Chapter 2

Pain wasn't something unusual when Oliver woke up in the morning, in fact it was probably a given. The pinging headache, clothes abandoned on the floor, the guideless walk to the shower, hoping that after he cleaned his body, somehow things would be better. Countless days had passed, yet not too much had changed. From time to time, memories would flash, good and bad, but eventually, they all faded away, returning Oliver to the state he was most used to.

Only today, when he stepped out of the shower, he wondered what he was doing with his life, wondered how he was spending his time because everything felt like a blur. It never bothered him before, but now, for some reason, it did. Then again, that might have something to do with the voices in his head.

"Well, I never I pictured you as a guy who runs away when things get bad."

All night, whether it was her words on text messages or voicemails, or her spoken words, they were repeating in his head. Part of Oliver thought it was all just a dream, even a hallucination, but when he walked out of the bathroom, fluffing a towel in his hair, the phone she gave him last night was still where he left it on the nightstand.

"I figured this was your way of signing off to the world. Clark tells it to my face, but you...go radio silent."

Picking it up, he walked out of the room and saw the broken glass on the floor, the dried alcohol on the walls, and Oliver knew that last night was a reality. That seeing Chloe Sullivan again did indeed happen. Now that had been established, all Oliver wanted was to forget the encounter, to try and forget how much she had changed, but it was no use. It was like standing in a mirror, watching someone else punish themselves like he was... and Chloe deserved better than that.

And sure, she made sure to show Oliver that he had made a mistake, but she did it her way, showing Oliver that as much as she wanted to let go, to move on, her belief in someone, in him, was stronger.

That might have been why he followed her when she threatened to cut the cord. So many times, he wanted to seem worthless to these people, including Chloe, but seeing the look on her face as she said Goodbye Oliver was too much. That look of disappointment, of hurt... Oliver deserved it, but to say that what she wanted didn't matter... well that wasn't true. The team always wanted her opinion on things, but this time everyone made the selfish choice, thinking that one person would stay behind. They were wrong and it was a decision that they would all pay for someday, if that day hadn't come already.

Walking back to the bathroom, Oliver picked up his razor, knowing that he hadn't shaved since the Ace of Clubs, but the stubble was getting irritating and it had to go. Sure enough, Oliver nicked his skin enough to see a small amount of blood form, but he washed it aside, not wanting to focus on the coincidences.

Looking back up in the mirror, Oliver stared hard, wondering how someone who had lost so much could still somehow see value in him... and have conviction behind the words as she spoke them.

"We all made our mistakes in this, but you're a fighter and you have to get past this."

She would, the team would, but Oliver was skeptical of that fact for himself, as some battles were meant to be lost. With a sigh, he left the bathroom, eyeing the clothes scattered on the floor once more. But instead, he paced towards his closet, finding a clean button-up shirt and a pair of slacks that hadn't been buried in his closet.

And as he turned towards his reflection in the mirror across the room, Oliver still knew he was a shell of the man he was, but that was the beauty of the clothes. Add a disingenuous smile and no one has a clue just how much pain lied beneath.

Only what Oliver didn't realize was that this was the first morning since the event at the Ace of Clubs, or rather, since he returned to Metropolis, that he had even bothered to grab clean clothes.

~0~

Pushing the door open, Oliver stepped outside into the literal fresh air, as the wind blew hard down the streets as the fall colours started to set in. It was crazy to think how much had changed around him, things that Oliver never even bothered to look at. Store fronts were re-established, the potholes in the roads seemed like they never existed and despite the harsh breeze... the sun was shining. Then again, it could have shined every day and Oliver wouldn't have noticed, as the weather seemed so far away from the emptiness of his mind.

In the middle of a city block, Oliver stopped at a bus stop bench to pull out the phone and listen to the voicemails once more. He swallowed hard each time he heard the sign of Chloe holding back her sadness, trying to keep her strength at the forefront. What she was doing was admirable, but she was better off letting him go. Hopefully after last night... she saw that.

Oliver was about to get up when he noticed a bus pull up, so instead of walking away from the stop, Oliver got on, almost surprised that he had the money for bus fare in his pocket. The way he had been spending it, Oliver wouldn't have been surprised if he pulled his pockets out and realized that there was nothing left.

