Missy was just relaxing after a long day at Fudrukker's when her cell rang. She didn't recognize the number, but the area code was for California, so she picked it up. "Hello?"

"Missy Cooper?" a feminine voice asked hesitantly.

"Speaking, sugar. Who's this?"

"This is Penny. I live across the hall from your brother. We met a few years back."

Missy sat up. "Yeah, you're the blonde, right? We got pedis together."

"That's me. Look, this is going to sound weird, but Sheldon needs you to come visit. And it would be better if you didn't tell anyone about this."

Missy quirked an eyebrow, reminiscent of Sheldon. "And why isn't he calling?"

"I can't tell you that. You wouldn't understand over the phone. You need to actually be here."

"Uh, huh," Missy said slowly. "What's my brother done?"

Penny sighed softly. "Nothing, Missy, I promise. But he really does need you here. I do to. I can't help him on my own and I'm ….worried. Please? Sheldon will buy your plane ticket here and rent you a car. It'll be waiting at the airport for you."

Missy was silent for a moment. Shelly never asked for help. Penny sounded really concerned. She loved her brother, even if she never understood him. If it was something huge, her mom and Meemaw would freak about her not telling them. But if it was just one of Shelly's quirks, she would worry them for nothing. She sighed softly. "Tell him to book the flight. "I'll start packing."

"Thank you," Penny said gratefully. "I'll call you back with the details."

Missy stood and headed to her bedroom. She called her friend Annette and asked her to cover her shifts for the next couple of days and pulled her suitcase from the closet. This had better be important. She was going to have to cancel her date with that new guy in apartment 6D.

Penny closed her eyes and put away the phone. Once she felt calmer she opened her eyes again and looked around the living room. Howard was sitting on the floor, coloring in her Cosmo magazine. Sheldon was clinging to her leg with one hand, sucking a thumb on the other. Raj was building a fort under the table with her couch cushions and a blanket.

The timer buzzed and she turned to pull the pizza from the oven. She cut it and placed a slice in each of the three plates she had set up on the coffee table. She turned on Despicable Me and called them over to eat. Once they were settled she moved back to the kitchen to clean up but Raj started crying. She turned and gasped as she saw the spreading pool of liquid at his feet. NO!

Penny sighed tiredly as she trudged back up the stairs. She had no idea how moms did it. Before she had even gotten to the second aisle, she had to put Sheldon in the grocery cart seat, and Howard and Raj in the cart part just to keep them from running off in opposite directions. They begged for candy. They cried for cookies. And Howard knocked over a display case of mayonnaise trying to grab a bag of pretzels.

Now, Sheldon was walking beside her, but Howard and Raj ran up and down the stairs around her. She had to release Sheldon's hand to reach for her keys. The door to 4A opened and Leonard stepped out into the hall.

"I, um, knocked a little while ago but you weren't in," he said nervously.

Penny glared at him and opened the door. "I had to go to the store. Two year olds don't exactly have good bladder control. I used Sheldon's credit card. You owe him $432.87 for car seats, pull-ups, wipes, carpet steamer rental, sippy cups, Garanimals and 16 broken jars of mayo." She handed Leonard the receipt. "Oh, and an iced coffee for my nerves."

Leonard sighed and looked at the three kids. "Penny, we would never have done this intentionally," he said timidly. "You have to believe me! We were trying to help them."

Penny shook her head. "You don't get it, Leonard. You drugged our friends for your benefit! You weren't trying to help them. If you were doing this for their benefit, then you would have told them what you were doing when they got sick! You lied to them! How could you do that? How do you expect them to ever trust you again? How can I trust you?"

Leonard struggled to find something to say. Penny shook her head and walked into her apartment. "Find a way to fix this, Leonard. Then pray they forgive you."

She tucked the blankets around the three of them and turned out the light. She walked back out to the living room and laid down on the couch. It had only been five hours and she was exhausted. She had a new respect for her own mother.

