Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN! ok..got that settled then.
AN: I have received 1 review. And so for that one person, I will write 3. For the many other lazy s.o.b.'s that have read and not reviewed...I'm sad. Click the review link, make up a name, throw in an email so I can thank you, and write how much you hated or loved the story and why. Or if you have an account, you login and write a review. THEN I know if I should spend a week writing a new chap.
SO thank you so very much Dragon77. I freaking love you!! xD
( bah humbug to the bastards that didn't care enough to review, sorry if I offend anyone, but I'm kinda peeved. )
this is a little rough, but i couldnt figure out what to do to fix it, so here it is, Review please.
Warning: a bit of a gore scene in this chapter. Don't read if you can't handle it. Its toward the end where Sasuke's memories start. His memories at the bottom are all in italics so consider that your warning that gore will soon follow. I would tone it down...but I feel like it would have to take a lot to break Sasuke, and it adds to his need to escape. Just death can be handled with time and grieving..but slaughter takes some serious help, because the images are forever stuck in your head (in my opinion)...so yea. No apologies, just a warning..definitely rated M for a reason.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The day had been long. The walk home had been longer, and it was too damn hot to go back outside.
He checked his phone, for what seemed like the millionth time, for a new text. He was waiting on Lee, his dealer, to text him back. Lee was a bit annoying, but what do you expect when your damn near cracked out of your skull* everyday of your life. He was always sprinting around and running around like he had lost his damn mind, it was a wonder he hadn't been busted yet. The guy was practically a walking advertisement for what ice** can do for you.
Sasuke's leg was shaking from the vigorous way he was tapping his heel to the floor, his toes remaining firmly planted. God damn it, you would think a little money would motivate his sorry ass to put his energy to some good damn use. If he didn't use all the shit before he could sell it, he wouldn't be so damn broke...god damn, sorry ass, stupid....Sasuke's thoughts continued to run in circles calling the rambunctious youth every foul name and obscenity he could string together.
Finally his phone vibrated, and before the screen could even light up properly Sasuke was hitting the green button to read his new text. Nope. Sasuke blinked and looked at the screen again in irritation and disbelief. "God damn son of a BITCH!!" This last word was emphasized by him throwing his phone across the kitchen, where it slammed into the sliding glass door. The kitchen was large, and his voice echoed across the space, bouncing off of stainless steel appliances, black marble counter tops and white marble floors. Suddenly he was hauntingly reminded of how very empty this house was. Usually he distracted himself, or didn't come home; this time he had no means of distraction. No drugs, no where to go, nothing to do. It was first day back from break and he didn't have any work or studying to do. He started to shake as the memories of humming drifted through the kitchen like a gentle breeze. The memories of his mother baking deserts and polishing the still shimmering appliances. Sasuke looked around desperately, pain and fear evident in his face, it was as if he could see it all over again. The memories continued to surface, the sound of his brother in the backyard, his fathers car pulling up and him knowing that his father would walk in the door and nod at him before going out to congratulate Itachi on whatever accomplishment had outshone Sasuke this time. His mothers knowing smile as she gave him a slice of pie, the warm smell of blackberry pie was almost washing over him as he stood, the force sending the stainless steel and leather seated stool clanging to the floor noisily as he sprinted from the room, not even bothering to grab his phone from across the kitchen.
Shaking he made his way through the long winding hallways, pictures of his family looming out of the darkness, his brothers face seeming to mock him. Finally he made it to the stairs where he climbed, his breathing ragged, his hands in his hair as he fought the memories and closed his eyes, stumbling every now and then. After what had felt like hours of mental anguish he made it to his room, and collapsed in the door way, sobs racking his body. No more, no more, no more...I can't do this anymore..I can't handle this, I cant keep running from myself..Why am I even bothering..What could I possibly make of myself? What if Itachi shows up to finish me too...? Sasuke's mind instantly flashed with the scenes of blood splatters and blank eyes staring at him in frozen fear and shock. He screamed aloud in fear and frustration as he launched himself up from the floor to the large stereo system in his bed room. Forcefully, he mashed the play button and cranked up the volume. Heavy vocals tore out of the stereo, the bass shaking his floor as he sat on his love seat. The heavy rock music helped him to calm his racing mind, letting him focus on the lyrics rather than his own problems. I don't know what to do... He thought as he chewed on his thumb nail, he knees tucked under his chin. Sometimes being numb was easy..and others times..like now...he found himself unable to cope. It was like everything had to be equal. For every moment he spent blissfully numb and indifferent, he was forced to be staring at reality, haunted by memories and fear in this overly large house.