He turned and noticed how everyone on the bus was looking at him. There was a hint of pity, considering the story that Lois and Clark wrote about the bomb incident, also a hint of surprise that a billionaire was riding the bus. But Oliver walked right past most of them, finding a seat near the middle of the bus and looked out the window, where reminders flew like the spare litter on the streets. The place he made his first save in Metropolis, the coffee shop and cart Chloe practically called home, even the place he almost threw his life away.

Oliver would have done it, and there was still a part of him that felt like he deserved it. Sure, it was nice hearing from Clark that he wasn't going to give up on him, but the fact that Chloe was that distant showed the kind of job he had done with her. Oliver didn't deserve better than her, so he hoped that meant that Clark would continue his job as the Blur, be the hero the city needed... because Oliver knew it wasn't him.

Yet when a familiar sight came into view, Oliver got off the bus and thanked the driver. Again, the slight breeze greeted him as the doors shut behind him and the bus took off. On paper, nothing had changed, but when he gazed up, Oliver felt as if everything had changed since he got out of bed this morning. Stepping forward, Oliver knew there was something he had to do.

~0~

As Chloe's fingers drummed against the keyboard, she almost missed the notification that someone was in the elevator. She had activated this system in case of any intruders, except this person was far from one. He just wasn't someone she had expected to see. In fact, based on last night, Chloe didn't think that anyone would change Oliver's mind, that he was just stubborn enough that the only words he would believe would be his own. But now, he was about to enter Watchtower, leading to Chloe to ask herself... Why?

Shaking her confusion away, Chloe noticed that he had exited the elevators, so she turned around and waited for him to open the double doors. Upon seeing him, Chloe felt herself pause, as there were things that the camera feed couldn't tell her. On the surface, the Oliver she was seeing now was different than last night. He had shaved, grabbed some decent clothes, even his posture was a little better. But one look in his eyes said it all, and Chloe felt her hope slowly fade away.

"How did you get up here?" she asked genuinely, because after all the hours spent on security, Chloe sincerely hoped that her system wasn't that breakable.

Still holding the phone in his hand, Oliver held it up so Chloe could see it. "You left my access code on my voicemail." When he had entered, he almost had to do a double take, as it was far from the place he had seen months ago. "I like what you've done with the place," he said, walking slowly towards the place where Jimmy's body had been. There was a small rug there now, not that he blamed Chloe for that.

Meanwhile, Chloe only watched as he stepped confidently through Watchtower, his footsteps echoing in her ears. When he stopped, it didn't take long for Chloe to realize where Oliver was standing. "If you want to cut me off, there's no need for a personal visit." Crossing her arms as Oliver turned back to look at her, she shrugged nonchalantly. "An email would have sufficed."

Oliver's head remained dipped slightly when he heard those words. "I guess you didn't get my message."

But it was quite the contrary, as that message had practically plagued her all night. When she saw his number on her phone, Chloe couldn't bring herself to answer. So she let it ring, let it go to voicemail. It was supposed to show him what she had felt all these months, but curiosity got the best of her and she listened to it an hour ago.

It was heart wrenching listening to his voice break, the heaviness when his feet met the floor that echoed in the line, not to mention the words that were spoken. Unfortunately, this wasn't about an apology. "I'm sorry doesn't change that you left your friends, your company. Heck, you've even lost every inch of your self-respect, but we both know that doesn't matter to you anymore."

Seeing Oliver open his mouth, Chloe held her hand out to stop him. "And it's not because I want to see you like this, because I wouldn't wish what you're doing to yourself on anyone. One act does not define you and when I think of one word to describe you... " She immediately paused, wondering if what she was about to say was going to be worth it. Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to continue. "Murderer... isn't it. The problem is you do."

She didn't care that Oliver likely had no idea that she knew about his suicide attempt, as the surprise was written all over his face as his mouth slowly gaped open. There was something in his reaction that broke some of her walls, as she blinked profusely, causing Chloe to turn around to look anywhere but at him.

"I can start fire alarms, evacuate buildings, but what you did..." Biting her lip, Chloe felt her head lower as one tear sprung loose. "God Ollie, you have to stop punishing yourself someday." Because it was more than Jimmy, it was shooting Clark, killing Lex... it was safe to say that Oliver Queen had better years than this. However, his solution was never one Chloe could condone.

Oliver watched in silence, thinking about how Chloe would have known about that night, as there was no way she was watching him that closely. However, as Chloe approached the stained glass window and stared out in the distance, suddenly everything came clear.

