Run Away Part 2 Regret And Self Harm
It's been two days since the incident Eren's not spoken to her and she hasn't made it easy for him to when he tries she walks away she's always been quick quicker than him and he knows he'll never catch her. Eren and Armin are sitting down eating there lunch when Mikasa and Jean walk into the main room there talking and don't even look in their direction.
Eren sighs He hates this but what can he do she just ignores him then sits with Jean. Eren knows about his crush on her and it makes him sick before she didn't seem interested but now she's always with him does she care for Jean has she finally given up on him he can't bare it she means to much to him she's all he's got left other than Armin but Mikasa means more to him then Armin does.
It was a few months ago that he realized it when he saved her from the same titan that ate his mother so long ago he saw how beautiful she was at first he hated how better she was then him but he came to realise that she really is better than him stronger, faster has more endurance she never seems to give up and he realized that it didn't bother him as much.
He sighs again has he lost her to him of all people that smug horsefaced arsehole he's not a bad guy other than his crush he's heard the things Jean's mumbled like Eren's not good enough for Mikasa and after what he might have said to her maybe he's right. As soon as he's finished his lunch he stands up and leaves the room.
Armin looks up and watches him go and sighs again he knows Eren didn't mean it but whatever Jeans said to her has made her think otherwise he looks over at the and there still talking.
Eren goes back to his room he starts to pack up his belongings not that he has much just his clothes he looks over at Jean's bed and clenches his fist he starts to leave but then he sees her scarf on the bed and he stops he approaches the scarf and picks it up and breaths in the smell he can smell her on it the soap she uses he sighs then puts it with the rest of his stuff .
He leaves the room nobody's around that's good he slowly makes his way away from the main room and takes that old path down to the basement or what he called hell but he'd rather be alone right now. He throws the stuff on the floor and lies down and turns away from the door that he locked.
He was put down here because they couldn't trust him and right now he can't trust himself either he's just an animal he sighs again then he grabs the scarf and brings it close to his face and he just lies there with his eyes open at first he doesn't realize it until he feels water drop onto his hand he touches his face and realizes that he's crying. He sighs "I'm sorry Mikasa."
Armin doesn't find Eren all day he's looked all over for him outside on the training grounds he made two trips around the castle and still no sign of him he bumps into Connie he asks him but Connie hasn't seen him either neither has Sasha. Later on when they all go back to their room Armin sees Eren's bed and all his clothes and belongings are missing Armin's confused where has he gone.
When Jean enters the room he looks at Eren's bed "Run away has he" Armin turns round after that comment "Keep your fucking comments to yourself you fucking horsefaced parasite" Armin just goes to his own bed and lies down and turns away from everyone. Jean's surprised about Armin he's usually the quiet one.
Eren wakes up he must have fallen asleep there's no windows down in the basement so he has no idea what time it is. He picks up the scarf then sighs again and drops it he climbs out of the bed and goes up to the wall and rests his head against the wall.
Then without thinking he punches the wall the pain immediately rushes up his hand but he doesn't care he punches the wall again then again and after that he can't stop punching the wall with both hands he hears the sound of his fingers breaking but he's so numb at the moment he doesn't feel it.
He just keeps going after a while he bangs his head against the wall also he feels blood dripping down his head but he ignores it and keeps punching and head-butting the wall the walls covered with his blood now. He continues this self-harm for three hours he doesn't shout although he wants to he just quietly sobs he can't feel anything anymore.
After a while he just collapses onto his knees he's crying again he crawls back to his bed he lies down there's blood all over the mattress he's lying on. Now that he's stopped punching the walls the pain has hit him the pain is unbearable but he doesn't shout out somehow he falls asleep again.
Later on the next day when everyone's training Eren finally turns up nobody saw him at breakfast everyone sees the bandages over his hands and his head somehow his hands haven't healed. When he woke up he went to the infirmary and put bandages on himself it hurt like hell he had to put a tool in his mouth to stop himself from screaming out.
Armin sees him and he's shocked as is everyone else. Armin approaches him "Eren where have you been what have you done to yourself" Eren just turns away and walks away Eren's sparing with a cadet he manages to floor the cadet about five times but also gets brought down twice also after the second time Eren just got up and continued Eren's facial expression is weird it's like he's in a trance or something. Armin notices how tired he looks and wonders where he slept.
As soon as practice is done Eren leaves he doesn't talk to anyone he just finds his way back to the basement he hasn't eaten all day well not since lunchtime yesterday he just lies down again and falls back to sleep. In the main room Armin's waiting for him but he never turns up. Connie sits next to him "What the hell's going on with Eren did you see his hands and face."
Armin sighs "It's complicated and as for the injuries your guess is as good as mine I don't even know where he slept yesterday or even if he slept to be honest I never saw him after lunch yesterday. Connie nods "What was with you last night you went off on one with Jean" Armin sighs "Jean is as dick plain and simple look at that smug prick what a fucking joke he is" Connie smiles "Eren's been teaching you foul language again."