He reached behind him to slide open a window, and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He lit one with a some what more steady hand, noting that his knuckles still didn't look to great, but the pain was gone. They were mostly just itchy since they were healing now. Thats when the idea struck him, how the pain had distracted him last night, how while creating the pain in his hand by punching the slide, he had successfully managed to think of nothing else. He grinned as he took in a slow drag of his cigarette.
He had found a new way to distract himself.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Naruto slowly made his way up the stairs to his apartment. Luckily he lived within walking distance of the school, just down a suburban street, cut across the large field and don't let the huge thorn things go through the sole of his worn out converse, and then he was crossing a road and into the side gate of the apartment. Most of the time he had to climb the gate because he forgot the code. Lucky for him he had received the notice with the new code yesterday.
He reached forward unlocking the door, glad that he had the place to himself, Kiba was out with Shikamaru and Shino at the arcade, they had left right after school. Naruto had been invited, but he really hadn't felt like doing anything except go home and eat.
His body felt heavy, today just seemed more exhausting than it should have been. Sure, he had to get up early again for the first time in weeks, and he had to take notes and fight the crowded hallways..but the most exhausting thing was trying to come up with a way to get close to Sasuke again.
He collapsed on the couch, narrowly missing banging his knees on the coffee table. I could call him...if I look up his number in the phone book. He never gave me his number, so that may seem a little out of place.... I could tell him I was just worried about him ,He winced at the gushy, girlish comment, Yea, then he can hang up on me for being an idiot and a stalker. His thoughts continued to circle themselves, yielding no new ideas. He had been doing this all day. Beating himself up over a situation that wasn't even in his control. He simply couldn't help it. The way Sasuke had looked at him this morning..it hadn't left his mind. It was downright obvious that Sasuke had been on something, his eyes were totally bloodshot, and his pupils weren't the right size. That was something Naruto never expected of Sasuke.
Sure, this was High School, and it was senior year, plenty of people were smoking pot and drinking too much, dabbling in drugs and all that...it was just picturing Sasuke into all of that...just didn't seem to fit.
Most of the people that were doing drugs, were doing them to appear cool, or just out of curiosity. Neither of those explanations fit Sasuke at all. He didn't care what anyone thought of him, and he definitely wouldn't be doing them at school if he was 'curious'. And he looked so tired.., like he could have just fallen out any minute. What has he been doing the past two weeks? I didn't see him at all. Not one damn time.. and I was watching for him the whole time too..I even went to that damn coffee shop he loves so much, just to see if he was there. Naruto simply stared at the floor. That does it! Tomorrow the bastard is going to talk to me whether he likes it or not. I will sit on his desk if I have to.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sasuke stared down at his arm. He had his left hand in the bathroom sink, his hand balled up into a fist, his elbow resting on the edge of the peach colored marble surface. The tan slate was somewhat cool under his bare feet. He had broken open a disposable razor that he had found under the sink, and was now holding a very thin, flimsy razor blade. It was about the length of a AA battery, only half as tall and probably about as thick as a piece of tape. Sasuke stared from the razor to his wrist several times before looking at himself in the mirror. In the glaring fluorescents of his bathroom it was very easy to see the deep purple lines under his eyes, he hadn't slept very well or very long for quite some time now. Though to see the evidence in his face disturbed him some, it was his eyes that made him flinch away from the mirror. Those weren't his eyes. Those were not the eyes he had seen in the mirror everyday of his life, holding onto a fierce determination to make something of himself. No, these eyes were dull and full of fear and pain..two emotions he had held at bay all his life..he was a failure. He touched the cool metal of the razor to his exposed wrist.
I deserve this..I deserve every bit of pain I can manage to give myself..I am worthless..Not even worth killing..The memories came rushing back to him like water crashing over a dam.......