"Clark." He remembered that Clark mentioned that she had followed the feed on the earpiece, so it was only a matter of time before she knew the word on the screen that flashed before his eyes for what felt like a lifetime.

She let out the smallest of nods as she maintained her gaze. "I almost didn't believe that he came to me about you." It wasn't a slight to Oliver, but Chloe needed her best friend and he had been practically MIA almost every other night. That, and last she checked, Clark was more than willing to leave Oliver behind prior Doomsday, so the change of heart felt a little sudden.

But in the end, it was mainly her bitterness coming through, because even after Clark came back from the shadows, he couldn't spend more than five minutes with Chloe lately. "He needed someone to run interference and well, that's when people call me."

"Chloe –"

"You're not sorry," Chloe interjected, throwing her arm out to her side in frustration. "So cut the crap... please."

"Okay then..." Oliver looked around, more than willing to change that conversation. "When was the last time you left this place?"

Chloe's eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"The fact that you've accomplished this in a few months, by yourself no less, is impressive, but..." So impressive that it got Oliver to wondering what else she did. Sure, Chloe was skilled in her area, but fully furnishing this place, establishing the software base, not to mention the extent she likely built up the database... it had Oliver slightly worried. The whole reason he came up was because there was this nagging feeling inside of him to apologize to her face once more and see what she did with her days. But this wasn't what he had hoped to see. With no one around to help, it didn't surprise him that Chloe pushed herself into her work, but considering the last place he saw her, it was easy to see that, "You're punishing yourself as much as I am."

"Maybe," Chloe replied, but who else was supposed to? This was her mistake, one she could have easily avoided, but instead, she tried to find a way to tie everything up in a pretty bow, only to have the ribbon burn to ashes right in front of her eyes.

"But let's face it Oliver, my fragmented version of happily ever after had a pipe thrust through his body. Died protecting me." Chloe shrugged as she returned to stand behind the console, grateful she was facing away from him as she bit down on the inside of her lip to keep the tears back. "But hey, at least I tried right?"

For awhile, there had been silence in the air, which gave her time to recover her composure, as the last thing she wanted was for Oliver to see her break... again. As seconds ticked away, Chloe hoped it had been enough for Oliver to realize it was time for him to do what he did best lately. Only he didn't, and what he did instead caught Chloe completely off-guard.

She never heard the footsteps coming closer, so Chloe had no clue how close he was to her until she felt his hand on her shoulder. Feeling her breathing take a hit as a consequence, Chloe peered to the side, seeing how he was standing so close that if he took one more step, her back and his chest would likely collide. And while Oliver had no problem with the proximity, it was likely the closest Chloe had stood next to someone in months.

When she finally risked glancing up at him, Oliver caught the slight surprise in her eyes, not to mention how he had felt her jump slightly under his touch. It wasn't his intention to scare her, but even though she was likely done with him, Oliver couldn't leave.

"Chloe," he said softly, "what happened that day, that's the image you need to get out of your head."

Again, her teeth tugged at the inside of her lip, as for the first time, she saw the Oliver she remembered. It almost flattered her that he even took her words from last night seriously. Then again, the fact he listened at all was encouraging. But it wasn't long before Chloe remembered everything else, causing her to squeeze her eyes shut and push his hand away. "That's rich coming from you."

She took a few big steps away from him, but turned around to face him, not afraid of the fact a few tears sprung loose. "But I'll bite...what should I replace it with? Clark walking out on me? Lois deciding the Blur was more important than I was? Or how about you walking away in the cemetery or throwing your life away at the Ace of Clubs?"

Stopping at a comfortable distance, Chloe glanced at the floor past Oliver to where he had been standing before. "At least Jimmy's death reminds me that there's a world to save... and my part in it." It wasn't much to hold onto, but the alternative didn't look much better. "If you have no interest in wising up to your shenanigans, I'm not about to prove to you that you're better than this." She shrugged again before finding Oliver's eyes. "I've said my peace."

"And I'm here," he said softly, realizing that although all of the words she had said were repeating in his head, there was one particular sentence he had been avoiding. "If you recall from last night, you said –"

"I know what I said," Chloe interjected, but she never expected him to do anything about it. Even now, as he stood there right in front of her, she couldn't fully believe his intentions. "Except you're only out of pity, not because your heart's in it."