Armin looks at him and smiles "No he didn't what I said to him was my own words and I meant what he said that was how I felt he's a parasite he doesn't deserve Mikasa he deserves to be alone and should rot in hell I hope he dies before this war is over maybe I'll save the titans a job and do it myself his crush on Mikasa is fucking pathetic it makes me sick to my stomach."
He glares at Jean and then stands up and leaves the room leaving Connie surprised Armin's not usually the angry type that's Eren but he really seems to hate Jean. Mikasa heard most of what was said she saw Eren and it worried her. Jean breaks her train of thought "Hey want to go for a walk" She sighs "OK."
Eren wakes up he can feel his hands are back to normal he touches his head and that's better also. He gets out of bed and starts punching the walls again just like last night starting with his fists then using his head. He's crying again the tears mixing with the blood if anyone saw him now they wouldn't recognize him not that he cares that much.
Armin's in the main room he couldn't sleep he's reading a book he bought the last time he was in back inside the walls. He has a candle next to him. He doesn't notice Levi come in. Levi looks up when he sees Armin "You should be asleep" Armin sighs "I can't sleep Heichou."
Levi nods then makes himself a cup of tea he looks at Armin "Do you want some tea" Armin nods "OK" Levi pours another cup out and brings them over and sits next to Armin he's never really talked to Armin before but he knows something's wrong. Levi sighs "So what's keeping you up" Armin closes his book."
Its Eren, Heichou you must have seen him today I don't know where he slept last night or even if he slept at all then today he comes to practice looking like that" Levi nods "Something started this off" Armin nods then tells Levi everything.
Levi smirks "So the brat does like Mikasa I thought he had no feeling other than killing all the titans and now he's said something he didn't mean and can't take it back not that Mikasa's giving him a chance to explain" Armin nods "Pretty much" Levi takes a sip of tea "So where do you think he sleeps" Armin shrugs wish I knew outside maybe or another room who knows" Levi just nods" Maybe".
Eren keeps up punching the wall until the pain in unbearable and he just collapses and falls to the floor and passes out probably from blood loss. He wakes up a few hours later and his hands and head hurt like hell why isn't he healing properly he has no idea what time it is he's not eaten for days it seems to him when it's only been two.
He should eat something but he's in so much pain he picks himself up and stumbles to his bed and just falls on the bed he quickly passes out again probably from blood loss like earlier or exhaustion. When he does wake up again he can feel his hands and head aren't fully healed so he will have to bandage them again.
He crawls out of bed he's still wearing the same clothes from yesterday although there now covered in blood his own. He makes his way up the stairs and makes his way to the infirmary.
When he gets there he looks in the mirror all he sees is blood he doesn't even recognize himself he sees his eyes just and there both bloodshot he's starving he's so weak right now he feels weaker than he ever has before.
He reaches down to turn the taps on and his hands hurt he looks at the rushing water he's about to put his hands in the water when Hangi enters he doesn't know or care who it is unless it was Mikasa but why would she suddenly care. He hears his name and knows its Hangi he groans "There you are Eren what are you doing in here."
She approaches him and sees his face in the mirror "What the fuck Eren what's happened to you" He groans "Leave me alone" She sighs "No let me look at you" He tries to pull away but she grabs his arms he's too weak to push her away. She's shocked "Fucking hell your head looks like it's cracked" She then looks at his hands "Your hands are broken what are you doing to yourself Levi told me what happened told me you was like this yesterday also tell me what you're doing to yourself".
He stays quiet then his stomach groans she sighs "When did you eat last" He shrugs "I don't know two days ago or something" She sits him down and starts cleaning him up he stays quiet and won't answer any of her questions. When she's patched him up she pretty much drags him to the main hall. He ignores everyone they can see him how he looks his bloodshot eyes the cuts on his head that the bandages haven't fully covered up.
He ignores everyone he grabs his food when he holds the tray he winces but he tries to hide the pain. She sighs "Go to your room and eat that then your resting no arguments" He just turns around and walks out of the room Hangi watches him and she looks worried.
As he leaves the room he looks over and sees Jean kiss Mikasa and she kisses him she doesn't push him away or anything he sighs even though that hurts his head he then leaves the room he's made up his mind there's nothing here for him anymore he's leaving as soon as he's eaten. Armin sees him look at them and Armin saw it to and closes his eyes and sighs.
Eren rushes back to his room he's starving he places the food on his bed and starts eating really quickly. After he's finished he starts packing he then waits. He looks up at the camera they don't know he's even down here but by the time they find out he'll be long gone. After an hour he gets up and leaves the room hopefully to never return.
He hears them outside training so he should be able to sneak in and grab some stuff for his journey. He grabs some bread, some cheese and ham and some fruit then he picks up some flasks and fills them up then places them in his bag.
He goes back to his room he looks up at the camera again and pulls off a pillow sheet and then uses a chair and places that on the camera then he grabs his bags and leaves. He sneaks past the sentries and sneaks out he has a mission to do to kill every last titan or die trying nothing else matters anymore.