Sasuke sat cowering in his room after finding his mother's corpse in the kitchen. Blood had covered the floor, startling rich red contrasting over bright immaculate white. His mothers unseeing eyes had remained open in shock even in her death, their once sparkling depths were now simply a flat brown. Horror was painted in the frame of her mouth, her lipstick slightly askew, and Sasuke couldn't seem to look away from her face, raven hair drenched in blood seemed to frame that face so perfectly. When he finally did look to the rest of her, he found himself wishing he hadn't. The bottom half of her body was..detached..from the rest. He could see her organs attempting to spill out of the papery casing of her flesh..Bile had risen up in his throat and he had stood turning to run, when he heard his fathers pain filled screams echoing across the foyer. Flight mode took over and he was upstairs in his room, door locked, hunkered down on his love seat, before he could even register the fact that he wanted to run. The screams had followed him the whole way,becoming slightly gargley, before abruptly stopping. A sickening crack had then resounded up the stairs. Later Sasuke would wonder how he had heard all of that, considering the size of the mansion, the only conclusion was that adrenaline heightened everything. In his fear he began to wonder where his brother was, and if he was alright. Though he may have been jealous of his brother, he by no means wanted him to die. Itachi had always looked out for him in a way, bandaging knees after a bike fall, swimming laps in the pool while Sasuke read a book outside. Itachi had always been near enough to keep an eye on him . Even in a home this large, Sasuke never truly felt alone thanks to his arrogant, attention hogging brother. Thats when he heard it...a singing drifting up the stairs..the sound of metal dragging against tile and grout and the clang clang of said metal bouncing stair by stair behind its owner. Fear gripped Sasuke's throat like a vice...what if they found him..his door was locked but suddenly that seemed like not only a dead give away that he was inside, but also a childish gesture..if this person really wanted in, it wouldn't take much. He began to look around the room helplessly, what could he do?! He had no means of defense, and all the self defense Itachi had ever taught him flew right out the window...maybe Itachi would save him. Then the unthinkable happened...he heard Itachi's voice and thought for one heart stopping moment that his wish had come true..."Little brother? Why are you hiding from me?" Itachi sang in his sing song voice. Sasuke's heart felt as though it were suddenly made of lead. The silence in the room suddenly felt as though he could taste it, and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. Time seemed to stop as he realized that Itachi was not his savior, but his murderer. Before he could even truly comprehend the horror of his situation, the door knob jiggled. The rattling of the brass object seemed ominous, and all he could do was stare at the object with his mouth open in a wide 'O' of terror. He heard a swipe and a click as the lock was surpassed with a credit card. Then the door swung wide, and there stood Itachi. His jeans and green and white sports coat were both covered in blood, his face looked mocking and cold. His hair was still immaculately smooth and pulled together at the base of his neck with the same black rubber band, a few strands were astray and framing his face. In his hand was a Katana that had been on display in fathers office. Sasuke had never seen it out of its case before. Itachi's hands were covered in blood, and he was slowly walking to Sasuke, his sword dragging behind him. The sound of carpet against metal was what snapped Sasuke out of his trance. "w-wh-what a-a-are you doing?" Sasuke had asked, his voice barely a whisper, and tears welling up in his eyes. At this Itachi had stopped, a mere few inches from him, and laughed. He laughed as though this was all a joke, and it was the funniest thing he had ever come across. "Are you worried for your life, foolish little brother?" He had stopped laughing now, and his face had grown cold. "As if I would waste my time killing you. Look at you crying like the coward you are..did you even think to call the police? Did you even attempt to help father? This could have all been prevented if you weren't such a fool!" he practically spit the last word out, and he reached a blood drenched hand out to caress Sasuke's face. Sasuke flinched away from Itachi as well as the blood on his hands, feeling the cool sensation of the blood on his skin. He could smell the coppery smell on him, and it reminded him of mother...how much of that blood was hers? He gagged, causing Itachi to laugh again in mockery. "oh how you make me laugh, little Sasuke, we will meet again...oh yes we will..." and he had walked out of Sasuke's room as if this were any other day, and he hummed tunelessly down the stairwell. Sasuke didn't move until he heard the sirens...apparently someone had seen Itachi leaving the house covered in blood and carrying the Katana.
Sasuke quickly drug the razor over his wrist, successfully bringing himself out of his memories,and hissing at the pain. This is nothing compared to.. He stopped his thoughts again with another quick slice, this time he had done it more aggressively, anxious to stop the memories, and the result had been a deeper cut. The throb of his wrist had had his eyes closed against the world, but the cold sensation of something trickling down his wrist made his eyes open. He stared down at the small bead of blood making its way down his arm, and the small red stained trail it left behind. Its cold..i thought it would be warm..he grinned at the irony Naruto did always tell me I was cold hearted.. He grinned again and continued to stare at the small bead of blood, another form of addiction now gripping at his brain.
------------------------------------------------------------------
*: imagine you drank 10 Red Bulls (or whatever energy drink) and you couldn't sit still or you thought you might explode. That is loosely what you would call 'cracked out'
**: Meth (BAD 4 U!! )