At about two in the morning, Harley was startled out of her sleep by the sound of a pounding beat and loud talking and laughter. She blinked, looking around for the source of the noise. It sounded to her like it was coming from the neighboring house. Apparently when they had been on vacation and locked up, someone had moved in next door. Someone who was obviously having a party.
She gently shook Joker. "Puddin'?"
He didn't respond, except to grunt and mutter, "Mmmrah, die Bats," in his sleep.
She shook him harder. "Puddin'!"
"What?" he snapped, waking up and rubbing his eyes. "What? What is it, you stupid woman? I was having the best dream and you have to go and…what's that goddamn noise?"
"It's coming from next door, puddin'," she said. "I think they're having a party."
"And they didn't invite us?" asked Joker, offended. "Well, that's just rude! Go teach them a lesson in manners, Harley," he yawned, lying down and rolling over.
"Oh…ok, puddin'," said Harley, slowly. "I thought you might wanna go talk to…"
"I wanna go back to sleep," he snapped. "So make them shut up, ok, baby? Thanks, dollface, you're an angel."
Harley sighed, standing up and pulling on her robe. She rubbed her eyes sleepily as she left the hideout. Bud and Lou were tied up out front and raised their heads when they saw her. "Go back to sleep, babies – Mommy's just handling it," she whispered, petting them as she passed.
She knocked on the neighboring door. It was opened by a handsome young man who eyed her up and down. "You the stripper?" he asked.
"What? Um…no, I'm Harley," she said. "I live next door…"
"Ok, well, if you ain't the stripper, you won't mind me asking you to beat it, will you?" he interrupted. "This is a private party. Unless you'd be willing to strip. You're pretty hot – I'd pay to see that."
"I'm sorry?" demanded Harley, a mixture of puzzled and offended.
"Fifty bucks," he said, reaching into his pocket.
"I don't…"
"All right, make it a hundred," he interrupted, pulling out a bill. "C'mon, you won't get a better offer than that."
"Look, I don't strip for anyone but my boyfriend, ok?" said Harley, annoyed. "I ain't that kinda girl."
He shrugged. "Your loss," he said. "Now beat it."
"I came over here to ask you to keep it down," snapped Harley. "Decent people are trying to sleep at two in the morning on a weeknight."
He shrugged again, lighting a cigarette. "I ain't. So it ain't really my problem."
"Y'know, I don't like inconsiderate people," hissed Harley. "And rudeness is a real pet peeve of mine. I think you'll probably wanna do as I say, pal."
He blew smoke into her face. "Or what?" he said.
"Or I'll go get my boyfriend," retorted Harley. "And you don't want me to do that, trust me."
He laughed. "Aw, I'm really scared, sweetheart," he retorted, grinning. "Yeah, you bring him over and we'll have some words. What is he, a mechanic or something?"
"He's done his share of work on my engine," retorted Harley. "But no, he's a clown, actually."
He laughed again. "What, do I look six? You think I'm scared of a clown? Just beat it, baby. Or go and get your boyfriend – he might be good for a laugh."
He slammed the door in her face. Harley's hands had balled into fists, which only tightened as she heard the volume on the music increase. She stormed back into their bedroom. "Mr. J!" she shouted, shaking him.
"What?" he snapped again.
"The guy next door's a total jerk! He won't listen to me! You gotta go talk to him, puddin'!"
"Aw, Jesus, Harley, can't you just sleep through the noise?" he muttered. "I don't wanna get up."
"But he insulted me, Mr. J!" she exclaimed. "He offered me a hundred bucks to strip for him!"
"Not that insulting, baby – coulda been twenty," he retorted.
"Mr. J!" she cried, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at him.
He yawned. "All right, all right," he muttered, sitting up. "Keep your shirt on. Now what did you do with mine?" he asked, looking around.
"I hung it up in the closet, Mr. J, but you don't have to get all dressed up," said Harley.
"Well, I ain't going over there in my boxers!" he snapped. "I'm the Joker, for Christ's sake! I have an image to preserve! And I always gotta look my best because I have standards!"
