I loved the reviews! Thanks! And changed it to a three-shot! For reasons...

Bilbo smirked as Kili told him and Ori the plan, and the hobbit had to admit it was a very good plan. He knew that when drunk, dwarfs can sleep for a very long while so that would give them time to... make everything... presentable. All three waited patiently until the ruckus down in the dining hall quieted, then they made their move.

In the dining hall, Nori and Oin were stumbling back to their separate rooms while Bifur and Dori had themselves another pint of ale. According to Kili's plan, Bilbo had to sneak in the large room first in order to see if their route was clear. Once Nori and Oin stumbled through the double doors, Bilbo dashed into the dining hall and ducked behind the grand table as Dwalin walked... well staggered by. He held his breath as he was nearly caught by Fili. Blasted dwarfs! Thorin, on the other hand, looked rather solemn at the head of the table, too solemn for having been drinking all night. Bilbo crouched under the table, knowing the dwarf might take a while to leave.

"Thorin," Dwalin said, clapping the king on the shoulder. "Let's go. Fili's got a plan for ya."

Thorin grumbled and hugged his pint closer to him. "I do not need his plan; I can do it on my own."

"Yeah, but... seeing last year didn't go so well..."

Thorin abruptly stood, startling Dwalin who fell over in surprise. "Last year went fine!" he snarled, grabbing and downing the ale before stomping from the dining hall.

Bilbo let out a breath he had been holding in once Dwalin stood, thankfully not noticing him. Frowning at the conversation he had just heard, Bilbo scooted out from under the table and stood to head into the kitchen. "Bombur," he said, spying the fat dwarf next to the stove.

"Yes, Master Baggins?" Bombur asked, setting the pan of deer bones down.

Bilbo rolled his eyes. Ever since he had officially become the King's Consort, even the company had begun calling him 'Master Baggins'; it was all rubbish.

"Do you think you and Bofur can help Kili, Ori, and I with something?" Bilbo asked in the most innocent voice he could muster, with an added smile to his face.

Bombur nodded. "Of course. Bofur!"

"What?" came the unusually droopy voice of the cheerful dwarf. "Let me be."

"Bilbo needs help," Bombur said, standing next to his brother who had his head on the table and a pint clutched in his hand. "Come on, get up."

Bofur grumbled.

"If he doesn't want to help," Bilbo began, "I have no problem in finding someone else."

"I'm up!" Bofur exclaimed, popping up from his stupor.

"Good," Bilbo said, hiding an evil smile. "Let's go then."

Bilbo, Bofur, and Bombur found Kili, Ori, Balin, and Gloin in the sitting room next to the dining hall, ready to carry out the plan.

"What exactly are we going to do?" Gloin asked, picking at his beard. "I do not fancy getting beheaded by Thorin if he finds out... if whatever you three are up to is really bad."

Kili shook his head and slung his arm around the dwarf. "Not to worry, Master Gloin. We will tell no one of this little... plan." He grinned as Bilbo handed him three large items. "Really?"

Bilbo nodded. "I thought it'd be a reminder of our quest..."

"Clever!" Ori exclaimed. "Are you sure they'll fit inside?"

"Not really, but I have something in mind," Bilbo answered, a mischievous grin on his face... courtesy of Kili.

Bofur, Bombur, Balin, and Gloin gaped at the items and began to protest.

"I thought you wanted to help us?" Bilbo asked with an innocent frown.

All four dwarfs reluctantly nodded and trudged behind Kili, Bilbo, and Ori as all seven climbed the stairs to the king's chambers.

Many hours passed and Bilbo, Kili, and Ori stifled laughter as they looked at their lovers that were lying on the floor of Thorin's chambers. Gloin, Balin, Bombur, and Bofur, on the other hand, stared in awe and horror at what the the hobbit and two dwarfs made them do.

"Is that it, Master Baggins?" Bombur said, his big eyes hopeful that he and the others were down.

Bilbo glanced at Kili who looked thoughtful for a moment before grinning like crazy with an idea of his own. "Kili?"

The young dwarf shook his head. "No, no. I'll save my plan for later. Go ahead."

"Ori?" Bilbo asked the scholar.

He shook his head as well. "I'm just here to see what happens, though I do have an idea."

"Alright," Bilbo breathed, clapping his hands together quietly. "Pile them on the bed. Put Thorin on the bottom."

Balin did a double-take. "What?"

"But Master Baggins," Bombur argued gently. "There is enough room for all three of them."

Bilbo nodded. "I know, but put Thorin on the bottom. Do it."

Kili began jumping up and down. "Yeah! And put Fili almost right on top of him! Then Dwalin on top of both!"

The four dwarfs obeyed and hefted their king, the heir, and the warrior on the bed, on top of each other. "Is that it... now?" Bofur asked, fear in his eyes that the three dwarfs might wake up.

"Yes," Bilbo said. "Perfect."

Bombur, Bofur, Gloin, and even Balin took no time in dashing out the door and running for their respective rooms.

Kili chuckled. "Wow, you sure scared them." He walked over to their lovers piled haphazardly, and painfully for Thorin, on the bed. He prodded Fili's nose for a minute or two before he was satisfied his brother wouldn't wake. Rolling up his sleeves, Kili ran his hands through Fili's blond locks.

"What are you doing?" Ori asked, coming to stand next to Kili.

"This," Kili answered, tugging and pulling out one of Fili's braid clasps. He put the metal clasp on the table next to the bed before undoing more of Fili's braids.

Ori grinned and scurried to the other side of the bed where he did the same thing to Dwalin. Bilbo smiled to himself but that smile vanished as he groaned.

"What is it, Uncle Bilbo?" Kili asked, running his hands through Fili's braidless mustache. He glanced up at the hobbit who had a look of 'why me?!' to him. The dwarf giggled once he realized what Bilbo was looking at. Thorin was in the middle of the bed, covered by Fili and Dwalin, and out of immediate reach; if Bilbo wanted to undo his husband's braids, he'd have to climb on top of all three dwarfs. "Good luck."

Bilbo grumbled and, very cautiously, put one knee onto the bed to make sure none would wake. Taking a deep breath, Bilbo climbed until he was seated on Thorin, alone, as much as he could without knocking Fili or Dwalin. Once here, he grabbed the two main braids and began undoing them.

A good twenty minutes passed until all braids were taken out of their lovers' hair. Kili and Ori stood back, satisfied with their work, while Bilbo itched to do something more to his dwarf. After a moment's contemplation, Bilbo climbed back on top of Thorin and took off the dwarf's wedding ring. The hobbit scooted off and put the ring in his pocket but not before Kili spotted it.

"Yes!" he exclaimed. He dashed over to Fili and took off his ring as well.

Ori didn't do anything since he and Dwalin weren't that far in their relationship. "Kili," he said when he saw Thorin shift. "They're waking up."

Kili backed away into the corner of the room, and Bilbo and Ori followed him. The three sat in chairs and waited for their lovers to wake.

So, that's done. What do you think Bilbo had the dwarfs put in?... :O