to severe."
She shook her head, "How could this have happened? Who is responsible?"
"I am," whispered Cassandra, as she stirred.
Kathryn looked down at her wife, "I won't lose you."
Cassandra smiled weakly, "I'm so sorry Kathryn."
The Doctor motioned for Tom to give them some privacy. Kathryn found Cassandra's hand and entwined her fingers.
"I love you," she told her wife, "and if you get better I'll carry our baby, and put the bassinet in my Ready Room. I'll make Chakotay Captain and take leave so we can raise our baby. Don't you leave me, that's an order."
"You'll make an excellent mother," Cassandra replied, "and we'll have a crib next to our bed, and a soft fleece blanket."
Tears streaked from Kathryn's cheeks, "Yes. I want a daughter, to look just like you. I want us to raise her, have grandchildren, and I want to die before you, so I never have to live without you."
"Sounds nice," Cassandra became sleepy, and her vision started to blur, "but you may have to do it on your own."
"I can't," Kathryn shook her head, "not without you. I need you, please, don't leave me. I'm not sure I could be alone again."
"I love you," Cassandra whispered, fingering Kathryn's auburn locks. Her breath became laboured, and a dull ache came from her head.
Kathryn pressed her lips to Cassandra's, "I love you too. You're the best of me."
Kathryn watched in sadness as Cassandra's eyes fluttered closed, and as one woman's suffering ended another's was only beginning.