"But Mr. J, you take ages getting ready…" began Harley.
"Because I have standards," he repeated, heading for the bathroom. "Unlike you! So just sit down and cool it, you little brat!"
He slammed the bathroom door. Harley sat down on the edge of the bed huffily. She was tired and irritated and she didn't want to have to wait half an hour for Mr. J to get dressed and do his hair when all she really wanted was to go back to sleep.
Then an idea struck her. She stood up and crept out of the room, heading outside. "Hi, babies," she whispered, as Bud and Lou's tails wagged at her approach. "You wanna help Mommy teach a bad man some manners? Of course you do, you little angels."
She unhooked their leashes and dragged them over to the neighboring house, knocking loudly. The same man opened the door, glaring at her contemptuously. "Thought I told you to beat it," he snapped.
"Look, it ain't nice when people let their fun get outta hand and disturb other people," said Harley. "It ain't nice when people are inconsiderate and discourteous to their neighbors. This is my last warning to you – turn down the music and nobody will get hurt."
He laughed. "Yeah? And who's gonna hurt me, sweetheart? You?"
"Nope. My babies," she retorted, letting go of the leashes. Bud and Lou immediately jumped at the man, knocking him backward, and then ran into the house, laughing, and knocking over food and furniture, and jumping on the party guests, and causing general chaos. The man stared at the mayhem, and then grew furious.
He whirled around and suddenly struck Harley across the face. "You dumb bitch!" he shrieked.
Bud and Lou suddenly stopped laughing and turned to the man. They had been panting happily, but now their jaws were set tight and their hackles raised as they slowly approached him, growling.
Harley suddenly felt a hand in hers, helping her to her feet. "Ain't no way to talk to a lady, sport," muttered a familiar voice. "And nobody hits Harley but me."
The man couldn't quite see who it was in the dim light from the hall, but he said, mockingly, "Lemme guess. You're the clown, right?"
"Not clown," Joker said, stepping into the light and smiling. "Joker."
The man's face went pale and terror leapt into his eyes. "Oh…my…God…" he stammered.
"Bud, Lou," murmured Joker, laying a hand each on the hyenas' heads as they snarled at the man. "Kill."
He didn't even have time to scream before the hyenas leapt on him, tearing his throat out. The party guests began screaming as Bud and Lou attacked them next, ripping and clawing and tearing them to shreds. Amid the chaos, Joker calmly made his way over to the buffet and began helping himself to some snacks. "Cake, pooh bear?" he asked, holding out a piece to Harley.
"Thanks, puddin'," she breathed, kissing him. She sat on his lap, and fed him pieces of cake, watching the carnage and smiling.
When everyone was dead, Bud and Lou quietly came over to them and lay their heads in Harley's lap, nuzzling her affectionately. Harley petted them, cooing over them. "Good babies," she murmured.
Joker yawned and stretched. "Yeah, good job, boys," he said, beaming and petting them. "Told you I trained them, pooh!"
"I never doubted you for a second, puddin'," she said, kissing him again.
Joker yawned again. "I am absolutely pooped, I tell ya, cupcake," he said. "Watching all that violence really takes it outta you. Bedtime, hmm?"
"Sure thing, Mr. J," she replied. They left the house hand in hand, with Bud and Lou trailing after them. Harley was about to tie them up out back, when Joker stopped her.
"They deserve a reward, doncha think, kiddo?" he asked.
She beamed. "You mean they can sleep inside, puddin'?" she said.
He nodded. Harley squeaked in delight – she never liked tying the babies up outside. She always worried they got cold. But there was no fear of that now, she thought, as she and Joker climbed into bed, and Bud and Lou settled themselves at their feet. "Night, Mr. J," sighed Harley, in delight.
"Night, pooh bear," he murmured.
"Night, babies," she whispered.
They whined happily. Harley smiled and snuggled deeper into Joker's embrace, enjoying the sound of silence.