Okay. She wasn't smart. She knew that about herself. There was no way she was going to understand HOW they had turned her guys into tots. However, Penny was no moron, either. She knew someone she could call to help talk her through a few things. Maybe by the time Missy got here tomorrow night, she would have a better understanding of what was going on.

She picked up the phone and dialed a number she had never thought she would ever use, even though Sheldon insisted it was necessary she have it. It rang four times before a curious feminine voice answered.

"Hello?"

Penny bit her lip for a second. "Hi. Is this Stephanie Barnett?"

"Yes. Who is this?"

"I'm Penny Queen. I live across the hall from Leonard Hofstadter. Um, I have a problem that you're probably not going to believe."

"Oh?" Stephanie said, sounding bored. "Look, if there's blood, go to the ER. If there's shortness of breath, call for an ambulance. If you are seeing spots…"

"Actually, it's something much weirder than that. Please? I'll make some coffee, and I have turtle cheesecake."

Stephanie was silent for several seconds. "Why call me?"

Penny shrugged. "Sheldon trusts you. He gave me your number two years ago and said that if he ever needed a good doctor and couldn't take care of himself, to call you."

"Really?" The surprise in Stephanie's voice came through loud and clear. "I always thought he only came to me because I was convenient."

"Please," Penny asked softly. "I really don't know who else to turn to."

"Okay." Stephanie said. "I will be there in 40 minutes."

"Thank you," Penny said sincerely.

She chewed on her bottom lip as the redhead stared at her bed with a slack jaw. After about two minutes she turned and walked to Penny's door. Penny watched, easily recognizing the gleam in the good doctor's eyes. She knocked loudly on the door to 4A

It opened and Leonard gawked at his ex. Amy and Bernadette were standing by the desks looking at Leonard's laptop. "S..Stephanie? What are you doing here?" he asked warily.

Suddenly Leonard was on the ground and Stephanie was rubbing her knuckles. "Bastard," she muttered before storming back over to Penny's. She closed the door firmly and took a deep breath. "Okay. Where do we start?"

Penny looked around the apartment and gestured to the Huggies on the table. "Potty training?"

AN: If you've got delicate sensibilities, you will want to stop reading now. Because frankly, I'm about to piss off a lot of people.

I started writing fanfiction because the opportunity to take characters I loved and place them in different scenarios was too tempting to pass up. For the most part, I've loved it and had a blast doing it. I've made a few good friends, people I've grown to respect and care for enough to keep in contact with outside of this site.

However, lately I've been pretty disheartened and at times disgusted by some of the behaviors here. No, it's not the trolls, or the Shamys or the Lennys. It's more often than not the Shennys.

I get it. Many of you dislike the way the show is going. You dislike one or two characters. That's okay. I have my own complaints about the show. And to be completely honest, I've been guilty of what I'm about to rant about, myself, in the past. So, here goes.

1. If you aren't going to review the actual story, don't write ANYTHING in the review box. It's not a soapbox for your complaints about canon. It's not where you go to bitch about another ship, author, story or life. It's for reviewing the story you have just read. I don't give a damn if you like or hate a certain character on the show. I want to know your thoughts on what I wrote. If you liked it, hated it, saw mistakes, have suggestions, etc. I don't want to read 500 words on how much you hated the last episode, or how stupid you think another ship is. Thats why there is a PM feature.

2. I've said it before and I'll say it many more times. My story, my rules. If you think I'm too soft on a character, or you think I'm too hard, that's your opinion. You're more than welcome to share that opinion with me. But if you think I'm going to change my story to please you, you're dead wrong. And PMs blasting me for not taking your opinion into account only serve to make me want to block you.

3. If something I write offends you, here's a blanket apology. "I'm sorry you're a pussy." There. Happy? Don't like my story? Stop reading it. Won't hurt my feelings one bit. I'm tired of people demanding I apologize because I'm not 100% politically correct. I don't have to be politically correct. I'm not a politician.

4. If something in this rant angers you, and you feel the need to complain, there's a big wooden box by my backdoor. It says TRASH on the flap. File it there. I promise to deal with it next garbage pickup day.