Undead Survival Guide: Wanderer

Chapter 1 – What should you have?

I: Alright, let's get started. What's your name and age?

H: Henry McComb, 31.

I: What did you do before Z-day?

H: I was an accountant. I had a wife and two kids.

I: What happened to them?

H: Is this necessary? I thought you were after survival tips, not my personal story.

I: Well.. It helps the reader connect to the content. They're more likely to read into everything in depth and go cover to cover.

H: OK, well. I was at work in the city...

I: Which city?

H: Melbourne. Although there was controversy and unrest before then, everything was still business as usual. I was still expected to come to work. It was about lunchtime that day that the city erupted and the streets were engulfed in riots. Myself and some of my colleagues stayed on our floor in our building, level 18. We stayed put for four days and made a dash out of the city to the outer country suburbs. There were 17 of us on the floor, but only three of us made it.

I: What about your family?

H: Never saw them. Same goes for my Mum, Dad, brothers and their family as well as all of my friends.

I: Something that's happened to so many of us.

H: Yes, I suppose.

I: How did you survive?

H: By day four zombies had well and truly infested the major cities all around the country and the bulk of the carnage had happened. We managed to steal a car and drive three hours to the north into the country and sought shelter in a remote country home in the middle of nowhere. There was enough canned and non-perishable food to last, tank water as well and we survived for a long time scavenging from wherever we could find food. It was 500 metres down the road until the next house and 10 kilometres to the nearest town. We survived like that for a month.

I: Then what?

H: A supply run turned bad and my other two companions were killed. We lost our car so I was on foot. I had to start walking. Then I found a bike and started riding. I've been surviving like this for over a year now.

I: Where have you gone?

H: I've travelled from central northern Victoria up into New South Wales and southern Queensland. Thousands of kilometres.

I: Do you go with any particular destination in mind?

H: Not altogether that much. I don't go too far into the bush because it is necessary to be able to scavenge. I can scavenge very well, but I can't hunt very well. I'm not very good with a gun, so bringing down a Kangaroo or wildlife like that is difficult for me. I like to scavenge houses and towns for supplies.

I: How have you stayed alive all this time?

H: By being careful. Always. That one time you let your guard down and get reckless is the time that something goes wrong. I am never cocky and never play games. I take zombies very seriously because any zombie could kill me.

I: Do you ever join up with other people? Are you always alone?

H: Oh, I always come across other survivors. Because I'm going from town to town I'm always going to encounter people. I also meet people on the road. People wandering like me.

I: Is it a lonely life?

H: Yes and no. I've never been uncomfortable with silence. I've always been a loner. Before Z-day, when I would see someone on the train to work I know, I would often avoid them to listen to music or read a book. But of course you can't go completely without human company, so when I want company I go look for it.

I: So you prefer life on the road to living in a compound?

H: Yes. It is obviously dangerous, but I've acquired all sorts of skill and sensibilities that mean I am confident in what I do and that I can look after myself. I have become a bit of a claustrophobic person in that confined spaces make me nervous that I have limited options of escape should something go wrong. If I'm outside on the road, I can escape in any direction. I can climb a tree, I can swim down a river. I can climb a cliff. Lots of options. I can be strategic.

I: So that's the main advantage?

H: Yes. In terms of scavenging, there's plenty to survive on if you know where to look. And for those places that are secure and successful, growing crops and fortified, I can provide services. They need something specific, I can find it for them. I can go out and scavenge for them, or run messages. I can put myself at risk doing something they don't want to do, and I get paid with food, supplies or companionship. Trade.

I: Alright. That's a great way to introduce yourself and the life of a wanderer. How about we get into specifics?

H: Sure.

I: I was going to start with equipment.

H: OK

EQUIPMENT

I: OK, so as a wanderer, what things are going to keep you alive? What are the most important things to have with you?

H: Well, in no particular order, but I'm a firm believer in getting your clothes right. If it's cold, you need warm clothes, and if it's hot, thinner clothes. You don't want to get sick from the cold and you don't want to needlessly sweat away precious water in the heat. Also, you need protection from the sun, so skin covered (as sun screen would run out quickly) and wide brim hat. Sunglasses also are great.

I generally wear lighter clothes during the day and dark clothes at night. The white clothes keep you cooler. The dark clothes are for camouflage at night if you're sneaking around.

