The man ambled into a large diner, ordering a small coffee with two big sugars. A waitress came by his table, and asked him what he would like.

"I would fucking like chapter two already." The waitress nodded and began to strip. In a large black tattoo on her left breast were the words "chapter two".

The man plucked the words off her skin and clung them to his chest, muttering to himself his good fortune. Unfortunately, he was too sidetracked by his getting chapter two that he was hit by a car in the middle of the road. Flapping wildly, the words flew out of his hands. As he died, he spotted two sharp red eyes regarding him, and a faint voice that sounded like it said:

"He's no use. He never did have enough hatred. Oh well, Kakashi, if you've got the words then let's go, we shan't tarry here any longer." Kakashi held up the words. Itachi nodded and then disappeared in a cloud of smoke, the steam from the grate providing enough cover for him to slink away.

Now, to start chapter 2.

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Kakashi clung to the letters in his hands, turning them over.

C H A P T E R T W O

Suddenly, the letters floated up into the air, rapidly multiplying and dividing into smaller fractions of the words they once were. By the time Kakashi could even react, the letters(now quite a few more than before) formed a letter. Kakashi stuck his hand into the air and grabbed it. Itachi had finally noticed what was going on.

"What the fuck is that rubbish?" he said, uncharacteristically puffing on a cigarette.

Kakashi just shook his head. "I don't know, but I'll read it to you, seeing eyes—as, I meant as... Anyway:

Dear fangirls, we are terribly sorry for what may or may not have happened in the last chapter, if you caught our drift. In addition, your fears may be calmed now, you have no reason to suspect anything else including the one-eye and the red-eye will ever happen again here. That is all. Thank you for reading this.

Sincerely, your stalkers."

"What the hell? Why would something like that show up here?" Itachi exhaled. "This place is really starting to mess with my mind. I need to get back to Kisame."

Kakashi sent him a blank stare. "Looking like that?"

Flames rose around Itachi. "Looking like what? What is wrong with the way I look?"

"Nevermind."

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Kisame blundered up to his flat in Scranton, a town lost in the bowels of Pennsylvania. He jumbled his keys around in his pocket. He pulled them out and shoved them into the lock, swearing at nothing in particular.

Kisame's flat was rather bare. There was cluttered furniture scattered around the room, and most of that furniture was worn couches. A faint fish smell hung in the air. Throwing some groceries he'd been carrying on his kitchen table, Kisame stepped in. He sighed and made his way along the right wall, being careful not to step on anything. A thing about Kisame: he was a perfectionist. In fact, that was the pick up line he'd used to snag Itachi: "Everything must be perfect for me, and you are perfect."

Kisame finally got to his bedroom. He took a few steps in and landed on his bed. "Damn Itachi, making me come all the way home..."

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"...Nara?"

"Yeah?" Nara said, driving around an abandoned Stop&Shop.

"There's good news...and then there's some really shitty news."

Nara ran over a few bums, taking his Useless Anger out on the homeless. "Good news first."

"All right!! Well, our men found Itachi and the one-eye on a train!"

"...That's all the good news you have?"

"Yes. I believe it to be extremely relevant."

"You're an asshole." Nara said to a bum.

"Huh? I didn't quite catch you there."

"Nothing Asuma. Give me the shitty news."

Asuma leaned back in his chair. "Ok. We lost them."

"Sweet release!"

"...Nara?"

"Nothing." (Was still talking to the bum as he put his Useless Anger away) "anyway, I see how that classifies as shitty news. There must be an explanation for this."

"Apparently, the one-eye was the one that saved Itachi."

"...No."

"What?"

"He was traveling with Itachi you idiot. The one-eye didn't want his partner to snitch on him if he was caught, so he brought him along."

"That makes sense! How'd you get so smart, Nara?"

Nara took a right turn and pushed a cigarette in his mouth. "I saw the future."

"Really?"

"Of course not you dumbass. How am I supposed to see the future?"

"Good point."

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"Itachi?" Kakashi asked, looking worriedly at the red-eye. Itachi was clutching his back, and muttering strange noises while he did so.

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing Kakashi. I just need to rest my back a bit. We need to get to Kisame's as soon as possible though, so don't expect too long a wait." Kakashi nodded, and Itachi slumped back onto the brick wall they had been standing by.

"...Kakashi?"

Kakashi looked at him. "Yes?"

"...Do you think I'll ever be able to get rid of this...new turn to my body?"

"I don't see why you'd want to. If I were you, I'd have fun with myself."

Itachi turned red. "But you're not me you fuck eye, so don't fucking talk like that.

Kakashi sent him a blank stare. "...Okay."

