Chapter 2: Stucky Stucky gets the Ducky
John was all alone, smoking his last cigarette. A lightning bolt cracked behind him, and he couldn't even see it because his eyes were filled with tears. And then, out of nowhere, he had an idea. He went to his computer and typed .com. FUCK no followers.
Even with a genis url name like cummonkeyhomestuckbetweenmyvagina no one cared what he had to say. "I'm insightful!" John mashed his keyboard. "I'm important!" "I'm a cis white straight male and I am oprrsed." John browsed the male oppression tag and began to reblog like crazy.
"Women are all crazy. But I respect them!" John whispered as he reblogged a photo of a porn star sucking on a gamecube controller. "Ah. Gorgeous." John felt himself get a little tingly in the dingly(he got a boner). "Dammit I wish Andrew gave me arms so I could touch it!"
"Butternut my balls." John sighed as he signed onto his facebook. Jade likes Orea Cookies. John forze. He was very triggered by Oreos. It reminded him once of a horrible memory when he was sandwiched into between two of the trolls. "Black and white and black.." John whispered traumatically.
An anonymous troll flew by and yelled, "spare us your white tears!" and threw a book at him.
"What's this?!" John picked it up and noticed it was written by his best friend, DAVE!
"Yes John. I wrote it." Dave was behind John, and a firm object was snaggering John's back.
"Is that your wallet or are you just happy to see me?" John sang and he spun around and smooched Dave right on the kisser. "It's my penis you fucky fucker fuck." Dave could always be harsh. "Sorry Dave. Congrats on the book though. I hope they make it into amovie like they did with john green's masterpiece the fault in our stars." "That movie is shit bricks like you fucky fucker fuck."
Dave smiles, teeth brown as ever. "Check out this sick doge meme I made." he shoved his bent iPhone 6 into John's face and John noted that Dave's YouTube channel name was TheHeterosexualToast. John sighed and looked up,
"Dave I just don't get it! It's so rando and pando!" John scratched his head and Dave scoffed, smacking him in the face with a flamingo.
"Make a successful meme and I'll suck you off John." Dave spoke clearly.
"W-what? Have you gone literally bonkers Dave? Won't that complicate our friendship like it did for Ashton Kutcher in no strings attached, a delightful and light-hearted romantic comedy!?"
Dave sighed. "My anaconda don't want none unless you got memes hun."
John turned to memegenerator and pulled up overly attached girlfriend. "Leave her. Rapes you." John captioned the photo and put it up on his tumblr.
"Is that good enough for you Davido-kun?" John looked up at him with the same look bad luck brian has.
"Better luck next time fuckity fucko!" Dave punched John in the dickhole and John cried out in pleasure.
"The joke is on YOU Dave, I love when my dickhole is punched!"
Dave shrugged and stepped on John's last cigarette.
Join us next week to see the exciting third installment: Chapter 3: John goes full