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Chapter 2 - Paralyzed (Posted 8 June 2011)

It's been two weeks since the Pharaoh passed on into the spirit world. Yugi hasn't left his house at all in all that time. He barely left his room other than to use the toilet. He wouldn't talk to his Grampa. He wouldn't take any phone calls. He didn't return or even read any texts or emails.

He just sat on his bed, knees up under his chin, crying softly. Grampa Mutou could hear him when he stood outside his door debating whether or not he should attempt talking to his grandson. He knew what had happened, but that didn't mean he understood exactly how Yugi was feeling about it, and he didn't want to be that guy who pretends to understand.

But he couldn't just let him sulk for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, he just didn't know what to say to the boy. He'd never seen him in such a bad place before. How was he supposed to deal with it? How was he supposed to help him?

Solomon raised his hand and tapped his knuckles against the door lightly. "Yugi?" The muffled sobs stopped as they usually did. But Gramps knew all too well that they would start up again as soon as Yugi thought no one could hear him. "I'm going to the market. Is there anything you need?"

Silence.

Of course. Silence was the only response he ever got from Yugi since the Pharaoh had gone. Grampa hung his head and sighed. "I'll be gone for about an hour. There's leftover cabbage stew in the refrigerator, all you have to do is put it in the microwave for two minutes. Or there's cereal and milk. Just help yourself."

He trudged away from Yugi's room shaking his head. He didn't really need to go to the market, but he knew that if Yugi wasn't alone, he wouldn't eat until he was. Using the bathroom was one thing since it was just a step or two away from his bedroom, so he could be there and back without being seen. But the kitchen was on the first floor, so he wouldn't go there unless Gramps was out of the house. Solomon was afraid he wasn't eating properly, but he made sure to leave the house for an hour or two twice a day, and every time he came back there was some food gone.

So he left the house, making sure to slam the door extra loud so Yugi would hear, and then doing the same thing with his car door so Yugi knew he was actually outside. He drove away wishing there was something more he could do for his poor grandson.

X

As soon as Yugi heard Grampa pull out of their driveway, his stomach growled. He tried to fight it. Every day, he told himself that he was too upset to eat, but his stomach would gurgle loudly in protest until he put at least a little something in there to quiet it.

Knowing that Grampa was out of the house, Yugi straightened his legs, feeling the uncomfortable tightness in his muscles. After sitting like that for hours on end, he was almost surprised that he wasn't stuck in that position. If anything he thought he'd at least be more cramped.

Not that he cared. What small emotions he did feel other than absolute sadness were fleeting and inconsequential. Nothing phased him. The world could have been raptured, leaving only him behind and he wouldn't even acknowledge it. If he noticed it at all.

For him, he'd already lost everything.

He wiped the salty wetness from his tear-streaked face only to have more fall and take its place. I'm so pitiful, he thought to himself. He almost wanted to laugh. Almost.

Standing for the first time since morning, Yugi stretched mildly and let his arms hang lamely at his side. He looked down at his feet. When was the last time he'd looked up from them? He stood there for a minute, knowing that if he tried to move right away his jelly-legs would fold underneath him and he'd end up crumpled on the floor and too weak to ever think about even trying to get up. Again.

When he thought his legs had just enough strength to carry him downstairs, he took a cautious step forward and reached for the doorknob. He turned it, hearing the lock click as it came undone. He kept watching his feet as he sulked out of his room. He was tempted to wrap his arms around himself as he felt so out of place outside his room, but he just didn't have the strength to lift them, much less to hold them up for any extended length of time.

He took his time going down the stairs, knowing he wasn't strong enough to grasp the handrail. When he got to about the middle of the staircase, he paused. Had anyone been home, they may have been alarmed at his rigidity as he stood there, but this was part of his routine. He'd stop and just imagine himself stepping too far and falling. He could see it in his head, his tiny body tumbling down the steps, thumping loudly as his limbs whipped around him and his bones crushed every time he came in contact with the hard surface.

Almost begging for it to happen, Yugi stuck his foot out and closed his eyes. He stepped down, ready to feel the whoosh beneath him as he rolled downward... but his foot came down flatly on the next step. Yugi sighed sadly and continued carefully descending the steps. Not today, he said in his mind, I guess I'm not meant to die today. Fate must want me to be miserable.

Yugi dragged himself into the kitchen and took a deep breath before he grabbed the handle on the refrigerator. He pulled as hard as he could, but it wouldn't budge. He mustered all his strength and lifted his other arm, adding a second hand to the handle and giving it one quick yank. Thankfully it opened and Yugi was able to retrieve the plastic container on the top shelf. He popped the lid a little and stuck it in the microwave.

With half-lidded eyes he watched it spin round and round until it beeped. Then he just stared at it. Was it really worth all the work it would take to pull it out and cary it over to the table? Wouldn't it exert too much force to grab some chopsticks and actually put the food in his mouth? Did he have the stamina to chew it and swallow it? Because then he'd have to clean up the mess. And then his frail body would use up the rest of his energy just to digest it. He'd sleep to regain his strength just to wake up the next morning and repeat the process. For what?

Yugi felt his stomach rumble painfully and realized that even though he may not have been strong enough to get through the day, he wasn't strong enough to let himself die of starvation. And for a fraction of a second, a fleck of anger flitted through him. Why couldn't he just do it? Why couldn't he just end it? But then it was gone, and he was back to the numbing sadness to which he'd become accustomed.

Grabbing the container from the microwave, he walked over to the table only to discover a clean set of chopsticks already laid out for him. Gramps must have realized I come out to eat when he leaves. I wonder if he'd notice if I stopped eating?

Yugi flopped down into a chair and took a few bites of the food. Feeling wiped out, he sat there for a few minutes, hoping the morsels of food were enough to settle his stomach for a while. When the rumbling didn't return, Yugi stood and placed the container back in the fridge. He left the chopsticks on the table. Gramps wouldn't care this one time.

He slugged back to the bottom of the staircase. This was by far the worst part. He needed to go back up the stairs. He slowly lifted one foot and stepped up. He brought the other foot on the next step and continued until he got to the sixth step. By this point he was already extremely tired and practically out of breath. Couldn't he just lie down and go to sleep here? No, then Grampa would see him. He'd be exposed. That couldn't happen. So he wearily trekked up the remaining eight steps. When he finally made it to the top, it was all he could do not to sink to the ground right then and there. He walked forward to his door and leaned on it, trying to gauge the potential tightness of his grip. What if I can't open the door?

The tears hadn't ceased that entire time, but now more were starting to flow at the thought of being trapped outside the one place that offered him any sense of safety or security.

He reached out and wrapped his trembling fingers around the cold hunk of metal. A hint of relief washed over him as the knob turned semi-easily, but it was gone as quickly as it came. He let the door swing shut behind him before twisting the lock into position. His legs carried him slowly to his bed. Climbing back onto the bed, he lifted his knees to his chin and resumed the familiar position of comfort and closed his eyes.

After hearing the sounds of Grampa's car pulling in, Yugi realized he'd just made it in time. It had taken him over an hour to do something as menial as eat a meal. And he'd barely even eaten any of it. He heard Grampa come in and expected him to come up and try to talk to him again, but he didn't. Maybe he finally understands that I just want to be left alone.

A few more hours went by until the house was completely enveloped in darkness. Yugi felt his eyelids sagging and decided it was time for him to unfurl himself and lay down. He contemplated pulling the throw blanket from the foot of the bed over himself, but was asleep before he could decide he didn't have the desire to escape the cold that night.