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"Nara, sorry to call you again so soon, but I've got some pressing news."

Nara sighed. "What is it?"

"Let me finish ironing my clothes okay?"

Nara sighed again. "Fine."

"...Nara, you still there?"

"Of course I am, now what is this pressing news?"

"We've got a new member! Here, I'll add his line to our conversation."

A few minutes passed.

"Hello?"

"There. I finally got his line on."

Nara flicked his cigarette out of the window of his car. "Hello new recruit."

"Hey! My names Iruka!"

"...A little fast isn't he, Asuma?"

"Eh. I blame it on the eagerness. Though, he is pretty special."

"Why is that?"

"I know Kaka—the one-eyes cell phone number.

Asuma gripped his desk. "How'd you get a thing like that?"

"I already told you."

"Say it again, Nara hasn't heard it."

"Okay! I'm the one-eyes boyfriend!"

Nara's jaw dropped open. "Are you shitting me?"

"Nope. My pants are completely clean."

Nara sweatdropped. "Not what I meant. But, you can be very useful...Wait, one thing I don't understand, why are you hunting after him if you're his boyfriend?"

"Oh, that's easy! I saw him with a red-eyed bastard. If he cheats on me I'll rip his guts out, and he will feel Pein!"

Asuma let go of his desk and picked up a pen. "Didn't you spell pain wrong?"

"Nope. He will. But not if he hasn't cheated! When I catch him, I'm gonna give him a proper spanking."

Nara took three left turns and went right. "You're kinda freaky, you know that?"

Iruka shrugged. "It's my job."

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Kisame woke up, fondling his gold fish. He pulled his hand out of his pants and rubbed his eyes.

"If I know anything about Itachi, he'll be here before lunchtime. What should I make for lunch though?...Lamb's eye stew! He loves that." Kisame got off his bed and stretched a bit, then he went to the bathroom for his morning routine.

Once he was done with that, he crawled back out to his spotless living room, to find Itachi and the one-eye sitting on sofas in his living room. But he didn't pay attention to them. His eyes were fixed upon the trail of mud leading from the front door to the one-eye' shoes.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FUCKING DOING?!?!?!" Itachi just looked on in amusement.

Kakashi pointed a finger to himself. "Me?"

"YES YOU! YOU FUCKING TRACKED MUD ALL OVER MY 'FUCKING' FLOOR!" Kisame pointed to the piles of mud where Kakashi had stepped.

Kakashi though, was preoccupied with something else. "What do you mean, you're 'fucking' floor? Itachi, care to elaborate?"

Itachi blushed. "Well, we occasionally fuck on the floor."

Unfortunately, this caused Kisame's attention to shift to Itachi. "DEAR GOD ITACHI. WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU?!?!" Itachi looked down, yes, at his breasts.

Itachi scratched the side of his face. "...The operation didn't go as planned."

Kisame settled down. "I can see that. But how did that happen? You went in there to get you're appendix removed."

Itachi shrugged. "I don't know. My appendix is removed..."

"Who were the doctors? There was Tsunade, Shizune, and...Orochimaru. Damn! It must have been him." Kisame slammed his fist on a table.

"Kisame, please, just because he tried to steal my body before, and he raped me, and he licked me, and he was mad when you saved me...you're right. It was him."

Kakashi, wanting to be of some use in some way, pulled out two safety pins and threw them hard at Itachi's boobs. He was satisfied when they popped. Itachi and Kisame stared at him.

"I knew it. Balloons."

"What? Like there was balloons under my skin?" Kisame pulled the two rubbers out of Itachi. "Yep balloons. I'm so relieved."

"Next time," Kakashi started, "tell him to use helium. They give it a better lift and bounce."

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"Nara, are you ready?"

"Yes Asuma."

"We've tracked the one-eye's phone signal to a flat in Scranton. Most of our units are in Scranton right now."

"Wait," Nara lit a cigarette, "why were they in Scranton?"

"They wanted to do some sight-seeing. Anyway, are you there?"

"I'm parking outside of the complex right now."

"Good, tell me how it goes."

A few minutes passed.

"Asuma?"

Asuma pulled his feet off of his desk. "How'd it go?"

"Good. At the current moment, Iruka is spanking the one-eye, he's an expert by the way; Itachi and some Kisame character are in custody--" A loud boom sounded as the side of a containment was hit. "--I think they're enjoying that; and I'm just sitting here."

"That's great; did you find anything weird?"

"Well, we found two pieces of rubber soaked in blood that we suspect to be balloons."

"Ew. That's disgusting Nara."

"Tell that to the guy who picked them up. He's scarred for life."

"...Good job anyway, Nara. You'll get a promotion for sure after all this."

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The end.