But whether it is summer or winter, I think good footwear is a must. Good socks and solid comfortable shoes. I like hiking shoes. Sneakers aren't as tough wearing as boots and you're more likely to injure yourself when the terrain gets rough. Also, the heavier and more solid the shoe, the more useful in a zombie fight if need be. Hiking shoes (as opposed to boots) are good because you can still comfortably pedal a bicycle, whereas boots rub and wear on your ankles.

I prefer cotton socks and carry several pairs. Rotate your socks everyday and give them a chance to dry out properly overnight. It prevents fungal infections and other rot. The socks will also last longer. If you are in a secure location, take your boots off as well. Let them dry out as well, but if in doubt, keep them on.

Clothes are generally somewhat easy to source. Houses have wardrobes, towns have shops. You can afford to be a bit fussy, so don't be afraid to throw away your old clothes if you've found something superior. I shouldn't have to say it, but don't care how you look. No one gives a shit about fashion. Everything must be functional. I couldn't care less if you were wearing Calvin Klein or Kmart. Just so long as it works.

The last item of clothing is not quite clothing per se, but is your backpack. Find a hiking backpack if you can that's comfortable and large. Don't be too fussed if it is bulky, because it will be as heavy as you want it to be. An empty backpack, no matter how big it is, doesn't weigh anything really. But get one that is comfortable. Make it tight. If you need to run (and you will), you don't want the backpack swinging around loose on your back. It should be part of your body.

Those are the most necessary things and the following are tips that are negotiable, but I really like to do.

I like easy access pockets. That means zip pockets on jackets and pants. Good place for a handgun, matches, torch, compass. That sort of stuff. Survival stuff. You want zip pockets because you obviously don't want to lose anything. When you run, you'd be surprised what can fall out your pockets, especially if you need to do a bit of parkour-type stuff.

I also like a backpack with a secure drink bottle pouch. But it must be secure. A simple pocket or pouch is not good enough. It must be buttoned down or zipped in or you'll lose it.

I'm also not above wearing skater or BMX style hand guards, elbow pads and even knee pads. They're a good way of shoving or attacking a zombie without risk of breaking skin and getting infected. I generally only wear them when I'm in a risk environment, like scavenging in a town.

I: Any other tips for clothes?

H: Not really. You should really only have the one pair of shoes and-

I: Only one pair?

H: Yes. Shoes take up a lot of room in a backpack and if they're hiking style boots they can get heavy on your back as well. Especially if they're steel reinforced. Y'know. Work boots with steel toes.

Same for everything else. One of everything except for socks and underpants.

I: What other equipment do you recommend?

H: Well I'll move on to weapons. That's a popular item.

Guns are great. But it's good to have something small in my opinion. I should caution that this is only my preference given I'm not a good shot. I'll openly admit that. I could see how if you're a good shot you'd want room for a rifle, especially for hunting purposes, but I don't. I have a semi-auto pistol. I found it and that's what I go with. It fits in my pocket so I can draw it if need be. I use it as a last resort if I'm in a corner and I need to kill to get out. Otherwise, I use my primary weapon which is a sharpened steel pole. It is a tube steel rod about 150cm long and two fingers in diameter (so 4 cm, I think). That's thick enough not to bend and buckle, but not to be so heavy that it's a real strain. I use it as a walking pole as well.

One end is melted to a solid point and sharpened. I worked it down on a grinder I found in a workshop once. I find it a great weapon for several reasons.

It's great to knock down zombies and keep them away. Ever heard the phrase "Wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole?" Well it's not ten feet, but it's a good way to keep them away.

If you do need to deal some death, I like to knock the zombie flat (with a kick or pole poke) and then stab through the eye or bash in the skull. Either works.

I also really like to use it when I'm up a tree. I'll talk about it later, but I often enough sleep in large trees that zombies can't climb. Zombies can congregate around you and with the pole I can stab down at them below, systematically killing them off with stabs and whacks and make a getaway when they're all dead.

In essence, I like my pole because I like the reach it gives me. I have a strap on my backpack so I can stow it away if I'm climbing or need both hands.

I also keep some long screwdrivers with me as well. A good stab in the eye kills them quickly without it lodging in bone and getting lost. I keep two or three in pockets by my knees (cargo pants).

Those are the weapons I like to use. My pole is customised, but you could use any steel rod or pole that is strong enough. Basically, if you could whack a telephone pole, or a tree or a street sign as hard as you can and the rod doesn't buckle or bend, it will do the job.