Oliver hadn't expected her to believe him, but the more he stood there, the more he realized that he wanted to fight for this. All of the binges, all of the decisions, it didn't help anyone or anything. All this time, he just thought he was punishing himself, but if he kept this up, the results could be even more catastrophic.

The team could lose all hope in reuniting, leading them back to bad habits, and the crime rate would continue to rise in the cities they had previously helped. Sure, Clark was back, which was promising, but he couldn't save the world by himself.

Then there was the company that his parents built, and even if it technically wasn't his, it was up to Oliver to keep it going, to allow for his own legacy.

And the more he thought about it, he didn't want to be remembered as the guy who caused the company to fall, affecting thousands of people's lives from the shareholders to the employees. He didn't want to be the person who continued to ignore his friend's troubles, not after everything they had done for him. In the end, Oliver didn't believe that he deserved happiness, but people relied on him, people needed him to be better, and if he could turn himself around... make other people happy... then maybe he could live with himself again.

So Oliver broke his silence. "You don't know that." After all, not even he knew his true intention of coming here until a few minutes ago. Based on the expression she gave him as she continued to work, she didn't believe it, but somehow, Chloe had singlehandedly brought the man she was searching for back to life.

Only Chloe didn't see one inch of that realization, as her back was turned to him. "No word for months, then you see me for five minutes and all of a sudden you're here. If this isn't pity, what is it?"

It didn't take Oliver long to find an answer for that. "Concern, remorse... maybe even a little hope for redemption."

"Well, do us both a favour and don't feel obligated to me or anything." It actually hurt Chloe to talk to him like this, but after everything that had happened, she felt like there was no other option. "We know this is going to pass and I'd rather not experience this disappointment again."

In fact, Chloe knew that she couldn't experience that loss again. She couldn't forgive him right away and tell him that everything was okay, because that was all that he was looking for. And that would help no one, because Oliver would just walk away again. There was a small voice in her head telling her to tell him now, while the pain was fresh, while the disappointment was strong, but she couldn't do it.

However, as she stood there, contemplating, Oliver stared at her curiously, wondering where the one-eighty on her personality had come from. Last night, she told him to come back, but now, her stubbornness had kicked into high gear. His expression hardening, Oliver realized that two could play at that game.

"You want me to leave," he said, watching Chloe's breath stop as the sentence finished, but she did nothing to refute it right away. She just remained where she was, continuing to type away, before she finally broke her silence.

"You can do whatever you want, it's your life."

That got Oliver to react almost instantly. "Look at me," Oliver said, reaching forward to grab her arm and turned her so that she faced him. That action had caused Chloe to be pinned between him and the console, as his arms blocked any exit she had, so there weren't many choices as to where she could look, which was fine with Oliver, as he wanted her to hear every word he was about to say.

"Trust me Chloe, I get that no apology is going to make up for what we did to you, but the idea that we let you down...it stung all of us." Sighing upon seeing her nod slightly, Oliver continued. "Now, you told me to come here, and I'm here. Whether you want to determine my intentions as genuine or pity... that's your choice. But I'm not leaving either."

When he grabbed her, Chloe felt her breath leave her and his words didn't help her. She wanted to believe him, but she couldn't want to get her hopes up yet. "I... I locked up your gear."

Oliver laughed a single time and then shrugged a shoulder, as even Chloe likely knew that wasn't going to stop him. "I have a spare bow in the clocktower."

Despite the small area of space between them, Chloe lifted her arms up carefully, trying not to touch Oliver in the process, and crossed them across her chest. "What's to say I'll let you back up here?"

"I could cut you off, find a way to shut down the database, but that would be counterproductive." He could see it in her eyes, behind the pain, the anger, was that same resolve that she had used against so many other people. Except this was for him, for Oliver to prove how it mattered to him, the team, what it stood for. "It will take time to regain your trust... I get that. But I'm here now and I am not walking away. Not anymore."

With that, Oliver lifted his arms from the console and walked backwards a few steps before heading towards the door. He knew there was a lot of work ahead for him, but for the first time in a while, he felt a smile break through.

And as the door slammed behind him, Chloe could only stare at the abandoned doorway, alone in Watchtower, wondering what had just happened.

Sera's Scribbles: Apologies on the delay, but real life has been... 'fun' to say the least. I've also been working on the conclusion for this, which received a bit of an overhaul. It also reminded me that forgot to say that I'm pretending that there was more time between Echo and Roulette. You'll see why later.