The Secret Life of Commander Shepard:
A Dossier
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Disclaimer: This author in no way profits from the writing of this story. All characters, dialogue, or other referenced material from the Mass Effect trilogy belongs to Bioware.
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Commander Tempest Shepard is a psychotic biotic, terrible at tech, a notorious drunk, and the galaxy's last hope. If she were to look herself up in the Shadow Broker's files, what would she find?
This dossier follows her through the events of Mass Effect 2, and stars the same Shepard as 'Starlight'.
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Commander Tempest Shepard
SSV Normandy SR2
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Keystroke Log:
I hate Cerberus, Mom. The Illusive man is like a bad guy from one of those old movies we watched when I was a kid. he's creepy and evil and has something weird going on with his eyes.
Mom, they were behind Akuze.
If I ever meet TIM face to face I WILL kill him. and enjoy it.
Before I died I shut down a bunch of cerberus projects and they were all terrible, too. thorian creepers, husks, rachni….. and Miranda has an excuse for every one of them.
I hate my Cerberus team members. Miranda is this bitchy Cerberus lapdog with a wierd old school Aussie accent. AND I CAN'T STAND HER! She's mean, and she's a buzzkill. She stripped the bar in the lounge, and i can't even tell you how much I need that bar right now.
And Jacob claims to have morals and stuff but he's basically a merc.
I
HATE
MERCS!
/TEXT FILE SAVED/
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Extranet Activity:
SUBSCRIPTION: Oh No They Didn't weekly edition
SUBSCRIPTION MODIFIED: Oh No They Didn't daily edition
SEARCH: Illusive man
PURCHASE: Serrice Ice Brandy, case of 24
SEARCH: Mordin Solus
SEARCH: Archangel /MODIFIED/ Archangel Omega /MODIFIED/ Archangel Omega vigilante /MODIFIED/ batman
DOWNLOAD: Batman classics combo pack [vids and comics]
PURCHASE: Batman action figure
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Keystroke Log:
Aria is kind of a bitch.
/TEXT FILE SAVED/
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Chat Transcript:
TempestuousShep: Miranda
MLaws: Yes, Commander?
TS: Do u think we can take the crew out 4 drinks Afterlife?
ML: Why would we want to do that?
TS: Morale?
ML: Shepard, as your XO I strongly advise
TS: will u stop doing that?
ML: Will I stop doing what?
TS: calling yourself my xo
ML: But I am your executive officer, Shepard. I'm only attempting to use shorthand, something you are obviously fond of.
TS: mirandaa..
ML: Can I get back to work now, Shepard? I have some operations reports to file.
TS: youre no fun.
ML: You can try bothering Jacob if you must bother someone.
TS: noo, every time I visit him he's working out with his shirt off & trying 2 show me his abs or something
ML: Deal with it.
[conversation terminated by MLaws]
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Keystroke Log:
Mercs. Fucking mercs EVERYWHERE
/TEXT FILE DELETED/
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Extranet Activity:
SEARCH: Turian facial scarring
SEARCH: turian face paint
SEARCH: turian naked
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Keystroke Log:
OMG GARRUS IS BACK!
/TEXT FILE SAVED/
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Messages Received:
From: Abby Williams & sisters
To: Shepard
Shepard,
We weren't going to believe it, but we heard it on the extranet just after we got your message. You really are back. Losing you after losing sis… it was hard. We're glad to hear you're okay. Things are going alright with us. It's just good to hear from you.
Sarah, Lynn, and Abby
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Keystroke Log:
Dear Mom,
I was wrong about Miranda. She's AWESOME!
Awesome to mess with, that is.
Don't worry, mom… I won't screw her up too bad.
No more than she deserves, anyways.
/TEXT FILE SAVED/
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Extranet Activity:
SEARCH: visor /MODIFIED/ headshot visor /MODIFIED/ boom headshot
PURCHASE: Kuwashii Visor music interface [software]
DOWNLOAD: Retro Music Pack
DOWNLOAD: Top 10 Soundtracks Music Pack
STREAM: Blasto: The Jellyfish Stings [vid]
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