I: What about other weapons? Machetes? Baseball bats?

H: Yeah. I've never used a machete, but I've seen other people use them. Here's why I don't like them. They embed and get stuck. Have you ever chopped wood? The axe blade lodges in the wood and you have to leverage it out. Now, flesh and bone is a bit softer so the blade lodges deeper in and gets stuck and it's a bitch to get it back out again, and impossible in a heated fight. It's a one hit wonder.

It is for that reason I dislike bladed weapons of any kind really.

The best weapons are blunt ones. Often you don't need to kill a zombie, merely avoid them. A solid push will topple a zombie. You could literally push a zombie over and stroll away casually with a ten metre lead before the zombie gets back on their feet and comes after you again. If you're power walking, much more. Zombies are slow. They'll often take 5 to 10 seconds getting up if they've been pushed over. More if a bone's been broken. Even an arm. How difficult is it to get up using only your legs and one arm? It's harder for a zombie. Especially given they're dumb enough to try using their broken arm a couple of times before it occurs to them to use their good arm instead.

If you smashed a zombie's arm with a wooden paling or piece of timber, the zombie will likely get a broken arm and fall over. It could fumble around for 20 seconds before it's up on its feet again. Plenty of time to get away.

You don't want your blunt weapon to be too heavy or light. Hammers can be good, but a bit on the light side. And the head is small enough to lodge in a zombie's skull. It's also not heavy enough to reliably knock a zombie off their feet, especially given the temptation to do an overhead chop. That's hitting in the wrong direction. And there's the problem of them being too small in my opinion. Thank about how close you'd have to get to put a solid whack into a zombie's face or neck. You're within arm's reach. That's dangerous.

The same goes for crowbars. They'd be great if they were longer.

Sledgehammers are simply too heavy. Heavy to carry around constantly and heavy to wield. You'll tire quickly and they'll muck your aim. And if you've got three zombies coming at you, slow hits are bad. By the time you smash down the first one and raise the hammer to strike again you're in trouble.

Things like cricket bats and baseball bats are not bad. Not the most durable though. Made of wood means they'll splinter and give out, especially at the handle. Golf clubs are useless. Even if you got a square hit with the golf face, the shaft will bend uselessly.

The best weapons are made from steel because of strength and durability. Only problem is finding good candidates. Often you have to make do with what you've got, but hopefully this helps.

I: Any other weapons?

H: Fire. We've all contemplated things like Molotov cocktails and stuff like that, but I find them overrated. Think about it. Fire spreads so it's a danger to you. Especially if the zombie coming at you is covered in flames.

Also, it actually takes a long time for a zombie to succumb to flame. There's quite a bit of insulation between the brain and the outside world. It takes a while for the fire to boil the brain, especially if the fire is starting from the legs and needs to burn up the zombie's body to get there.

Often enough you'll find that it doesn't actually kill the zombie and fills the air with a disturbingly delicious cooking meat smell that will make you hungry! How bizarre is that?

I: Oh my god! That's gross and funny!

H: Yeah!

That's it for weapons. I was thinking to move on to survival equipment.

I: Yeah sure!

H: OK. Al lot of these I would go through in more detail later, but here are some really handy and in many cases essential things to have:

Matches (and flint if you can)

Compass

Torch

Headlamp

Lots of batteries (as many as you can get)

Some cutlery

Can opener (plus one more for back up)

Baby wipes

Notebook and pens

Zip lock plastic bags or sandwich bags (very handy)

First aid kit

Vitamins

Twine / fishing line and hook and sinker (for fishing)

Swiss army / pocket knife (two or three)

Duct tape

Small make up mirror

Map

Nail clippers and tweezers

Metal water canteen (for boiling water)

Thin rope

Very small shovel or even just a gardening trowel

Thin blanket (sleeping)

Most of these items are small and lightweight. Of all of the above, the only bulky items are the blanket, shovel and first aid kit. Each are necessary are have their own very distinct uses and roles. For a bike, it is a great idea to have strapped on it somewhere a pump and an inner tube. You'll obviously want a helmet as well (good in a fight as well by the way).

Do you want me to go through the uses and reasons for each of the above?

I: I think that would be more than enough for a separate chapter. Plus, I'd love it if you could also talk more generally about survival and camping later on.

H: Oh, OK.

I: I think that's the first chapter done. The next chapter I was thinking could be dealing with the undead.

H: Obviously something everyone needs to do.

I: That's right.